We do not think of ourselves as victims, to do so would be weak and we are not weak. You are. We are better than you. We do however feel put upon, hard done by and persecuted and it is you that does these things in order to victimise us. Evidencing our legendary double standards, we do not consider ourselves as victims as this does not accord with our sense of superiority, but we like to portray a victim mentality because doing so serves our purposes. There are many things that we say which evidence this mentality and when you hear them you should know that we are looking for you to respond. We want reassurance, praise, an admission of fault from you, confirmation that we are brilliant, an apology and for you to do what we want you to do. Playing the victim card allows us to gain fuel from sympathy and compassion, assistance when we do not want to do something, absolution from responsibility and preventing you from doing something we do not want you to do. Here are twenty cries of apparent victimhood.
You make my life so difficult.
Why are you treating me like this?
You never try to understand me,
What about me?
What am I going to do now?
How’s that supposed to make me feel?
You are meant to look after me.
It’s not my fault.
I can’t help the way I am.
Why must you be so difficult with me over this?
You never listen to me.
You always make it about you, never about me.
You never do what I want.
You don’t love me like you should.
You never do what I want.
You never let me speak.
You always treat me like a fool.
You are the reason for all of my problems.
You are trying to ruin my life.
Why do you do this to me?
Watch out for these comments from our kind because they are the foreshadowing of further manipulation of you.

 

Further revelations on a wide range of highly relevant topics allowing you to understand the narcissistic sociopath and how to deal with him or her. Includes the revealing chapters “Ten” and “Twelve” detailing formative episodes in the creation of a narcissistic psychopath.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

 

 

 

I am the master architect. I will amaze you as I create golden cities that reflect the magnificence of our relationship. With glass and chrome I create those skyscrapers that soar high into the air as a testament to the sheer height to which I will take you. Clean, sparkling rivers run through the centre of these cities, spanned by intricate bridges. The stonework on the most elegant buildings bears the hallmark of the master craftsman that I am. My technique and brilliance surpasses anything that you have seen before. Carefully landscaped parks and gardens provide a verdant oasis at different parts throughout these cities, a haven for flora and brought to life with the sound of birdsong. Beyond the city limits lush meadows undulate away to the imposing grandeur of mountain ranges. I keep the sky an amazing azure through out the day, save for sunset when I allow a few clouds to wisp across the horizon and contribute to the breath taking hues of red, orange, yellow and violet that I weave through the sky. My empire is vast. It is resplendent and awe-inspiring. It is all my own work, achieved through my careful application of building something worthy of representing our relationship. It is built on the most solid of foundations, from the most reliable and durable of materials. There has been no corner cutting, no use of cheap and suspect stone, wood or steel. Nothing shall fall but instead it will prevail for ever in tribute to you and me.
Yet for all this splendour that I have single-handedly created I will take a match to it and bring about an all consuming conflagration. I want to see it engulfed in the inferno of my making. It makes no sense. There is no logic to burning down what I have created. The wanton destruction of such beauty is abhorrent and flies in the face of any reasoned individual. The flames burn with such intensity that the steel melts, sizzling drops of molten metal that scar the stone which fractures and crumbles. Glass shatters, blackened shards that collapse to the ground, the noise of destruction masked by the roar of the flames.
I will stand and watch this terrible destruction with a twisted grin on my face, my hollow eyes reflecting the shooting pillars of orange flame. You are knelt beneath me as I hold your head in my hands, forcing you to watch this display of carnage and obliteration. Your tears stream down your face, cutting through the soot that has adorned your features, the heat haze shimmering before you and your sobbing inaudible compared to the fierceness of the fire that will burn for days.
I will build you an empire and then I shall raze it to the ground. That is my way and it shall always remain the case.

How would you like to be on the receiving end of The Devil’s Pitchfork? It is sharp, cutting and naturally three-pronged, so that’s not one wound, not two, but three. Fancy that? Yes?

Of course not.

Yet that is what you are going to get if you continue to engage with us. You will receive at least one of those prongs and probably all three, either way you get hurt, you suffer, you lose.

Would you willingly allow yourself to be stabbed or impaled by a pitchfork or trident? No, you would not. Yet you allow this to happen through the metaphoric Devil’s Pitchfork because of continued engagement with our kind, narcissists.

What are those prongs?

1. Fuel

What else? If you engage with a narcissist you are highly likely, but not always, going to give us fuel. I will provide you with some scenarios below demonstrating instances where there is fuel provision and where it is absent, owing to engagement with the narcissist. This is the First Prong of The Devil’s Trident.

If you give us fuel, we are winning which means you are losing. Why? Because

a. You are giving us the very thing that we want and need;

b. You are reducing out unease from the lurking chasm and The Creature within;

c. You are making us feel more powerful;

d. You are increasing the risk of a future hoover.

Therefore if you are impaled by the First Prong, you lose and we win.

2. Adverse Consequence

If you engage with a narcissist you run the significant risk of an adverse consequence. Again, like fuel, this Second Prong may not always arise out of the engagement but is more likely to than it is not to.

This adverse consequence might be :-

• The narcissist insulting you and thus upsetting you;
• The narcissist triangulating you by flirting with someone else and making you feel worthless
• The narcissist issuing a word salad making you feel confused and bewildered
• The narcissist punching you causing physical injury
• The narcissist withholding money from you, impacting on your daily life and possibly that of your dependents
• The narcissist promising to call but failing to do so, hurting you through this future faking
• The narcissist referring to past act you have committed making you feel embarrassed by dragging up the past
• The narcissist ignoring you and staring at the television, confusing you and hurting you through this present silent treatment
• The narcissist standing you up for a date, angering you, through an absent silent treatment

You know of the hundreds of different forms of manipulation that can occur and the downsides that arise from them ranging from the mild to the terrible.

If you do not engage with us, how can you be insulted, ignored, triangulated etc? By engaging you run the (significant) risk of being impaled on the Second Prong.

When you suffer an adverse consequence, you lose.

3. Increased Emotional Thinking

Emotional Thinking a.k.a. The Enemy Within.

The very thing that wants you to keep engaging (and thus keep getting impaled).

Every time you engage with us, you WILL increase your emotional thinking. This is the one prong that ALWAYS impales. The only way to avoid it, is to not engage. If you engage with us in some way then you will increase your emotional thinking which means you will not follow logic, you will take action and decisions which are contrary to your best interests, you will continue your ensnarement, you will make the application and maintenance of your no contact regime far more difficult and you will keep being impaled by The Devil’s Pitchfork.

You must reduce your emotional thinking in order to Get Out and Stay Out. If you keep engaging with us, you will not achieve this and you will never achieve freedom.

When your emotional thinking rises, you lose.

By engaging you ALWAYS get impaled – it might be one prong, it might be two prong and often it will be all three prongs.

Let’s have some examples.

1. The narcissist telephones you and you answer. The narcissist is pleasant and doles out some compliments, some charm and is benign. You are pleased and respond accordingly.

Prong One – you provide fuel. You lose, we win.

Prong Two – no adverse consequence occurs.

Prong Three – you are engaging, your emotional thinking therefore increases. You lose.

2. The narcissist turns up at your house demanding to speak to you because you have told his IPPS about your ongoing affair with the narcissist. You open the door and stand on the doorstep arguing with him.

Prong One – you shout, hurl insults, wave your arms around and get mad. You provide fuel. You lose, we win.

Prong Two – the narcissist issues threats, smashes a plant pot and hurls horrible insults. You are frightened by this. You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – your emotional thinking rises. You lose.

3. You are sat looking at pictures of the narcissist and wondering what the narcissist is doing and who he is with.

Prong One – no fuel is being provided.

Prong Two – you become upset thinking about the narcissist . You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you are increasing your emotional thinking because this is a form of engagement. You lose.

4. You are spending time going around telling family and friends, the neighbours and the local homeless guy all about the nasty ways of the narcissist.

Prong One – no fuel is being provided by this act (however it is likely that these people will tell the narcissist what you are doing which will provide some fuel) Delayed win for us.

Prong Two – those listening may disagree with you, may disparage you, pass unfavourable opinion about what you are doing which angers/upsets/hurts/frustrates you . You suffer an adverse consequence. You lose.

Even if this does not happen, there is a risk the narcissist will learn about what you are doing and will retaliate which will generate an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you are talking about and thinking about the narcissist, so you will increase your emotional thinking. You lose.

5. You throw battery acid over the prized car of the narcissist severely damaging it.

Prong One – no fuel is provided at the time if the narcissist is unaware. If the narcissist sees you doing it, fuel is provided. If the narcissist learns of it after the event, the narcissist will gain some Thought Fuel. We win/you lose.

Prong Two – you may face criminal charges, you may have to pay for the damage to be repaired, the narcissist may confront you and attack you. There is an adverse consequence. You lose.

Prong Three – you have increased your emotional thinking by acting in relation to the narcissist and thinking about the narcissist. You lose.

If you think about some form of engagement with the narcissist you will see (if you are using logic) that one or more of those prongs will impale you.

This is to be avoided.

This is why that whatever you may try to tell yourself, justify or advance as a reason, there is NEVER any good that will arise from the interaction with a narcissist because of The Devil’s Pitchfork.

To avoid it, you must control your emotional thinking and to do that you must impose a rigid and robust no contact regime.

Want to know how to do that?

Read my work and apply it and especially utilise these options

Zero Impact Assistance Package

Get Out, Stay Out Consultation

 

 

Escaping a narcissist is difficult enough in its own right. You are fighting your Emotional Thinking which seeks to prevent your escape, you ate tackling the narcissist who will be issuing Preventative Hoovers and/or deploying the Initial Grand Hoover to keep you in place.

The situation worsens when you have a situation where you are involved in a divorce with a narcissist. You not only have to deal with the disentanglement from the individual with regard to achieving the divorce through a legal process, address the issue of assets, deal with matters surrounding maintenance and support and possibly also the concerns generated by addressing custody and visitation (residence and contact) concerning children. All of this when you are still reeling from the impact of the abuse and manipulative behaviour.

Using HG Tudor’s established expertise with regard to the field of narcissists and narcissism, this Assistance Package addresses a wide range of matters in an easy-to-understand manner, with practical advice and tips which have been successfully used by individuals working with narcissists and all based on HG Tudor’s unrivalled understanding.

This Assistance package covers

• Why divorce with a narcissist is so difficult
• What the narcissist wants to achieve from divorce
• What the narcissist’s mindset and approach is to the issue of divorce
• How to negotiate the divorce process with the narcissist
• Why the narcissist will not give you what you want
• Why the narcissist keeps the process going even though it is costly
• Why the narcissist keeps the process going even when the evidence is against the narcissist
• How to achieve the required outcome from your divorce when a narcissist is involved
• How the divorce process works with and affects your No Contact Regime
• What factors affect the way the narcissist deals with the divorce process
• How certain actions will impact on the narcissist through the divorce process
• How to minimise the impact of the narcissist’s behaviour on you

And more information beyond this to assist you deal with this matter successfully and with the minimum impact on you.

To receive this information which costs US $ 140 for a comprehensive Assistance Package which you can access in your own time and at your own pace, simply use the PayPal button below to make payment and you will then receive a Common Sense Protocol which governs the Assistance Package and thereafter the Assistance Package itself.

 

 

Divorcing A Narcissist

It is only over when you die or we die. Death is the only release from our grip.

I repeatedly explain this. I am not advocating that you kill yourself, but rather, I am reinforcing to you, that owing to the Narcissistic Perspective we regard you as our property. You belong to us and that ownership lasts until either you die or we die.

I know some people regard such a comment as grandiosity on my part, “Oh HG,” they say “That’s just you wanting so sound powerful.”

No, it isn’t. True, it is a manifestation of power, but it is a fact and if you fail to abide by this golden rule then you will not achieve and maintain your freedom from our kind.

If you think such a comment is just a manifestation of grandiosity and that your entanglement with the narcissist is over and will never be resurrected, then you are falling prey to your emotional thinking. You will lower your guard, you will engage with us again and you will be ensnared in some form. I have seen it happen repeatedly with my victims. Further, I have lost track of the number of times honest readers have stated

“You were right HG. He came back.”

Of course he or she did. We always will,  if the opportunity arises because you are our property, our appliance and we have invested in you. We want to capitalise on that investment time and time again.

You may state with conviction that this was the ‘final discard’ (such a phrase makes me roll my eyes) because there is no such thing. Those that declare that it was the final discard,  invariably state it from one of two perspectives – firstly, that they have done something so terrible to the narcissist that he or she would never dare to darken their doorstep again or secondly it is said because they want the twisted confirmation that it isn’t the “final discard” and the narcissist will return because the addicted victim wants the narcissist to return again.

Such conviction is dangerous. It breeds complacency. It makes you vulnerable. I will not deny that there are certain acts which are committed against that result in massive wounding. These acts invariably lead to your disengagement and our kind may well skulk away tail between legs and not be seen or heard of for some time. But it is only a temporary state of affairs.

There is always a risk we will return. It may be a very low risk or a very high risk, but the risk remains and a lot of the time, owing to naivety and ineffective (supposed) no contact regimes the risk is higher than you realise. Owing to the innate addiction you have to our kind and your inherent susceptibility to the fraudulent effects of emotional thinking, the risk is higher than you realise.

By understanding that it is never over until you die or we die ensures you avoid the complacency which results in ensnarement. I do not mean you have to live your life thereafter always looking over your shoulder, but ensuring that you do not adopt the mantle of arrogance that we are gone for good. By maintaining the mindset that there is always a risk, you will create a Logic Defence so that you, over time and with the adoption of additional techniques I can detail to you, automatically maintain your vigilance so that it does not feel like a burden.

Every one of my romantic victims has been hoovered by me. I do not draw them back into the Formal Relationship as I have a nomadic approach, but they have all been hoovered. One was hoovered after a 12 year gap.

Do not regard this golden rule as one of inducing fear and despair, but instead apply it so that you maintain your awareness and your guard is now lowered. By understanding and applying this rule, you are far less likely to commit the elementary errors that those disregarding this rule will do.

Our mindset says it is never over until death comes. Our need for fuel and other elements of the Prime Aims means that it is never over until death comes. Our ability to return in so many different ways means that it is never over until death comes.

By combining this golden rule with my material however you can ensure that it may as well be over because your education and application of your education means the risk of our return has been reduced and maintained at a very low level indeed.

Disregard this golden rule and your risk increases.

 

 

A series of memes which encapsulate the golden rules that you MUST apply to enable you to build your Logic Defences, overcome the power of your emotional thinking and enable you to achieve freedom.

By accepting these golden rules and repeatedly reading them out loud and writing them down, ensuring you do so frequently, you will create one of the many Logic Defences which is necessary to bring your emotional thinking under control. Learn the golden rules, apply the golden rules and remind yourself of the golden rules. These golden rules will lead you to freedom.

When you know, you go. When you know you are entangled with a narcissist – you go. You do not wait around seeking answers from that person (seek them from me instead). You do not try to heal them, you do not remain trying to decipher their behaviour (I will do that for you). When you know that a fresh narcissist is trying to seduce you – you go. When you know that a narcissist is hoovering you – you go. But most of all, when you are already entangled and you finally learn what it is you are entangled with – you go. You have to remove yourself from the toxic influence which is maintaining your emotional infection, feeding your addiction and keeping you stuck, all aided and abetted by your con-artist in residence,your emotional thinking.

Never breach this rule. If you do, you are preventing yourself from achieving freedom. Anything which contravenes this rule is emotional thinking which wants you to remain entangled, seduced or hoovered.

The Golden Period is that period when all is wonderful between us and our victims. This is the illusory mask that is donned in order to draw you in, bind you to us, embed you and then continue to savour the positive fuel that you pump out. Of course most people recognise that this is relevant with regards to the romantic relationship between the narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). Certainly, this is the most intense, most intoxicating and most addictive of the golden periods, but the golden period applies to all appliances that we interact with. How does that manifest and how long are these golden periods?
Let us commence with the tertiary source. There are essentially two types of tertiary source. There is the Sporadic Tertiary Source (“STS”) and the Frequent Tertiary Source (“FTS”). The STS is somebody that we interact with just the once or perhaps more than once but not very often. So that could be somebody who we get in a lift with or who occasionally serves us when we go to a particular restaurant every few months. We do not know one another and therefore this person is a Tertiary Source however our engagement with them is always benign. They smile at us, do something helpful for us, compliment us, speak to us in an interested way and so forth. In that instant, the interaction may only be for thirty seconds or so, but that is a golden period. It is brief, very brief but nevertheless because we have engaged with that person in a benign way and drawn positive fuel from them they have had a golden period. We may not have charmed them but we have certainly been pleasant to them, we have impressed them, engaged with them in a way which has caused them to provide us with positive fuel. This means that they have not suffered in any way and we have drawn positive fuel.
The FTS is someone we may see several times a week but they remain a stranger to us. This might be somebody who we buy a daily newspaper from, or a ticket inspector on the train. We engage with the individual repeatedly and always do so in pleasant terms and thus we gain positive fuel from this person who greets us with a smile and compliments our choice of tie or fragrance, but there is no more to the relationship. We see them repeatedly and this positive engagement means there is a protracted Golden Period but the manner of the engagement remains brief, seconds or minutes at most.
A golden period for the STS or FTS will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.
With regard to the secondary sources, there are those who are Non Intimate Secondary Sources (friends, family and colleagues) and then Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (someone we are seducing who is likely to become the IPPS, someone who is a booty call or a friend with benefits).
Those who are NISSs nearly always have golden periods and those golden periods last for a long time. This is because we exhibit our attractive qualities, we charm, we are polite, good-natured, interesting and so on in order to attract this person to us and once designated as a NISS we keep them in place for a considerable period of time. The golden period for a NISS can last a long time because we only draw on their positive fuel now and again. Thus we may see a friend once a week or once a month and therefore there is no extensive reliance in terms of frequency and quantity from this person which threatens the potency. We may meet for an hour for a coffee or an evening out together and we draw positive fuel (plus other benefits) from them. Unless they challenge us, criticise us, stop fuel provision and such like, this golden period will continue unabated. We will not suddenly find their fuel stale (as happens with the IPPS) and therefore the golden period lasts.
With the IPSS the golden period is similarly extensive. There are three types of IPSS:-
The Candidate IPSS. This is someone who is likely to become the IPPS and is on that trajectory towards being crowned;
The Shelf IPSS. This person is not an immediate candidate for becoming IPPS (but that might change in the future) but they are used for fuel on an intermittent basis. Whilst the IPPS is devalued we will spend time with the Shelf IPSS even though we know they are not going to be the new IPPS, but their fuel etc remains of considerable use and interest to us, they may be used to triangulate with the IPPS (or other IPSSs);
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS. See more here  Dirty Little Secret

If the person is a clear prospect for IPPS then this candidate will experience the full effect of the illusory seduction as they are drawn into our world and treated like a king or queen. The various seductive manipulations will be deployed to create this magical wonderland where the most perfect love resides. This is the intoxicating, whirlwind seduction where the love-bombing abounds. Once this candidate IPSS is embedded as the IPPS the golden period continues.
Sometimes the IPSS does not secure the promotion but as I have written elsewhere there is no need to devalue this person. This person is a Shelf IPSS. Their fuel remains excellent but they are not quite right. This may  change and they are promoted in the future, or it may not and they remain an IPSS for a long time, picked up and put down when we decide. Thus if an IPSS accepts this role they will experience a long golden period. Yes, there will be periods when they will not hear from us and they have been placed on the shelf but this is not devaluation.
The fuel from an IPSS similarly does not become stale because they are engaged with intermittently by us. The pattern of engagement may be a weekend together and then nothing for a fortnight. It might be a week away together and then nothing for a month.
With the Dirty Little Secret IPSS the engagement is likely to be an hour in the evening or the occasional afternoon but usually once a week, sometimes more. The time together is not long but there is a greater frequency than that of the Shelf IPSS.
With all three of these IPSSs they experience significant golden periods.
The Candidate IPSS has an intense golden period which may be a number of weeks before they then become an IPPS and the golden period for that appliance is applicable;
The Shelf IPSS can have a golden period for years and years;
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS can have a golden period for years and years.
The Golden Periods for the Shelf and Dirty Little Secret IPSS is not as intense as that for the Candidate (nor the IPPS see below) but it remains addictive. The victim is treated well, future-faked a lot, given comfort crumbs, taken places, confided in, bought gifts and so forth.The narcissist recognises the value of these type of IPSSs and wishes to maintain them. If the IPSS challenges the narcissist, for instance wants the narcissist to spend more time with them, or threatens to expose their affair to the IPPS, the narcissist will devalue but does so in order to bring that person back into line. If they respond then the golden period is restored immediately. If not, the malfunctioning IPSS will be dis-engaged with and somebody else sought for the role.
The Golden Period for the IPPS is that which most people are familiar with. The Golden Period for the IPPS commences when they are a Candidates IPSS and once they have been embedded they continue to enjoy the fruits of the narcissist’s largesse. The golden period for the IPPS is the one which creates the truly magical connections, the dizzying delight and wondrous magnificence which becomes addictive. The Golden Period for the IPPS will last from months to years dependent on how long their positive fuel is potent enough, frequent enough and supplied in the desired quantities. A typical golden period will be 6-24 months.
The Golden Period for an IPPS ends because the appliance fails us. This is because the appliance has reduced the potency, frequency and/or quantity of the fuel so that it is no longer sufficient for us and thus devaluation must commence by way of altering the fuel provided and punishing the malfunctioning IPPS. Or the positive fuel no longer is regarded as potent by us because it feels stale. Again, devaluation follows for the reasons just explained. This determination is entirely down to us and there is nothing you can do about it. Devaluation always occurs with the IPPS because this person is who we rely on the most for our fuel provision and is the most important supplier. We thus engage with this person frequently, often live with this person, certainly see them almost every day, talk every day, do much together so we can draw on the positive fuel. The fuel is extremely potent to us and of critical consequence. However, this frequent reliance means that the risk of it becoming stale is very high and therefore devaluation follows. Unlike a NISS or IPSS, devaluation is not a foregone conclusion because of the lower demand placed on these secondary sources for their fuel provision.
Some people who are the IPPS do not experience the fireworks and magic of the Golden Period. Instead, they experience the Bronze Period. This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or  a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check so that what is seen is not going to cause the newly targeted victim to retreat. The Golden Period and the Bronze Period both serve the function of hiding the true nature of the narcissist from the victim. The full horror is kept from them. The Golden Period goes further and binds the victim especially to the narcissist, it heightens the addiction of the victim, it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit) during devaluation. The Bronze Period merely keeps the horror under wraps and there will be some favourable treatment but nothing amazing.
The Golden Period for all appliances is an artifice which is designed to enable us to secure our Prime Aims (see The Prime Aims ) chief of which is the provision of fuel. Whether this illusion  is used for 30 seconds or years, it is still that; an illusion.

The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
The Letterbox Hoover

This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover.  If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
US  https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
CAN  https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B01D7OPOFQ