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18 thoughts on “Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie : The Laundrie Notes”
His note was the most self-pitying piece of garbage I’ve ever read.
There’s a part of me that still doesn’t believe he’s dead. Quite a few things still don’t add up in my mind, like how fortuitous they were in turning up items belonging to him after his parent’s decided to join the search.
Rather than waste precious energy on that train of thought, I find it interesting the lawyer decided to release the material to the Daily Mail to coincide with Petito’s family bringing the Laundrie’s to Court for their egregious behaviour in relation to Gabby’s disappearance.
It almost feels like Brian was instructed on what to write with regard to his parent’s and the pair come across to me as more callous by the moment. He’s about to kill himself and being the good son that he is must ensure no blame is apportioned to his ‘ever loving’ parents. I wonder if they orchestrated this element of his demise and had the situation neatly packaged up and tied with a bow for their own purposes, to declare their innocence. If Brian was a narcissist I’d say either one of his parent’s planted that seed.
His explanation around Gabby’s death is definitely delusional because I doubt anyone would believe it apart from him, and more likely he still wanted to look like the good guy – I put her out of her misery – rather than admitting he did the deed in a fit of rage or fury. It’s like an excuse a child would make for something they did or that went terribly wrong, that’s the level of sophistication around his explanation. It feels childlike, and that’s why I wonder about him being ‘instructed’, as in this is what you must write before you disappear.
The bit about the animals tearing him apart, OMG, still trying to make himself some type of hero laying himself out for sacrifice based on a need for punishment despite his heroic deed (in killing his girlfriend). Brian wanted to be the hero in his own story. Gabby was the culprit, falling, failing, begging him to put her out of her misery. The narcissist can only perceive themselves as blameless, therefore the victim must somehow be responsible. It’s so clear in what he has written.
The final thought, as TS has so eloquently suggested, likely came from the very place she mentions – a movie, and maybe that particular movie. Borrowing character traits in order to generate an element of sentimentality he never would have felt, but likely knew others would.
Brian had to try to exonerate himself and his parent’s at the same time. Petito’s parent’s have been given the right to sue. I wish them success in their efforts to call these people to account.
HG I found it really interesting that you say here and with amber herd too, how they both over described. I’ve always thought that was evidence of an innocent person but that they sound less believable because they’ve gone into too much detail? Is ther not the case?
Great video HG. I enjoyed listening to your commentary about Brian Laundrie’s ‘suicide note’.
I have since read the note in full. What a pathetic little wankstain Brian was. A lying, wantonly destructive parasite not fit to be called a human, let alone a man.
Even after he murdered his girlfriend, he sought to deny the truth and lie about it, concocting a BS story to hoodwink and dupe the whole world.
While listening to HG, I remembered the way Brian was being so sickeningly innocent and friendly with the policemen in the road-stop police-cam video footage. The way he stood there talking to them, laughing and joking, being their buddy while cupping his groin. I hope a wild alligator in the Florida swamp where he killed himself went straight for his dick, seriously.
If you read the note, he started off by addressing it to Gabby – he couldn’t even say ‘Dear Gabby’ to his own girlfriend who lost her life at his hands, the grovelling little grub. He starts off by saying, “I wish I was right at your side.” The truth was probably closer to: “I wish I was already dead like you because I wish I didn’t have to do what I am about to do.”
After a paragraph of declaring his love for her (please!), he launched into the next paragraph addressing the world at large. He started talking to whoever was going to read the note, and said, “If you were reading Gabs journal…”. Was it a note to Gabby, or was it a note to the police and the media?
Then, after mentioning everyone he knew, he said, “Please don’t make this harder for them (i.e. his family). This occurred as an unexpected tragedy.” Okay, so if it was an unexpected tragedy, why not go to the police after going home to your family? Why not explain it all to the authorities, lead them to her body and face the ‘tragedy’ like a man?
After asking the world not to make this ‘tragedy’ harder for his family, he launched into an epic survival drama about how she fell, injured herself and begged him to kill her.
I think his parents (most likely his mother) said to him something like, Brian, you have just made life hell for me and your father; the police are scoping our every move; we are on the news all day long; the media are waiting outside on the street – you need to make this go away and tell them not to be so awful to us.
This *is* a tragedy, but not because of what Brian wrote in his note. It was a tragedy that Gabby didn’t drive home alone in her van way before Brian could murder her.
I’ve been avoiding this series because it cuts a little close to people and situations in have known, but I think I’ll start with this one. I can deal with Laundrie’s delusions that he was a nice guy more easily than I can with Pettito’s hopeless hopes that there was a way to save this relationship, if she could just figure it out.
Thank you for doing this video HG. This situation, for me, is such a meaningful way to understand narcissism. Maybe it’s my ET but these people, this situation, just regular Joe’s on a (tragic) road-trip, with your amazing analysis and breakdown, bring it home so clearly. The delusions this guy was functioning under are astounding, seriously difficult to wrap my head around, yet it’s true with all the narcs I know also and it is so necessary to know and remember that.
Thanks HG for the clear breakdown of what happened between Gabby and Brian. It’s a sad story and one that rest in many of victim’s heads of what could happen between a narcissist and victim. The worse outcome of them all….very sad and could have been avoided. I feel bad for their families and the loss they must be going through.
“This situation, for me, is such a meaningful way to understand narcissism. Maybe it’s my ET but these people, this situation, just regular Joe’s on a (tragic) road-trip, with your amazing analysis and breakdown, bring it home so clearly.”
Agreed. The Gabby Petito/Brian Laundrie story is quite sobering and HG’s analysis of it is to be commended.
Brian’s disturbing last note and Gabby’s presentation during the police cam footage have really hit home for me.
I was, similarly, very isolated and “on an adventure” with my narcissist before escaping – just was not traveling with my narc, as in the case of Gabby.
Also, my ex is of the same school of narcissist as Brian. I was extremely fortunate to get out before things got really bad.
Professionals who deal with abuse victims should really take note of HG’s coverage of this particular story.
I agree about the professionals WhoCares. It is abuse on abuse to be considered the dangerous one in a situation like this. I could relate so much to Gabby in the police cam footage and the sense of isolation. My ex was not physically abusive, I did not fear him in that regard until the drugs came into play, but he had complete and utter control of every aspect of my life even without being physical. On many occasions I felt like Gabby appeared in the police cam footage, with the uncertainty, self blame, acceptance that he must somehow be right and I must be the problem. Many times I considered how to take my own life, the pain and confusion was so great. And he would sit there and watch and say an occasional word to keep it going. I begged him for help with the kids sometimes, I thought his help was the answer, but he would not do it. He would do it when it made him look like a good father but never when I needed him to. Gabby’s situation hits home so much, I have cried over the pain he must’ve put her through when they were alive, no one should be treated as they treat us. And then even in death, him blaming her, it’s overwhelming. WhoCares, I am so happy that you got out before it got really bad.
Thank-you for sharing more of your story.💗
“My ex was not physically abusive, I did not fear him in that regard until the drugs came into play, but he had complete and utter control of every aspect of my life even without being physical.”
My ex wasn’t physically abusive to me either. There was only one time where he crossed the line with me and got physical.
One morning, after I had readied myself for work (he was to do childcare), he grabbed my wrist as I was about to go out the door. I remember this so clearly because he had never laid a hand on me in that fashion until then. Also, I just knew in that moment that he was trying to pick an argument or provoke a reaction in me. And thinking – what an asshole – to do it then, as I was leaving for work. (We were living on my income.)
I wrenched my wrist upwards and free of his hand but nearly whacked myself on the metal coat hooks on the wall and I ran out the door. (This memory is so visual for me and is often triggered by some of the hand images accompanying HG’s blog articles). Sometimes I feel like I got free only because my ex didn’t try harder to restrain me – since he was much taller and stronger than me.
I remember crying on my way to work because I knew I was leaving my child in the care of that individual, but I didn’t have a choice…I needed the money and couldn’t give up my shift that day.
But that’s okay – because what he didn’t realize in his actions that morning, is that he had crossed a line (in my mind) and it was only a matter of days before he was no longer allowed in our lives and I sought court action.
My escape had two parts to it, in actuality, as I allowed him back into our life for a time – only under my terms – because I still had compassion for him as a human being (who was apparently looking for work, but I now realize was likely just making forays into town for fuel sources) And I needed the childcare. Until things turned violent (towards property and furniture) – and then he lost my permission to be on those premises.
“Many times I considered how to take my own life, the pain and confusion was so great. And he would sit there and watch and say an occasional word to keep it going. I begged him for help with the kids sometimes, I thought his help was the answer, but he would not do it.”
I am so sorry AV that you were brought to that point.
But I am so happy for you that you found your way to HG’s work and that you are safe and here now, sharing and healing 💙.
And I get your feelings about your ex not helping with the kids – in hindsight though, it’s likely a positive.
Thank-you for the discussion AV. 💗
WhoCares, thank you for sharing more of your story also. I always forget about the sleep rape that happened at the beginning, it was one time, not violent in the way Laundrie was, or your ex grabbing you in such a way, and I’d been so conditioned by my mother than these things would happen to me, I did not see it for what it was. Very violent actually. But the good news is that once the chaos left, even the last year prior him leaving, I knew it wasn’t me, I wasn’t crazy. That may be the biggest thing that has held me back from trying again, that I could go back to that dark place, it was a hell that I allowed him to make for me. And yet, even when he left, the death of the dreams of what should have been devastated me, even as I did not want him back, would not consider it, still devastating. All so powerful, I don’t think I could survive it again.
I see how your mother’s behaviour normalized the physical violence for you. Thank-you for explaining that.
I guess my mother normalized the emotional abuse for me.
“All so powerful, I don’t think could survive it again.”
And it isn’t just the potential ramifications of physical assault/abuse…
This is partly why sometimes when I hear of someone getting their confirmation from the NDC, I am all like: “Just get the hell out!”
I have been able, as a consequence of my learning here, to identify several empaths in my family and some of my past friends or acquaintances. And, AV, it’s quite sobering how many of them are 6 feet under – and many of them died painful deaths or had long struggles with their health before succumbing to an illness… lymphoma.. bone cancer…brain cancer… aspiration pneumonia… stroke (that last one likely the best scenario). Of course, in all of these examples they were still with their narcissist spouse and never escaped from the long-term affects of narcissistic abuse.
It’s the long, slow descent that is often the worst outcome, in my opinion.
WC, your words are chilling to me, I have thought many that my mother will likely outlive me, or at the least, the stress from her in my life will shorten my life. I believe the stress of living with her did continue to my dad’s death, though he was pretty hard to live with sometimes also. I think she was the dominant one between them usually, like she took some sort of sick pleasure from the ways she hurt him. He may have too, I didn’t know him as well, as in spend as much time with him or talk to him as a kid. To me he just seemed angry with these fake, weird happy moments in between.
I was reading your story, thanks for sharing it with us. I was wondering how do you bear living with your mother? It must be so hard for you. Xx when I lived with my mother, I had stomach issues and migraines from the stress. How are you coping, are you OK?
I use ANC, it is amazingly helpful. We really have two separate “apartments” in the same house so it is relatively easy to do so. Plus I work full-time, from home but it still functions as a solid reason that I cannot interact with her, one I haven’t allowed her to question. I learned that from my ex, haha, I wasn’t allowed to question him working. I do get stressed if I have to spend more than a minute or two with her, I see the manipulations so clearly now, but I remind myself it’s just her being a narcissist and it’s not personal, that helps a lot. Two of my children have lived here also, one still does, and in living with her have seen the behaviors and felt the frustrations also. That has been validating for me. I don’t bring it up but they do, almost every time they interact with her. They can’t accept that she doesn’t love them though, a thing which was easy for me to come to grow with, once I understood it from HG. That is as a result of my history with her which my children do not have and know very little of. So I am okay, thank you for asking though, it is nice to know other people understand how it can be stressful.
Hmmm, I apologize if two replies in addition to this one appear, one disappeared before I had finished and then when I sent the second, it did also.
So glad you covered this. I had wondered what the mindset would be in the case of a fuel crisis, and that was a real fuel crisis. Now I know.
I read the letter and picked up on the refusal to accept accountability, the pity play aspect, revision of history and the blame shifting so I didn’t see the letter as remorseful, there was no genuine apology in it as far as I could tell.
All good until the last line. The reference to Gabby hating people who litter. I can see why you saw it as an almost comical last line. For me, if there was the slightest shred of emotion or honesty in that letter it was contained within that last line.
It reminded me of a scene in the movie My Girl. Taking people back a bit here. In the film a little boy dies of bee stings. At the funeral his very best friend, a little girl, views the body and gets very upset that her friend isn’t wearing his glasses. “He can’t see without his glasses!”
Laundrie’s last line reminded me of that kind of sentiment. Logically I recognise that sentiment belongs to me and the connection between the two scenes belongs to me, but ever the empath, out of the whole letter, that line felt more genuine than anything else he wrote.
The curvature of the writing also got to me. He was writing that letter over his knee. Narcissist yes, emotional empathy no, but something about him sat like that, alone and writing down his distorted view of events kind of pulled at me a little.
The emotional empathy of the empath, it colours everything even when we know and understand the logic of the situation. I have no sympathy for Laundrie and no acceptance of what he did. However, I have to admit to feeling a degree of compassion for him due to those two elements.
Thank you, HG for this video. It was brilliantly explained as you broke down the barriers of understanding of what Brian was really saying in his letter to Gabby. I noted with interest but not surprise that Brian had not used any words of ‘endearment’ ie ‘Dear Gabby’, which, albeit, on it’s own is not “indicative” (quoting HG to the effect of). I did think, is this “letter” to Gabby the only piece of writing in Brian’s notebook?
I was glad that someone asked you (HG, the today’s Livestream – thank you for that BTW), the question about whether any of the parents could be narcissistic. I recall some discussion on the blog about this “query” because of a video released when her father was talking to the press (?). I understand that the investigation is not necessarily over as yet on this whole case.
Brian being a narcissist would have experienced the fear of the narcissist and may have well felt his creature as he was writing, and so by writing, he was ‘switching’ his creature off, somewhat?
Once again, HG, thank you for your analysis on this case 🙂