From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.
- It is done to appear endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
- You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
- We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
- We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
- By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
- As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
- In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,
“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”
You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.
- In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
- We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
- We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.
The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.
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20 thoughts on “Pet”
“Torpedo” – my boy called me, with whom I first made love. He was definitely a Narcissist. Huge attraction between us. High sexual tension. Leader. When I didn’t want to meet him anymore, a strong smear campaign was launched under the guise of pseudoconcern for me.
The ex would call me a shortened version of my name, then call me my name as a corrective devaluation
He wouldn’t have been able to get away with actual verbal abuse so this worked because I didn’t see it as something that was abusive
Same, exactly. Still abuse, and now we’d see it!
Yes if I knew then what I know now I would have never given him a chance and I told him that too before we separated “you wouldn’t have gotten a second date”
If I was ever in a position where I was dating men again, I would not be “chill” like was before, I would make them jump through hoops, even with non-narcs if they think you can do everything for yourself and it’s all 50/50 so all they are giving you is the D, they aren’t as interested
Oh, this is good to know!! Thank you!! Make them jump through hoops, I like it!!
“Babygirl”!! God, no!! Do blokes actually use that term?!
Baby girl is a bad one isn’t it?
I used to be called bug bait. That had some merit. Mosquitos love me.
“Bug bait”? Was that the fireman who called you that? That’s horrible! Xx
No. Different guy. The fireman called me Twiggy. He’d draw pictures of us together. There’d be him, then just this little twig at the side. I just assumed he wasn’t great at drawing women, hahaha!
Think I prefer Twiggy to Bug Bait! Did you call Bug Bait bloke anything in reciprocation? Xx
Ha, me too, I quite liked Twiggy.
At the start, the name was meant to flatter. Later as I moved more towards devaluation he would comment I was tiny, flat chested or had no bum. So Twiggy then had more of a negative connotation. Unfortunately for him I’m body confident, comments like that aren’t even going to scratch my paintwork so no luck for him there!
No, I don’t really do nicknames. I’m not opposed to them but I don’t really think to use them myself. I’ve always just called partners by their names. Nicknames don’t really bother me either so it wouldn’t irritate me enough to come up with a revenge nickname, though if you asked me to I’m sure I could come up with some corkers for the narcs in my life haha!
I have wings like a shield of steel for some things haha!
My ex called me “Baby J”. Initial for my first name. I hated it. Hated. It.
Dearest A Victor,
Me too. Our weasel ex friend called me ‘B’, my initial for Bubbles or ‘hello there’! Didn’t matter how many times I corrected him, he didn’t listen. My mother refers to me as her ‘favourite daughter’ very rarely by my name (funny, she calls Mr Bubbles by his first name) and our ‘greater’ friend doesn’t really call me anything (except late for dinner) 🤣
Must be something wrong with me, as I tend to call people by their designated name. 🤣
In the land of Down Under here, we always shorten or lengthen names accordingly, but it’s always in fun and no one takes offence. Different with narcs!
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles! It’s so nice to see you!! I’ve been keeping up with you as I’ve seen other comments, the move for your mother and health concerns for you and Mr Bubbles and so on. Hoping you’re both doing well now and life is getting back to some sort of normal. I believe you lost a friend also, was sorry to read that.
Yes, we also use nicknames but they are generally terms of endearment, not something for any abusive reason. I called my ex “Honey” for almost all the years I was with him, and I meant it as a good and positive thing. He called me that also, along with the other one, and I thought he did so in the same mind-set. Imagine my surprise at learning here why they actually do it! I was one of many Honey’s that he had, I understand now.
Take care Bubbles! 💕
Dearest A Victor,
Unfortunately everything happened at once, so it was full on. I appreciate your kind concern and thoughtfulness AV. ☺️ I did try and look at the blog as much as I could even though Mr Tudor was away for such a long time. Since his return, I’ve been trailing behind ever since hehe
We’re all slowly getting there, however, I seem to be taking one step forward then two steps backwards 👣🤪
Hope you are doing well AV ☺️
Haha, we do the “Honey, I’m home” bit as a joke, however, Mr Bubbles tends to respond to me very quickly when yelling out it’s ‘breakfast ‘ ‘lunch’ ‘dinner’ or ‘wine’ time 🍳🥪🍝🍷
Amazing how a simple pet name can be a red flag…. who would’ve thought ? I certainly didn’t til I came here. Now we know!
Lovely chatting as always AV 💕
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Haha, your “Mr Bubbles tends to respond to me very quickly…” made me laugh!
Glad to hear you’re all getting there even if it is slow.
Take care Bubbles!
I’m not surprised! Detest any form of ‘baby’ as a so-called term of endearment! Hate ‘babe’, and absolutely cannot stand ‘baby girl’! Just sounds so chavvy! (sorry if I sound like a massive snob!) Xx
Hi JB, you don’t sound like a snob at all to me. That is exactly the type of comment my ex used when I protested at that nickname! And at that time I allowed it to stop me protesting but I still hated being called that. I found it very demeaning.
Wholeheartedly agree with you on that one …. cant stand ‘babe’, babes baby , bubs, bubba….. seriously 😒
That’s what put me off the movie ‘Dirty Dancing’ Baby’s name ….yuk !
We snobs can stick together heheh
Luv Bubbles xx 😘