The Creature



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12 thoughts on “The Creature

  1. leelasfuelstinks says:

    I can see well here how narcissism is a coping- and self-defense mechanism. The creature is the True Self, who is actually a little (badly injured?) child. The little to-be-narcissist decides at some point in time during childhood, that they never ever wanna be weak and helpless again! So, they imprison their True Self and start building the construct at an early age. The construct shields them, protects them and defends them.

    They give up their True Selves and create the False Selves, the construct, instead. The False Self is godlike, strong, omnipotent. But on the inside there is emptiness and the creature, the True Self, which should have developed but remains imprisoned.

    The construct (False Self) needs fuel (narcissistic supply) to be kept stable and in place.

    There is no real “self” except for the creature. There is no personality. Their true personality has been encapsulated, frozen and imprisoned long time ago. Instead, the False Self took over in order to defend and protect the child from the lack of control in their environment. The child developed due to genetic predisposition this kind of coping- and self-defense mechanism.

    Where can I find the book? Would love to read it!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The book has not yet been completed.

  2. December Infinity says:

    I think reading about the creature would be intriguing, not that I wish to focus on the murky innards of the narcissist in their abyss.

  3. blackcoffee30 says:

    It’s not like it’s painful or anything.

    The closest equivalent I imagine is what low-self esteem and depression is to us.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    I love this pic.

    It reminded me of a vivid dream that I had last night – where I had said to someone (dunno who it was supposed to be) that he is a narcissist. The MRN said to me that it was not a nice thing to say and that the guy was not a narcissist. How weird is that?! Dreams can indicate what is going on in the sub-conscious.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      This is true. Which is why I’ve always been interested in the fact that HG says he doesn’t dream. What better way to effectively block out the subconscious completely. His defences are so secure that even his subconscious is unable to penetrate them.

      This is a description of a dream given to a psychiatrist by his patient who had been in therapy for over three years:

      “It took place on another planet. My people were at war with an alien race. For a long time it had been unclear who would win the war. But I had constructed a marvellous machine that was both offensive and defensive. It was enormous and very complicated, with many different weapons systems. It could shoot torpedoes underwater, fire rockets for great distances, spray chemicals, and do many other things. With it I knew I could win the war. I was in the process of putting the finishing touches to this machine in my laboratory when a man came in. He was an alien, one of our enemy. I knew he had come to try and destroy my machine before I could put it to use. But I was not alarmed. I was supremely confident. There seemed to be plenty of time. I thought I would have sex with him and then get rid of him before he got to the machine. There was a couch on one side of my laboratory. We lay down on it and began to make love. But then, just as we were getting into it, he jumped up from the couch and ran to the machine to attack it. I dashed over and began to push the buttons that would activate the defensive weapons systems, which would kill him and blast him away. But they didn’t work. I hadn’t quite finished checking them and hadn’t test fired them before. I pushed buttons and pulled levers frantically. In the midst of doing this I awoke in great agitation. It was unclear when I awoke whether I would succeed in repelling his sneak attack or whether he would succeed in destroying my beautiful machine.”

      One of the many remarkable things about this dream was Charlene’s violent reaction to it’s interpretation.

      “What is your predominant feeling about the dream?” I asked. “The one you had after you awoke?”

      “Fury. I was furious.”

      “What were you most furious about?”

      “The trickster” Charlene replied.

      She goes on to describe her machine after a challenge from the doctor as to what it might represent, and the reason she gives not to destroy it:

      “Because it was beautiful.” Charlene wailed. She went on, almost crooning to the image of the machine. “My machine was a thing of beauty. It was intricate. It was intricate beyond belief. It could do so many things. It had been constructed with such care and ingenuity. It had so many levels and operations. It was a masterpiece of engineering. He should never have attempted to destroy it. It was the most beautiful thing ever made.”

      The doctor gives his perspective:

      Your (underlying issue – represented by the machine) is large and complicated. You have constructed it over many, many years. It does serve many functions for you, but it’s cumbersome and constantly tripping you up and not working when you need it. And it keeps you from being close to people, for it was built for warfare – to protect you from people, as you probably needed to be protected from your parents. But you don’t need such protection now. You need to be open to people, not to be at war with them. You don’t need the machine. It’s getting in your way. It’s only a weapons system, designed solely for warfare – to keep people away.”

      I have left parts out, but I found this excerpt to be fascinating and accurate in terms of HGs need to keep the creature at bay by designing a uniquely effective weapons system, or defence, to do just that.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        “Which is why I’ve always been interested in the fact that HG says he doesn’t dream. What better way to effectively block out the subconscious completely. His defences are so secure that even his subconscious is unable to penetrate them.” That’s interesting. Is that something that some narcissists (I am assuming, not all) can do – of just the Cerebrals, the Greaters have the ability to do?

        That’s a rather long & vivid dream – it’s fascinating how the sub-conscious can work. Just remembering mine from the other night – there was three persons in the dream, where one was a stranger – I realised it was a ‘triangulation’ LOL.

        “I found this excerpt to be fascinating and accurate in terms of HGs need to keep the creature at bay by designing a uniquely effective weapons system, or defence, to do just that.” The lengths that a narcissist has to go, in order to stop the creature from surfacing. It’s saddening really as it must be such a hard thing to do, at times – and I suppose when they feel it ‘surfacing’, a narcissist sometimes looks away from other’s eyes. Maybe I observed that in the MRN during the slip-off-the-mask moments?

        1. Renarde says:

          Yes!!! to listening to your dreams.

          I often in consult rattle on about mine to Hg. Whenever I get a particular dream that is hyper real I know I need to pay attention.

          Two examples. I’m dreaming a lot about my parents atm for very good reason. An extremely serious situation is about to happen and its throwing up a lot of stuff from my childhood.

          However the other night, I dreamt about a situation which was completely unique. I woke up at 4am. 24 hours later I had not only started a new book based on the dream, I had completely mapped it out AND outlined the other eight in the series.

          It is fiction. However, the ideas about how I can get the characters to interact will encompass an Empath becoming aware, dreams, the subconscious. Perception of reality and what is morality? Plus sex too ‘cos it’s me!

          To me, dreams are incredibly important. Before I started writing I checked Amazon to see if another author had used the same title. They bloody had! He win the Booker prize last year! Completely different story so that will need to be changed!. Otherwise if it had been someone that hadn’t had that level of prestige I might have been tempted to swing it.

      2. Renarde says:


        Fascinating! The only thing that icks me is a patient being in therapy for three years. That doesn’t sound healthy to me.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          The patient was undergoing psychoanalysis, Ren, which often appears to be a long term affair. Much like HGs therapy. Part of the reason may be because the underlying issue is ultimately unable to be treated due its nature. The refusal of the client to revisit the issues raised by the dream during a further 6 months of treatment (according to the author) indicates its intransigence. I think the upshot is she was not going to let down her defences, in spite of seeking help in the first instance, and finally decided to move on. Which was probably a relief for the Psych in the end as well.

          1. Renarde says:


            Disclaimer: I am not a qualified, mental health professional.

            I hear what you are saying but I’m even more squicked!

            The mind is a precious thing. The more I’ve learned through the ‘Good Offices’, the less likely I am to ever go into any kind of therapy ever again. I saw this myself in March when I saw a psychiatrist. Typical fucking bloody UMRN, cerebral I’d say.

            If I had not been aware he could have seriously fucked with my mind. I knew his game.

            With only one exception, most therapists are about as much use as a one-legged man in an arse kicking competition. The other I am in contact with lays it on the line. Like her.

            Psychotherapy? But actually what is that? What does it mean? Is it not code for, ‘let’s take all your money for years and do fuck-all to help you?’

            No one, not one person, is qualified to get inside someone’s brain and attempt to heal it. I would argue, that not only can it do more harm than good but when that person is completely removed from the narc that caused the damage, the brain will heal itself. With the right education.

            I think that some people think I’m on the Persians all the time. There is one class of drugs I will never take and that’s the truly perception altering ones such as LSD and mushrooms. You just cannot fuck with you brain that way. Ipso facto, no one gets into me noggin.

            The intransigence of the lady you described sounds to me like her self-defence mechanism against further fuck-wittery is well in place. Good for her.

            Dear LEM, this isnt a rant at you. I’ve personally witnessed florid behaviour and extreme psychosis. The mind has become completely undone. Fractured. They never really fully recover and can be very susceptible to external forces.

            I WASTED thousands on therapy. Completely useless. All I needed to hear were the Prime Aims. Then my mind healed itself. Best part. I read the PA for free.

            Again, not directed at you because I thoroughly love reading your insightful comments. But when I think of therapy in any guise I just think, an entire field, created by largely unaware narcs which is being used inadvertently to retraummatise unaware Empaths. For fuel.

            Even to be a therapist you have to go through three years of training. Three years! I could do another degree in that time and get more out of it.

            And that’s my rant off!

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, Renarde, more power to you for putting it out there as you see it. I have no particular love for mental health professionals of any variety. While sitting and listening to people’s issues may gain them some kudos from me, I agree it is not always helpful, especially if the diagnosis is not correct or the therapy is the wrong kind for the diagnosis. You have stated it perfectly when saying that for all the money you paid all you really needed to know was the function of the Prime Aims of the narcissist. I thoroughly agree. When the issues are not seen for what they are, any form of treatment can become useless as well as expensive.

            And often we are seeking validation for our experiences. If we don’t get that, then the therapy is moot. There is nothing more disempowering than someone not recognizing the validity of our experience.

            Which is why I find this place so empowering and therapeutic in its own right.

            My experiences are validated by everything HG has to say. He tells it like it is from the narcissist’s perspective and that is what I need to hear. The truth. As much as it hurts. At the same time it is validating. And the therapy comes in various forms in terms of education, support, opportunity to vent, etc. I cannot fault the benefit of being here and it doesn’t compare to any other efforts I’ve made over the years to resolve my issues. Because none of them made sense of the problem. The actual underlying issue at hand. Not one. And that is a sad testament to the helping profession in that regard.

            So casting a dubious eye at them is not uncalled for at times.

            Psychiatrists actually have to complete a medical degree and then specialize in Psychiatry so their training runs into years. This doesn’t mean they have the answer to every question and they also need to be aware of the dangers of opening people up to their experiences. The Psychiatrist is being exposed to those experiences as well so they need to be foolproof with regard to their own ability to know themselves and I’m sure this is part of their training. It would be foolhardy to try and treat someone without having some kind of insight into yourself. So, it is a minefield.

            And the potential for total mindfuckery is there.

            You obviously saw one therapist for what he was, and I’m glad you did. The level of vulnerability in the circumstances could lay you very bare otherwise. In the case of the lady in question she retained the issues which originally brought her to the Psychiatrist’s office, by her own choice. And that is the conclusion that one needs to come to sometimes. That this is working for me and I don’t want to change. Even though I’m here openly admitting this in some way is not working for me. If nothing else, the therapy has allowed the patient to come to the conclusion that they don’t want the help that is being offered. I’m sure that’s happened here, too.

            Doesn’t mean the patient won’t at some point change their mind and seek help and support again. But it may be a little like peeling layers off an onion and that’s how I experience things here, too. I will hear some things, but not others. I’m not ready for that layer of the onion to be peeled off yet. I need to absorb the current knowledge, what I am able to digest, and allow my self protective mechanisms to look after the rest.

            Narcissist’s are not the only ones who have self protective mechanisms.

            And I’m glad you shared your thoughts Renarde. No one has the right to mess with our minds. But when our minds have been messed with we do need to do all we can to try to resolve the issue for our own sake. Hopefully we can find the right people to help us do that x

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