There is a scrap-heap I sometimes visit. It is quite the mountain of spent and discarded appliances. I know all about the history of this scrap-heap. For instance, take this appliance here, he is called “John”. He was very useful when I first joined the firm. He had been there for eight years already when I joined and he took me under his wing I suppose. He was a mine of information. He worked hard but he knew lots of people, probably because they all knew that they could rely on him to get the job done and to be frank, they took advantage of that. I know I did. He proved helpful in providing me with all those pieces of information and knowledge that I needed to help me advance my career. I allowed him to think that we were friends until I became established and his information was not good enough any longer, so onto the scrap heap he went. He still works perfectly well of course but something shinier and faster came along so it is obvious I went after that and put him to one side. I sometimes come back and see if he still works and he never disappoints. Good old reliable John eh?
Here’s Olivia, do you remember her? She of the long legs, the treacherous girlfriend who tried to leave me and ended up getting pulled back in with the promise of a trip of a lifetime. We never went of course, I just had to ensure she knew who was in charge and once she had learned that lesson then she ended up on here. Next to her is Elizabeth. This is the supposedly clever bitch who sued me and ended up regretting it. She provided plenty of fuel during that ridiculous episode and it broke her in the end. Look, this appliance barely functions. Moving on come and have a look at Peter. He was neighbour of mine and I realised he had some very good connections who I really needed to get to know in order to win some business from them. Peter was most helpful in getting me admitted to that club and then introducing me to those other people. Once that was achieved I sent him here as he had no further purpose. Funnily enough, next to him are two of those clients. This is Alexander, I milked that tosser dry and he thought I was the best thing on the planet. How Lucy (my assistant) and I used to laugh at his affections. Not doing you much good on here now are they pal? What’s that? Nothing to say? Makes a change. After him came Marcio. Complete Eurotrash but minted and loved to play the big man, so easy to ensnare and keep going back. It was off the back of his billings I earned a promotion and through him I gained a raft of clients who were all impressed by what I had achieved for him. Stupid bastard lost it all in the crash though so it was good bye to him and on to the next idiot. Who do we have next? Oh yes, Jimmy. He was someone I palled on with at university. I used to borrow his lecture notes as Jimmy loved going to lectures so if I had some other study which was of greater importance then I would ensure I got the notes from Jimmy. He never minded doing it, he was just glad that I gave him the veneer of acceptability amongst my coterie. He just wanted to fit in. Hey, don’t we all?
This is Petronella. She was good for gaining exclusive tickets to events at the arena as she was head of marketing there. Then there is Paul. I recruited him and then took his clients and had him moved on. Total masterstroke that. Here is Neil, he ran one of the toll booths at a bridge I had to drive over and he just waved me through after I gave him some free advice. Well, it wasn’t free was it, cost him his job in the end when I told his employers what he had been doing. It was only right. He shouldn’t have been doing that. I didn’t drive that route anymore and we wanted the toll company’s business so this was a useful way in. Needs must and all that. Here is Kate the animal lover and her scoundrel of a sister Amanda. Wonder if that dog ever did get found? Probably not. Now that is Emily, she of the wrong questions. Didn’t take too long for her to wind up on here.
Couple of cousins of mine up next, Kerry and Phillip. They had their uses until they started wanting help and then they were never off the ‘phone. They became a real drag with their business. I could not help it if they made the wrong decisions can I, I only introduced them to Steven – here he is – I didn’t tell them to go into business with him. Still, not my concerns now are they? Quite a lot of them aren’t there. I don’t have time to tell you all about them, there are so many heaped on top of one another, stacked and shoved together. All consigned to the scrapheap after they have proven of some use to me. Colleagues, friends, minions, neighbours and so on. The head of an ad agency there, petrol attendant next, she was quite well known in the early 90s on the stage you know so that proved handy for getting some early exposure, he is a footballer or rather was, lower divisions mainly but washed-up now, architect, managing director of a reinforced glass company – he was shattered when I sent him here, excuse the pun, police officer, social worker, baker, nail technicians and so many more. Honestly it reads like the jobs section of a newspaper when I come to think of it. Oh yes, that reminds me, there is Joseph the journalist, now he was useful for ages and used to slip me all manner of news for a few notes, mind you he then used it to but stuff to shove up his nostrils and he rather lost his way after that, or rather he found his way on to here. Up and up we go, appliance after appliance after appliance. They provided me fuel, they provided me a host of residual benefits too – recognition, money, stature and expertise although of course this merely supplemented my own hard work. I am naturally gifted and I do not shy away from applying myself when it is merited but you have to seize the advantages when they come along haven’t you? Well if you do not somebody else will. You have to be first or you will not survive for long. I learnt that a long time ago and thankfully before it cost me anything too considerable.
I do like to walk around this monument of appliances. Sometimes I see one which I can gain some further use from and it is pulled out of the scrap heap, polished up and given the once over and put to work once again. There is sometimes a further use that can be found for these appliances. Actually, there is always a use that can be found but often it is just as easy and certainly more fun to go and get that new shiny appliance with the lights, bells and whistles. Why not? We all like to have new things don’t we? Yes, I do like to come here and look over these appliances and climb back over them, up and up, climbing high. I climb that bit higher each time I scale this man-made mountain and when I reach the summit I like to stand for a while and admire the view. I like to look down where I have come from and nod with such contentment at just how far I have come. I like to look to the north, to the east, to the west and to the south and survey those new horizons which I shall conquer in due course. I like to stand and observe how high I have climbed and most of it achieved as a consequence of my own innate abilities and the application of hard work, but I am a fair and balanced man and I have to give the appliances some credit. If it wasn’t for them, I would not be where I am today.