Dear me,
I often wonder, if someone were to have warned me what I was getting into in four years ago, would I have believed them? Could I have? Probably not. It’s a thought experiment reflexively performed whenever I see some poor girl getting lovebombed (look that term up) on social, whenever I read or hear the words “relationships are hard but it’s worth it,” etc. I never attempt to intervene with them and I won’t with you now
I know you’re lonely. I’m lonely, too, though perhaps in a different way now. You have so much love to give, so much goodness just festering inside of you, and a heart that aches and longs to share all that with someone. I can tell you that you’re going to miss those aspects of yourself someday, unfathomable though that may seem at present. There’s so much that’s wonderful about you: the way you always seem to focus on the best in people, your trusting nature, the silly sweetness with which you go about each day, the diligence that you bring to helping and healing those who would ask that of you. Would you trade all that away for the vague and empty promises of some charming man you just met? The question is rhetorical, because we both know what you’re gonna do
I know you’re gonna do it, because I did and to be honest some days I know I would do it all over again if given the chance. So instead, I’m going to tell you what happens after: the music comes back, better than ever, your resilience is thoroughly tested and yet remains your greatest and most reliable asset, and you also get way hotter in part because of depression but also because of spite. You discover that, over the years, your life has become cluttered with people like him, and so you will set about removing them one-by-one and in the process find a peace you never knew. You learn the necessity of establishing boundaries and you stop letting anyone cross them. You become as strong and self-reliant as you need to be, because you’re you and that’s what you do. It’s actually pretty amazing, boyfriend or no
I would tell you to enjoy or appreciate the good times while they last, but I know that we did, each and every night before drifting off to sleep. I know you will relish his seduction of us, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous in some small way. But you will also do what’s necessary when the time comes. I know I can depend on you for that, because I always have
Thanks for sticking it out gorgeous,
Brynn