I have been asked tens of thousands of questions, on this blog. There are, of course, certain questions which are asked repeatedly and in order to save my fingers and to save you waiting for a response on the blog (and possibly not receiving one because I have answered the question so many times before) here are a number of questions which are frequently asked and my answers to them.


About HG Tudor

I would like to know more about your personal story. Is there a bio or description of you somewhere? Which of your books speak about you?

No, I have not written a bio about me because I prefer for you to form your own impression and view from the various pieces that I write. Moreover, I have written about my life throughout articles and my books.  These pieces give you insight into how I think and behave, but also provide glimpses into my life as well (family, education, treatment, partners, etc).

The books Fuel, Fury, the Confessions of a Narcissist series and the alliterative titles (“Adored and Abhorred”,” Beautiful and Barbaric” etc include passages of my life. There are plenty more revelations to come though.


How old are you?

Old enough to know, young enough to do.


Are you married? Do you have children?

Neither. I was married once.


Do you hate women? Are male narcissists misogynists?

No, I hate everyone equally. All appliances are there to be manipulated, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion etc. We are equal opportunity manipulators.


Do you ever genuinely like people you are in relationships with? Do you feel any respect for them or care about them at all?

I like people in a way which is genuine to me, but you would not regard it as genuine as I like them to serve my purposes.
I can exhibit a form of care, such as I protect my assets, but only because again it benefits me. I am not altruistic.


Have you ever pursued another narcissist romantically?

Not to become IPPS, no.


How is it that you have so much self-awareness?

Intelligence, natural ability, discipline, drive, access to information.


How do you have so much insight into people?

Intelligence, natural ability, discipline, drive, access to information, necessity.


Do you believe in God or a higher power?

No, but I do when it suits my purposes.



Do you believe people have souls and, if so, where do you think your soul goes after death? Do you believe in the afterlife? Do you believe in heaven and hell?

No, but I do when it suits my purposes. When you die, that’s it. Game over. There is no afterlife. Unless, as I mentioned, it suits my purposes.


Do you believe in psychic ability or demonic possession and exorcism? Do you believe in the Jezebel spirit?

No, I don´t. Narcissism has nothing to do with those things.


Do you fear death?



Are you struggling with aging?

Not in the slightest.


Do you and your kind ever worry that you will end up alone, that eventually fuel sources will be wary and pull away, and that new ones will not be as exciting or interested? Do narcissists ever settle, or do they keep chasing new conquests until the end? Or nothing of that is a concern?

No, that does not concern me, but there are those of our kind who do have some concerns about this happening. It is not so much the fact that new ones are not as exciting and interested – there are so many potential victims out there, running out of them is not the problem –, the problem is that for some of our kind being able to attract them may become an issue. This is linked to aging and the waning of powers. For more about this, see the two articles Time and the Narcissist.


What is your worldview that makes you want to empower empaths? Why are you doing what you are doing and helping empaths?

Hegemonic domination and omnipotence. I do this because I enjoy writing and have been encouraged to share my knowledge as part of the treatment that has been forced upon me. I like to interact with people, too. I want to be the number one source for the reality of how my kind think and behave. I also find the weaponising of empaths and having them go into battle with my kind entirely in accordance with my worldview.


It seems you were “forced” into therapy. Being a narcissist, how would anyone have the power over you to force you into it? What exactly do you get out of therapy and what is the main purpose of it?

This is part of my manipulation of my family. They wanted me to undergo treatment. I refused. This has happened repeatedly. I wanted to secure my inheritance and I wanted to avoid a regulatory and criminal investigation which, whilst predicated on lies, would be an unwelcome distraction to me. In order to secure those aims, I knew I could do so by entering into therapy. Thus, I am securing what I want by agreeing to the treatment. I, of course, am finding the treatment interesting (after all what is better than to spend an hour or two each week or thereabouts talking about me?) and advantageous in understanding myself. Of course, I explain I was forced to do it as that is the victim in me, something all my kind have.

The main purpose of my treatment is to understand why I am the way I am, what happened to me to create what I am today, how my behaviour comes to be and what effect it has on others, to examine my need for fuel, control, to blame and manipulate and whether that can be addressed in some way, to reconcile the issues which are becoming evident from my childhood and to encourage me to adopt a pattern of behaviour and an outlook which is apparently healthier for all concerned.

The treatment has also led to my writing and this blog, which I enjoy. It has of course allowed me to hone my skills which I am most grateful for. Another win.


Do you manipulate here on the blog?

I have no need to manipulate here, indeed it would run contrary to what I have created and what I wish to achieve.


You are helping people. Do you also strive to help those in your private life?

Only where I see doing so would benefit me.


Do you get fuel from the comments on your blog and elsewhere?

As stated in the About section (https://narcsite.com/about/), I do not do this for fuel. I do gain some fuel from the comments but, since those who comment are tertiary sources (see the book Fuel for more information on this), it is not significant. I gain far more fuel in my interactions in my private life.


Do you enjoy being a narcissist?

Yes, I do because I am very good at it and it is rewarding.


Have you ever wanted to be an empath and feel joy and love?

I feel joy and love towards me from others. I do not experience them myself and have no need of doing so.


Which is your zodiac sign?



About Narcissists

I think I am with a narcissist. Which of your many books should I start with in order to learn about what I am dealing with?

I recommend a Narc Detector consultation. Also read Manipulated, Fuel and Fury.



I would like to know more about the different types of narcissists you write about (Lesser, Mid-Range, Greater, Elite, Somatic, etc). Where can I find that information?

To understand more about the types of narcissist, I recommend you read the book Sitting Target. You can then work your way through the blog using the search function and read the articles which provide more detailed information on a specific type of narcissist.


How do you identify which school and cadre of narcissist you’re dealing with?
I’ve read already the information on this blog but I still can’t put my finger on which type I’m dealing with.

The best is to do a Narc Detector Consultation with me. Book a Narc Detector Consultation


Can a narcissist change school or cadre?



Do narcissists ever get depressed and/or commit suicide? My narcissist talks about suicide.

Yes, albeit this is rare. See the Suicide Power Play in the book No Contact for more on this.


Do narcissists ever cry without the intention to manipulate? I have seen mine cry and I think it was sincere.

I do not cry but some of our kind do. They cry for themselves because they feel sorry for themselves, not for anybody else.


Does the narcissist hoover if the IPPS left them, cheated on them and even called them out on their narcissism?

The narcissist will hoover if there is a Hoover Trigger (of which there is always a risk) and if the Hoover Execution Criteria (HEC) are met. To know more about Hoover Triggers and the HEC, please read Surely that is the End, Yes? (Will There be A Hoover?)

The factors you refer to :-

  1. Leaving the narcissist – this wounds the narcissist. However, dependent on your position within the fuel matrix and the fuel needs of the narcissist, this is likely to cause the narcissist to apply an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back under control.
  2. Cheating on the narcissist – this wounds the narcissist and pushes the hoover bar upwards.
  3. Accusation of narcissism – this most likely will have been Challenge Fuel and therefore will lower the hoover bar.

There are many factors which are applicable in the HEC, not just the ones mentioned above, which impact on the prospects of being hoovered. I can tell you how one single factor will influence the hoover bar (moving it high or low) BUT that one factor cannot be viewed in splendid isolation. There will be other factors which could override that factor one way or the other.


The best thing to do if you want to know whether a hoover will happen (and what you can do to prevent it) is to consult with me. This is because I need information from you (more than can be conveyed in a comment on the blog) and also because you may not know all of the information you need to give to me for me to give you in return, the accurate answer you need and deserve. This is why I created the consultations, so I can ask you the questions, you can give me full information and then I can give you the most accurate answers and the best assistance you will ever receive.

Book a Consultation Here


What is a Malign Hoover?

It is when the Hoover seeks only to draw negative fuel


Can you make a hoover happen?

Yes, you can. If you want it to happen, you are best designing a way to enter one of our spheres of influence but understand, for the reasons outlined above, it may not happen when you want it to, but it will at some point. After all, in accordance with our total desire for control, we want the hoover to be when we decide, not you.


What would be the response of a Mid-Range Narcissist when reading your blogs?

They would believe the behaviours they read about apply to the true victim and they would likely label that person the narcissist.


About Empaths

Can an empath change schools or cadre?



I don´t know what school and cadre of empath I belong to. I seem to have traits of different schools and cadres. How can I know the school and cadre I belong to?

The easiest way to know is that you organise an Empath Detector consultation with me Book an Empath Detector Consultation



I posted a comment some days/weeks ago and it is still not showing on the blog. What is wrong?

All posts are moderated first, which means that when you post something it will not appear on the blog immediately. This is an interactive blog. Accordingly, I like to read everything and try to respond to all questions that are asked (although time does not always allow me to do so). I also have to ensure nothing gratuitously offensive is posted between commenters, or people include details which will identify them. I get hundreds of comments and questions a day and, since I am an Army of One, posts can remain in moderation for a while, especially if they are long and/or contain questions that require consideration.




  1. In the nature vs nurture argument, would you say you were born this way or made this way? Perhaps both?

    Ex: I can say, without a doubt, I was predisposed to depression/anxiety. Everyone on my father’s mother’s side suffers. All the men have used lethal and permanent means of “curing” themselves. My mother being South Korean and viewing suicide as just a fact of life doesn’t help.

    I digress. I know I was always different, but I never harm others.

    10 years ago, I married my current husband and I’m terrified of knowing the truth. You see, I sought my Ph.D. in clinical psych subconsciously to cure myself. We all learned about NPDs, borderlines, sociopaths, and we all learned the signs. I didn’t notice the signs until 2 years in with a preemie baby in the NICU.

    I’m terrified to leave and ashamed of myself for becoming ensnared. He beats the living shit out of me. When I involved the authorities, they believed HIM—that it was just my depression and anxiety talking and I actually self-harmed!

    He says he’ll kill me if I take away his son, but I must save our child!! I know he means this.

    I know if I end my life, he wins. I want him to one day hurt the way I hurt, but it’s impossible. His son and I are his property.

    Please help me. I’m not sure if he can find this, so I’ve got to erase my history. If he sees this, I’m not sure what’s in store.

    1. Welcome to the blog Jennifer,

      1. He may well find you if you post under your full name. I removed your surname.
      2. I was both born and made this way. Please see To Cope Is To Control
      3. I can help you. Arrange a consultation as a matter of priority.

  2. the narcissist I have been with for 21 years calls me names and he says if you did not act like that I would not have to call you a name. he is also hyper critical. is this common. That narcissists engage in daily verbal abuse

    1. Yes it is.

      1. Blame Shifting.
      2. Projection.
      3. Verbal Insult

      Please see the book Manipulated for more understanding.

  3. Hi Hg, I want to tell you how much I really appreciate what you do I have read many articles but listening to your interviews on YouTube was life changing to me b.c I am aware that I am entrapped with a narc in a work situation I am a therapist for a child and its my patients parent that is the narc been there 2 years (I work at their house). I know logically what is going on but I am a empath so I had this constant battle in my head of my logical thinking saying just quit leave run and my empathic instincts that say maybe it isn’t true or her cluster b disorder makes her a do these things etc. So when you talked about the battle if the logic side and empath side I felt so relieved that this is normal thinking of a empath. I am pretty sure i am either was or am the main supply (she has no partner or I am secondary supply I have been doing LC for the past 2 weeks and she began flipping out begging for me to attend to her saying she couldn’t eat felt depressed etc now she is hoovering giving me space being pleasant kind of implementing small boundaries. I want to follow your advice and just quit so its NC should I give two weeks or just quit no notice? Would staying the standard 2 weeks be dangerous/hell. Curious to see what you think!

    1. Hello Kellie and welcome. With a personal situation such as this, I need more information from you and I have more information to convey to you to ensure accuracy and aid your understanding. Accordingly, the best way to proceed would be to organise a consultation with me and I look forward to assisting you further.

  4. Am I getting a silent treatment, lol? I posted a comment on New Year’s Eve asking about more info on the narcissist cadres but I haven’t seen a response. The question was whether you have a book or an article that talks more in depth about the different cadres of narcissists.

    1. Hello Leigh, many comments remain in moderation owing to my recent absence. They will be addressed and moderated in due course. Please see the rules in this regard.

  5. Hi HD, thank you for taking the time to read me,
    I have called him a narcissist and asked him what had happened for him to be so damaged… That was after I found out that my worst fears had come true and he was cheating with someone else (after weeks of asking him about her and he denied each time) so I contacted her and informed her, he instantly discarded me and chose her. I texted him back a few weeks later thinking we could be friends (I know… Heart vs Head battle, right?!). He did answer me as if nothing had happened, just mentioned once that he never meant to hurt me, and he will since have conversations but refuses any romantic engagement and pretty much hot and cold though more cold than hot, I’m just wondering if he is still punishing me for finding him out or is he just finished with me completely? What do you think? Many thanks.

    1. Hello Olivia,

      1. There was nothing to be gained by calling this person a narcissist. Nor asking about what happened to him.
      2. Your responses are understandable but are being led by emotional thinking. You cannot be and should not be seeking to be, friends with this individual on the basis that he is a narcissist.
      3. He will not be finished with you, if he is a narcissist, since you belong to him and he will hoover you in due course, dependent on how easy it is for him to do so.

      There is a lot more I can help you with but I need more information from you. You also need to establish whether this person is a narcissist. I recommend you organise a Narc Detector Consultation and then follow up with either an email or audio consultation so that I can address the various questions you will doubtless have and if the individual is a narcissist, assist you with the implementation and maintenance of your no contact regime.

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