Dear Middle Mid Range Elite Narc, (and his brethren, since you’re all the same)
The attraction was magnetic and that never ended. I can still feel your pull ,even in my dreams.
The chemistry is idealistic. Damn you.
I was never a candidate- I was a filler until she moved here. I became a shelf, and then a DLS. But you never had me in mind for promotion. At least, not at FIRST. But, things change. The golden period wore off, as they do.
Now I’m your backup plan.
And, if all the rest didn’t convince me— that’s how I know what you are. Because normal people don’t hold onto someone for years- just as a backup plan.
I think it was a rare moment of truth when you said I was too smart and too strong to put up with you. Even if it was bullshit from your mouth, you were right. I’d have left you, but I would’ve unravelled you on my way out. Be thankful.
I do wish I could be a fly on your wall-
Does she not sense a disconnect between you, as I did?
I’ve seen your underlying contempt only a few times but it unnerved me
A dark cold voice , A ruthless comment.
If that’s what you are, you’re damn good at covering it. DAMN good. Do you still hide it from her? I’d think it’d be too exhausting.
Your incessant need for my praise, boy , that drained me. That’s why I quickly decided you’d never have been right for me really…
So I was content to be kept on ice for when you need another fix.
SIX YEARS almost!!
How did that go by so fast?
I was utterly lost the first year, elated and then devastated.
Resigned but hurting the second year.
Caught up in my own head and life, in a fog for year three and four
Wising up to you year five
And had total clarity year six
-yet still I continued- to watch and confirm. To put HG’s words to the test, to measure up what I’ve researched for hours every night for almost 2 years. It’s been a social experiment. A social experiment with benefits, one could say.
I can’t imagine going through life not knowing what I now know. Sleepwalking. I love that I was exposed to this underworld. I love recognizing narcissists/sociopaths, and the disordered.
It’s FUN.
You awakened the sex goddess –
But then you unlocked a Pandora’s box that I may never have found within me- a passion , a skill set, a new level of awareness.
I love that you happened.
I even love the dull ache of The Mixture that lies dormant.
It’ll never go away and I wouldn’t want it to, because if it disappeared, I might forget what I know.
It is my battle scar.
I can feel it’s time now. I don’t have all the answers I want, but I have what I need. I know when to fold.
I won’t rat you out. I’d rather let her figure you out from my inevitable replacement. You’re getting careless, cocky, obvious. I wonder if- when she finally grasps who you are and what you’re up to- will she leave? You don’t have it in you to find a brand new replacement IPPS. You’ve experienced chaos mode before – and I AM the evidence that you learned to avoid that happening again.
So I am pretty certain you have her best friend- your neighbour, soon to be houseguest, coworker to both of you- primed to be your next victim. MY replacement. A back up for the back up.
This is DEFIN gonna go tits up.
And when it does- you can just do the ole switcharoo with her bff. AS. YOU. DO.
Oh how I wish there was a pool going. I’d clean up.
ANYHOOO- gotta go . Much work to be done, or didn’t you realize?;
I’m aware.
I’m informed.
I’m an army of one.
I am a weaponized empath.
Beware. The tables are turning.
I am coming for my sisters.
And then, we are coming for YOU.