Once you know, you can defeat.

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 Image result for picture of truth

I explained how we construct the Wrong Focus so you end up concentrating on us rather than yourselves and in turn this hinders you, prevents you from moving forward and allows us to keep you where we want you, miserable, confused and wallowing in emotion. Of the thirty constituent parts of the wrong focus, what are the answers and observations to those questions and comments? Here are the truths that will enable you to avoid the effect of the Wrong Focus and thus in turn allow you to concentrate on yourself and your own needs.


  1. You will wonder why we treated you so terribly after we were so wonderful to you.

We did this because you stopped providing us with potent positive fuel. We needed to draw negative fuel from you instead in order to maintain our existence.


  1. You will want to know how we could have just left you like that after everything that you did for us?

With absolute ease. We only think of ourselves. You are just an appliance to us not a person. Someone else has our interest now and we regard them as better than you on every front.


  1. You will be perplexed as to how we are able to move on to somebody else so soon after being with you, especially since we said that you and I were soulmates and would be together until the end of time?

Those are standard hook-lines (look out for a forthcoming post on this) which we scatter like confetti in order to seduce them. We rarely mean anything we say to you as we are habitual liars


  1. What are we doing with our new acquisition?

More or less exactly what we did with you. Seducing them and giving them the golden period. We will apply similar techniques to how we charm and mesmerise them as we did with you. Expect us to say the same things, take them to the same places, buy the same gifts and so on, with some occasional changes.


  1. How are they better than you?

How long have you got? They are more beautiful, more loving, more intelligent, more successful, more fun, more admiring, more adoring, in fact whatever you were they are a thousand times better.

The truth is they are not, they may even be less than you, but we do not see that. To us they are shiny and new and thus amazing.


  1. Are we happy with that person now?

We don’t feel happy. We feel engorged by the power that surges through us from the fuel. We tell everyone we are happy though in order to maintain appearances and also in the hope you hear about our huge joy with this person.


  1. What has that person got that you haven’t?

To us, the most wonderful and potent positive fuel.

In your reality, they are little different, indeed you would be surprised by just how much in common you would have.


  1. She doesn’t even seem like our type so why on earth have we chosen her?

If she pours out positive fuel she is our type. That is all that matters. You are all appliances in our eyes.


  1. You spend your time on “Ex Watch” as you stalk our social media (and that of the new target) to see what we are doing together, what we are saying to one another and looking for any signs of trouble in this new relationship.

We want you doing this so you will not move on. You will not see any signs of trouble in paradise. Quite the contrary as we pump out the propaganda.


  1. You want our new relationship to fail so you feel better and validated because the same thing has happened to the new target as it did to you.

We know you do because that is how hateful and horrible you are and makes us wonder why on earth we ever chose. Don’t worry though, it will eventually falter, they always do.


  1. You feel a need to prove that you are happy (even though you are not) and that you need us to know that this is the case. You consider ways in which you can convey this message to us.

Don’t bother. We know you are torn apart and we will just laugh at your attempts to pretend otherwise. We can still sense what is really going on. Instead of appearing happy you would do better to appear neutral and unmoved.


  1. You wonder what you could do to win us back.

You really shouldn’t bother but you don’t have to do anything because we will hoover you soon enough.


  1. You wonder what mistakes were made that caused the relationship to fall apart.

How long have you got for us to list your litany of transgressions? The fact is that this is the case from our perspective. You did nothing wrong.


  1. You begin to imagine what is going on in between those four walls, that you knew so well once upon a time, becoming fixated with considering what is happening.

Everything that happened between you and I. It is actually frightening just how similar it is.


  1. You relive the day you had with us and think about whether we are doing the same things with the new person as we did with you.

Of course we are.


  1. You want us to explain why we did what we did?

Not going to happen. We need to keep you hanging on for answers and closure.


  1. You try to make sense of what has happened but you cannot. This does not, however, stop you from running the whole relationship through your head over and over again as you seek to find answers.

There is no point doing this. The answer does not lie there.


  1. You sit and ask yourself are we thinking about you?

No we aren’t. You don’t exist to us until you appear in a sphere of influence and then it is hoover time.


  1. You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.

We don’t miss you at all. We might miss your fuel at some point.


  1. Does she kiss us like you did?

Yes not that we care.


  1. Do we love her more than we loved you?

We will tell the world and you (and her) that we have never loved anyone like this before. Of course we have. It is always the same even though it is not love as you understand it.


  1. Have we kept the gifts you gave us?

Yes. They will be used to hoover and triangulate.


  1. Why have we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?

To provoke you and keep the new target happy.


  1. Why haven’t we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?

To provoke you and keep you hanging on.


  1. Why are we saying those things about you to other people?

It’s a smear campaign, get used to it. Everybody gets them. You are nothing special.


  1. Do we feel bad at the way that we treated you?



  1. Why does it feel like no matter what you do we always seem to win?

Because we change the rules to suit us.


  1. Will we ever speak to you again?

Oh yes. When it is hoover time.


  1. Will our friends and family still acknowledge you after everything that has happened?

No. The smear campaign is in effect. They will when we hoover you though.


  1. What if she is “the one”?

Of course she is. The replacement is always the one (until the next one).


Now you know.


Image result for picture of spam and chips


Recently my spam filter has had to put the hard yards in as it tackles an onslaught and I mean an onslaught of messages from seemingly pleasant and innocuous posters bearing names such as “Amy”, “Jimmy” and “Jane”. Every day the filter scoops another barrage of these messages which are invariably designed to cause me to click on a link and therefore allow something which appears pleasant on the surface, but is actually to the contrary, into my cyber existence. They come with such flattery and compliments but of course their aim is ultimately nefarious. By way of amusement I thought I would reproduce these daily missives here for your entertainment. Whatever you do, please do not e-mail the addresses or click on any of the links, if you do, I am not responsible for what might happen (but then I am never accountable anyway am I? You know that by now.) I have posted the message as they originally appeared, errors and all.


Opener 2016 was amazing. RHCP the best! See you next year.


Quite possibly it was, but whatever it was I have no idea what you are referring to, but it is good of you to invite me to next year’s event for whatever it is.


I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet users, its really really good article on building up new weblog.


If only I was able to touch all internet users Amy, maybe one day eh? I daresay though you are the lady to make it happen.


I could not refrain from commenting. Exceptionally well written!


Oh you rascal Jimmy, I almost thought that was genuine until I noticed you had earlier invited me to view animal sex pictures.


This article offers clear idea designed for the new viewers of blogging, that in fact how to do running a blog.


I’m sure you meant something complimentary in amongst that strange syntax.


There’s definately a great deal to know about this subject.

I really like all the points you made.


Oh you nearly got me again there Jim. You shortened your name but the animal invitation has kind of queered you pitch pal.


seriously love your website.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you build this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my very own blog and would love to learn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Thank you!


Nice try Jane but HG isn’t sharing this information. Do you know how long a minion slaved on getting the right colour for the flames?


It’s like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.


A few pics M88, what like the large one at the start of every article?


hello there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked up something new from right here.

I did however expertise several technical points using this site, as I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load correctly.

I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot more of your respective fascinating content. Make sure you update this again soon.


Well M88 you did say you would be back and I can kind of see where we are going with this, so it’s a no from me.


free animal sex pics


You see Jim/Jimmy; this was a bit of a red flag. You need to try subtlety.


I am now not sure where you are getting your information, but great topic. I must spend a while learning much more or working out more. Thank you for wonderful info I used to be in search of this information for my mission.


Believe me Ann, the pleasure is all mine.


Assuming your non-vanilla relationship has yoou because the dominant onee I’d be curious to hear out of your companion what he went via earlier than hand.


Well What Men Want From Their Wife I think I understand what you are driving at here. At least you got the non-Vanilla part correct.


Hi there Would you like to easily see a birds eye view of what your current and past customers think about you? Do you know what people are saying about you? Whether its hurting or helping your business? My name is Paul, the Outreach Director of Five Star Fast Lane, and for the price of, well, nothing –I would like to provide you with a full detailed report on your current business standings. As a bonus, our report scanner will report back with any inaccuracies about your business that are out there potentially causing you loss of revenue and customers. There is no obligation or a catch, the report is yours to use as you see fit. Feel free to make use of it at http://www.fivestarfastlane.info Regards Paul Five Star Fast Lane PS – If you want to discuss the results we are available via live chat daily on the site.


Hello Paul, well at least you got straight in there and told me what it is that you are offering although I somehow doubt it will be for nothing, because everything has a cost doesn’t it? Oh and I know exactly what will happen with “live chat”.


Make her feeel comfortable with you by talking nicely of your ex and telling her that you just uttedrly assist her relationship


Thanks What Men Want To Hear, I will keep that as watchword to my heart.


free animal sex pics


You are a trier Jim/Jimmy; I will give you that.


Anyway, I will definitely put up a couple off updates or so as to my thoughts and outcomes good or dangerous, particuarly on my pregnant look and bloating !!!!


Good job you added those exclamation marks there or I would have thought you were deadly serious.

And now for my absolute favourite.


I am Dr Agadagodo and i am a spiritual specialist. Do you need a great spell caster to solve your problems? if yes i can help you in so many ways, contact me now for a fast and reliable solution through my Email: agadagodospiritualtemple@gmail.com or call +2348051588977 (1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9)if you want to stop your divorce. (11)if you want to divorce your husband. (12)if you want your wishes to be granted. (13) Pregnancy spell to conceive baby (14)Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage (15)Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart. (16)Want to get married to your partner. (17) Do You need luck to get a loan. visit me today via email agadagodospiritualtemple@gmail.com or call +2348051588977.


Tell me Dr Agadagodo. Do you know Dr E and Dr O? Furthermore, can I seek your help to find out what number ten is?


There you are. A selection of what I am bombarded with on a daily basis. Who would have thought that someone would go to the trouble of peppering you with messages which seem pleasant and helpful, complimentary and kind so frequently? Somehow it seems rather familiar, wouldn’t you agree?


Image result for picture of wrong focus


The actions we take against you when we are with you are always designed to impact upon you both then and at a later stage. The examples of this are legion. For instance, during our seduction of you we are placing and creating Ever Presence which we will rely on post-discard or post-escape in order to keep you susceptible to longing for us (as well as many other things) so that hoovering you becomes so much easier. Consider also, again through seduction, how the provision of compliments, a supposedly perfect love, great sex, happy times together and so forth is achieved. All of this is done so we can not only bind you to us but then it provides us with the material to cause you to plummet far when we withdraw all of that from you. So much of what we do has an immediate and a later effect. One of these effects is to create in you the concept of the Wrong Focus.

If you have managed to escape us or more likely you have been discarded, we know (because we have engineered this to happen) that there are so many things that you will be doing and that you will do, which collectively we consider as the Wrong Focus. This is designed to suit our purposes and without fail it always happens following an entanglement with our kind. This is as a consequence of two factors. The first is because of the way that we have treated you because it does not make sense, lacks logic and is so confusing. That in itself creates so many questions and considerations which form the Wrong Focus. Secondly, it is in your nature to ask these questions and also to want answers to them because one of your traits is a need to know the truth. Some people (although of course we would never target them) might just brush themselves down and move forwards without a backwards glance in our direction. Those people have no interest in working out was happened and have no desire to know the truth. Those people are of no use to us and will not be chosen for targeting and seduction. Instead, it is people like you who are susceptible to our overtures and possess those traits which mean that the happening of the Wrong Focus is as guaranteed as the sun rising in the east.

So, what are the constituent parts of the Wrong Focus? There are many indeed and here are thirty for your consideration and information.


  1. You will wonder why we treated you so terribly after we were so wonderful to you.
  2. You will want to know how we could have just left you like that after everything that you did for us?
  3. You will be perplexed as to how we are able to move on to somebody else so soon after being with you, especially since we said that you and I were soulmates and would be together until the end of time?
  4. What are we doing with our new acquisition?
  5. How are they better than you?
  6. Are we happy with that person now?
  7. What has that person got that you haven’t?
  8. She doesn’t even seem like our type so why on earth have we chosen her?
  9. You spend your time on “Ex Watch” as you stalk our social media (and that of the new target) to see what we are doing together, what we are saying to one another and looking for any signs of trouble in this new relationship.
  10. You want our new relationship to fail so you feel better and validated because the same thing has happened to the new target as it did to you.
  11. You feel a need to prove that you are happy (even though you are not) and that you need us to know that this is the case. You consider ways in which you can convey this message to us.
  12. You wonder what you could do to win us back.
  13. You wonder what mistakes were made that caused the relationship to fall apart.
  14. You begin to imagine what is going on in between those four walls, that you knew so well once upon a time, becoming fixated with considering what is happening.
  15. You relive the day you had with us and think about whether we are doing the same things with the new person as we did with you.
  16. You want us to explain why we did what we did?
  17. You try to make sense of what has happened but you cannot. This does not, however, stop you from running the whole relationship through your head over and over again as you seek to find answers.
  18. You sit and ask yourself are we thinking about you?
  19. You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.
  20. Does she kiss us like you did?
  21. Do we love her more than we loved you?
  22. Have we kept the gifts you gave us?
  23. Why have we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
  24. Why haven’t we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
  25. Why are we saying those things about you to other people?
  26. Do we feel bad at the way that we treated you?
  27. Why does it feel like no matter what you do we always seem to win?
  28. Will we ever speak to you again?
  29. Will our friends and family still acknowledge you after everything that has happened?
  30. What if she is “the one”?

You spend so much time occupied with these thoughts. They dominate your mind. You replay scenarios in order to try and answer these questions. You sit and discuss these questions with friends and family who do their best to be supportive but they do not have the answers. You will not receive any answers from them that will satisfy you because ultimately you want those answers to come from us and we know that. That is why we will not provide them to you.

You will have immediately noticed what all of the above thirty points have in common. They are all about us. This is deliberate. We want everything to be all about us. We want that during seduction, during devaluation and post escape or post discard. It always has to revolve around us and the creation of so many questions arising out of our treatment of you is a deliberate consequence which is designed to have you focus on us.

This paralyses you.

This repeats the pain.

This holds you back.

This keeps you susceptible to the hoover that will come.

This is what we want.

We want you to focus on us.

You need to focus on you.

But you will always apply the wrong focus.


I remember watching the memorable film Flash Gordon (the version released in December 1980) and Princess Aura sees Dale crying and asks “why is water leaking from her eyes”. I had always wondered what this was too. Ming the Merciless (a personal hero of mine but that’s for another occasion) explains :-

“It’s called crying, it’s a sign of their weakness.”

I was delighted by this enlightenment and pleased to have acquired this understanding. I don’t cry. Even as a baby I didn’t. My mother said that I was such a perfect baby. When I see someone crying I just do not understand why they are doing it. I mean, if they are supposed to be an equal and strong, there is no reason to do it is there? My ex-girlfriend, Kate, she said I made her sad and that was why she cried. I had to keep pointing out to her that I had done everything I could to make her happy and she had no possible reason to be sad. She would not accept this so I sat her down in front of my widescreen television and selected the execution scene. She watched and started crying. I said to her, “You are not meant to copy her, listen to Ming.” I’m not sure she could hear in between the sobs. Some people don’t want to learn do they?

Image result for picture of cloned children


I have detailed previously why it is that we regard the act of impregnation as a material asset in the narcissistic armoury. It is not only the promise of impregnation, but the act itself and what this act creates that produces a whole host of benefits for our kind. This is the approach adopted by numerous of our kind, those who see children as additional appliances from whom fuel can be drawn, pawns to be used in the repeated triangulations which can be orchestrated with the primary source and the method by which we are able to claim the achievements and the accomplishments of our issue as our own. Not all of our kind adopt that approach. There are those of us who regard the idea of offspring as a threat and a hindrance to our agendas.

Why would we want someone to come along and steal our limelight? From the moment a child is born it is sufficiently pathetic that it requires nigh on twenty four hour assistance. It cannot walk, it cannot feed itself, it cannot clothe itself or wash itself. It must be tended for on a repeated basis. If you were to look to us to do this, you would find that there would not be any assistance forthcoming. Not only are we notorious in our desire to shirk menial tasks (unless we see that there is some considerable benefit in us doing so) but we do not see why we should have our needs pushed to one side in order to facilitate the care of another. Even though that child is a product of our loins, there are those of our kind who adopt such a view. You ought not to be surprised by that. We behave the same with our parents, siblings and wider relatives. We are like that with friends of both short and long-standing duration and naturally we behave in such a way with the person we supposedly love, our intimate partner. Why then would you expect anything different from us in respect of a child. In such circumstances therefore, the decision not to have children would be regarded as a blessing I am sure by your kind. We could not countenance that all of the emotional attention would be directed and fixated on such a helpless being. Here we are, magnificent and brilliant and you choose to direct your fuel to somebody else. That is an insult indeed to us and a mighty criticism which would wound us considerably.

Our resources would also be sought for this new arrival. Time, energy, finances and so forth. We regard our resources as ours alone and begrudge sharing them, unless such largesse brings additional reward for us. This selfishness is necessary in order to preserve ourselves and the fact that a child needs our resources is not going to change that mind set. We do not do anything just for the sake of doing so. There must be an ulterior motive to our actions. Pouring our resources towards somebody who will be oblivious to this for some time is not something that finds favour with some of our kind.

From your perspective we know you regard us as selfish for behaving this way. We regard it as self-preservation. You are the givers and the carers, we are not. If you wish to judge us for adopting such a stance, so be it, but for those of our kind who regard the issue of children as something to be avoided, that position is most unlikely to alter. We see only loss. Loss of our resources and loss of our fuel. Whilst some of our kind regard the additional benefits which can be derived from having children (the binding of the primary source, additional fuel provision, potential for traits and triangulation etc.) as worth obtaining despite the likelihood of reduced fuel from the primary source and reduced resources, there are also those from our ranks who assess the situation and decide it is not a price they wish to pay.

What is behind that? Why is it that some of our number opt to have children and others refrain from doing so? I cannot offer a definitive answer, although I consider, from my experience and those that I have engaged with that the proportion of our kind who decide to have children is greater than those who do not. I suspect the temptations of further fuel provision and triangulation prove quite the draw. It also highly likely that the idea of securing our legacy through children proves attractive as well. Seeing our own image and knowing that it will, more likely than not, outlive our mortal selves, does appeal to the need to maintain our idea of omnipotence. See how mighty we are that our influence lives on in our offspring and will do so in their own as our dynasty is forged. Such a notion does provide its own appeal.

What of me? What tipped the balance for me so that I opted to remain child-free in order to remain light on my feet, unhindered and fully-resourced. Was it the factors I have described above which caused me to decide that having children was not for me? In part yes, although I readily admit that the other elements and benefits from having issue are attractive. No, whilst I weighed up these various benefits and disadvantages it was something from my past which proved to be the deciding factor. It was something that has resonated with me for some time and something that somehow buried deep inside me and stayed there for a while until I decided to act on it and made my decision as to my destiny in respect of children. The idea of seeing those in my own image wending their way through the world and following in my footsteps was a strong pull, a strong pull indeed, but ultimately it came down to something else. This may be applicable to others of our kind as well, but for me the decision came down to this.

I could not take the risk of him or her or them reminding me of you and what you did to me.

Those words will never be forgotten.



Our kind love to create chaos and drama. We thrive off the emotional reactions from everybody who is caught up in it. From our intimate partners through to outer circle friends and even complete strangers. Whether it is open-mouthed admiration at some audacious act, seething anger at some scything comment or tears and upset at our heartless cruelty we need that reaction. We create an entrance, a scene and a spectacle in order to have all eyes and emotions on us. We will manufacture flamboyance, boastfulness, magnificence, carnage, misery and histrionics. From striding like a conquering hero into a restaurant through to flouncing away and throwing a glass on the floor, if there is an opportunity to create a scene and extract some fuel we will take it. If we crash the car, there is much fuel to obtain from worried relatives, annoyed partner at our reckless driving, concerned paramedics and questioning police officers. Other people may be nervous and overwhelmed in such circumstances. We are not. We appear surprisingly calm in the whirlwinds that we create, revelling in the fuel that has been generated, our serene outlook a consequence of the power that has been created from the fuel. We may create a picture of panic in order to start the fuel flowing and then revert to a calm individual as the fuel washes over us. If you observe closely you will periodically be able to detect those flashes and glints of powered delight in our eyes in between whatever mask that we have settled on in order to further the charade that we have created. Turmoil, tragedy, panic, anguish, catastrophe and mayhem are all gleefully greeted by us – as long as we are the conductor, the architect and the creator. If it is our tornado, we love it. If it is our conversational hand grenade that has exploded, so much the better. We have to be the originator of whatever scene is unfolding so that the responses are directed at and are because of us.

The situation is very different if there is a crisis not of our making. If you have suffered a bereavement, the test results have come back confirming your worst fears, you have had an awful day at work, you have fallen out with your best friend or the bath has overflowed and flooded into the kitchen below then you ought to know that we cannot be relied on. In such instances we invariably hope that the trauma and the incident arises when we are nowhere near the scene. Should you telephone us and tearfully explain what has happened or ring asking for our help, you should expect that there will be a sudden problem with telecommunications or something even more urgent has just cropped up with us and we cannot help. The ‘phone call will be ended and when you try back you will find it will either just ring or go straight voice mail. If it is not our chaos we are not interested.

If we suffer the misfortune of being on hand when the drama you are experiencing unfolds our eyes will be looking for the nearest exit. If we have an opportunity to slink away, dart for the door or mutter some kind of excuse and hot foot it away from the immediate vicinity of you and your problems, we will absolutely take it and vanish.

We don’t want to be hamstrung with your problems. If these happen during our seduction of you, we will at first try to escape them and if that is not possible then we will reluctantly remain offering cold empathy. You may recall from instances where this has happened that we will be big on the sympathetic noises and correct facial expressions (all learned of course) and short on actually doing anything to solve the problem you face, leaving you to sort it out or most likely directing others to do so. We do not want to get our hands dirty. We will play the part so you think we are a good person and give us fuel. We will create the impression of caring and offering ideas so that others observing admire us but we will focus on the words rather than the doing. Even during seduction, we do not want to waste out energy too greatly on you.

Of course if this mishap takes place when we are in the throes of devaluation then we will reject your request for help and support, alternatively we will vanish and remain incommunicado before we re-appear once we are content that the drama is over. We will breeze back in and not bother to ask you what happened or how you are. We are not interested. All eyes and emotions shifted to you. That is no good to us. That is why we absented ourselves and sought out someone else who would provide us with the fuel we needed.

If there is no opportunity for us to get away from your immediate drama and we are forced to remain proximate to you, then you should make careful note of what you see. We will not feign the cold empathy that occurs when a crisis breaks during the seduction. We cannot bring ourselves to do that because whatever problem has arisen is your problem, it is beneath us and we hate you for being so weak and inferior to have such a problem (regardless of whether you have any culpability for it). You will be met with a cold, expressionless face. A blank almost robotic expression will greet you as we just stare at you. We do not feel anything for you in such a situation other than contempt but this will not necessarily show because we know you will be too busy focused on your own woes and misery to actually respond to our sneer or hateful look, thus we save it. Most of all, as the storm of tragedy and mishap batters and buffets you, look at our eyes. You will just see nothingness. A void. A blank stare. A dark-eyed emptiness looking back at you. You should be aware of this and if you remain in the throes of entanglement with our kind at present, when the next crisis which appertains to you manifests and you look to us for assistance, scrutinise our eyes. Then you will see what we feel for you when you are in pain, distress and difficulty.

Absolutely nothing.


I cannot stand to be criticised. I do not remember a lot about my childhood but I do recall that I tried very hard to ensure that my parents, in particular my mother were proud of me. This was difficult. She set high standards which of course were for my own good and to ensure that I strove to be the best because as she told me, I was the best. If I fell short then her scathing criticism of me left me crushed. I felt like my insides had been ripped out and waved about in front of my face and I needed to extinguish that feeling fast.

That sensation of utter devastation if I am criticised has never left me. In discussion with Dr O I have learned that it blossoms from two things. The first is that this feeling of massive vulnerability and wretchedness still persists and I cannot stand it. I think this is peculiar to me because God has made me brilliant but He wishes to remind me of my mortality and therefore causes me to feel such an horrendous pain when I am attacked. It sickens me and leaves me wracked with agony. The second is the fact that I should not be criticised and especially not by those who are beneath me. I cannot fathom out how those who are inferior to me have any standing by which they can actually pass judgement on me. That is entirely valid and logical. However, this second element ignites inside me something which I have learned overrides the devastation and that is important to me. The sense of injustice and indignation that arises from this undue and unnecessary criticism ignites a fury that is immense. It explodes inside me with unrivalled speed and then erupts with such violence that the initial wretchedness I feel is blown away within moments. I need this rage. I need it to extinguish the horror of the devastation. It needs to burn with such magnificent fury that it strengthens me again. This rage cannot however sit inside of me. It must be poured out and directed. You criticised me, you created the devastation and thus you must feel my immense rage in order for the devastation to be obliterated. In that time you will be obliterated too by my anger, my rage and my fury. But that is collateral damage to my need to remove the emptiness inside. You caused  my pain so you must feel the cure. I can see it is unpleasant for you, the shouting, the venom, the accusations and vitriol that I send in your direction. Sometimes the cure erupts from my fists. I cannot help it as I must let the rage burn to remove the emptiness. You can help it though ; don’t criticise me.

Image result for heart in a trap


It was your devotion and belief in a four letter word that led to you being targeted by us and thereafter ensnared. That was not your fault. We look for those who want love, who believe in love and dedicate themselves to the pursuit of the provision and receipt of love. Love is what caused you to appear on my radar. Love caused my antennae to twitch. Love made me lock my sights on you and commence the bombardment. Yes, love brought you to me but it is an even smaller word which prevents you from escaping. This tiny word packs plenty of bang behind its three letters. It is a word which punches above its weight. This word is one of qualification, hesitation and reservation. It causes hearts to sink and hearts to hammer in anxiety. It dashes hopes and puts in place obstacles and hurdles. This little word is one which prevents you from breaking free from our grip. It allows excuses to be made for our behaviour. It puts the brakes on, it weighs the anchor and digs in the heels. Just when you thought that you might be making some progress and getting away from our vile influence, this word appears and brings everything to a screeching halt. We often deploy this word in order to halt you when you are trying to speak. We add it to our conversations in order to protest or to create a condition precedent in order to irritate, upset and annoy you. It conveys indignation, annoyance and surprise. So much flows from such a small word. Whilst we have multiple uses for it, its primary purpose in keeping you where we want you, in our grip, confused and bewildered arises from your use of this word. You say it many times by reference to us and its effect is to cause you to question yourself. It nullifies the progress you may have made in moving away from our polluting influence. It hinders, distracts and ensures you remain bogged down. This word is repeatedly used by you, with reference to us and if you consider how many times you have used this word yourself, you will agree that its effect is considerable.

          What is this word?


There it is. Look at that word. Three letters. That is all it comprises of. No grand, long word. No multiple syllables. To the point. Blunt. Effective. Small, unassuming and common. But it carries with it so much power and especially so in respect of the dynamic between your kind and our kind. This is the word which paralyses, hinders and traps. You use it all the time. We know you do. We rely on you doing so to make these traps for yourself. There are many of these traps.


“But he can be so lovely at other times.”

“But I am sure he didn’t mean it.”

“But sometimes I upset him.”

“But we have been so happy together.”

“But he said he wanted to marry me.”

“But it just doesn’t make sense.”

“But if I perhaps try a little harder then everything will work out okay won’t it?”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But why does he do that?”

“But what causes him to say those things after everything I do for him.”

“But all I need is to understand what makes him do that.”

“But if I give him another chance, I am sure it will succeed this time.”

“But if I don’t try, how will I know?”

“But we are soulmates, that is what he said.”

“But what I don’t understand is why he does that when he tells me loves me?”

“But this is what I want. Him and me.”

“But there are times when we are happy.”

“But he is just misunderstood.”

“But we always do things as a family.”

“But he is my son.”

“But she is my mother.”

“But he is my husband.”

“But I don’t want to upset her.”

“But I don’t want to lose him.”

“But I cannot stand it without him.”

“But I don’t know what to do next.”

“But whatever I do, it is never good enough.”

“But if only he would listen to me and then we could sort it out.”

“But if he could change, then everything would be brilliant.”

“But what if she makes him happy instead.”

“But if I stop now, everything else that I have done will go to waste.”

“But doesn’t everybody have a rough patch?”

“But who will believe me?”

“But where would I go?”

“But what would I do for money?”

“But if you would just try for us.”

“But if I don’t give him another chance, I will always regret it.”

“But you don’t know him like I do.”

“But this is what is meant to be, her and me together forever.”

“But sometimes I am so happy because of him.”

“But if you would just let me speak.”

“But why do you do this to me?”


“But I love him.”



How many of those have you said to yourself or to a friend? How many times have you started a sentence with those three words? How often have you sat crying and in between sobs muttered phrases like those? How many times have you pleaded with us using that word as part of your desperate begging? Many, many times.

Whether it appears as part of an excuse, part of bewildered disbelief, the beginning of an explanation, it serves to do one thing. It stops you escaping us. This qualification to what you are saying acts as a buffer preventing you from moving forward and making progress. It causes you to offer excuses for our behaviour rather than you knowing what such behaviour signifies. It is used as a means of avoiding confronting the harsh reality of our treatment of you. It is a method of circumventing the unpleasantness of having to deal with what we are. It is a device for continuing to keep you in a position where you cannot and will not let go. Whether it is because you want to help us, whether to gain answers about what we do, whether it is because you think that the golden period can be recovered or one of a dozen or more explanations which involve the use of this word, the ultimate effect is that it keeps you connected, tied and bound to us in some way. This word is your prison guard that prevents you from escaping the cell that we have created for you. It is you who uses this word, not us. It is you that in effect curtails your own liberation by the repeated spraying around of this tiny word by reference to us and our behaviours.

It is highly effective at trapping you.

It is highly effective at stopping you moving forward.

It is highly effective at allowing our manipulations to continue.

But we know this don’t we?


Image result for picture of love tirangle



Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.


Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –




Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights




Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)


Real Life


Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.