Our final member of the accused is the big man himself, Santa Claus. Ready your arguments, ponder his fate, consider the summary of information below and then cast your vote. Use it wisely, Christmas hangs in the balance….
Summary of Information for Santa Claus
Spends all year watching children and making notes about them
Enters people’s houses at night with level of expertise that puts a professional burglar to shame
Claims to visit every child in one night
Chronic over eater
Provides toys to all deserving children
Provides coal to all misbehaving children
Utilises elves as indentured servants in with questionable pay and conditions
Is unnaturally jolly, all of the time
Utilises several aliases, being known as Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Saint Nick
Favours following food and drink – milk, cookies, mince pies, sherry, Guinness, rice pudding with cinnamon sugar, beer, Christmas pudding
Demonstrates flagrant lack of accountability by drink-flying (see above)
Married to Mrs Claus for centuries, one allegation of mischief re someone’s mother and a stolen kiss
Fabulously wealthy as demonstrated by generosity in supply of billions of toys each year
Owns multiple residences at the North Pole, Greenland, Drøbak in Norway, ZIP code 99705 in the USA, postal code H0H 0H0 in Canada, Mora in Sweden, Korvatunturi in Finland
Hugely charismatic and brings joys to billions
Entirely reliant on the belief of others in order to exist
