Never Again



I have lost count of the times that I have been told “never again”. I have heard it said by other people who have met my kind even more often. I am entirely relaxed when I hear this phrase because I know that although your intentions are to never go through that dance again with me or one of my kind, it will happen.

We may be gone for some time but we will return and when we do we will resurrect all those wonderful memories as we seek to Hoover you back into our reality. The emotional attachment that we create is so great that even though you looked in the mirror every morning and mouthed “Never again” to yourself you will struggle to resist.

You cannot help but wonder if this time it will be different. You do not want to say no for fear of someone else receiving our amazing and scintillating love. You want it. You learned the lessons and as the introspective empath that you are (as well as suitably conditioned by us) you will blame certain things on yourself.

You will convince yourself, because you want to taste that mesmerising kiss once again, that we have changed and that this time it will be different. Why should someone else get to experience that wonderful love? That is not fair. You put up with the rough and the smooth. You have earned your stripes so it is only right that you get to have us again isn’t it? That is what you want.

When we first departed and you saw (for we wanted you to see) that we had found someone new it ripped you apart. Notwithstanding the full horror of your dance with us you hated the fact that someone else now basked in our glorious light. You wanted to warn them not because you cared about that person but because you wanted us back. You wanted us to yourselves.

You felt a sense of unfairness that she was now with us. You would lie awake wondering if I was saying the same things to her as I had said to you. You wondered how she would respond to that blazing, heavenly love that you once relished. Would I be the same for her as I was to you? You kept telling yourself that it was only a matter of time before she befell the same fate that you endured, yet the postings and pictures told a different story.

You began to worry. Had I changed? Had I become a better person after you? Was she somehow able to please me in a way that you could not? You had to know. You had sworn never again but now you wanted me back. You wanted her to go away and free me to be yours again so that you could apply your learned lessons and everything would be wonderful again.

She did not deserve me did she? But you did. You made such sacrifices. You opened your heart to me despite the daggers I drove into it. You served your time and you are entitled to your reward. Not this Jane-come-lately. You want to give us that chance to prove we can do it.

You want to show you brought benign influence to bear. You want to prove that the beast can be brought to heel in the most compassionate manner. You might say never again but you do not truly mean it. Not in your heart of hearts.
By contrast when we say “Never again” we most definitely mean it. Never again will your life be the same after meeting us.

Never again will you feel able to trust anybody after being subjected to our acid reign.

Never again will you be able to smell certain scents, hear certain songs and see certain places without breaking down in tears.

Never again will you love someone in the way that you loved us. Never again will you want somebody as much and in such an intense way as you wanted us.

Never again will you be able to feel calm and relaxed since for too long you have been subjected to a heightened state of anxiety.

Never again will you experience that euphoria you once had with us. So when you declare never again it is never truly meant, but what you fail to realise is just how many things will never again be the same for you.

3 thoughts on “Never Again

  1. Asp Emp says:

    Interesting to read what I wrote last year on this article. Not surprising to read what I had to say. I can see my ET at the time and I can measure it now. What a difference HG’s work can do.

    At the time of my writing last year’s comment where I say “Sometimes I think that too much damage has been done” – there was so much I had to unravel and ‘dispose’ of unnecessary memories, which has effectively ‘unblocked’ the pathways to ones that had been locked away for so long. I was also in a lot of ‘pain’. It was immense but I was not able to see how much there was.

    This site, KTN is such a valuable part of the world where it has saved ie NHS, other mental health organisations / support groups a lot of resources, including financial and individuals time. It is most likely that the majority of the victims of such abuse would have ended up getting incorrect diagnoses / treatment / therapy.

    How many people ‘out there’ actually realise this fact?

    How many people do not need to access ie NHS ‘therapy’ because the free resources that HG has given humanity?

    By the time someone has ‘reached’ a therapist via ie NHS (ie a referral can take 3 plus months to take place before you get to that appointment), the same person may have progressed through quite a bit of learning by coming to HG’s KTN site. How much easier it is to come here and ‘talk’ with like-minded and those with similar experiences compared to going to a doctor then going to this person that person only to find that they are not actually helping you to find the answers to your emotional /mental health difficulties. Because the health ‘specialists’ are not savvy on narcissism and recognising the abuse as such. In my eyes, they are ‘painted black’. One or two of them are ‘painted white’. Not good enough.

    Ah, I just looked up to when the ‘Book of Knowledge’ was first published. In 1909.

    Anyway, in my opinion, HG basically re-wrote it. Good man.

  2. Joa says:

    Never again. I’ve had enough. He wrote again a moment ago and shut down. One offensive text.

    I remember that from years ago. It disappeared the same way. Time and time again hammering a pin, or rather a chisel. Less and less until he melted away.

    I do not know what I feel. Only sadness. Giving Up.
    I don’t feel like fighting anymore.

    I want peace, I already felt it. I don’t understand why someone like this bothers my thoughts in any way.

    What a nonsense.

    I feel bad when I think about the whole lawyer battle all over again. Fight or give up and live your life …

    Let him go and take everything. Let him live happy that I canceled his debt and that he saving his daughter’s fees. Let him be glad he won.

    I don’t want anything anymore.
    I don’t want anything from this man.

    He got his way and let him go away.

    For a moment I belived on him…

  3. A Victor says:

    What a fun day HG, thank you.

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