The concept of empathy can be divided into three types. It has three identifiable strands. First of all, there is the idea of cognitive empathy, where I want to understand the point of view of another person, recognize and understand what the emotions of another person mean and what the acceptable response should be. I am able to understand another person’s point of view, but I won’t accede to it unless, of course, I see some interior gain to be obtained from expressing that I understand and accede to that point of view. Even where I explained that I understand it, I still am unlikely to accept it, because to do so, would be to give control to the other person, and that can never happen. Of course, empathic individuals are experts at understanding another person’s point of view. They can operate with cognitive empathy, which sits within their emotional empathy. However, the application of cognitive empathy by an empath is more expansive than it’s used by a narcissist.
The cognitive empathy combines with the emotional empathy so that the empathic individual goes further. They will exhibit patience to allow the other person’s point of view to be articulated. They will ask questions to draw out this view and they will apply it to their own situation and experiences. Empathic individuals want to understand the other person’s point of view. They not only give it a platform to begin with, but they also allow it to be aired, expanded and applied. The ability to do this bleeds into the empathic traits of patience, needing to understand, being a truth seeker, compassion, honest and ,decency. That need to understand and the ability to see another person’s point of view also means that the empathic individually is far more susceptible to the word salads, the circular conversations, the lies, the half truth that our kind deal in. The empathic individual endures these manipulations and others as they were trying to wade through the quagmire in order to flex their empathy so that they understand the narcissist’s point of view. Of course, our point of view operates from a completely different perspective, and therefore, until such people realise that that is the case, they have no hope of actually achieving it. They find themselves repeatedly frustrated and unable to understand why the narcissist just can’t see what is happening.
The greater narcissists and the Ultra have substantial cognitive empathy. We understand the other person’s point of view and emotions. We also know how we are expected to respond so that we are able to mimic the external indicators of those emotions which we do not possess such as joy, happiness, sadness, and thus we fit in with those around us with considerable ease. If you want to understand more about this, see The Imitation Game. Sometimes, there is the very slight discernible delay, as we rapidly recall what the appropriate response is, and then ensure we arrange our features, language tone and body language to match the emotion that we wish to convey, but this is all entirely cognitive. We do not feel these emotions. We do not operate from a place of feeling.
Mid-range narcissist have good to very good cognitive empathy, dependent on the relevant subschool and they follow a similar path to that of the greater narcissist or ultra, but they may have certain responses missing, and there will be more of a delay before the mimicking emotion is displayed. Occasionally, the mid-range analysis will get it wrong and provide a response which is somewhat out of sync to what is required, or can come across as stiff and robotic, since they don’t have the practiced ease of the greater or ultra in mimicking the acceptable response.
Lesser Narcissists don’t have cognitive empathy at all and therefore you’ll be faced with someone staring at you as they are unable to comprehend what they should be doing. This coupled with their lack of awareness means they often have no idea that there’s something wrong and similarly have no idea of what the appropriate response ought to be.
Secondly, there is empathy concern or emotional empathy, whereby an individual is able to feel the emotional state of another person, feel a response in reaction to that, feel a need to address that emotional state, and therefore show the appropriate concern for the individual, invariably through actions as opposed to solely through words. In all schools of narcissism, we have no capacity whatsoever for emotional empathy. None. Some of us have cognitive empathy, Lesser Narcissists do not. We feel nothing for anybody else with regard to sadness, concern, joy, happiness. There is simply nothing there.
Our cognitive empathy, where applicable enables us to recognize something is wrong, what the response of the individual means, anger, hurt, upset, frustration, etc. Therefore we can, should we deem it in our interests (calculated where greater or ultra or instinctively for the mid-range narcissist), we then respond in a particular way in order to assert control, draw fuel, gain character traits, and/or residual benefits, but we don’t feel anything. There is no emotional response from us to your pain, to your joy, to your hurt. We do not share your joy. We do not feel the need to comfort you because of your pain. We understand that this could be done if it benefits us. We do not feel concern in our chests for your misfortune. We merely observe and intellectualise the response, where appropriate. We feel nothing. Unsurprisingly, the empathic individual has large amounts of emotional empathy and has all of the requisite elements of this particular strand of empathy intact and in intense quantities. The empathic individual is able to recognize the emotional state of another with considerable ease, even in circumstances where that individual is trying to mask it. They absolutely feel and recognize the need to do something when they see somebody else’s emotional reaction. This compulsion is almost irresistible for the empathic individual and they are also fully acquainted with what they should do by way of response. They do it instinctively, they feel it, they don’t have to think about it. They will share in the joy, congratulate when someone is happy through good news, console when someone is miserable and and hold them when they are heartbroken. I have witnessed this many times, and it still fascinates me that there is this ability to feel for another individual. It is not something that I would ever want, but I naturally rely upon its existence, because it is the empath that becomes bound to us, the easiest to ensnare, and the best provider of the prime aims, because of the existence of emotional empathy.
The empathic individual, of course, is no different with our kind, and sees our emotional response, albeit from a limited selection, then feels the need to address it and also knows how to address it. Thus, when we discharge our fury, our hatred, our envy, and our antipathy, the empathic individual owing to this emotional empathy, this concern empathy, is always galvanised into action and will rarely shirk the challenge and they will want to address the issue, often at a considerable cost to themselves.
Finally, there comes the concept of the emotional contagion. This is a deep seated, and one may even regard it in a sense as a spiritual element of the empathic individual. This is not just about understanding a point of view, or recognizing an emotional need, or feeling the response, but it is about feeling the emotion in the way that somebody else does. Thus, if a friend is upset over the death of a parent, the empathic individual is contaminated by this grief and experiences the same emotions as if they were grieving themselves. This not only means that they will fountain with fuel which of course our kind will exploit, but they are powered into recognizing the need for doing something and then actioning this and to an extent afforded even greater than would be by cognitive empathy or emotional empathy. The emotional contagion is a powerful force.
The emotional contagion exists in nearly all empathic individuals, but is far more intense in certain people. Indeed, its intensity can even go beyond proximate to the person experiencing the emotion. The individual who experiences emotional contagion takes on the feelings of others is if they were their own, they become burdened by them, they become weighed down by them, they feel in need to cleanse, they feel the emotions of places.
Naturally, this is not something that a narcissist ever experiences. But those that have the contagion element with regard to the type of empath that they are, will experience this in different degrees. The contagion aspect is a visceral, deep-seated acquisition of the feelings of others, taking them on, experiencing them for themselves, feeling weighed down by them, feeding burdened, often needing to seek solace and recluse to allow those emotions and feelings to be lifted from them. I have heard many of those that I’ve dealt with talk about such experiences.
These individuals will read a morning newspaper and seeing a moving article about the plight of an orphan, and they feel that despair as well. It is an immensely powerful part of their empathy, and causes their empathic drive to have to respond to it. They feel the positive and negative feelings of the energy of others, sometimes apparently even when distant, and this feels uplifting, possibly overpowering, or draining, and indeed burdensome. Those with the heightened majority element of the emotional contagion feel a deep-seated connection, they experience the presence of others, and those with the majority element of the emotional contagion feel a deep-seated connection. They experience the presence of others, and there will be times they have to remain away from people, in order to divest themselves of the deleterious effects they have been able to feel so much.
We have no such emotional contagion. It is completely absent, and therefore we have nothing which might cause us to feel something so that we act upon it. There is nothing there. The plight of the orphan is not felt by us, and we are utterly unmoved. The fear of the heroine on television is regarded with annoyance, since our primary source seems more concerned about that person than about us. We cannot allow that to be the case.
The only time that we regard this emotional contagion as any use is when it serves our purposes when the empathic individual directs their fuel towards us because of this emotional contagion. We do not have this contagion.
All narcissists are absent of emotional empathy.
Some narcissists have cognitive empathy.
Empaths operate through emotional empathy within which they experience cognitive empathy, but a more deep-seated and expansive version than that occasion by narcissists. Some empaths have the third strand, which is the emotional contagion.
Accordingly, the three strands of empathy are (1) emotional (2) cognitive and (3) contagion.