The Ten Tests of Competing Prospects



I have grown weary of the incumbent primary supply. The fuel that ought to be provided at a premium level has become diminished in quantity and quality. Whilst it still flows as part of the devaluation that continues, the time has come to audition for your replacement. I am courting you following my usual preparatory work once you have been targeted and I have now commenced your seduction. You are not alone. I am seducing someone else as well. It makes sense to have an insurance policy after all. You won’t know about this competitor (at least not yet) but believe me that when you are in the early stages of being seduced by our kind, it is highly likely that I was seducing someone else. In order to identify the best source of fuel so we choose the most effective primary source, we will set a number of tests. These tests are not so arduous that they will risk the seduction failing, but are designed to ascertain which of the two, or more, competing prospects provides the best fuel. This current performance amounts to a strong indicator of future performance. Here are ten of the tests that are commonly utilised.


  1. Sending the same text message to both prospects to see who responds the fastest.
  2. Sending the same text message to both prospects without concerns as to the speed of reply but as to which provides the best fuel-laden response.
  3. Arranging a date with both prospects and then cancelling (with a view to re-arranging of course) to determine who is the most disappointed and which of the prospects tries to keep the date alive by making adjustments and alternative suggestions.
  4. Calling both prospects in the middle of the night to see who answers.
  5. Sending the same gift at the same time to see who thanks us the fastest and in the most appreciative manner.
  6. If sexual coupling has occurred at this early juncture, then sleeping with you both in the space of 24 hours (or less) in order to determine who is the more fuel accomplished lover.
  7. Feigning a minor emergency and seeing who responds the fastest and with the greatest concern and compassion.
  8. Suggesting a date when I know that the prospects have something else on to see who will break their existing engagement in order to see me.
  9. Having a lieutenant try to arrange a date with you to see if you rebuff him and make mention of me.
  10. Holding a social media challenge to see how many likes, re-tweets, comments each prospect applies to my postings in a three-day period to see who posts the most and provides the most fuel.


Not only does this contest between the two prospects provide us with plenty of fuel coming from two fuel lines, it enables us to determine who we should focus our greater efforts on to ensure they are seduced and become our intimate partner and primary source. If the contest is too close to call after the ten tests above, then additional tests will be applied and the ten above will be re-run also. The winner becomes our intimate partner but the loser does not go home empty handed, not at all. They are likely to be awarded the status of inner or outer circle friend and they will be kept within our sphere of influence as a supplier of fuel. They also a future role to play in a prospective triangulation and there may even be a promotion in the offing at some point….

99 thoughts on “The Ten Tests of Competing Prospects

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    If you haven’t had an explicit conversation about monogamy, why would you assume it’s a monogamous relationship?

    There’s nothing wrong with having sex with people in quick succession or group sex, etc.

    If I’m not in a monogamous relationship with the person, why do they need to know that I had sex with someone else that morning or whatever?

    NSA is great because there’s no chance of pesky Empath emotions getting into the mix. One and done. Next.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      But “pesky empath emotions” will get in the way.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        I am what I am. However, it is very fact specific.

  2. Melanie C. says:

    Brand new, very sad to read a lot of this. I would like some things possibly answered for me HG if you would. Is a person with NPD capable of love as far as they understand it if they have some self awareness? like feeling terrible if they treated their mother terribly or acknowledging pushing someone away but not knowing why?

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Melanie, Welcome to the blog.

      It’s really difficult to wrap your head around to start with. Narcissists don’t have emotional empathy, so they don’t experience love, loyalty, don’t miss you when you’re gone, they just don’t connect in the way that most people do. So, if you take the emotional empathy out of things in entirety this is how they are able to behave in the manner described above.
      Depending on the type of narcissist you are dealing with, a narcissist can demonstrate cognitive empathy to varying levels of accuracy. So ‘ Oh look, she is crying, select concerned expression, pat her gently on the shoulder.’ He doesn’t feel concern, or sympathy, he just knows how to mimic the correct response. This can be convincing. Very few know they are narcissists, most have no idea. Only the Greater narcissist knows what he is doing, even then, not necessarily why exactly he is doing it. So in your example, no compassion or regret for treating his mother terribly. No concern for pushing someone away.
      Keep reading and asking questions, things gradually will start to fall into place.

  3. Empath007 says:

    Does the narc ever like someone more challenging though ? I mean… I NEVER responded to his messages quickly at the beginning, sometimes It would be 24 hours…. wouldn’t some relish in the more challenging hard to get type ? Wouldn’t it be boring to have some wide eyed, eyelash batting, naive idiot who fakes it in bed, haha! ?? Nah.. surely they like a woman who puts her guard up so they can tear it down.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Depends on the school of narcissist, the fuel levels, the operation of the fuel matrix, but most narcissists prefer the route of economy.

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        Very interesting HG. I know you’ve helpfully pointed this out to us previously but the behaviour I’ve observed from interactions with two different Ns very recently now makes perfect sense to me. Both try to get me under their control very quickly and when it didn’t work they give up but when they see me again they will try again. I’m far more accustomed to those who put a lot of effort in to being your friend for some time before they attempt any form of control. Is this what it is then, simply the route of economy. I cannot be controlled quickly and easily, they don’t turn nasty or anything, but just place me on the shelf when I don’t respond to a ‘seduction test ST’? Makes so much sense!

      2. Empath007 says:

        Really ? So what if a woman throws herself at them ?? Would they not view this as a threat to their control ?

        You guys are the creators of the chase ! The players of the game ! You guys spend (at times – years studying victims) You like to win over the “prize” so you can conquer it… say you conquered it… and move on to the next chase.

        Surely it’s way more fun, if the chase provides some challenge. Otherwise, where’s the true accomplishment? Haha.

        1. NarcAngel says:


          I think that would depend on the fuel matrix. An extensive one would allow for the chase and games as you put it of more challenging prospects, but that is not the case for all narcissists. Fuel demands differ and therefore so too might the narc preference or manipulation at the time. I have learned that here though, as I mistakenly referred to “low hanging fruit” in the past.

          1. Empath007 says:

            For sure. At least this way when they pick another woman over us… we can tell ourselves she was much easier bait, didn’t tug at the line, just let him reel her in… in a way… it makes me feel kind of bad ass for being rejected at all. Today.. rejection just became a good thing (when being a potential prospect for a narc).

          2. Beguiled says:

            Could there be a Narc who only sees one person at a time?

            In my first narcissistic relationship, I can’t say for certain, but I don’t believe he was seeing other women, simultaneously. At most, some online window shopping at the tail end of the Golden Period and subsequent disengagement.

            His pleasure seemed to come from abruptly breaking up with me, watching me crumble, beg for an explanation, phone calls for closure, followed by a dramatic love note trying to understand how this could have derailed so quickly. His reason for ending it was that I interrupted him when he talked and that I didn’t listen to him.

            I also saw him right back on the dating site (I met him at HS reunion, not site).

            A month later, he picked me up, brushed me off, we got back together…one week later same abrupt ending, proclaiming that the singular sentence I spoke caused his feelings for me to change on a dime.

            Then he wanted to hang out as friends and mercilessly flirted with me as I tried to get clarity on where we stood. Together again…3rd breakup because he “wanted to see what else was out there”.

            A total of 5 times before I had a heart to heart with my psychologist friend who suggested NPD. Thats all I needed. Year and a half later, he still emails me saying how sorry he is that he hurt me and it was a hard lesson and that he is having trouble moving on…Nothing from me.

            I didn’t do the Narc test with this one as I was armpit deep in a second textbook narc relationship (confirmed) when I came across KTN and it didnt really matter to me to get the official nod on that bozo.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Yes, Beguiled, it is called the golden period with the IPPS.

          4. Beguiled says:

            HG, yes, of course. I feel kind of dumb. My 2nd Narc, Somatic LMMRN, is such a whore, I had forgotten.

            Funny thing is, that first narc hurt me so much more, but he wasn’t fucking crazy and I could still get out of the relationship with a normal level of effort. Once I knew what he was, I left. The hoovers were tame and manageable.

            With my Somatic, he is diagnosably crazy and I, in turn, went off the charts, bat shit crazy. The addiction to him was so much more powerful, but I was never in love.

    2. Violetta says:

      A “wide eyed, eyelash batting, naive idiot who fakes it” was exactly what Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc wanted. He admitted as much.

  4. Empath007 says:

    #9…. I need to know… what exactly is it you would say to someone for them to extend themselves like this ?? Do they not feel like a complete moronic idiot for trying to make a date with someone they have no interest in and what if the person says yes ?? Now they’re going on dates as favors to the narc ?? I may have done some things I wasn’t proud of when with the narc, but like hell I would ever bow to his feet and gather information for him… I have something called Pride. This has GOT to cause embarrassment for lieutenants. Are they typically narcs to engage in this behavior ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Usually they are narcissists, yes.

      1. Empath007 says:

        So would you directly say “I need to test her loyalty , I’ve heard she’s cheated in the past” …. or would it be a more indirect route of trying to say she’s attractive and your mate should go for it ??? How does it get accomplished lol.

    2. Another Cat says:

      This has only happened to me one time. That a person (he was a Mid Mid narc) asked me to “gather information”. He rapidly understood that neither me nor his guy friend (an empath) were inclined to spy behaviour. I guess other narcs I have been exposed to, Upper Mids, make a quicker estimate of character, and never even raised the subject with me.

  5. KJ says:

    Thank you HG. That is interesting. Can you do a set of Tests like that for us? I know that ages ago you did a set of questions to ask – I cannot remember the title of the article.
    I have a crude set of tests I have figured out myself, some of which are the opposite to these!

    1. Don’t answer a text immediately.
    2. Say “No” and gauge the response.
    3. Don’t become invested too quickly.
    4. Do not, do not sleep with him. For a good few months. Make him wait. If he can’t wait, bye bye.
    5. Do not lose my independence.
    6. Do not give away too much. Answer questions without embellishments. Keep some parts of myself completely off limits.
    7. Disagree. Gauge the response.
    8. Do not allow myself to be made to feel obliged. My only obligation is to myself and my son.
    9. Check the facts. If he says he owns a business, check the companies database.
    10. Check for consistency in his stories.

    Am I on the right track?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Those are sensible steps to take however reading Red Flag and Black Flag alongside ensuring you have got your ET down to a very low level before dating will maximise the prospects of evading any narcissist that come your way.

      1. KJ says:

        Thank you.

      2. Beguiled says:

        Just finished Red Flag.

    2. Leigh says:

      KJ, making him wait isn’t a certainty that he’s not a narcissist. Mine pursued me for 2 years. 2 YEARS! Mine was patient like a lion, stalking his prey.

      1. Empath007 says:

        Same ! Same time period too. Just sat… watched… gathered info… made his pounce when he figured I was vulnerable enough to take the bait.

        1. Leigh says:

          Empath007, I was just reading your comments from above and I feel like mine definitely preferred the challenge. I was definitely hard to get and challenged him and he still pursued me, relentlessly. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m with you, I think they like the challenge. It probably makes them feel even more powerful once we finally give in.

      2. Alexissmith2016 says:

        Yup six months of full on love bombing. I would describe him as persistent rather than patient. Texts and calls would start from the moment I woke until a fell asleep. If he had others in varying stages of the dynamic I’m not sure how he had worked a full time job? And I tried oh so hard to help him make things work For him with his ‘awful’ wife.

        1. Leigh says:

          I agree, persistent is a much better description than patient. Another good word is tenacious. Interestingly, I never got love bombed. He was just always around. ALWAYS! He would just send a random text, call or show up at my office. Then he would cry about how unhappy he was with his “awful” wife. And eventually, I fell for it, hook, line & sinker.

  6. Kiki says:

    Eww HG . Sleeping with two women in 24 hours.

    Honesty one of them must twig something is up.
    Esp empaths with spidey senses.
    Have you ever been caught out ???


    1. Truthseeker6157 says:


      I was going to comment on the same point.

      My view on sex is pretty old fashioned I’ll admit. I’d struggle with the idea of sleeping with two men in 6 months, let alone 24 hours! Ha ha

    2. KJ says:

      Kiki, they never get caught out because their victims are giddy with exhilaration. They are in a tidal wave and being washed out to sea. The lucky one will lose and hopefully wash ashore.
      The person who does know that something is going on is the IPPS who is in the middle of discard. And probably also slept with him in those 24 hours.

      1. Intrepid Traveller says:

        First hand experience of exactly that! ☹️ Positive, he was imploring me to stay whilst he had several Candidates on the go as fuel lines during the last death throes of our relationship. Most horrible feeling when the words dont match with the feelings that are emanating from them.

      2. Kim e says:

        KJ….you stated
        “The person who does know that something is going on is the IPPS who is in the middle of discard. And probably also slept with him in those 24 hours.”

        The IPPS could be the blindest of them all. They are very tightly bound and some are never even allowed out of the house. No friends. Family long gone. They believe the N is the salt of the earth who just happens to be having a “bad day”.

        1. KJ says:

          Kim, you are correct. I have observed that in some women I have known.
          From personal experience, the second time I was IPPS, I did not think he was the salt of the earth. I thought I was responsible for him. I stayed our of duty. Leaving after 25 years was probably the most difficult thing I have ever done.
          I fell in love immediately – stupid. In my defence, he saw me coming. He had been watching me for a while. Narc #3, or #4 if you count my father as #1, discarded me brutally. And I absolutely knew something was going on.

          1. blackcoffee30 says:

            Kim, You stayed for 25 years. Before or after you found out he was a N? When did you find out he was a N? Did you suspect anything was “off” with him, but unable to put a finger on it?

          2. blackcoffee30 says:

            Oops, sorry I meant to address my question to KJ.

          3. KJ says:

            Hey BC30. I had no idea he has NPD. I knew he was seriously damaged. In fact, he is the only person I know who has been diagnosed, although in the ’80s they didn’t call it NPD. He told me that a panel of psychiatrists had diagnosed him as schizoid with an extremely low self esteem and a grandiose ego. That piece of information came about 5 years into marriage.
            I only found out about NPD 3 years ago after Narc #3. I saw a psychologist who told me I have chosen my father 3 times. I didn’t get it so spoke with my sister. She is my sounding board, my truest friend and the one who can tell me when I am looking it. She sent me here, and told me our father is an N. All started to make sense after that.

          4. blackcoffee30 says:

            I wrote on another article about being trapped in the spider’s web. I knew something was off, but I don’t know if being told he was a narcissist would have led to my leaving. By the time my friend mentioned he might be a narc, I was years into the relationship and in devaluation. I don’t know if I would have recognized that I was caught in a web.

            When I found HG and began reading, everything may sense. I had already made the decision to leave and started my version of no contact. But I wonder if knowing back when I was still trying to work things out would have caused me to leave. I think we all knew in our heart of hearts.

      3. Kiki says:

        I’m not sure , you always kind of know I I think.Flashes of logic tell you.

        But the difference is maybe denial, not wanting to know .

        Denial can be a very cosy blanket .


    3. njfilly says:


      I slept with two different men in a 24 hour period once in my life. I did feel some shame about it afterward. It was during the 90’s which was a tumultuous time for me. I was dating different men consistently as I was searching for something; always searching. I call it dating but I was sexually active with most (if not all) of them, but there was no committed relationship with any of them.

      I was with a man at his beach house for the weekend. I had to leave early Sunday because I had a date with another man that night. I had sex with the one man in the morning, then left for my date and had sex with the next man Sunday evening.

      I have taken the EDC and Mr. HG Tudor has confirmed that I am an empath although he also has said to me that an empath would not have NSA sex in the way that I do. I guess nothing is 100%.

      I like revealing some things I have done on this blog like my confession.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No, I explained that ordinarily an empath would not habitually engage in NSA sex, unless there was an external stressor impacting on the empath.

        1. WokeAF says:

          Define “strings”….

          1. HG Tudor says:

            The things of which I have many on my bow.

          2. njfilly says:

            Ha ha! That was funny!

            I prefer rope to strings.

          3. njfilly says:

            Mr. HG Tudor,

            Doesn’t a bow contain only one string?

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. njfilly says:

            Interesting. I did not know that.

        2. Another Cat says:

          I so recognized this, HG and njfilly.

          During a year 28 to 29 I dated 4 men simultaneously. Was enormously stressed out by MatriNarc, finances, housing, work, bullying from her and another narc, stomach feeling weird, constant headaches. I haven’t done anything like that since then, nor before. All other times it was the monogamous me. The outer stressor was needed I guess, for me to behave like I did. Thank you for this knowledge.

          1. Claire says:

            Another Cat and njfilly, I totally understand you! I have been there after an year from hell ( after losing much loved one person) and being totally numb from the grief, like a walking zombie. I couldn’t even express outside my grief , I put the brave face. So I had a brief periods of NSA/ ONS . Feeling ashamed? Yes .
            But that’s life – we make mistakes. As far as we don’t hurt others, as far as we learn our lessons and we move on, we don’t have to be too harsh to ourselves for the past .

          2. Kiki says:

            NSA sex is something I wish I could do.
            I could imagine it’s fun but I simply cannot.
            Nothing religious or anything I’m just not wired for it.
            It gets lonely and us ladies have our needs but I still can’t do it .


          3. njfilly says:

            Another Cat:

            I have always engaged in NSA sex and I have had more NSA and ONS than relationships, so for myself, I might classify it as habitual. I guess I have always been stressed.

            I have always been monogamous within relationships assuming it was discussed and established that we were in a committed relationship.

            Also, after some thought, I realize that I had sex with more than one man in a 24 hour period more than once. I don’t always remember everything I have done or possibly, I choose to forget it.

          4. njfilly says:


            Yes, I agree that we all make mistakes. I did momentarily feel ashamed which surprised me because I usually don’t. I have to admit, though, that the shame was short lived and did not change my behavior.

            Maybe I’m a lost cause when it comes to sex.

        3. Fiddleress says:

          I am so pleased to come across this information HG.
          So not being able to do NSA is part of being an empath. It’s like nobody around me can understand why I cannot do that, why I cannot have a one-night stand and leave with a light heart the next day.
          I don’t expect marriage (I don’t even believe in marriage – just a contract initially, as you said, and still a sort of economic contract at that), but leaving the next day and no more hearing about the person feels like I am being skinned alive. I need a follow-up.

        4. njfilly says:

          Oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying.

        5. blackcoffee30 says:

          When I spoke with HG about my EDC results, I too was surprised my Infidelity was not higher. Turns out, Pride has more to do with my DE behavior.

          When I’m single, well, that’s a different story.

      2. Kiki says:

        That’s fine nf

        I know I confess a lot here also .
        Please don’t think I was judging anyone on sleeping with men /women in quick succession.Everyone to their own it’s just something that personally would feel weird to me as I would need to bonded somehow to connect sexually with a man .
        Unless I was blind drunk eeek .
        Otherwise it’s solo sex for me 🙂🙂
        But that’s just me .


        1. njfilly says:


          I did not think you were judging anybody at all. I just felt like adding my confession to the conversation. I agree this is a good place for confessing.

          I made another comment where I realized that I have done that more than once.

          I have a hard time bonding with men, or people in general. When I first came across information about narcissism I did think I was a narcissist because I have difficulty bonding with people, I have ended every relationship I have ever been in, including my marriage. In the past I would wonder why I am not capable of loving people and initially believed I was a sex addict. I don’t really know what my problems are.

          I wish I was more like you.

          1. Kiki says:

            Hi Nj

            t’s funny but in general I don’t bond well to people, well most people.
            I’m quite the introvert.
            However I do bond readily to romantic narcs .
            It takes awhile but that’s my big problem.
            They know what buttons to push before I know.

            No you don’t want to be like me really , it’s quite boring sexually and the other alternative is sex with a nice dollop of heartbreak.


          2. njfilly says:

            Well, I do have to admit to having a very exciting sex life, but it interferes with any chance of having a stable relationship because I become bored very quickly. I have a vivid imagination with regard to sex and other areas as well, and I expect the same from my lovers.

    4. Fiddleress says:

      Kiki: “Eww HG . Sleeping with two women in 24 hours.”

      Umm, er, how shall I put it … would it make it more acceptable if all parties involved know about it? (Not talking about HG, and not talking about orgies or prostitution).

      Just testing the water before I expand 😉

      1. Kiki says:

        Hi Fiddlerness

        I suppose I’m old fashioned, nothing wrong with it if all parties agree but why would anyone agree to it , it would hurt me so much .
        I cannot separate sex and emotions unless I’m blind drunk and not aware.
        I can’t sleep with a man unless I feel some bond to him.
        That’s just me though everyone to their own .


        1. Eternity says:

          I am pretty much the same. If I don’t feel a bond with a man I probably wont hop into bed with him. But it we have huge chemistry and it is only for sex I might . Never saw never.
          Sometimes it is better when there are no feelings involved.
          Friends with benefits .

        2. Fiddleress says:

          I don’t think what you say means being old-fashioned – it means being an empath that has all their wits about them.
          My problem is that I cut myself off from my emotions when I let things happen too soon for my own good (this must be ET, thinking ‘I can take it’ when I really can’t), and then they boomerang and I am left an emotional mess.

          I was living in Britain in my early twenties, and it was (one of) the craziest times in my life. My flatmate was an English guy who I am now positive was a narc, probably a Mid-Ranger (my specialty). We were in an on and off ‘relationship’, and during an ‘off’ time I went on a trip touring Ireland (seven of us young ones in a mini-van for a week) during which I got all of 15 hours’ sleep.
          To cut a long story short, on the day we returned I slept with three persons in 24 hours, and I did feel a bond with all three – a Scottish guy from the trip, another person (Belgian-American) I had really fallen for on the trip and the Scottish guy knew about it – and my narc, who got all excited at the news about the second person, of course. The two knew about him also.

          Difficult or too long to explain, but no one suffered from this particular situation, which was a one-off as it is not a viable situation for me.
          What would have hurt me too much would have been a one-night stand. Or one-night stands, one with each.

          I am not ashamed of that, and I wasn’t drunk. No need to blame the lack of sleep either, I supposed !
          Britain really gave life to a few vices in me, haha.

          1. blackcoffee30 says:

            Wow, at least it’s not just me. I’m a bit wild.

          2. Fiddleress says:

            blackcoffee… wanna compare notes ;)?

            The facts (and not all has been told here, haha) would make me seem wild but I’d say it’s more a question of me getting carried away by situations, probably because of a state of high ET.
            I don’t have the necessary lack of emotion to be wild intentionally and come out the other end unscathed – as I said, I cut off my emotions in some situations, and afterwards they backfire at me.

            Actually, what I am saying here reminds me of one of HG’s article, maybe one entitled “whore”, in which he says that empaths are like prostitutes, always wanting to please others. Maybe that’s what I do when I cut off my emotions, forbid myself to feel them and heed them, in an attempt to please others?
            I have read that that is what many female prostitutes have to do: cut themselves off from their emotions – cleave, or split, themselves? – in order to be able to do what they do. They can’t allow themselves to really BE there when they are having sex with so many people (men, in general), or it would kill them at least emotionally.

          3. blackcoffee30 says:

            That makes absolute sense. I could never prostitute myself for money as a straight up business transaction.* My DE actions are caused by ET. It’s reactionary and now that I am aware, I am working on it. It is not a characteristic I want to act on anymore.

            *I am not shaming sex work.

  7. Ben says:

    HG Do you ever feel happy? Like the time you got married to Victoria I think? Do you ever feel you could be happy? Have you ever thought you could be friends with any of those you have discarded?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, we do not “do” happy. I give the appearance of happiness as I know how to mimic it. I will never feel happy, not that that concerns me. Can I be friends with anybody I have disengaged, of course, if it suited my pursuit of The Prime Aims, but I am not truly a friend in the way you would understand friendship.

      1. fox says:

        That always makes me very sad to read, even though I understand it, but if lack of happiness doesn’t bother you then I suppose there is nothing to be sad about.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do not do sad either Fox!

          1. fox says:

            Oh, I know, haha. I wouldn’t trade my emotions for yours, I accept all the pain and sadness I’ve endured in exchange for the love and happiness, but sometimes I do envy you for that, HG.

          2. Violetta says:

            Fox, I don’t think we get a choice any more than narcs do. When I was a teenager, I tried to numb my emotions and my conscience any way I could. Didn’t work.

      2. Eternity says:

        Makes sense, you don’t feel those emotions HG,? But you experience jeaulous, rage though. I mean what would happen if you wanted to target a new victim and you were in competition with another man. Would that make you jeaulous and ignite your fury if she didnt pick you?
        How would you handle that situation. Would you walk away?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If she didn’t pick you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

      3. Violetta says:

        What did you feel about Victoria when you married her? Did you know you just wanted the fuel, or did you did you not recognize yet that you didn’t “love” the way other people do?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It was a contract. Just how the concept of marriage began.

          1. Eternity says:

            Yes HG, and contracts are made to be broken.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Only by me.

          3. Violetta says:

            Did she know that? Did she think the two of you loved each other?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Did she know what?

          5. Violetta says:

            Did Victoria know the marriage was a contract, or did she think there was love on either side?

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Love devotee.

      4. benitta ruphus says:

        Do you not feel happy or sad because those emotions are too overwhelming and so you push them aside? Also I understand that deep inside you have huge insecurities and an inferiority complex. Have any of those you have chosen understood this and tried to be more understanding and get closer to you emotionally?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. No, these emotions do not exist.
          2. No, you have fallen for a myth about us. There is no inferiority complex and no insecurities inside.
          3. No, they have not done so, they do not understand this because to do so is incorrect.

          1. Eternity says:

            Thats why there is a lot of trash out there about your kind.
            Extremely misleading !

    2. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Ben,

      Are you considering being friends with an ex narc?

      1. Ben says:

        No but in one of my conversations with him he mentioned that he wanted all the women of his past as friends in his life. So I was wondering about his statement.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:


          If the person you are dealing with is a narcissist then he is paving the way for future hoovering of you.

          HG uses a specific term for this, ‘golden doorstop?’ Something like that. It’s the idea of the narcissist disengaging from you but at the same time leaving the door open for him to contact you again in the future. ‘Friends’ means he can draw fuel from you as and when he sees fit.

          The only reason a narcissist wants to ‘remain friends’ is to satisfy the Prime Aims. He might use you as a future business contact for example. More commonly, he just wants to keep a fuel line open for future use.

          Remaining in contact with an ex narc is not possible. The only route to take is Get Out Stay Out.

          I hope I understood you correctly Ben. Please correct my terminology HG!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Golden wedge, you are correct with what you have explained further.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Ha ha,

            Guess who remembers in pictures?!

            Thank you for the clarification HG.

  8. December Infinity says:

    Seems exhausting …a great deal of work and games to play to secure new supply. Is it worth the effort?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Exhausting to you, not to us.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      It can be pretty exhausting being an empath as well. Just look at the hoops we jump through while engaged and fighting to make it work. We do the heavy lifting really.

      1. Eternity says:

        NA, you can say that again. Being an empath is exhausting we care so much. Our ET can sometimes cause more harm than good.

    3. Another Cat says:

      Manipulating is the default Relax pose of narcissists.

  9. Beguiled says:

    HG, this entry makes me ask you, how long does a ISSP stick around before she realizes she doesn’t have your full attention? Have you had a secondary source jump ship because she wasn’t getting enough from you?

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Another Cat says:

      Beguiled wrote:

      “same abrupt ending, proclaiming that the singular sentence I spoke caused his feelings for me to change on a dime.”

      Must have been exhausting.
      This spoiled brat behaviour happened to me with two Elite narcs.

      I sometimes tried to imagine having a family with them. If me and the guy go on and on and on about sentences spoken with impeccable detail and correct in every word… then how would we ever get the kids to school in the morning. Or us to work on time? Get the supper ready?

      How would the cows ever get fed? And the wood chopped and the car fixed? Imagine running a farm with a person like that. Or a restaurant.

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