I have been called these names more than a few times and I won’t shirk from the label with you good readers. Naturally, when the appliance I am draining levels such an accusation at me then I deflect, reflect and deny – how dare they challenge me and seek to label me to make up for their own shortcomings. Once I cross that threshold and face the world then those white, feathered wings sprout from my back, the halo shines and I move with grace and great intentions. To my neighbours I provide a cheery hello and enquire as to their health. I comment how the male neighbour is welcome to borrow a few of my Blu-ray boxsets as I espouse the excellence of a particular series. He nods his thanks and explains how he will call around that evening to borrow a set. I tell him we will have a drink too. He smiles and I can see how pleased he is to have such a pleasant and accommodating neighbour. Of course this is all designed to get him onside and a firm believer in what a good chap I am. I have been working carefully on his wife, Fiona and will update you on that in due course. When I seduce her, her eventual protestations to her husband will fall on deaf ears as he will be unable to accept that his neighbour would do such a thing as pursue and seduce his wife. He will recall all the good things that I have said and done and it will be her who will be cast as the unfaithful harpy. I am always planning ahead.
I greet the passing postman warmly and then call Kim’s brother to exchange idle banter and invite him to play golf at the weekend. He has been angling to do this for some time now and he will regard this as admission to my inner circle. Let him think that as it is what I want. I know he regards me as a good egg and thus when the inevitable chaos and spite is unleashed on dear Kim he will at worst struggle to accept that I could treat her in this fashion. At best he will take my side and cut her adrift, tired of her slanderous accusations about someone he regards as a decent fellow and a good friend. All through my day I will portray the carefully honed image to colleagues (although not all – there are a couple who are currently viewing the devil as a consequence of their lack of loyalty to me), to service providers (the lady who serves in the coffee shop near work has told me how much she looks forward to our conversations). I walk amidst the horde, hurling my sparkling dust over them, causing them to smile and admire like children following a generous candyman.
I have walked this path on many occasions. Friend to many, benefactor to several and champion to others. A solid, dependable and brilliant man who takes an interest in everyone he speaks to. So many pedestals have been constructed as I go about my day. That friend is elevated to stand amidst all those in a similar position in my coterie as I smash down the pedestal of one particular so-called friend who has displeased me. They fall and as they do they reach out trying to grasp the hands of those in that coterie but they are all snatched away. Nobody is listening as you cast your stones at the devil that has flung you from your lofty position. All they see is the angelic smile and blazing eyes that make them feel good. I work my magic, bringing friend, neighbour, family member, stranger and acquaintance under my spell. Each of them bolsters my angelic appearance so that will be all that they see. The exiled individual will try to persuade them of the devil that has brought them low, but nobody is listening. Behind that closed door the real reign of the devil appears. It is there that I no longer need maintain the pretence and allow full vent to the venom that flows through me. You let me down and you must be punished. That is when you are trapped inside the house of satan with all the pain and misery that encompasses. I know you will try to escape and tell them all of the torment you are subjected to in these four walls but nobody will accept your warped and malicious slanders. You speak of my barbed tongue, forked tail and sharp horns but as soon as I step outside they all melt away to be replaced by the sweetest perfection as my charmed pretence masks the devil inside. I walk the path of the angel on the street beyond my door. It is inside that I trap the real angels and feed on them.