Matrinarc
Both Dr O and Dr E (the good doctors) repeatedly like to ask me about my childhood. I do not like to talk about it. I tell them that I do not like to and the reason for that is that I do not remember much about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable talking about something which I do not feel in control of. Everyone is like that though aren’t they? If you are making a presentation but you only have half the material, you feel uncomfortable don’t you? I you are asked a question by somebody but you do not have all the information to hand, you feel uneasy. I explained that was my response and that it was an entirely understandable one. I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance. Not a chance.
Unfortunately, Dr O then gets the bit between her teeth in one of our sessions and decides she would like to talk to me about family.
“Who has pinched your bagel this week then? Your brother or your sister?” I shot back seeking to deflect her. She ignored my remark and pressed on.
“Is there anybody in your immediate family you would like to discuss with me?” she asked.
“No.”
“Why?”
Where do I start ? Why would I want to talk about people I rarely bother with (save my brother)? Why is it that these people assume that I have some overriding desire to discuss a group of people who I am related to but have nothing in common with? What is the obsession?
I remained silent.
“Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me three things that you like about them and three things that you do not like about them. Just as something to start our conversation?” she suggested.
I remained silent.
“How about your mother?” she asked and looked at me expectantly.
I got up and left the room. I’m not playing that game with Dr O. No way.
6 thoughts on “Matrinarc”
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An observation:
My ex husband had an extremely negligent mother. When annoyed, she was abusive also. I was completely horrified by her behavior. My ex denied that she was abusive at all and denied that there was anything wrong with his childhood. In fact, he grew to identify with his stepfather, who had beaten him mercilessly from the time he was about 2 years old.
The denial was a denial of his own dysfunction. To acknowledge the abusive childhood, he would then also necessarily have to acknowledge that he had acquired some dysfunction of his own. This would be anathema to him. He is perfect, supreme, “more evolved”, a “higher being”.
In a twisted way, it makes perfect sense.
HG, That is something that we can totally pick from you. Not talking about people that abused us. They really are not worth the space. For me it takes time before I arrive there but it is definitely the best outcome for us to not have any desire to think about or talk about the people that did not or does not add value to our lives.
Speaking of Matrinarcs, I’m putting a red flag on Kristen Bell but I’m not saying she is definitely a narcissist. I just recently found out that she talked about locking her 3 year old in her bedroom when the little girl had tantrums. This was in 2018 but a friend just told me about it recently. Kristen Bell said:
“We switched the doorknob. We turned the lock on the outside,” she said. “I’m sorry, I know that’s controversial, but we lock it when she gets in there, and we stand outside and say, ‘We love you, we will talk to you in the morning, but now, it’s time for sleep.’ And after about 10 minutes, she’ll wind herself down. And then, before we go to bed, obviously, we unlock it.”
I just don’t think that it’s normal for a parent to be able to do that. That just seems like total lack of control environment for the child to be locked alone in their bedroom. I just don’t know how a parent who seems very empathic like her wouldn’t feel bad about doing something like that to a child and even refer to it as a trick. She preach about kindness a lot but evidently not so much when it comes to her kids.
https://www.insider.com/kristen-bell-controversial-sleep-trick-locking-doors-2018-3
Hg, she knows your mother fucked you up. You’re a survivor of abuse. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I can totally understand and relate to this. I would have reacted the same way – walked out, no discussion, end of. That part of my life is in the past and will stay there.
Agreed ,Matrinarc is a touchy subject and uncomfortable to tall about. I probably would have walked out as well or just changed the subject .
Hmm. Nothing good about the matrinarc.