A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 18
I’ve decided to make it work with him. I’ve got a good life. I know you don’t agree. You don’t see the value in our relationship or in being a stay-at-home mom? You say I’m not capable of getting and keeping a job. Interesting, tell me again what your record length of time holding a position is? Do you remember mine?
I’ve shared my goals, and my hobbies, as well as my values. I’m no longer interested in trying to control how you see me. I’ve listened to you mention various women and how you didn’t think she’d amount to anything and now, “she’s selling expensive paintings…she’s a therapist…she’s a pharmacist…she’s a nurse married to a Dr….” I’ll be one of those girls you have talked about. I don’t need you to believe in me anymore, just like they didn’t. I noted that you didn’t seem happy for any of them, in fact, you seemed almost annoyed.
You told me once that you’re a chameleon. I believe you now. Deep down, you’re empty. You know I’m not and that makes you angry. You can’t stand the thought that I gave up everything for you then you destroyed us and he took me back. He gives me a life that you can’t even aside from money and that drives you mad. It pisses you off that I could really love him and try to make him happy, even though you pushed me away. You chose your choices. With me, with everyone. You destroy your relationships and never apologize for one single thing. You know I’m right too so you’re going to give me the silent treatment.
I know your tactics. I know what you are. Nobody means anything to you. People are like chess pieces. You manipulate to gather information. No direct questions. You don’t give direct answers. No ability to build or maintain a relationship. Only judgements and criticism. You can’t face anything that you’ve done and you want me to be responsible for all of it.
I can be honest. I can and do admit to my fuck-ups. I own my part, he knows this, and we’ll work through it. He was right about you. You knew it too, that is why you couldn’t stand for us to be amicable. You are jealous of him. You say he’s a fool. Maybe you’re just a mean fuck-boy that had a normal life and likes to cry. You love attention. Go log on to eharmony, any hoe will do. Did you ever think if I’m so awful, why does he try so hard to keep me? Didn’t you stop to think, maybe I give him what I offered you? You know the life you relentlessly pursued then threw away like garbage as soon as I was pregnant with the baby you said you wanted.
Go find someone else to conquer. To numb your pain. You know you want to go slap a band-aid on it. Find someone to tell you everything you want to hear, find someone to listen to you embellish how horrible I am. I hope someone is free quick. I wish you luck finding someone else that will put as much effort and love into you as I have. I knew you were disordered and I still tried everything to support you. You don’t believe me? Narcsite.com. You fit the description of a Lower/Middle Mid-Range Narcissist with a mix of somatic/victim traits. All those times I empathized and tried to relate to you? Well, I am a dirty empath, you’ll find me. I can face that and I can fix it.
It’ll take a long time for him to trust me. I have lost quite a bit of freedom. Yes, he knows everywhere I go. No, that doesn’t bother me. I still see my friends. Does that drive you crazy that he has that much control over me and you don’t? Have you ever wondered he knows where you are? That one day when your guard is down, maybe you’ll get the ass beating you’re so paranoid about? Probably because it happened to you before, and you won’t know where it came from because you fuck everyone over.
You’re a prisoner of your dysfunction. I am not the prisoner you say I am. I’m happier than you’ll ever be. The thing is, you’re too scared to be happy. You shouldn’t be mad at me. You got what you wanted. I gave it all I had and you didn’t want it. So move on. Fuck as many women as you want and call it dating. Make them think you love them. It’ll be a good life for you. Hopefully, when you get that third nose job one of them will help you out again.
Do you have something you want to write to the narcissist? Use this opportunity to do so without sending it to the narcissist and thus avoid causing a Hoover Trigger. Submit your letter to firstname.lastname@example.org headed “Letter to the Narcissist”.