I remember watching the memorable film Flash Gordon (the version released in December 1980) and Princess Aura sees Dale crying and asks “why is water leaking from her eyes”. I had always wondered what this was too. Ming the Merciless (a personal hero of mine but that’s for another occasion) explains :-
“It’s called crying, it’s a sign of their weakness.”
I was delighted by this enlightenment and pleased to have acquired this understanding. I don’t cry. Even as a baby I didn’t. My mother said that I was such a perfect baby. When I see someone crying I just do not understand why they are doing it. I mean, if they are supposed to be an equal and strong, there is no reason to do it is there? My ex-girlfriend, Kate, she said I made her sad and that was why she cried. I had to keep pointing out to her that I had done everything I could to make her happy and she had no possible reason to be sad. She would not accept this so I sat her down in front of my widescreen television and selected the execution scene. She watched and started crying. I said to her, “You are not meant to copy her, listen to Ming.” I’m not sure she could hear in between the sobs. Some people don’t want to learn do they?
As part of my ongoing work with Dr O and Dr E I have been encouraged to tell them about the things that I say and the things that I do for them to consider and compile. I have been happy to oblige. They instructed me to place this distillation of my activities into a guide and they then added some observations as to the meaning of these actions and comments. They did most of the work for the meaning, albeit I framed it in my world view. The purpose of this is to demonstrate the cold calculation that lies behind my words and deeds because do understand that everything I say and do has been evaluated first as to how it will best serve my aims. Anybody who tells you that what I do not know what I am saying or doing is either misguided or lying. I know exactly what I am doing. Indeed, I think it was from the film Dangerous Liaisons that one character was described thus, ‘He does not open his mouth without first calculating the damage that he will cause.’ or words to that effect. That is me. Accordingly, the good doctors felt that not only would this provide excellent material for them to consider and for them to then discuss with me in order for me to gain an understanding as to what I say and I do (I already know that – I do it to gain fuel) but for it to serve as a rough and direct guide for other people. An in-your-face crash course in recognising the ways of me and my kind. I was only to happy to oblige as this provides me with a platform to show you all just how brilliant I am and as you know, I do love an audience. Interestingly, when detailing some of my key phrases I noticed Dr O shudder a few times and I am beginning to wonder if she has more vested in her study and treatment of me than she has admitted. I will be watching her most carefully. Accordingly, in order with the good doctors’ prescriptions I have compiled this guide for your digestion so that you may better watch out for me and my kind. No doubt, as the good empath that you are, you will wish to share this with those you care about, in order to ensure they are better protected. You can find the guide at the links below. Good luck.
I utilise my good friends denial and deflection, but sometimes you just keep going so I need to roll out another friend from the D cupboard, namely Distraction. If you have accused me of something or you have challenged something I have said or done which I find too close for comfort I will need to distract you from having a landed a blow against me. I cannot countenance you believing that you have delivered a hit. The most effective way I achieve that distraction is to either walk away or erupt into a massive rage. If there is an opportunity to escape your cross-examination of me then I will seize it. This may be putting the phone down or not responding to your texts, but if it is in person, I need to leave and do so in a pronounced fashion leaving you in no doubt as to what you have done. You have annoyed, irritated and infuriated me. If I flee the scene you can expect a pronounced period of silent treatment to follow as I seek to even things up. If I find I cannot get away from you then I must unleash my anger at you. It will come out of nowhere, it will not be linked to anything specific or logical and is purely a means of shifting the focus from what you have said that has struck a chord with me.
One of the common themes in my sessions with Dr E and Dr O is their need (note not mine) to have me be aware of what I am. Of course I know what I am but as ever I went along with their questioning. Initially this was all about how I regarded myself. I enjoyed this part and I could have gone on for some time. They reported back to me that I consider myself as more intelligent than most people, that I am more amusing, I am more likeable and more successful. I am also more physically attractive than most people. Well, hell yeah ! They then also established that I am obsessed with power (who isn’t if they have any drive and ambition – you don’t become President by sitting there do you?). I am also impulsive. I agree. I am arrogant (I call it confidence but what’s in a word?) and I like to exaggerate my success and abilities. That is true, how else am I going to get people to do what I want.
Things got interesting after that. The sneaky duo had been asking questions of others about how they perceived me. I was fascinated as they told me that their perceptions of me were bang on what I thought about myself. How about that for getting it right? I was rather pleased. Dr O asked,
“Some of those traits could be viewed in a negative light. That is how other people see you. Does that not concern you that they view in a negative manner.”
I shook my head.
“You label it as negative. I regard those traits as strengths and it is clear that other people do as thy have clearly identified them with me.”
She raised her eyebrows (recently plucked I noticed) and remarked,
“What if I told you that those people do regard those traits as negative?”
“If they do then that is jealousy for you. Or I suppose they are too stupid to recognise the brilliance of what I do.”
“Okay, but what if I was to tell you that those people are intelligent and they answered honestly and consistently?” she pressed.
“Would you not rather they liked you for decent qualities such as honesty and trustworthiness.”
“I’m not bothered about whether they like me or not, I want them to admire me for what I am.”
I know precisely what I am. Anybody who tries to tell you that I am oblivious to it is a moron. The only difference is that some people regard what I am as a bad thing. I know they are wrong. What I am is a good thing. The world needs people like me.
One of my key defence mechanisms is the art of deflection. You may realise that nothing is ever my fault. It is evident why that is. I am special and above the regular humdrum vagaries of life that affect the little people. Accordingly, since I cannot be held to account, by reason of my elevated status in the world, it follows that nothing is my fault. I know this but I often utilise a method that ensures this state of affairs remains as it should be, with me blameless. I achieve this by accusing you of precisely what I have been doing. I am completely incapable of accepting I have done anything wrong because as I have explained, I am not subject to the usual rules and conventions that bind people like you. Thus if you challenge me for coming home in the middle of the morning, I will respond by listing the times you have arrived home late. I will accuse you of hypocrisy by suggesting I have returned late when you have done it several times. Usually you have not done that at all and this is where my tactics works so well. You are so flabbergasted that I have accused you of staying out late on repeated occasions, that you forget that you were challenging my behaviour. Instead, you switch to defending yourself by trying to prove that you did not stay out late on those occasions. I will then ramp up the antagonism by accusing you of suggesting that I must be lying. I feign indignation at this point and decide I will lose my temper. You cannot stand to be shouted out so you switch from defending yourself to placating me. Thus, your original complaint has been lost. I remember that your allegation was unfounded and invalid (so I can throw this back at you the next time you try and criticise me for something) and you feel bad for causing me to lose my temper. I have lost count of the number of times these conversations end with you saying, “I’m sorry, I was mistaken.” I win again and this validates my belief that the rules do not apply to me (because you have accepted my position) and therefore I can do as I please. I impress myself sometimes you know.