Psychopathy : Boredom

Boredom lurks.

. It is a state of existence that wishes to become all too familiar to me, as if it were an unwelcome but inevitable companion. I will never let it be that companion. It is quick to make its presence known, descending with undue haste to wrap its beige being about me, reducing the remarkable to the mundane. What began as scintillating becomes soporific. I find it fascinating (at least for a time) that there are those who sit slack-jawed watching the same events pass around them, the same faces, the same words and the same dull,dull, dull behaviours. How have they such a tolerance for the tedious? They rise into a world that was exactly the same as the day before and the day before that and it will continue with such mind-numbing lifelessness as they hurtle into the humdrum.

Boredom appears and with predictable monotony and seeks to settle into every corner of my mind, like a thick fog that weighs down my thoughts and stifles any sparks of interest or enthusiasm. It renders the passing of time as an interminable stretch, removing any sense of urgency or purpose that usually propels me forward.

It will, if I lower my guard and allow it supremacy, take hold of my senses without any apparent rhyme or reason, causing me to question the very notion of purpose and productivity. It’s as if the world around me is a vast stage, but I find myself without a script or a role to play.

As the hours stretch on, my mind wanders to motivations and desires. The tumbling cascade of thoughts and wants that are necessary to stave off this boredom. Such is my remarkable nature that I have so many options, so many opportunities wherein I can seek out the fresh, the invigorating and cast asunder the advancing creep of boredom. Yet, it is like a relentless tide for no sooner have I alleviated the tedium that it starts to make  its presence felt once more and thus I seek out a differing taste, a new sight, an unfamiliar sound or an altogether unexperienced occasion. How do the lower orders survive without such a lively mind and access to opportunity? Have they evolved differently? Are they content with the monotone? Is it somehow comforting and familiar to them? How can they not want to change, to disrupt, to alleviate, to mix-up, to explode? How is it that they are content to sit like sacks of supine drudgery, gawping at the same world around them? How can it be that there is no chaos engine within them that seeks to matter?

Boredom  wriggles through any cracks in my psyche, settling in as though it were entitled to being present. It is an emotion that resists my attempts to engage with it; instead, it prefers to linger in the background, taunting my desire for stimulation. Bring me sweet salvation through stimulation for I have become a master of it. I seek it, drive it, create it.

I notice the disinterest that accompanies boredom, as my gaze wanders aimlessly and my attention drifts from one mundane thing to another. The world loses its luster, and even the most captivating activities and experiences seem drab and unappealing. There is a curious numbness that pervades my perception, an indifference towards the once exciting and vibrant aspects of life. No, this is the grip of boredom once again trying to make me like all of them. I reject it. I will find the stimulation that I need, no matter what the cost.

In these moments, boredom takes on a peculiar duality. It is both an absence of stimulation and a lack of emotional investment. It disconnects me from the present, obscuring any opportunities for connection or engagement. And yet, it is also a reminder that I am free to roam in the vast expanse of my own thoughts, unburdened by external demands or expectations.

Boredom, in its peculiar way, serves as an invitation to explore the limits of my own mental landscape. It sets the stage, creative breakthroughs. I find opportunity  in the idea that boredom as for me as catalyst for renewed inspiration or merited discoveries.

I refuse to accept that boredom  is a natural part of the human experience, a companion that arrives unannounced and leaves just as silently. I acknowledge its presence, observe its impact,elsewhere  and now ensure I bring about  the inevitability of its eventual departure.

I observe boredom with judgement and complete resistance. I see it as a temporary state, a passing phase that must not be allowed to settle on me, for others it is simply an intrinsic part of life., for them it is a reminder that not every moment will be filled with excitement or purpose and that is why I have never been like the lower orders.

I am able to see beyond the surface level discomfort that boredom can bring. Instead of feeling frustrated or restless, I am able to embrace the necessity of driving forward, of bringing forth stimulation, often through the playing of games using those appliances that I find around me. The lurking nature of boredom means that the games must always be played and I am the player of those games, stimulated, enriched and invigorated. With boredom dispelled, I am surging, tearing my way through the world around me, drawing in, consuming and jettisoning, all in the name of stimulation.

Boredom also presents an opportunity for me to exercise my creativity. In the absence of external stimuli, I can delve into the vast expanse of my imagination. I find myself exploring new ideas, engaging in artistic expression, or seeking out new hobbies to alleviate the monotony. This detached perspective allows me to detach myself from the weight of boredom and approach it as an opportunity for intellectual exploration. I have no emotional attachment to anybody. I have no care or concern for them. Worry is a stranger in my land. This absence of connection to others frees up so much time for me for I need not channel my assets towards people save where I deem it some great reward for me. Unburdened by the compassion and care of emotional empathy, I am freed and given so much more, but with that comes the prospect of boredom. Thus, I must preserve my freedom through the pursuit of stimulation.

Boredom comes and boredom must be repelled for it is entirely true that since boredom must not be allowed to take root within me, I must neither be bored or boring.