“I will pay you back.”
One of The Prime Aims is attaining residual benefits from our victims. These are vast and numerous and might range from assisting in creating and maintaining a facade of respectability or family values, access to particular people, the use of a motor vehicle or someone who will provide care for an infirm narcissist. One of the most common residual benefits concerns money. It might be the victim supporting the narcissist using his or her income, since the narcissist does not work or does work, but earns little. It could be obtaining credit for the narcissist since he or she has a poor credit score. More usually it is as simple as lending money to the narcissist with the oft-said, but rarely done – “I will pay you back.”
There are various different routes which all ultimately lead to the victim realising that this evinced intention is just a form of future faking. The narcissist has no intention of making repayment and indeed never had. Why does the narcissist find it so easy to make a request to borrow money?
- The sense of entitlement. What is yours belongs also to us. We connect you to us and you become part of us and thus so must your assets and income.
- Poor boundary recognition. The narcissist sees nothing untoward in commandeering such an asset so readily.
- Lack of accountability. With no embarrassment in making such a request to begin with, indeed the narcissist may be most bold about the request or demand for money and there is no sense of remorse or conscience concerning failing to make repayment. It is easy to make this promise with no regard for ability or intention to fulfil it.
- Magical thinking. You now belong to us so you should do what we want, since such compliance should automatically follow now that you are ours.
- Grandiosity. We need money to maintain certain appearances with others – family, friends, colleagues.
Why does the narcissist make this request?
- At its most obvious it is of course to make use of this money. Settle debts, buy things, set-up that brilliant new tech company the narcissist is convinced will become his route to riches, to play the baller he thinks he is, to draw fuel from other admiring appliances, to fund a particular addiction and so on and so forth.
2. To bind you to us. This happens in three ways :-
a. There is a supposed debt which means you will want to recover it at some point and therefore continue to engage with us;
b. You trust us to repay and therefore you become more invested in your relationship with us; and
c. You feel good about helping us and our fuelled response to your loaning us this money causes you to want to continue to help us in some way.
3. The empathic nature of our victims, as people who help and assist, means they are more likely than normal people to provide the money to us.
4. Certain narcissists who borrow money/take money often have haphazard financial situations because of their narcissism and the issue of money is a pressing one.
5. Certain narcissists who borrow money/take money especially those who are of the lower echelons of Mid Range and of the Victim Cadre will have a ready sob story and will use the financial mechanism as part of their seduction. Whilst sex is a major weapon of seduction, money is not too far behind (and of course flows in both directions from the flamboyant narcissist with his largesse to the needy narcissist with his impoverished pleas for assistance).
Given the nature of money as a form of seduction and binding, then in the instance where the narcissist is borrowing, he will issue this future faking comment in order to establish his apparent bona fides, to demonstrate he can be trusted and that he can be relied on.
The narcissist may borrow little and often, applying our tried and trusted salami-slicing incursions but this time in a financial method. The narcissist may operate a ‘long firm fraud’ technique of borrowing small sums and actually repaying them to create the image of trustworthiness and then make a request for a much larger sum. The victim agrees, after all, previous loans have been repaid in full and on time. The narcissist again pledges the future fake to make repayment but this much larger sum is taken and not repaid. A bold narcissist who is especially persuasive and convincing may even seek a significant sum at the outset and issue the empty promise of repayment.
You will be reassured that it can be repaid from the salary increase which happens next month, or the debt that friend is repaying to us, or the bonus we are due or we have a tax rebate due to us. None of these will be true but they are layered onto the promise to repay to convince you.
Such requests from those narcissists which operate in this method (as it is not applicable to all of us) are often made early in their interaction with you. The narcissist is greedy for the money and the lack of awareness and poor boundary recognition means he or she sees nothing wrong in making the request at an early juncture. Indeed, the narcissist sees it as the obligation of the victim, now that they are in the clutches of the narcissist. Any early request to borrow money, no matter what size the amount should be regarded as a clear red flag. The future faking of “I will repay you” will accompany this and there is a further “tell” you should look for. Again, in tandem with our thinking in absolutes, you will either be given no date repayment or a fake reference to “in a few weeks time” or there will be a zealous explanation of a date, time, method and source for repayment as the narcissist throws plenty of detail at the victim in order to create the image of complete trustworthiness.
When that set date arrives or if there is not one and you make a polite enquiry about repayment, unless the narcissist is operating the long firm fraud as described above, you can expect fawning false apologies, long involved explanations about why payment cannot yet be made and a request for forbearance. This will happen repeatedly, but if still in the golden period it will be done in a polite way, a self-pitying way with tears and victim performance or a display of anger at someone else who has let us down who should have paid us etc. Should the request for payment be made or due payment is due during devaluation expect it to be thrown back in your face, denied it is owed, that you in fact owe us and a hundred other deflections and denials to avoid culpability.
This future faking is rampant but once again society misses it. You may be familiar with those stories of mature ladies who have sent money to younger men in less-developed countries thinking they are helping the young fellow and why not, since she and he are in love and will soon be living together. The money is taken again and again, for tickets, for a passport application, for new clothes for the new life together and then suddenly Mr Exotic has vanished. The mobile number no longer rings, the Skype name has disappeared and the dreams of love and romance lies shattered.
Pictures of these ladies with the suitable “press sad face’ and the amount they have been taken for,appear in newspaper articles. The readers shake their heads and wonder how could they have been so stupid to fall for these men yet all concerned of not realise they have just had an encounter with some of our kind.
The retired couple who have sunk their life savings into the property scheme which promised returns of 65% within two weeks and have been sucked into a Ponzi scheme have just met our kind. They are encourage to invest and told they will be “paid back in the future” and more besides. I know of a couple who invested £ 180 000 in such a scheme. They were concerned when no payments were being made and actually found the fraudster concerned and sat down with him. He was so persuasive, so reassuring that not only did he convince them they would be repaid “in the future” they invested another £ 40 000. Needless to say, they did not get their money back.
The promise to repay will be used by our kind in romantic entanglements, social entanglements and business entanglements. Suckered by a financial fraudster? One of our kind. Conned into coughing up on the basis of some young turk joining you at Ponderosa? One of our kind. Bailed out a friend time and time again who loves the horses but never pays up? One of our kind. Each one will always use the future fake to gain more and fleece the trusting victim.
This apparent firm intention to make repayment is a future fake and is part of the seduction manipulation where the narcissist is using money as part of the seduction technique. It is highly unlikely you will be repaid and when you disentangle yourself form the narcissist and realise it is indeed a future fake you must consider either writing the sum off as part of maintaining no contact (balancing the amount versus avoiding the narcissist), making one request of the narcissist for repayment ( see How To Make A Request of a Narcissist ) or using an external mechanism to secure payment, namely take the matter to court.
The promise to pay you back is a future fake.
The cheque is in the post by the way.
“Do that again and you will regret it.”
Those are the words which I will speak in about five minutes, but I am getting ahead of myself.
Welcome to my court. Here I am, sat at my rightful place at the head of the table. Prominent, elevated and overseer of those that have been magnanimously invited to look upon me and bask in their admiration of my glory. I sit, fork in one hand and knife in the other. There is food on my plate but I pay it no regard as I did not prepare it. Instead I am smiling. That rich, bountiful smile of the generous ruler that I am as I allow my subjects to draw close to me and experience a fragment of what it is like to be as brilliant as me. I know I am brilliant because right now the flames of power are high and bright inside of me. They are strong, they are intense and the power they imbue is washing back and forth over me, causing this rictus grin to become affixed to my face. I could not remove this smile even if I wanted to because it has been plastered there by the power that is coursing through me. This power is edifying and invigorating, twisting flames which dart and climb inside of me so that I feel as if I am taking off. I have to fight to remain in my seat as I want to leap onto the table, booted feet scattering plates and glasses as I allow this power to overwhelm me and I surge towards a higher place and thus empowered I will speak to those assembled and dazzle them. My mind races, thoughts fighting with one another. I see the smiling faces, the open mouths denoting laughter, I can hear the delight and amusement that I have caused amongst my dinner guests. I did that. I had all eyes on me, those eyes widening with interest and adoration as I regaled my anecdote to the guests. Each focused pair of eyes, the expressions of concentration, the rapt attention that was flowing my way, the mouths closed, set silent not daring to nor needing to interrupt me, all demonstrated that I was the sole attraction here. As my own eyes looked from face to face, never truly distinguishing who each person was, I drank in the fuel. It was not the recognition of who those people are but rather the emotions that I could see, hear and sense. Each look of admiration, each closed mouth which told me that the floor was mine and they had no need to interrupt as they wanted to listen, from each of the people sat around the table caused fuel to flow towards me, just as I wanted. Here, in my court, sat in my throne, I am surrounded by my lieutenants and members of my coterie. These inner circle individuals who are supportive, respectful and loyal to me because they know how fortunate they are to be associated with me. Their laughter, delight and admiration flows around the room, like fuel in a tank and I want it all. How wonderful this power is, how it enables me to shine and dazzle so I receive even more of this precious resource. I nod slowly in recognition, almost able to see the pipelines which lead from each guest to me. I can picture the golden, sparkling fuel as it is pumped towards me, ready to feed those flames of power and then I see it.
Your pipeline is empty. Nothing flows along it. That is when I see that you are not laughing, you are not even smiling at my entertaining recollection. Instead, your eyes show you are bored and you have just rolled them as I delivered the flourish of the conclusion to my tale. In that instant the flames become doused. They are snuffed out and suddenly the power that they created is starting to ebb and I can feel myself falling, sinking and then that sensation of unease begins to spread, from the centre of my chest and radiating outwards. You are sat there seemingly unmoved by my anecdote but not only that you have chosen to signal to me that not only does it not entertain you, but it bored you. I can feel the wound caused by your bored look. It pains me, evidence of the criticism which you have sent my way, unjustified and unwarranted.
Then it happens. I feel the ignition as the fury has a spark set to it. The rage begins to climb inside of me. I can feel its effect trying to twist my face into a snarl but I have to control it. Important members of my façade are here, it would not do to explode as I feel like I must do so and let you know what you have done to me. I want to pick up this crystal glass and hurl it from my end of the table to your end so it strikes you on the forehead and knocks you from your seat. I want to smash a plate over your head but I must control these manifestations of the rage that is rising inside of me. I know I can. I have done it many times before. Thankfully nobody else has seen your treacherous behaviour and I manage to shift my blackening gaze from you to the lady to my left and she is continuing to smile. Yes, smile for me Helen, smile, yes, good.
“That was hilarious, I love your stories,” she remarks as she cuts at the meat on her plate.
I feel power returning from this fuel she has provided for me. Thank you Helen, thank you, I knew I could rely on you. Yes, and you as well Tom, good, sweet Tom who never fails to laugh at everything I say and is still doing so. I can feel the rage being beaten back by this additional fuel which continues to fuel. I blink twice, caught between the receding fury and the gathering power from the fuel. I can sense the relief as the power begins to wash over me again as I avoid looking at you and keep drinking in the fuel from my friends, my good, kind and loyal friends. They know what to do. They would not betray me, not like you. I am beginning to wonder why I even bother with you now. It is not as if you contribute much over dinner anyway. I would have thought that you would have realised that it is your role to support me and allow me to shine, but you seem not to want to do that do you? I don’t know why. It is not as if I have not been kind to you, too kind maybe, perhaps you need reminding of why you exist? Yes, a prompt reminder is called for. I would cut you down right now with a scything comment but that might fracture the façade. After all, nobody saw what you did and I am not so stupid as to do something which damages everybody’s favourable impression of me. No, my acidic tongue, although itching to lash out at you, for the fury is still there, albeit diminishing, will stay still in my mouth at this dinner table. I continue to drink in the fuel, feeling powerful, emboldened and engorged. I can tell Helen is interested in me and why not? Perhaps a promotion is on the cards for her, moving her from inner circle friends to intimate partner and installation as primary source. She would relish the opportunity. I have no doubt about that.
I am forced to put consideration of a personnel change to one side as I see you leave the table and head towards the kitchen. Here is my chance.
“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen,” I smile again as I stand. All eyes swing my way again, expectation dancing in them.
“I have some more wine for you.”
There is a cheer and the fuel flows further for me at this delighted reaction to my largesse. The flames are climbing now as I leave the table and the chatter of the guests behind and enter the kitchen where you are about to pick up the tiered cake that you have created for pudding. You whip around as soon as you sense my presence and your eyes are round as you have anticipated what is coming. Good, you recognise my greatness and it does not create defiance but rather uncertainty and fear. I can see your concern etched across your face.
“Do that again and you will regret it,” I say slowly, my eyes staring straight at yours, my gaze impenetrable and darkening. You shrink back as I loom over you. I can feel the flames rising as the negative fuel pumps from you, your fear and apprehension just what I wanted.
“Do what?” you reply.
“Don’t fucking lie to me,” I hiss and this makes you jump. The flames lick a little higher.
“I don’t know what you mean,” you protest. You are rooted to the spot but leaning away from me, your body language fuelling me as it displays your obvious unease.
“Yes you do, how dare you fucking roll your eyes at me,” I press.
“Are you saying I am making it up?”
“No, no, I just I er, “you start to flounder, caught between wanting to cling to the truth, truth-seeker that you are and cautious of enraging me further.
“You just what? Spit it out,” I command.
I want to smile as I delight in your apprehension and the simple exhibition of my power over you. In an instant I have drawn my negative fuel from you and stunned you into confused silence. Power indeed.
“Well?” I urge. I am enjoying this. This is all good fuel.
“Nothing. I am sorry, I must have been distracted by something else, I have a lot on my mind with work, you know, I will push it to one side and enjoy the evening, I am sorry.”
Your apology strengthens the flames. I hold your gaze a little longer as your eyes flick from my left eye to my right eye as if you expect to find approval or forgiveness in them.
“You better had,” I say softly as I continue to look at you, “otherwise you know what will happen?”
I extend the forefinger on my left hand and slowly and deliberately push it into the sponge of the cake, my digit driving into the yielding cake. Your eyes stare at the gesture as your mouth tightens in fear. I remove my finger leaving a deep and obvious indentation in the top of the cake as I lick my finger clean. I continue to stare at you and wait.
There it is the compliance I sought.
The fuel flows and now I can turn and return to my waiting admirers having ensured you understand who is the master and who is the servant.
No raised voices. No smashed plates. No slamming doors.
Façade maintained and fuel obtained.
This is what goes on below.
The infamous hoover is widely-used and once people learn to recognise the various hoovers that we deploy they can often be seen coming thick and fast following your escape from us or if you have been discarded. Every so often however some people point out that they have not have been hoovered. The narcissist in their life just vanished and the victim only realised after the event that they had been callously discarded. The victim has heard nothing from the narcissist ever since and cannot even locate him or her. It is rarer, but it might even happen when you escape our clutches, instigate no contact as best you can but you expect a hoover to happen because he knows where you live or she works near to where you work. Surely that hoover will be coming? Usually it does. Usually there is the initial grand hoover which is a forceful and frenetic attempt to win you back, in effect, when you have sought to escape us. If we discarded you, when we decide we want some hoover fuel perhaps as part of a triangulation with the new primary source, we come looking for you pledging a new start and issuing promises to change as part of a benign hoover. Resist that and the malign hoover may make an appearance as you are berated and denigrated in order to punish you and draw negative fuel from you. However, what does it mean if there has been nothing but silence? Is that it? Are you free? Have you beat your narcissist?
When the expected hoover fails to manifest in the days and weeks after escape or discard there are differing reasons as to why this is the case. Those reasons are as follows: –
- If you have been discarded and not heard from us, then there is a high chance that we are revelling in the positive fuel from the new target that we selected. This person was courted by us during your devaluation as we tired of your increasingly stale fuel. They were lined-up, seduced and drawn into our web. Their seduction was effected without you being aware and once we were content that this person had been plugged in to us and was pumping out the required fuel we discarded you as we no longer had any use for you. We regarded you as never having existed. You have not heard from us because we have a new toy and we have no need of you. Consider how long your own golden period was with the relevant narcissist. Was it a year, perhaps it was longer? If so, although there is no guarantee that we will afford the same golden period to each person we ensnare, there will be a similarity. This is because we tend to choose similar types of individuals as our victims and therefore the golden period whilst not identical is likely to be of a similar length. Thus, if your golden period was a year, the golden period for your replacement will be of a similar length of time. We are delighted with this person, they are wonderful, our soulmate, you know the drill by now. Since this person is the centre of our universe we have no need to trouble you for, say, at least a year, hence you have not heard from us.
- If you discarded us by in effect escaping us and put yourself not beyond total reach but it would be difficult for us to establish contact with you for the purposes of commencing the initial grand hoover against you, then you may not hear from us. This scenario is one whereby you have reduced our spheres of influence and cut off most of the channels of communication. You could be found but the effort required in doing so is beyond the capability of desire of the particular narcissist you were embroiled with. If this person is a lesser or mid-range type of our kind, they are less likely to have the capability to track you down nor the energy to want to do so. The sudden loss of their primary source, because you escaped us,will have them thrown into a panicked state. Your escape is a criticism of us. A massive criticism. This creates a huge wound. This will ignite our fury and we need fuel double quick to cope with this. You cannot be found or reached. We have not had time to put in place a new primary source. In this instance we face a choice. Do we waste energy trying to hoover you when the prospects are slim or do we turn elsewhere for fuel? When dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind, the answer will always be that we will turn elsewhere for fuel. This will mean :-
- Targeting a new primary source and seducing that person as quickly as possible;
- Targeting a new primary source whilst relying on supplementary sources for fuel to keep us “topped up” until such time as the new primary source is attached and providing fuel;
- Relying on supplementary sources and withdrawing and stabilising before seeking a new primary source. This scenario causes us to adopt a low profile.
Any of the above permutations means that our focus will be elsewhere and therefore we will appear to have no interest in you.
- If you discarded us by escaping and also, as a consequence of your preparedness not only managed to escape effectively but exposed what we are to people who have believed you before we could smear you then you will have caused us massive damage. In such an instance the following would apply:-
- We have suffered an immediate cessation of our primary source of fuel and do not have a replacement;
- We may well have suffered damage to our supplementary sources who have been shown the truth of what we are;
- The wound caused by the criticism caused by your escape AND the exposure to our façade will be huge.
In such circumstances withdrawal would be the only likely option in order to conserve energy (and avoid the risk of continued criticism by engaging with people who now know what we are) to then enable us to find new source of fuel away from what has now become an infected area for us. In a large urban environment this is not such a problem for us, but in a small town or rural community it would necessitate us moving to pastures new.
Accordingly, in this scenario you would not hear from us for some time as we relocate and lick our wounds.
In the second and third scenarios not only is there the fact that we have to spend time finding a new primary source (and thus will not bother with you) but once we have them then we are focused on that person in the golden period and thus the period of time when you do not hear from us may well be extended.
There are three points to bear in mind.
The first is that where you have escaped us the initial grand hoover is more likely to happen than not but if it does not happen, it will be for the reasons detailed above.
The second is that where we have discarded you we often will still hoover you on a malign basis in order to triangulate you with our new primary source. If there is no hoover however then this is because we are engrossed in your replacement and have in effect forgotten about you.
The third point is that you may not have been hoovered for some time but if you appear in our sphere of influence then that hoover will come. It may be months away, maybe even years, but it will come.
Accordingly, when you ask the question, “why haven’t I heard from him?” You really ought to be asking the question,
“Why haven’t I heard from him, yet?”
Well, I wouldn’t describe her as a bad person. Not bad per se, but I suppose she just was unable to handle my popularity. After all, I cannot help the fact that people are drawn to me can I? Naturally I always reassured her. I suppose being so young she was always going to be insecure but there is only so much that one can do about that I suppose. Terrible thing jealousy. Makes people do things they really ought not to. She hasn’t really ever let go to be frank, no, I know, even after all this time.
Sometimes you just get it wrong don’t you? I mean, normally I am so good at reading people but I completely got it wrong with this one. Talk about doing a good job of hiding your true self. She was sweetness and light at first and seemed quite a relaxed person. I think that is why I was drawn to her after the possessiveness of number one but I realise now it was just for show. Such anger and all the time. My god, she could power a city with the furious rage she gave off. I thought at times she would explode. I had to make myself scarce many times to stay out of her line of fire. Still do in fact.
Grade A lunatic. The whole nut job routine. Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire. If I thought number two was bad with her foul temper, then number three was even worse. Seemed like a quiet person at first, the ideal antidote to Miss Furious but beneath that sweet smile and butter would not melt façade this was a conniving, scheming, manipulative harridan. I honestly expected she would break my ankles in order to keep me where she could keep an eye on me, you know, just like the film version of Misery. Thank the lord for a fast car and a fast lawyer, that restraining order is worth its weight in gold believe me.
Alcoholic. This girl could drink even me under the table and I can handle my drink. Tequila for breakfast, wine for lunch (times two) and vodka before dinner. Like a stick she was, barely ate, but she could put it away. Months after I had her removed from the house (long story short pills plus booze plus psycho do not go well together) I was still finding half-drunk bottles of Stolichnaya and Finlandia hidden around the house. I must admit, I still shudder if I get a whiff of Pernod.
Ice maiden. Now I am always one to respect a lady and her body. Yes means yes and no means no, I am totally with all of that, but this one, well, yes meant no and no meant never. Believe me I tried to prise her open, you know, overcome whatever it was that had her coiled tighter than a watch spring and colder than a glacier but even more well-known warmth and hospitable nature floundered when faced with the Queen of Winter. What appeared elegant and serene just became a frozen wasteland. I can usually make anybody melt but not this one and after all, a man has needs doesn’t he? It is not too much to expect some relief is it from time to time?
She wanted to be my mother, I kid you not. Seemed like such a caring person at first, warm, considerate and after the other five degenerates I thought to myself, okay, she isn’t your usual hard body but in all honestly, where has that got me so far. Not that she was ugly, far from it, just a little different from my usual tastes. So, I thought that she would make a welcome change but she took it too far. Making me packed lunches even when I told her I was having lunch with clients, putting out my clothes for me to wear in the morning even when I wanted to wear something else, answering for me, re-arranging appointments for me in case I over-tired myself, suggesting I take a mid-afternoon nap and so on. All done with that weird smile she gave me. Fruitcake.
You know me, I am a great listener, always have been. I am always ready to listen to people because I am interested in what they have to say, I put other people first and so I have plenty of patience but this one, good lord, she just would not shut up. From the moment she woke up her mouth started flapping. Even talked in her sleep, which was not really a surprise. Talked while she ate, talked when I was on the ‘phone, talked to me through the bathroom door when I wanted some privacy, talked during sex and I don’t mean dirty talk but discussing whether she ought to buy a new pair of shoes. The day she got a sore throat was a day to rejoice and kick her into touch so she couldn’t protest.
Katarina Chaos as I used to call her. This woman was a walking disaster area. Habitually late which always irritated me, clumsy (my dry cleaning bill soared), always forgetting things (went through four mobile phones in a month) and a magnet for misfortune. If there was a puddle she would always manage to step in it even when it was harder to do so than to avoid it. She would get trapped in the tube’s doors, lifts would always breakdown with her in them, her car would not start and she would ring (on the most recent mobile before she lost that) explaining her latest mishap. Endearing lady, no doubt about it, kind and amusing, but just so disorganised. Put the wrong bins out at collection time, turned up in formal wear on dress down days, it just became embarrassing and whilst I am not rigid about these things I do like to be organised. Amazingly she was a project manager, I know, I nearly choked when she told me that.
Psycho. Always wanted to know where I was. Kept ringing repeatedly and asking me to send her a photograph of where I was to make sure I was where I said I was. Most unnerving. Would turn up without warning and she had that uncanny ability to just sidle up unheard and be at your shoulder. Holy Toledo, it would make me jump. I swear she put a tracker on my car given the number of times she turned up at places even though there was no feasible way she ought to have known where I was. I used to be up and down through the night checking through my blinds and expect her to be stood outside staring through the window with that thousand-yard stare. Very worrying.
Control freak. All her DVDs were in alphabetical order. All the tins in her cupboards had the labels facing the same way. Had to take your shoes off when you entered her house but get this, she made you wear a brand new pair of slippers each time to walk around inside which she then burned afterwards. What a weirdo. Nothing out of place. Always wanted to make decisions for me. No fork ever ventured into the knife section in the drawer. I daresay she ironed the sheets in the bed after we made love and I caught her timing us when we did hit the sack. I should imagine she had a spreadsheet which she compiled on her computer of the orgasm versus number of humps ratio. Wanted me to sit in a particular place whenever I visited and would never let me in the study explaining that it was a “controlled environment” whatever that meant. Mind you when I tipped a rubbish bag through her letter box I think she got the message that things were not working out for us.
You are amazing. I adore you. I am so lucky that I have you and you listen to me, it is so wonderful to meet, finally, somebody like you. You have no idea what it means to me to be able to talk to you like this and to tell you everything about what has gone in the past. I really do appreciate it. You are so open-minded and tolerant and it puts me at ease, it really does. I know some people would not like to hear about their partner’s previous relationships but I have nothing to hide from you and I know you will not judge me for it, it can only make you and I stronger because I truly appreciate you.
Number eleven? What a ballbreaker she was. Never listened to me, always commenting about me, even when I tried to explain things to her. Jumped to conclusions, never let me finish what I wanted to say. Oh and so judgemental too which was really hurtful. Slated my other relationships. Yes, they were not perfect, that’s why they ended, but she went overboard in her critical assessment of them and it was obviously done to make me feel small. Still, you are not like that are you? Thank goodness.
And that’s how the dirty dozen unfolds (okay it’s way more but you get the picture).
You wait until later tonight. Oh such promise. I expect those words are already generating an excited anticipation as to what lies in store for you. When I whisper those words down the telephone line to you or in your ear as I lean down over you, you can feel that delicious tingle drift across you, like the lightest of sensual touches. How you marvel at my surprises. Each day feels like your birthday as some new delight is sent your way. What might it be tonight? Will it be an evening out somewhere? Perhaps the prominence of a favourable table in a well-regarded restaurant? It might be drinks with my friends who have taken such a shine to you and made you feel completely at home. Then again it might be the presentation of some gift, carefully selected by reference to the desires you have and which we have learned about you from carefully scrutiny of your behaviour, from a dedicated attention to what you tell us and our own expertly honed intuition borne from repeated practice. There is a myriad of opportunities and this is what makes us so special to you. We offer so many different avenues towards pleasure, love and delight. We know what makes you tick and we utilise that to ensure you are made joyously happy. But it is the promise of what is to come that works so well. It plays to your sense of intrigue, it heightens your expectation and thrills you. Rather than giving you it now, we create a delicious sense of expectation causing you to look forward to whatever it might be with considerable hunger. How exciting this all is, how different this is to anything you have experienced before. It is fantastic to be treated so magnificently.You wonder what the surprise is? What will come later? Perhaps with the reference being made to you waiting until later tonight it will be a passionate and sensual encounter between the sheets? The mere thought of that causes a surge of delight to rise from deep inside of you as your mind conjures up the evocative images of our last night together. You can honestly say you have never experienced anything like it before. We set you ablaze with passion, the energy that flowed between us was tangible and the urgent union of our bodies culminated in the most scintillating of conclusions. It was truly magnificent. The throaty way we suggested to you that you wait until later tonight must surely mean that this is what is in store for you? Another earth-shattering coupling. Both your body and mind are already responding to this prospect, the warmth of anticipation flooding across your body. You replay those words that I murmured to you and think of that promise…..
You wait until later tonight. Oh such a threat. I expect those words are already generating a fearful anticipation as to what lies in store for you. When I growl those words down the telephone line to you or hiss them in your ear as I loom over you, you can feel that sinking dread crawl across you, like the dead cold grip of a wraith has touched you. How you baulk at my threats. Each day feels like your funeral as some spiteful threat is sent your way. What might it be tonight? Will it be an evening of silence with glowering looks from across the room? Perhaps the unsophisticated onslaught of words and fists, raining down on you, blunt instruments of awful intimidation? It might be the humiliation of drinks with my friends who have taken such a dislike to you and make you feel completely isolated whenever I force you to endure them. Then again it might be the presentation of some fabricated home truths, carefully selected by reference to the weaknesses that you have and which we have learned about you from carefully scrutiny of your behaviour, from a dedicated attention to what you tell us and our own expertly honed intuition borne from repeated practice of hurling insults at the person we supposedly love. There is a myriad of opportunities and this is what makes us so awful to you. We offer so many different avenues towards hatred, humiliation and fear. We know what makes you sick and we utilise that to ensure you are made deliriously fearful. But it is the threat of what is to come that works so well. It plays to your sense of terror, it heightens your dread and paralyses you. Rather than giving you the abusive delivery now, we create a mortifying sense of fearful expectation causing you to have anxiety as to whatever it might be that is to be exacted against you. How terrifying this all is, how different this is to anything you have experienced before. It is frightening to be treated so horribly. You wonder what is lurking in store for you? What will come later? Perhaps with the reference being made to you waiting until later tonight it will be an unwanted and degrading encounter between the sheets? The mere thought of that causes a surge of nausea to rise from deep inside of you as your mind conjures up the excruciating images of the last time that happened. You can honestly say you have never experienced anything like it before. We set you on edge, the venom that flowed from us was so poisonous and the urgent delivery of our abuse culminated in the most degrading of outcomes. It was truly horrific. The malevolent way we suggested to you that you wait until later tonight must surely mean that this is what is in store for you? Another disgusting, degrading act meted out against you. Both your body and mind are already responding to this prospect, dizzying fear and pounding heart gripping you. You replay those words that I murmured to you and think of that threat….
What a difference a day makes.
The outcome may seem different to you but to us it is always the same. Whether it is seductive charmer or malevolent abuser it is about control.
The threat of what might happen is often more enjoyable/more terrible than the actual event itself.
This is what creates such considerable control.
And who do we regard as responsible for causing this?
You are the one who thinks about what is going to happen.
You are the one who creates the scenarios in your mind.
You are the one who creates the anticipation, be it of excitement or fear.
Yet again, we are able to blame you.