FAQs

I have been asked tens of thousands of questions, on this blog. There are, of course, certain questions which are asked repeatedly and in order to save my fingers and to save you waiting for a response on the blog (and possibly not receiving one because I have answered the question so many times before) here are a number of questions which are frequently asked and my answers to them.

 

About HG Tudor

I would like to know more about your personal story. Is there a bio or description of you somewhere? Which of your books speak about you?

No, I have not written a bio about me because I prefer for you to form your own impression and view from the various pieces that I write. Moreover, I have written about my life throughout articles and my books.  These pieces give you insight into how I think and behave, but also provide glimpses into my life as well (family, education, treatment, partners, etc).

The books Fuel, Fury, the Confessions of a Narcissist series and the alliterative titles (“Adored and Abhorred”,” Beautiful and Barbaric” etc include passages of my life. There are plenty more revelations to come though.

 

How old are you?

Old enough to know, young enough to do.

 

Are you married? Do you have children?

Neither. I was married once.

 

Do you hate women? Are male narcissists misogynists?

No, I hate everyone equally. All appliances are there to be manipulated, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion etc. We are equal opportunity manipulators.

 

Do you ever genuinely like people you are in relationships with? Do you feel any respect for them or care about them at all?

I like people in a way which is genuine to me, but you would not regard it as genuine as I like them to serve my purposes.
I can exhibit a form of care, such as I protect my assets, but only because again it benefits me. I am not altruistic.

 

Have you ever pursued another narcissist romantically?

Not to become IPPS, no.

 

How is it that you have so much self-awareness?

Intelligence, natural ability, discipline, drive, access to information.

 

How do you have so much insight into people?

Intelligence, natural ability, discipline, drive, access to information, necessity.

 

Do you believe in God or a higher power?

No, but I do when it suits my purposes.

 

 

Do you believe people have souls and, if so, where do you think your soul goes after death? Do you believe in the afterlife? Do you believe in heaven and hell?

No, but I do when it suits my purposes. When you die, that’s it. Game over. There is no afterlife. Unless, as I mentioned, it suits my purposes.

 

Do you believe in psychic ability or demonic possession and exorcism? Do you believe in the Jezebel spirit?

No, I don´t. Narcissism has nothing to do with those things.

 

Do you fear death?

No.

 

Are you struggling with aging?

Not in the slightest.

 

Do you and your kind ever worry that you will end up alone, that eventually fuel sources will be wary and pull away, and that new ones will not be as exciting or interested? Do narcissists ever settle, or do they keep chasing new conquests until the end? Or nothing of that is a concern?

No, that does not concern me, but there are those of our kind who do have some concerns about this happening. It is not so much the fact that new ones are not as exciting and interested – there are so many potential victims out there, running out of them is not the problem –, the problem is that for some of our kind being able to attract them may become an issue. This is linked to aging and the waning of powers. For more about this, see the two articles Time and the Narcissist.

 

What is your worldview that makes you want to empower empaths? Why are you doing what you are doing and helping empaths?

Hegemonic domination and omnipotence. I do this because I enjoy writing and have been encouraged to share my knowledge as part of the treatment that has been forced upon me. I like to interact with people, too. I want to be the number one source for the reality of how my kind think and behave. I also find the weaponising of empaths and having them go into battle with my kind entirely in accordance with my worldview.

 

It seems you were “forced” into therapy. Being a narcissist, how would anyone have the power over you to force you into it? What exactly do you get out of therapy and what is the main purpose of it?

This is part of my manipulation of my family. They wanted me to undergo treatment. I refused. This has happened repeatedly. I wanted to secure my inheritance and I wanted to avoid a regulatory and criminal investigation which, whilst predicated on lies, would be an unwelcome distraction to me. In order to secure those aims, I knew I could do so by entering into therapy. Thus, I am securing what I want by agreeing to the treatment. I, of course, am finding the treatment interesting (after all what is better than to spend an hour or two each week or thereabouts talking about me?) and advantageous in understanding myself. Of course, I explain I was forced to do it as that is the victim in me, something all my kind have.

The main purpose of my treatment is to understand why I am the way I am, what happened to me to create what I am today, how my behaviour comes to be and what effect it has on others, to examine my need for fuel, control, to blame and manipulate and whether that can be addressed in some way, to reconcile the issues which are becoming evident from my childhood and to encourage me to adopt a pattern of behaviour and an outlook which is apparently healthier for all concerned.

The treatment has also led to my writing and this blog, which I enjoy. It has of course allowed me to hone my skills which I am most grateful for. Another win.

 

Do you manipulate here on the blog?

I have no need to manipulate here, indeed it would run contrary to what I have created and what I wish to achieve.

 

You are helping people. Do you also strive to help those in your private life?

Only where I see doing so would benefit me.

 

Do you get fuel from the comments on your blog and elsewhere?

As stated in the About section (https://narcsite.com/about/), I do not do this for fuel. I do gain some fuel from the comments but, since those who comment are tertiary sources (see the book Fuel for more information on this), it is not significant. I gain far more fuel in my interactions in my private life.

 

Do you enjoy being a narcissist?

Yes, I do because I am very good at it and it is rewarding.

 

Have you ever wanted to be an empath and feel joy and love?

I feel joy and love towards me from others. I do not experience them myself and have no need of doing so.

 

Which is your zodiac sign?

Virgo

 

About Narcissists

I think I am with a narcissist. Which of your many books should I start with in order to learn about what I am dealing with?

I recommend a Narc Detector consultation. Also read Manipulated, Fuel and Fury.

 

 

I would like to know more about the different types of narcissists you write about (Lesser, Mid-Range, Greater, Elite, Somatic, etc). Where can I find that information?

To understand more about the types of narcissist, I recommend you read the book Sitting Target. You can then work your way through the blog using the search function and read the articles which provide more detailed information on a specific type of narcissist.

 

How do you identify which school and cadre of narcissist you’re dealing with?
I’ve read already the information on this blog but I still can’t put my finger on which type I’m dealing with.

The best is to do a Narc Detector Consultation with me. Book a Narc Detector Consultation

 

Can a narcissist change school or cadre?

No

 

Do narcissists ever get depressed and/or commit suicide? My narcissist talks about suicide.

Yes, albeit this is rare. See the Suicide Power Play in the book No Contact for more on this.

 

Do narcissists ever cry without the intention to manipulate? I have seen mine cry and I think it was sincere.

I do not cry but some of our kind do. They cry for themselves because they feel sorry for themselves, not for anybody else.

 

Does the narcissist hoover if the IPPS left them, cheated on them and even called them out on their narcissism?

The narcissist will hoover if there is a Hoover Trigger (of which there is always a risk) and if the Hoover Execution Criteria (HEC) are met. To know more about Hoover Triggers and the HEC, please read Surely that is the End, Yes? (Will There be A Hoover?)

The factors you refer to :-

  1. Leaving the narcissist – this wounds the narcissist. However, dependent on your position within the fuel matrix and the fuel needs of the narcissist, this is likely to cause the narcissist to apply an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back under control.
  2. Cheating on the narcissist – this wounds the narcissist and pushes the hoover bar upwards.
  3. Accusation of narcissism – this most likely will have been Challenge Fuel and therefore will lower the hoover bar.

There are many factors which are applicable in the HEC, not just the ones mentioned above, which impact on the prospects of being hoovered. I can tell you how one single factor will influence the hoover bar (moving it high or low) BUT that one factor cannot be viewed in splendid isolation. There will be other factors which could override that factor one way or the other.

 

The best thing to do if you want to know whether a hoover will happen (and what you can do to prevent it) is to consult with me. This is because I need information from you (more than can be conveyed in a comment on the blog) and also because you may not know all of the information you need to give to me for me to give you in return, the accurate answer you need and deserve. This is why I created the consultations, so I can ask you the questions, you can give me full information and then I can give you the most accurate answers and the best assistance you will ever receive.

Book a Consultation Here

 

What is a Malign Hoover?

It is when the Hoover seeks only to draw negative fuel

 

Can you make a hoover happen?

Yes, you can. If you want it to happen, you are best designing a way to enter one of our spheres of influence but understand, for the reasons outlined above, it may not happen when you want it to, but it will at some point. After all, in accordance with our total desire for control, we want the hoover to be when we decide, not you.

 

What would be the response of a Mid-Range Narcissist when reading your blogs?

They would believe the behaviours they read about apply to the true victim and they would likely label that person the narcissist.

 

About Empaths

Can an empath change schools or cadre?

No.

 

I don´t know what school and cadre of empath I belong to. I seem to have traits of different schools and cadres. How can I know the school and cadre I belong to?

The easiest way to know is that you organise an Empath Detector consultation with me Book an Empath Detector Consultation

 

Other

I posted a comment some days/weeks ago and it is still not showing on the blog. What is wrong?

All posts are moderated first, which means that when you post something it will not appear on the blog immediately. This is an interactive blog. Accordingly, I like to read everything and try to respond to all questions that are asked (although time does not always allow me to do so). I also have to ensure nothing gratuitously offensive is posted between commenters, or people include details which will identify them. I get hundreds of comments and questions a day and, since I am an Army of One, posts can remain in moderation for a while, especially if they are long and/or contain questions that require consideration.

 

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202 Comments

  1. You’ve said MRNs are here on your blog. We’ve witnessed you allowing them to out themselves through their behaviours before…

    Something I’ve been wondering about is whether or not you’ve had any readers that you know to be narcissists do the empath detector consultation.

    Regardless of whether it’s happened, how would you handle the situation?

    You’ve said many times there’s no point telling a narcissist what they are. Would there be a point to telling them what they’re not?

    1. There’s no point telling them. I explain they are not an Empath and why but I don’t say ‘you’re a narcissist ‘

  2. If everything is about Fuel and Narc supply what about the looks? Do Narcs have preference on how the victims looks? Or you just look for victims no matter if its good looking or not?

  3. Have you ever looked I to what your sidereal (vedic) sun/moon sign is in astrology? I noticed you said you were a Virgo but from Aug. 8- Sept. 14 the sun is actually in Leo.

    1. Because it is the sole coping mechanism where somebody has a genetic predisposition to narcissism allied with a lack of control environment.

  4. As an empath I can honestly say it is not a quality you should envy whatsoever. I have depression, how do you avoid sad feelings?

      1. I know but how? What mental orientation or beliefs prevent you from feeling sad? I only ask because that is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.

        1. That is how I am “made”.
          You are sad because you have both the capability for sadness and something causing it. If your sadness is generated by a narcissist or related to narcissism, I can assist you in removing it.

  5. What behaviors have you found make you more popular with others?
    What characteristics do people generally respond most positively to in your experience?

  6. Do you feel like you have a solid identity or does your personality change according to who you’re with? How do you know what kind of behavior will win you the approval and admiration of others?

    1. There is no solid identity which works supremely well for me.
      The same behaviour which has always won approval and admiration.

  7. Hello HG, just curious, if the people close to you have no idea that you do this site, write blogs, record videos and give people advice, what do they think you are doing in that time? I find it quite exciting that one of your past associates could recognise your voice when coming across your video or recognise your toes from the picture ;)

    Also I got out of a long term relationship with a narc over a year ago, used your site to learn and recover, then 2 weeks ago I started dating this new guy and I’m pretty certain he’s a narcissist – he tried to make me agree to being exclusive on the second date and keeps demanding so much of my time I feel like I’m being smothered and he keeps referencing the future when I haven’t even agreed to the present. He’s put so much pressure on this working out, I need to break it off but not sure how to do it because I am scared of his reaction, do you have any advice? (Bit weird to have to have a ‘break up’ for only 2 weeks but I already feel controlled (he makes suggestions about how we could change to improve for each other already) and even though he is super tempting.. I don’t want to go through that kind of relationship again!)

    1. They are not around me 24 hours a day so they have no idea what I am doing. To them I will be living my life.

      With regard to the new individual, well done on seeing red flags and being moved to reflect on them. I recommend that you put the individual through a Narc Detector and if it comes up positive, then organise an email consultation and I will explain what you need to do and what his likely response is (based on school and cadre established through the Narc Detector Consultation).

  8. Is a discard by a narc always permanent ?. Mine discarded me and blocked me from EVERYWHERE as he is now with new suppply. She was being groomed for the past few months. He owes me
    Money and used me throughly for career support ,financial support, social status , took my car for a yr – and when I started resisting a wee bit – he decided to find and groom a new supply. He is off FB and Insta on her insistence ( he loved staring at sexy women on those sites ) and has also reduced his snow addiction- stuff that I used to request him to do in the 2 yrs I was with him and he did do. He is changing for the new supply ? Will he ever Hoover ?

    1. Hello Sonal,

      1. There is no such thing as a Final Disengagement/Discard. Read the article “The Final Discard”.
      2. He may make adjustments to his methods of manipulation which look like change to you, but it is not permanent in the sense that he is not making changes for the “better” on a permanent basis. His behaviour may be viewed as “improved” but this is only being done to ensure control over the new appliance which is likely to be in a golden period, therefore his manipulations are white.
      3. Will he ever hoover? There is always a risk. To understand how great that risk is with regard to you, do organise a consultation with me.

  9. Hello, is there a search option.
    I am looking for articles that HG sometimes recomend and I serve through the months without finding them.
    For example the narcissist and humor or narcissist…
    Thank you!

    A comment and curiosity :

    Someone has seen Malefica 2 (angelina Jolie)
    Is it me because of what I am going through or because of what I am learning.
    That I see NP every where. That I feel similarities in this movie with my position, the manipulations and a NP.

    With believing and trusting the wrong person, not believing the “good” one.

    Malefica who is not being heard not trusted etc etc….

    Greetings Susanne ✨

          1. I don’t think you believe; there are intuitives that can access the information.

    1. Why does the narc ghost us (always gone) when we live with them. Also never interacting when at home?

      1. Present Silent Treatment. For the purposes of control and gaining fuel. You have either wounded the narcissist or presented Challenge Fuel. To enable me to answer beyond this, specific to your situation, you need to provide me with more information and therefore you should arrange a consultation.

        1. I have already decided on audio consultation; just a little scared. (ET) I have already told him about you and my decision to find out for sure if he’s a narc( of course he says he’s not). He just will not know when. I know this consult will be a life changer and it’s a huge step for me.

        2. Hi HG. My narc has found a new supply. He used me for money, bills, career enhancement, car, made me be at his beck n call 24/7 for 2 yrs – all while he was grooming a supply or cheating on me sans any guilt. Now he has discarded me and has gone zero contact ie blocked me EVERYWHERE. ( He told me not to talk love stuff on WhatsApp ( I think he was feeling guilty ) and I did – so I was blocked everywhere )He wud not even look at me when he passes me on the road. He is now 100% with the new supply. I am
          Obsessed and angry. ( due to nature of our work – I see him everyday ) . Is this a permanent discard – will he ever Hoover in the future. He still owes me money that he said he will return over the next year or two – but has started doing good in his career thanks to my support ( which was at the expense of my career and something he does not acknowledge or appreciate me telling anyone ). Will he hoover in the future ?

  10. The father of my small child is a narcissist, I called him out on this before I told him to leave me. We are now co-parenting and I am fast learning that dealing with him is like dealing with a small child. If he has adequate fuel supply and is ‘fed’ and all is well in his world he will be decent and appear normal towards me, if he does not have his fuel he will be nasty and take this out on me. I have implemented no contact bar corresponding on our child but I know this is already so regular that it is the same as having contact, which is disappointing. I don’t care for his attention, if he has a new IPPS or whatever individuals exist in his fuel matrix. I only care that he look after our child well when he is in his care and that he do not allow additional toxic people in the vicinity.

    H.G – I know that narcissists cannot love and for this I am sorry as my child has missed out on the true love of a parent, which he deserves, but do you think he can provide adequate care and attention while in his care? He appeared to when we were still together but this I suspect could have been part of his manipulation and the projection of a persona he knew I wanted to see. I would like to know if you feel there is cause for concern in this kind of a situation and how I may better handle things. If I show I care (which I clearly do) about the environment or routine etc for our child when with his Dad then I know he can use this easily to get at me and manipulate me and ultimately I am worried our child will end up caught in the crossfire and become collateral damage in the situation. Thank you for any words of wisdom.

    1. A parent who is a narcissist can provide many benefits to a child in terms of money, a clean and warm house to live in, food on the table, encouragement to excel at academia and sport and a range of other factors which would be viewed as positive. It depends on the school of narcissist. I recommend that you do this

      1. https://narcsite.com/narc-detector/ so you can ascertain which school of narcissist you are dealing with (this will assuage some concerns and highlight others which you can deal with) , and also this is a must for you
      2. https://narcsite.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/

      1. HG hope I did not offend you with my comment on the orange joke, that was not my intention. Sorry if I did.

      2. I agree. My ex was an anti social per the courts. Multi- millionaire. We split as his “ cadre” was of men who think if you give her “ the life” she should “ turn her head.” He once said to me “ what more does a woman want looking at our 10,000 square foot mansion?” Um… fidelity, trust, love. But our daughter has flourished. He shows up. He lacks empathy. But he teaches her logic and business. And to take care of herself and not to “ save others.” Perhaps a good balance…. She loves him but needs me more. I nourish her. She came first. Doing great! Straight As on crew. Friends. Healthy healthy. I got 80% custody. He sued me for full custody. Haha! Ha ha… if it helps, all the child needs is one loving healthy stable parent. Best wishes! I know the fear but “ every little thing gonna be alright. Don’t worry….”

    1. They can have narcissistic traits, everybody has narcissistic traits. Someone who has NPD is a narcissist, so you cannot have NPD and not be a narcissist.

  11. HG, you answered that you have no need to use manipulation on the blog, but you’ve also stated that the narcs can’t change. If so, then how is it even possible for you not to manipulate or use lies to us here on the blog if those traits are your second nature?
    One of the Frequently asked questions was in reference to why you are running the blog and amongst many answers money wasn’t one of them. Do you not admit to using manipulation to an extent to get people to sign up for consultations for the purpose of financial compensation? And would you still do a consultation or answer more specific questions of those people who can’t afford a consultation?
    I am aware there is an angel fund, but has any of those people benefited from it? How do we know that if any of us were donate the money to the fund that they would be used to help other people and not just go directly to your bank account?
    Yeah, it is good to learn more about narcissism here, but can we really trust you? After all, Your kind is the reason many of us have lost so much and can never trust again…
    Thx

    1. Hello Esther/Jeri

      1. I have no need to manipulate here. Indeed, to do so would be counter productive. There are no threats to my control. My readers are here to learn and that is what I provide – the best information in that regard and I have provided life-changing break throughs for hundreds of thousands of people. The testimonials, comments and e-mails I receive demonstrate that. I am not a stupid man and there is no need to manipulate my readers, so I do not. You must understand that those traits are used to assert control, but since I already have control, I have no need to manipulate.
      2. There is no manipulation used to get people to sign up for a consultation. Nobody has to use them. The demand is high and my time limited so there is no need to manipulate people into obtaining them. People recognise their intrinsic worth.
      3. I answer questions (often repeated ones) almost every day on this blog. I provide hundreds of articles and videos at no cost. My books are very reasonably priced. The Angel Assistance Fund exists to help people and it has done so.
      4. Many people have benefitted from the use of the AAF. You can see evidence of that in the recent article relating to the fund, if you read. My inbox also contains the thanks and gratitude towards me (and the donors) with regard to the way the fund has helped them. The money goes into the fund because people have benefitted from its use.
      5. You are able to trust the provision of my services and the quality of my information. Read the articles, the comments and you will see plenty of evidence confirming that to be the case.

        1. Oh I just realized something HG. Did you mean to reply to my question or to someone else’s? There are 2 names?

          1. You’ll have to be specific, I don’t see what you are referring to in my moderation pane.

      1. I meant that there are two names: Jeri/ Esther therefore I inquired as to which part of that response was meant for Esther.

        1. There are two names because you have posted under two different names on separate occasions but from the same location. If you have not done so, someone else is also using your internet details.

          1. Oh no! That’s not good. My account’s been hacked? What location does it show? And how many people have you seen under my location?