You feel like you are trying to deal with an opponent that always seems to be one step ahead. It is like trying to tie down a vapour or stop the tide from advancing and engulfing your sand castle. No matter what you do, we always seem to have a way of squirming free, walking away and carrying on as normal. It is like trying to fight a battle with a rusty and nicked sword and one hand tied behind your back. It is akin to those dreams where you try to run but find you cannot move. You try to scream but no sound come from your throat. Every move you make appears to have been anticipated. You play a full house in poker and I produce a royal flush but where did that extra king appear from? I always have something up my sleeve. You are chasing the end of the rainbow but it always keeps shifting, just a little bit further away. You are getting nearer, closing on your goal and then it moves again. You think you have mastered the rules and then we introduce a new one which suits our purposes.
Last week we complimented the steak pie that you made. Our praise was effusive and it was a delightful hiatus in the otherwise unpleasant treatment you had been receiving. You decide to play this winning hand again and proudly place it in the centre of the table only to be met with a sigh and a roll of the eyes.
“What’s the matter? You loved the steak pie I made last week.”
“I don’t want to eat steak pie.”
“Why what’s wrong?”
“Why must there always be something wrong. I do not want steak pie.”
“But you did last week?”
“That was then and this is now.”
Cue scathing put downs and storming from the table leaving you bewildered and upset. You don’t make steak pie again only to be scolded the following week.
“What’s happened to the steak pie? Why have you stopped making it when you know that it is my favourite?”
You dress up to the nines and you are called slutty. You dress down and you are upbraided for not putting the effort in. You try to cuddle us in the night and an elbow is jabbed into your chest because you are making us too hot. Two hours later we wake you up and ask you why you stopped hugging us. We tell you that we will be in by seven and then appear at nine. You are forbidden from questioning us about this. You are not entitled to do so. We do as we please. You buy an expensive gift for our birthday and you are told that it is not as good as last year. The following year you really push the boat out to be told you have spent too much and we just wanted something simple. You re-decorate and select a rich chocolate brown. We declare it to be the wrong shade and point to a colour that looks no different. We will not let the matter rest until you have changed it. Once applied it appears the same. We declare we want to go out for dinner and you get ready only for us to decide we would rather stay in and watch sport.
Whatever you do it is always wrong, never correct, not good enough and an erroneous choice. No matter how many times you ask what we want, you still make the wrong choice. You suggest that we do it ourselves and you are accused of not caring. You confirm you will deal with it and you are a control freak who will not allow us to breathe on our own. Whatever you decide to do or say we will find a way of twisting it around so it suits us. Our logic seems entirely warped to you but to us it makes perfect sense because the only logic we adhere is that which means whatever we say is right, even when we show rank hypocrisy or we contradict ourselves. We can reason away every contradiction you point out to us and if you somehow back us into a corner then we will just accuse you of badgering us, change the subject or walk away. In our minds we win every single time.
We cast you aside telling you that you have let yourself go and we cannot be with you. You see us the next week and we are with someone less attractive than you, carrying more weight and who holds down a job less prestigious that yours. You cannot comprehend why we let you go and chose her instead, especially after what we said. You stare open-mouthed and scratch your head. To us we win again because we have acquired someone new whose fuel is better than anything you have ever provided and in addition we have got to you, so you pour out the negative fuel. If we had suddenly appeared with a supermodel instead you might talk a small degree of comfort in thinking that you could not compete with this person but do not let that think you have secured some kind of small victory. In our minds this just reaffirms that we were right to leave you and trade up.
You catch us in bed with someone else. It is not our fault. If you loved us properly we would not have to stray. You show us complete love and devotion and nobody could ever accuse you of selling us short in the bedroom. We accuse you of having too high a sex drive because you must be getting it elsewhere. If you apply reason and logic, especially towards one of our lesser brethren, then they will ignore the force of your words and instead accuse you of trying to belittle and bamboozle them with long words plucked from the dictionary and why do you always have to patronise them with such words and sentences. Whatever you choose, whatever you decide, whatever you do it will always be wrong and whatever we do will always be right. Accuse us as much as you like for being twisted, illogical and difficult and we will be in your face pointing out how you always have to try and get one over us. Black becomes white and then becomes yellow. Nothing makes sense with us but that is because it makes complete sense to us. Our approach is to gather fuel and that means we can and must do so through any means even if that does not stack up when looked at from your point of view. This warped and stretched approach allows us to achieve our aims, we confuse and bewilder you, we upset and anger you, we control you and each and every time we know that we have succeeded. Like the most deluded Minister of Propaganda we claim to have defeated you even as your tanks roll past us in the background. We see only what we want to see and we are impervious to all of your reason. We will never accept what you tell us because that does not accord with what we set out to achieve and what we must achieve. Of course this will not stop you trying. You try to defeat us as we replace your arrows with celery sticks and your sword with a stale baguette. We never fight fair. Your frustration, annoyance and inability to comprehend why we do this is what keeps you bound to us and allows us to keep on doing what we must keep on doing. Extracting fuel.
So, go ahead, build that tower, build it high with the stones that adhere to your beliefs and principles, from stone that is beautifully cut and polished, that anybody would admire and cherish, but let us see how you build that tower was the sands beneath constantly shift and alter. This is what it is to be entangled with us.
As explained in Part One, understanding the fuel matrix for the relevant school of narcissist (with appropriate adjustments relevant to the cadre) allows you to understand how a particular narcissist is likely to respond to your imposition of no contact, dependent on how you fit into that matrix. It also allows you to understand what other competing interests you can expect within this fuel matrix and how the narcissist is likely to interact with these other sources. This part of the series considers the fuel matrix of the Mid-Range School of narcissist.
- The Lower Mid-Range Narcissist (“LMRN”)
The LMRN is of reasonable cognitive function. He has no awareness as to what he is. Whilst passive aggressive features are the forte of the Mid Ranger Narcissist, as a lower, he does gravitate towards the aggression of the Lesser Narcissist. This means that when there is an ignition of fury, the relevant victim may well experience the manifestation of physical violence. There is not the blunt fury of the Lesser, but the risk of being punched or kicked is there. The LMRN, when heated fury is ignited, will respond at times by throttling the victim. There are potential substance abuse issues evident with the LMRN also. He or she will work and have a reasonable job albeit it unremarkable.
The LMRN relies heavily on people feeling sorry for him or her and this arises either through the manifestation of cold fury, through silent treatments et al or having a temper tantrum as heated fury is exhibited. Unlike the Lesser who will erupt in a volcanic fashion or the Greater who will erupt with a frenzied malice, a calculated application of antipathy which will hurt his or victim, the LMRN is petulant.
Of all the schools and their divisions, the LMRN is most likely to become The Incredible Sulk . He has a fairly low threshold of control on his fury and can either erupt with heated or cold fury and pretty much does so in equal measure, something which is different from the other divisions of schools.
The LMRN has a small fuel matrix. He has little charm, if any, he will have limited financial power and relies on people feeling sorry for him and wanting to help him. The LMRN who is of the Victim Cadre is a pathetic creature indeed. In terms of the fuel matrix, it is as follows
a. The primary source will usually be intimate in nature. There may be occasions where the LMRN will skulk back to his or parents and place them as primary source but most of the time the primary source will be intimate in nature and is often someone who is a The Carrier Empath to put up with the fairly low energy level of the LMRN and his or her propensity to sulk. The primary source is expected to work and run the house and will be denied much opportunity to socialise as the LMRN will not want that person being away from them.
b. There will be numerous familial secondary sources. Unlike the Lower Lesser or Mid-Range Lesser, the LMRN is able to maintain reasonably good relationships with his family because he seeks pity and sympathy more than fear and hurt. They will regard him as moody but will put up with it meaning he is able to rely on these secondary sources as reliable. This is necessary because of the point in (c).
c. The social secondary sources will be limited. Lacking charm and generally regarded as sulky, self-centred and something of a mardy arse, the LMRN struggles with creating a significant social secondary source circle. He will have a small number, three or four, inner circle friends with whom he will do most things;
d. The LMRN usually works and therefore will have colleague secondary sources. He will not be held in high regard by the but nevertheless his less volcanic nature means that he will have numerous of these colleague secondary sources dependent on the size of the organisation he works for;
e. The LMRN will have an IPSS when the IPPS is being devalued. It is unusual for him to have more than one and it is often the case that the IPSS will not be recruited from a social setting but usually through work;
f. In terms of tertiary sources, the LMRN will engage with a reasonable number of these sources as he works, he will be out and about in terms of shopping etc and his interactions will largely be benign in nature unless he perceives a criticism and then he will readily erupt in order to draw negative fuel from the offending tertiary source.
2. The Middle Mid-Ranger Narcissist (“MMRN”)
The MMRN has a little charm but his weapon is politeness and behaving in a respectable manner. He or she is well-thought of. The MMRN is not a huge attention seeker and does not exhibit grandiose behaviours. Instead the MMRN wants be well thought of by everybody. This person is intelligent and is likely to have a good job.
Like any narcissist, the MMRN is hugely sensitive to criticism and the MMRN is more sensitive than most. This is because he lacks the dynamic aggression of the Lesser of the malevolent charm of the Greater but instead feels constrained by his lack of ability to influence people in a sudden and meaningful manner. This means that the MMRN is an envious individual and is always looking to gain the advantage from covert and secretive means. He throws the figurative second punch (often piggybacking on the behaviour of a Greater although he does not know that this is what that person is). He is two-faced, a spreader of gossip and always looking to get other people to do his dirty work. He is cowardly but will never countenance being called as such. He ingratiates himself with people through his intelligence and limited charm and is prone to repeated pity plays. He is the archetypal architect of the silent treatment in all its forms and heated fury is rare with him. If it does appear, it will be shouting, spitting and slapping. He is an habitual liar, not just in a defensive manner (which is what Lessers and the LMRN do) but in a proactive manner, in order to cause trouble and cajole people into acting on his behalf through the dissemination of gossiping untruths.
The fuel matrix of the MMRN is not extensive but is larger than that of the LMRN.
a. The primary source. Rarely a family member and nearly always an intimate partner. This person will be guilt-tripped into doing everything for the supposedly hard-working MMRN. He will use his façade of being a ‘regular’ guy to keep the IPPS in place. He will unleash repeated silent treatments, blame-shifting and projection to maintain the upper hand;
b. Familial secondary sources. The MMRN has reliable and extensive familial secondary sources. He is either well-regarded by those of The Coterie who consider him to be a well-brought up son, well-regarded nephew and brother, or as someone who is prone to being viewed as “sensitive” being the unknowing victim’s view of this particular narcissist. Either way the family secondary circle is one which is compliant for the MMRN;
c. Colleague secondary sources. The MMRN has a reasonable sized fuel matrix at work. This is roughly equal between those who consider him a diligent worker and reliable and those who consider him to be untrustworthy and an brown-noser. Whilst the MMRN will make pity plays concerning the unfair attitude of the latter group, the fact remains that he has engagement with well over a dozen people, possibly more dependent on the size of the workplace all of which who are locked into his fuel matrix.
d. With respect to the social secondary sources, the MMRN does not have an extensive social circle. His matrix draws from the IPPS and the secondary sources through family and work. Lacking the charisma and grandiose behaviours which might draw people to him socially in significant numbers, the MMRN keeps his social circle small with perhaps 4-6 inner circle friends. He will not see these friends with significant regularity but instead does so more through the auspices of organised events, such as dinner parties amongst the groups or attendance at functions.
e. The MMRN will have an IPSS at the appropriate time. He is capable of securing the attentions of two IPSSs through a combination of intelligence and manipulation. He relies, like the LMRN on the workplace being the feeder ground for the selection and cultivation of the IPSS or IPSSs. Somewhat ponderous in nature and also very much aware of his façade the MMRN is careful to keep IPPS and IPSSs very separate.
f. The MMRN will engage with tertiary sources as a consequence of job, social life and general community involvement. Again, his awareness of the façade means that his engagements for the most part will be benign in nature. Should a tertiary source wound him, he is less likely to lash out at that tertiary source and instead more likely to triangulate the individual through the raising of a complaint to the relevant person.
3. The Upper Mid-Range Narcissist (“UMRN”)
This division of the Mid Range school of narcissism is of considerable intelligence. He also has some reasonable charm. People often mistake the UMRN for a Greater. This because the UMRN has a degree of sophistication, some charm and some calculation. He is rarely physical with his victims and instead he is a master manipulator through the application of silence. Whether it is a steely gaze, a glacial shoulder or ghosting, the UMRN is able to use the silent treatment to the greatest effect. He instinctively identifies victims who find such treatment of being ignored and overlooked especially disturbing. He is also capable in terms of playing people off against one another. He does not have the tantrum behaviour of the LMRN nor the avoidant tendencies of the MMRN, instead he finds considerable fuel in playing people against one another based on petty insecurities. He will use exclusion from a group, be it work, family or social as the stick by which to bring about compliance. He does not hit, he does not threaten but rather he uses the imposition of silence through exclusion as a major modus operandi to achieving what he requires.
a. The primary source. This is nearly always going to be an intimate partner. His attributes and the fact that he will hold a senior or professional position makes him an attractive prospect. He appears lacking volatility since he has a better hold on his ignited fury than the other schools and divisions mentioned so far. He will have decent financial ability. He relies extensively on the IPPS as other narcissists do, but his reliance is not as great as the other schools and divisions touch on.
b. Familial secondary sources. He is generally well-regarded by his family secondary sources and can command numerous of them for the purposes of support and fuel. He is likely to have made an example of one or two and excluded them from the group and no longer bothers with them. Expect therefore one or two black sheep to exist in the fuel matrix of the UMRN;
c. Colleague secondary sources. The UMRN will have a significant work fuel matrix. The UMRN is less likely to be a business owner as he prefers to be part of a large machine, thus as a senior manager in a corporate setting, a partner in an accountancy practice or an academic in a college or university he is able to interface with dozens of people who he will utilise as secondary sources. The majority will regard him in a benign manner, but he will have made one or two enemies within the workplace, again arising from his ability to freeze people out;
d. Social secondary sources. The UMRN will have the largest social circle of all mid-rangers but it is still not extensive. Work and family provide the bulk of his secondary sources and socially he will have numerous outer circle friends (often drawn from work) perhaps around a dozen and only say two or three inner circle friends who are likely to be long-standing in nature. Outer circle friends will also be lost from time to time through his exclusionary behaviours.
e. IPSSs. The UMRN is capable of operating two or more IPSSs should the need arise. He will carefully keep them separate from one another, deploying the assistance of Lieutenants in ensuring that they do not find our about one another until after the event or if he decides there is something to be served in such triangulation, but this is rare. He has the sophistication and attraction to keep several plates spinning and once people learn about such Casanova behaviour they would be rather surprised by such a revelation;
f. The UMRN knows numerous tertiary sources. He interacts with them as a consequence of his varied involvement in the community, socially and through work. He is most mindful of the efficacy of the façade and therefore is mainly pleasant and benign in his interactions with them as he wishes to remain well thought of. If a tertiary source displeases him, he will not lash out, but again will request their removal as waiter or a change of post man etc from the relevant powers that be.
Part Three examines the Fuel Matrix of the Greater school of narcissism.
We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.
We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.
In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.
I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.
Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.
Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.
I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?
When I first meet you and I look into your eyes I find a certain sanctuary. Your optimistic eyes seem like paradise to me. I can see the hope, the desire and the adoration burning in your eyes. Be they brown, blue, green or grey I can see the promise of salvation. That is why I try so hard to win you over. I apply everything I can think of to ensure that you stay with me so I can gaze deep into your eyes and drink the delight, trust and admiration that flows from them. You have no idea how much I need to see those things. The more I show you love, affection and how interested I am in you, the greater the radiance that shines towards me and the sanctuary that you have created for me remains in place. It surrounds and protects me, keeping the pain and the hurt at bay. It is a simple formula; I shower you with affection and attention and you return to me that magical protection in the form of how you look at me. The admiring glance across the restaurant table, the wide-eyed desire when we are in bed together, the simmering passion as I undress you and the sheer adoration as you quicken your pace to cross a room or a road to meet me. I need that place of safety and respite. A sanctuary where I know that the whispering, taunting voices will be silenced. A place of salvation where that cold-fingered dread cannot grip my throat and silence my scream of terror. Those draining shades that manifest from a past which I try to consign into oblivion cannot reach me in this place. That is what I hope for and believe every time somebody new enters my life. If I can just keep you sending me the power and the protection arising from those magnificent eyes then I will be safe. I apply my every effort to maintaining that gaze which will keep the darkness and the foul creatures lurking amongst it at bay. Everything I do is geared around making you feel happy, loved and wanted so that you will keep looking at me in that way and preserving my sanctuary.
Yet, no matter how hard I try, notwithstanding every effort I apply to maintaining your state of joy and happiness, you let me down. Each time someone new appears I am given renewed hope that this time the sanctuary will be permanently preserved and each time you fail me. Why do you do this to me when I try so damn hard for you? The burning admiration that you exhibited towards me suddenly dims. The adoration that blazed across the room has lost its intensity. The shining lustre of desire has become dulled. You do this to me and in so doing you turn the key of the gates, lift the heavy bar and push them open. You do this on purpose don’t you? You breach the citadel so that the screeching, moaning and howling tormentors that have gathered beyond its walls are admitted to assault me once again as they try to pull me into the abyss of insanity. The craven creatures slither forward, their mucus-covered tendrils slipping and sliding as they seek me out, determined to coil about me and drag me silent with terror into that place I must not go. Why do you do this to me? What have I done to deserve this treatment? All I have ever done is love you with a perfect love to cause you to generate that sanctuary and now, with no warning or help, you allow the paradise to be violated by those that seek to harm me.
I am left with no option but to fight them. To muster my strength and seek to defeat these agents of darkness by gathering my rage and anger. I must lash out in all directions, often and without restraint in order to stop my tormentors from destroying me. It matters not who is caught up in this frenzy, it is incidental whether you or anyone else finds themselves collateral damage from my necessary defence of my being. I fight and fight and fight, it is exhausting but it must be done. I have to survive until the next promise of sanctuary is identified and drifts my way. There I will find peace and a place to restore my waning strength. Is it you? Perhaps this time the sanctuary will remain intact.
Winning is everything to me. I have to win. This applies to every facet of my life. You will be aware of not only my desire to win but the fact that I always come up smelling of roses. I know you find this particularly unfair as this is something that has been hurled in my direction on several occasions,
“You just walk away from the carnage you create without so much as a scratch.”
“You carry on as if nothing has happened without a care about what you have done.”
“How is it that someone as nasty as you just gets to sail through life untouched?”
“You cause so much misery yet you always land on your feet.”
I am able to fire the useless employee without worrying about how that will impact on his or her life. I do know that this will improve productivity. The weak link has been expunged and the ruthlessness by which it is executed causes those still in employment to work harder. Result? It’s a win. I renege on financial arrangements which leave your position in tatters and mine intact. I use my charm and plethora of excuses to always avoid having to pay for dinner, for an evening out or a holiday. Consequently you carry the burden of our entertainment whilst my bank balance grows. Amazingly, you are aware that I out earn you but the application of my manipulative techniques results in you happily forking out for that weekend away, again. You do it because I have been so loving and charming to you. You do it because I have been so brutal to you yet you still want to please me. Whichever stance I adopt, seduction or devaluation, I secure the desired result. The win.
My lack of conscience and legendary capacity to tell lies sees me grind you into submission during any discussion about financial settlements so that you are left exhausted and just wanting an end to it all. Accordingly, you agree to a far weaker position than that which you might be entitled to. I threaten unfounded complaints to ensure I gain an upgrade, free vouchers or a better outcome for me. I have no qualms about fabricating such a position in order to secure the result I want. It’s another win.
The skill by which I control friendships sees me lob the metaphorical hand grenade into a friendship group and I will stroll away as it detonates behind me causing carnage. I watch from the side lines as friend turns on friend, based on the whispered smear campaign I have created for my own amusement. This is another win as I marvel at my power over people. Nobody has the presence of mind to direct their anger towards me. Oh no, I am too clever to be sucked into that and I can stand and observe the bitter recriminations all stemming from my behaviour. I will always move on to a new relationship without a backwards glance, my smile radiating from every picture and posting that I can muster. I leave you in abject misery as you watch dumbfounded as I find someone new in a matter of days (or more often I already have them lined up). You are staggered as to how I can do this so easily after my proclamations of undying love towards you. How can it be right that you, the one who gave everything and always behaved so properly is left distraught, confused and bereft whilst I waltz around town without a care in the world? Why am I never upset or miserable? It seems unjust and unfair. Why do I always seem to win? Why do I get the cream, win the main prize and have the golden ticket? It is because of how I am designed. I am designed to win. That is my sole focus. By winning I gain admiration and power which gives me fuel. You know how I need that fuel and therefore to secure it I have to win. Unlike you, I have been created with the skill sets that allow me to behave without integrity, to function without a conscience and to sail through life untouched by moral concerns. Normal people are upset and troubled by my machinations, but I am not hampered by such concerns. They do not affect me. I have been fashioned to always secure the win because without it I cannot survive. That is why I have to win and that is why I always win. There is no hope for any other outcome. By the time you and others have worked out that I have been the architect of the chaos and destruction that surrounds you I am long gone. I have left town and ridden off into the sunset in search of my next victory, having conquered you before any consequences of defeat can come looking for me,
Ensure you maintain your defences and remember why you must do as you do.
Obtain your daily dose of HG Tudor to remind you why you are escaping, why you are building no contact and why you will not go back.
These books contain insight which will assist you in achieving freedom.
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