Understanding the fuel matrix which is applicable to the type of narcissist that you are engaged with is extremely useful in ascertaining how the relationship is likely to proceed and moreover what you can do about it. If you understand your place within that fuel matrix, you will also gain additional insight into why you are treated in the manner you are and why the narcissist behaves in certain ways.

Naturally, whilst our kind is very similar in many respects there are also subtle yet important differences and one of those differences arises in the way that our fuel matrices are constituted. People who are unfamiliar with our kind and the differing schools and cadres tend to think of a narcissist as someone beautiful, who is self-obsessed and is always preening themselves in the mirror. Whilst that has some applicability to some of our kind, it is not representative. By a similar token, the fuel networks which we establish vary between school.

The Lesser School

Beginning with the Lesser school of narcissist. Recognised through his lower cognitive function, lower control threshold, propensity to erupt with heated fury, aggression and lower energy levels. As you know, there are three divisions within the Lesser School. There are differing considerations applicable to those three divisions.

1. The Lower Lesser Narcissist (“LLN”)

The Lower Lesser is lacking in intellect, a base individual who has limited employment prospects and history. Nothing by way of charm and governs those around him through either naked aggression or being a hapless victim to con some individual into mothering him or her. He is likely to have a reliance on alcohol and drugs, he sponges off people and defaults regularly on debts and the like. He is regarded as a good for nothing by many people, a hapless loser who is an inelegant bully who uses brute force to get his way if Somatic and a pathetic malingerer if he is of the Victim Cadre.

The Lower Lesser will have a small fuel matrix. This most likely will consist of the following:-

a. A primary source. This is not necessarily an intimate primary source. The LLN is more likely than any other school of narcissist to install a family member as the primary source. In some instances this may actually be an intimate family primary source, since incest is being committed. The LLN’s sense of entitlement, very low energy levels and lack of attracting factors, means that he will bully an individual into such a role. By reason of the familial connection the LLN does not need to engage in seduction and therefore he will use aggression to force the victim from being a Non-Intimate Secondary Source into an Intimate Family Source.

If incest is not part of this dynamic, the LLN is still likely to have ensnared a family member as primary source, again because there is no need for seduction and the familial connection is established.

If the LLN has an Intimate Partner Primary Source (not familial) they are unlikely to excel in any regard and will be plain grateful for the attention of the narcissist. Their victim is highly likely to have special traits and be damaged in some way which means their ensnarement was easy for the low energy LLN.

The IPPS of an LLN is the mainstay fuel source for the LLN. He has a heavy reliance on this person because the LLN is unlikely to work and therefore will be around the victim more than usual and also because his fuel matrix is limited (as will be seen). He looks to the IPPS not only for fuel, but of course character traits and residual benefits. He has a considerable reliance on this person and most of his effort will be focused on controlling this person to ensure they continue to comply with his wishes.

b. There will be a small number of familial secondary sources. It is highly likely that the narcissist will have alienated certain family members and therefore they either do not form part of the fuel matrix or if they do, it is purely from the perspective of providing negative fuel as the LLN will consider them as painted ‘black’. Those family members which are painted ‘white’ will be few in number. They will find their relationship with the LLN to be prone to volatility given the very low control threshold.

c. There will either be no colleague secondary sources (because the LLN does not work) or if he does, they will be limited in number, being likely to number only a couple. The lack of charm and ability of the LLN means he is unable to cultivate an extensive network through the world of work.

d. The LLN will similarly only have a couple of social secondary sources as friends owing to the inability to sustain a wider network and his latent volatility so that friends are lashed out at following the ignition of fury and then remain distant from the narcissist, unwilling to be subjected to a further bout of verbal and physical aggression.

e. In terms of Intimate Partner Secondary Sources, the LLN will secure them but there will rarely be more than one. The IPSS is likely to be drawn from a close network (for example sister in law or best friend of the IPPS) again because of the smaller social and familial network which the LLN inhabits and low energy levels which means the LLN will not put tremendous effort into securing new sources.

f. In terms of tertiary sources, the LLN will have a low number of those also. This is because the LLN will either spend most of his time at home or if he works and has some external interests they will be limited in nature and therefore he will not interact extensively with tertiary sources.

The LLN has a small fuel matrix. He risks loss of secondary sources on a repeated basis and will struggle to replace them. The burden placed on the primary source is extensive and in such situations the LLN is likely to keep an IPPS in place throughout a long period of devaluation as he struggles to find a replacement for this person.

The Middle Lesser Narcissist (“MLN”)

The MLN is similar to the LLN but he will have a slightly higher cognitive function, he will have a better degree of control on his fury (whilst still not significant since he is after all still a Lesser). He is a charm-free zone still, aggressive but more likely to have regular employment and a better energy level.

The fuel matrix for the MLN is not extensive however. This will consists of

a. A primary source. Again this is likely to be a family member and if not, the IPPS will be kept in place through reliance on the narcissist and fear arising from displays of naked aggression. The IPPS will be frightened of the MLN which will result in much of the fuel (both positive and negative) being provided out of a sense of obligation and fear. Just like the LLN, the IPPS will be heavily relied on by the MLN.

b. Familial secondary sources will be similar to the situation of the LLN described above.

c. Work secondary sources are more likely than the LLN. They will still be low in number, rarely being more than a half-dozen since the MLN will be regarded with some wariness by those who are regarded as friends who have witnessed (albeit not been on the receiving end of the MLN’s ignited fury) which means they take the view that they are better staying onside with the MLN than being the subject of their notorious temper.

d. Social secondary sources will also be limited in a similar way to that as the work secondary sources. The MLN will go out more often than the LLN, but his interests are not varied and will include certain regular haunts (for instance a local bar, the race track, the gun range, a sporting venue, the gym and so forth). There will be a reasonable turnover of social secondary sources caused by the repeated ignition of fury from the MLN owing to the low control threshold. Those friends who remain friends do so for similar reasons as explained at (c) above. The MLN has some success in replacing those social secondary sources he loses. He will engage with the social secondary sources on a regular basis – for instance one or two nights a week in the same bar, or playing darts or bowls with a similar group. He may draw some respect from elements of the social secondary source circle as a consequence of directing his aggressions against a third party to the benefit of a secondary source. That is purely serendipity for the MLN and not an conscious act.

e. The MLN will have an IPSS, usually just the one, during devaluation of the IPPS. He has some interests and financial clout which gives him a degree of appeal and his swaggering confidence, although based on little, will draw some in.

f. The MLN will have a number of tertiary sources and will regularly draw both positive and negative fuel from these tertiary sources. The MLN is less concerned with the façade (as all Lessers are) compared to the Mid-Range and Greater of our kind and therefore will readily abuse, piss-take and denigrate tertiary sources in the community.

g. The MLN is also likely to make use of intimate tertiary sources as a consequence of one-night stands and the use of prostitutes if he is a Somatic MLN.

The Upper Lesser Narcissist (“ULN”)

The ULN is an interesting division. Whilst in the Lesser category because of the use of aggression (usually physically and sexually) and also having a low control threshold, the ULN is above the LLN and MLN in terms of cognitive function. Indeed his cognitive function would be better than that of a Lower Mid-Ranger and in some instances a Middle Mid-Ranger. However, the use of violence, aggression and the low control threshold mean that he belongs very much in the lesser school.

The ULN is an individual who is not academically bright and may well have left formal education with little to show for it. He is however street smart, savvy and wily. The ULN makes an effective businessman. He will not have the polished charm of the Greater or the cool considered intellect of the higher reaches of the Mid-Ranger, but he as a degree of charisma and is best considered a rough diamond.

He will not be a captain of industry, academic or professional but more likely to run his own small or medium sized enterprise. He is intolerant, driven and bullying but this achieves him success and he may quite well off. He will be disliked by those who hold positions in society, since he lacks the finesse and good manners associated with education and good breeding but his money remains good for many occasions and therefore he will be tolerated (although talked about behind his back) at the golf club for instance. He regards himself as well regarded by everybody in his community, unable to detect the sneers and down-the-nose looks he receives at his crass behaviour. He is direct, to the point and forthright. He is a serial embellisher, stiffs people in business, reneges on arrangements but considers all of this part and parcel of the cut and thrust of dynamic business.

Of all the Lessers, the ULN has a wider fuel matrix.

a. He is far less likely to have a primary source who is a family member. He will have an IPPS and he will use his financial resources to assist him in luring in a suitable individual to become IPPS. There is a risk that the ULN is likely to snare a Lesser or Mid-Range Narcissist himself, failing to recognise them, as an IPPS. He will rely heavily on the IPPS because ultimately he is a Lesser Narcissist and will ensure this person stays in place through intimidation, the threat of financial ruin and violence (physical and/or sexual).

b. In terms of familial secondary sources, the ULN will have a wider number of these sources than the LLN and MLN but there will be other family members who have fallen foul of his temper and intolerance and they will remain as scapegoats. He will relish the opportunity to draw negative fuel from these individuals and rather than ignore them, he will actively invite them to family events which he hosts purely for the purposes of showing them up and making them a scapegoat. They refuse invitations at their peril.

c. With regard to work secondary sources, if the ULN is employed he will have secured a low management position of some description and will operate through a combination of thinking he is one of the gang but then upbraiding people when his fury is ignited. This makes for a difficult environment for those who work with him. His degree of cunning also means that he will be difficult to usurp. If, which is more likely, he has his own business, then he will make great play of regarding his dozen or so employees as the ‘family’ and he will draw fuel from them repeatedly but always through the unequal relationship that exists since he is the boss.

d. The ULN has a social network of both inner and outer circle friends (the LLN and MLN will only have inner circle friends) . The ULN will use his better financial position and perceived standing in the community to generate more social connections through neighbours, members of clubs and such like and therefore will have a social secondary source circle (both inner and outer circle) of between a dozen and two dozen people. He is swift to discard those he regards as unworthy to remain in it and finds new recruits with comparative ease.

e. The ULN will have one or more IPSSs (especially if Somatic) as again his financial clout will assist him with seduction. He regards himself as attractive and irresistible and possessing a higher energy level than the LLN and MLN he will engage in more social activities and therefore has more hunting grounds for the acquisition of an IPSS or IPSSs when the IPPS is being devalued.

f. With the increased financial clout and his perceived role as community hero, the ULN will engage with many tertiary sources. He will largely appear favourable to them as he has some regard to maintaining a façade but given his Lesser status, aggression and low control threshold he will also relish a degree of notoriety so that people are wary of getting on his wrong side. He will often lash out at tertiary sources given his inability to control his ignited fury.

Part Two examines the fuel matrices of the Mid-Ranger school.

You have been discarded or perhaps you have succeeded and escaped our grip. You cannot help still but wonder what we are doing, especially if we have discarded you. The thoughts run through your mind repeatedly. What is he doing? Is he thinking of me? Where has he been today? Why have I not heard from him? Why did he do that? What did I do wrong? A thousand and one questions which whirl around in your mind. This is always the case when you have been discarded and even when you made your escape the questions still come thick and fast because so much has not been explained or answered. Furthermore, as an empathic individual you cannot help but wonder what we are up to, what we are thinking and how we feel. It is an automatic response for someone like you and is part of the reason why you remain susceptible to a hoover. Sometimes you may be wondering how we are or how we are managing. You may hope that we are miserable and dejected by losing you. You engage in stalking our social media, driving by where we work or live, have friends ask what we are up to and you will try and contact us direct to try and establish what has happened (where there has been a discard). Whether you escaped or whether you were discarded there are several burning questions on your mind and one of those is; is he with someone else now? You do some snooping and detecting and the answer appears to be, yes, he is alone. There is no sign of a new significant other. There is no mention of a new girlfriend or partner and we have not been spotted with anybody else when we have been sighted around town. We appear to be alone. What does this mean?

          If this situation manifests with the Lesser Narcissist, one has to consider the position where there has been escape and where there has been discard. Those factors apply to two scenarios being in play. The first is the Lesser will be engaged in Bouncing. Addressing Bouncing following your escape first of all.

He will have a new primary source but he will not regard her as a girlfriend. She will in all likelihood be an inner or outer circle friend of the Lesser. This is especially likely where you have escaped. With no time available to put in place a replacement who has been cultivated, the Lesser will have erupted and then sought the nearest fuel solace. The easiest way for him to do this, rather than expend energy seducing somebody new and comparatively unknown or even unknown, would be for him to promote this secondary source into a primary. This person will be “comforting” the Lesser after his awful and terrible treatment at your hands. The Lesser however will not make it known that he as a new primary source because he will want to milk sympathy from onlookers and also use this sympathy to enable him to move to another friend who will offer him “comfort”. Very quickly he will move between these two (maybe more) appliances. One weekend the first person will be his primary source but not referred to as a girlfriend or such like. A few days later he will move to a different one. He has no issue with this. He is accountable to nobody. He has no need to announce the relationship since keeping it quiet affords him more opportunities for fuel.

In terms of Bouncing where there has been a discard, this happens where the Lesser is not completely satisfied that the primary source he was cultivating is embedded as he would like. You may well have been discarded because you failed to provide fuel and this failure is dramatic and took place before your replacement has been properly embedded. Accordingly, the Lesser will be hedging his bets by going between two potential primary sources, alternating between them until he decides which is best and which is embedded. Then he will make the announcements, but until that point he gives the appearance of being alone.

          The second scenario concerns Keeping It in the Family. This is often applicable to the Victim Narcissist. If you have escaped the Lesser, he may promote a family member to be primary source rather than promote an inner circle friend to an intimate partner. He turns to his mother or sister, wailing of his misfortune and how terribly he has been treated. He may move back to the childhood home and this is where he gains his fuel, all of the sympathetic mothering fuel. Hence he appears to have no intimate partner because there is not one. Even if there has been a discard, the Lesser may decide to Keep It in the Family by playing on his woes as he continues to cultivate quietly a prospective primary source.

With the Mid-Range when he appears to have no intimate partner and appears to be on his own, it is not the case. He will have a new intimate partner as a primary source but he does not want you to know about her. Not yet. This is applicable when there is both discard and escape. The Mid-Range, being the most passive-aggressive of the schools of narcissist may not have embedded his prospective primary source with the confidence he would prefer (especially if you escaped) and therefore lacking the raw aggression of the Lesser and the swaggering confidence of the Greater, he keeps a low profile until he is confident that there is a successful attachment. He does not want you knowing about this primary source for fear you may interfere and mess up this much needed source of fuel. It is only when he is confident that the attachment has been secured that he will engage in Relationship Bulletins and the like.

Turning to the Greater. Of all the schools of narcissism, the Greater is able to function for longer without a primary source than the Lesser or Mid-Range. This is because he has extensive secondary sources to whom he can turn. Thus his extensive social circle, loyal Lieutenants, devoted family and admirers who are jostling for position to be chosen as the new primary source will provide him with enough fuel to allow him to function. He will not be at the top of his game and would much prefer to have a primary source in place, but if you escaped and you have pushed the narcissist into Chaos Mode, he will be working to secure that primary source behind the scenes but is content to show that he “does not need anybody” in the meanwhile. Although the reality is he will be clamoring to find a new primary source, he does not want you thinking that. He will want you to think he remains aloof, self-sufficient and not making a bee-line for anybody who will have him. He can be choosier than that. He has standards. This is the appearance he wishes to project and to a degree it is true, but he cannot remain choosy for long, the demands of fuel are ever present and those secondary sources will only sustain him for so long.

          The bottom line is that a primary source is always needed by the Lesser and the Mid-Range, more or less immediately following escape or discard, because of the demands of fuel. It is only an appearance as to why the Lesser or Mid-Range seems single (save when he Keeps It in the Family). The Greater needs the primary source soon, but he can last for longer without one and will revel in demonstrating that to you by saying “I don’t need you or anybody in fact, I am my own man.” It is of course an artifice. The Greater needs his primary source just as much, he is just fortunate because of his grandiosity, magnetism and charm he has far more secondary sources to turn to.

One of our aims when we entangle you is to cause the equivalent of you feeling as if you are being buried alive. Doing this keeps you in our grip and under our control. For some people, the thought of being buried alive causes them considerable terror. The concept of being bound and dropped into a prepared hole in the ground, lying against the cold, damp earth as the first shovel load of earth lands on you, dirt cascading over your face as you blink frantically trying to avoid it going in your eyes. A second shovel load lands, this time more compact and it hits your torso with the equivalent of a moderate punch to the ribs. You shout out but your unknown assailant does not respond as more earth cascades down on to you. You kick and wriggle but soon the earth begins to heap around you, your movements are constrained and you are trying to back up so you can keep your head as high as possible, just as you might do during our devaluation of you, trying desperately to retain some dignity. You continue to shout and scream and you begin to wonder whether you are making any sound at all as there is no response. Your legs are now covered and you are unable to move them now, the weight of the earth on them pinning them into place. Someone else has now taken control of how much you can move and they have deemed that there is to be no movement, at least from the waist down. Still that steady and rhythmic motion can just about be heard above you as the dirt continues to fall, a steady curtain of earth which is creating your tomb. The encroaching earth has moved over your chest and you look down, arms tied in front of you as you lift them up and down breaking the layer of earth for a little longer.

On it continues as more and more dirt tumbles onto you now making it seem as if the ground is swallowing you. How many times had you wished that would happen when you were on the receiving end of one our vicious tirades? You try to move your arms but the weight is too great and now the terror has taken your voice so that your once hearty yells and piercing screams are replaced by a strange strangulated rasp as the cries for help become lodged in your throat, just like the earth will do so very soon. Your pleas to be spared, your bid for clemency and begging for mercy has gone unheeded as the earth continues to rise and you shake your head from side to side, trying to fight off the onslaught. The whole of your body, save for your head, is now paralysed, trapped by the significant load of earth which has been dropped on to you. You can feel your lungs being squashed as your breathing becomes harder. You wish you were dead. A gun shot to the head, quick and instant. That would be better than this lingering, slow and crushing descent into suffocation. Sounds suddenly become muffled and you realise that the earth has now begun to cover your ears. You still twist your head but the room for movement has become even more reduced. Your eyes are shut now otherwise they would be filled with grit and crumbs of dirt. You spit and blow away the earth which lands across your mouth as just an oval of your face breaks the surface of the soil.Your terror and panic is at its zenith and then there is a cessation in the onslaught. You cannot feel anything dropping onto you any more. There is a spark of hope. Is this it? Have you been spared at the last moment? Have you perhaps been rescued, your tormentor now pinned to the ground by the timely arrival of law enforcement? Will it be only a matter of moments before the shovel tentatively digs around you to free you? You blink furiously and open your eyes hoping to see the glare of a flashlight.

Your vision sharpens into focus and you see the silhouette of somebody leaning over the edge of the pit, shovel in hand, peering down at you as if scrutinising you for the last time. You cannot make out any of their features against the darkening sky behind them as they stand and then the earthen rain begins again. You manage to muster a final scream of defiant protestation as the soil begins to gather over your face, covering your eyes, blocking your nose and sealing your mouth as a thousand thoughts flash through your mind, mixing with the terror as you wonder how long you have left?

Such a thought of being buried alive by an unknown aggressor or waking in a coffin having been mistakenly thought dead and thus buried alive, hands scrabbling at the smooth wood, yells and shouts unheard through the coffin lid and heaped earth above, causes considerable anxiety in many people. Such an imagined experience is akin to the way we treat our victims. We control them and restrict them, steadily and effectively, through the always used slice, slice, slice technique as we little by little reduce their movement, just as if we were heaping soil onto them. We create that sense of rising panic as there remains some movement but it is insufficient to escape the looming threat. Through our manipulations we keep you rooted to the spot with nowhere to escape to, nowhere to turn,just as if you are lying helpless in the bottom of a pit.

The steady and repeated accumulation of our manipulations make you feel as if you are being slowly suffocated. You cannot speak without approval or reprimand, your thoughts no longer feel your own as you are left to second guess what we want in order to try to avoid a further consequence. You close your eyes hoping it will all end and then your heart sinks as it does not. Each day you feel the air being drawn from your body, your strength sapping away, the will to fight back being diminished and stolen from you. The walls seems to close in on you, the air becoming stale and foul from you being kept indoors for so such long periods of time, prevented from seeing other people and leaving our sphere of influence. We invade your spaces, reading your messages, your e-mails and post. You have nowhere to go to in order to escape our incessant and all-consuming presence. We are like a weight on your chest, around your neck and about your heart.Your identity is steadily squeezed from you as we impress our thoughts, needs, desires and demands on you. Every day the pressure increases, just like the weight of the earth piling on your chest. You beg and plead for relief from this incessant pressure but just like the silent and unresponsive wielder of the shovel, you receive no respite from us either. The panic rises and the anxiety robs the breath from your lungs, forcing you to gasp as the panic attack takes you in its grip. You are suffocating. You cannot breathe. We are all around you, pressing against you, holding you, pressurising you, leaning on you, invading your space and driving the breath from your body. Being with us is just like being buried alive.

Your guide through the narcissistic minefield.

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“I am left feeling I am not good enough”

“I am always waiting for him to call.”

“She never seems to listen to me.”

“I feel like I always have to respond straight away.”

“I do not feel settled.”

“I always feel like I am being scrutinised.”

“I feel like I am out of my depth.”

“I am always wondering whether he is serious or joking with me, I struggle to tell.”

“I cannot seem to think about anything other than him.”

“She makes me feel left out.”

“It seems like I am always running around after him.”

“I always feels like I have to please them.”

“I feel like I am on trial.”

“I find myself always having to explain myself.”

“It feels more like an obligation than a friendship.”

“I am often left wondering what is happening.”

“I am left feeling unsure of myself.”

“I feel like I am always on call for her.”

“I keep feeling jealous and that makes me feel bad.”

“I am anxious for him to leave her and be with me.”

“If I express an opinion I feel like I am being unfair in doing so.”

“It is great when we are together, but then am left feeling uncertain when we are apart.”

“I am sure he doesn’t mean to make me feel nervous, but I am.”

“I don’t think I am good enough.”

“I don’t want to let her down.”

“Nothing seems to bother him and I am such a worrier. I will put him off.”

“I don’t understand why he still keeps in touch with her, but I don’t feel I can say anything.”

“I am nervous I will mess this up and he is so wonderful.”

“It´s nothing specific, but there´s something that makes me uneasy. It is probably just me.”

Doubtless many of you will find some of the above comments will resonate with you.

You have been created with emotional empathy. This has formed the bedrock for your worldview and your perspective. This accords with a majority perspective and forms the basis for those subjective qualities of what is deemed as “good” and “bad”. Since you operate within the majority perspective it is your perspective of “good” and “bad” which prevails.

When you encounter something which contrasts with this majority perspective, you often do not see it as a clear, shining example. Instead, you have a “feeling” or a “gut instinct”. This is the manifestation of behaviour which clashes with your empathic world view. This is your alarm bell.

There are those of you whose alarm bell does not often ring at all, although you are limited in number. For most of those who are empathic, the alarm bell rings through some kind of feeling encapsulated by many of the phrases detailed above and more besides.

So far, so effective. You have an established worldview formed by your emotional empathy. When you encounter behaviour which contrasts with this empathic worldview, your alarm bell goes off. Where it is one of our kind (and it almost always is one of our kind) which has caused this alarm bell to sound, this is when the problem starts.

Your alarm bell sounds but you attribute it to the wrong cause.

You either think that the cause is an external reason for this alarm bell, such as

• The individual is tired or exhausted
• The individual is drunk
• The individual is suffering from stress
• The individual is suffering from grief or bereavement
• The individual is under some kind of pressure
• The individual suffers from anger management issues
• The individual is highly strung

There are others besides.

The alternative is that you think the cause is an internal reason, namely your behaviour, such as

• You are too sensitive
• You have been hurt before
• You are too direct
• You think badly of people too quickly
• You are too trusting
• You were not listening
• You judged too soon
• You are tired, upset, stressed
• You were insensitive to the needs of others
• You were worried

There are others besides.

Accordingly, when your alarm bell rings, you end up attributing the sensation of something feeling wrong to either an external cause to that you are the problem.

This is incorrect.

It is akin to your burglar alarm going off and you think it was a passing cat or that you tripped the sensor yourself. It was the burglar.

Something which offends your worldview, offends the logic of your world. Your logic seeks to warn you by creating a feeling or a sensation (the alarm bell) so that you take action.

Unfortunately, two factors interfere in this warning system.

The first is a lack of understanding about the nature of the individual that is generating the behaviour which causes the alarm. The red flags that signal that it is a narcissist which is engaging in behaviours which are offending your worldview.

The second is the obscuring nature of your emotional thinking which does not want you to pay attention to the alarm´s actual source and instead diverts you to thinking it is the external source (incorrect) or your fault (also incorrect).

Your emotional thinking does not want you abiding by the logic of your world. It does not want you acting on the alarm by identifying the real cause (the narcissist) and then taking the logical step to avoid further harm (further feelings that something is wrong) by removing yourself from the real cause (the narcissist).

Your emotional thinking does not want to do what is best for you. It does not want you to know the actual source of the alarm nor act on that alarm. It wants you looking in the wrong place,e taking the incorrect course of action so that you remain interacting with the narcissist.

Your emotional thinking does not care about your physical health, your emotional contentment, your mental well-being or the state of your bank balance. It is not interested in you engaging with a healthy, normal and well-adjusted individual. That does not matter to your emotional thinking.

For a very unfortunate few of you, there is no inherent alarm system and you need to build one. It is hard work but achievable.

For the vast majority of you, you have the alarm system but it is infected and caused to malfunction by making you look in the wrong place for the problem and not act on the actual problem. Fortunately for you, this faulty alarm system can be corrected although it requires repeated and ongoing maintenance, which is naturally most worthwhile.

There is a valid reason why you feel something is not right. It is your early warning system, but it is not perfect and it is fundamental that you realise this and understand that it is here that you are able to perfect its operation.