Knowing the Narcissist : Letter to the Narcissist No. 33

“FUCKING IDIOT!!!!” can you remember sending me that text? All because I allowed my son’s Dad to tweak times.
Do you still think I’m a “fucking idiot”?
You were part right of course. You must have thought you’d hit the jackpot when I explained how private I am and how I hated confrontation. Perfect.
You broke me. You shattered every element of my being into a million pieces.
You knew what you were doing when you slit your wrists because I tried to leave you.
You knew I would be, from that moment on, emotionally hostage to you. You kidnapped my soul. You had me trapped but did you realise from that moment on I despised you? You repulsed me. Nausea engulfed me whenever you touched my crawling skin.
Not quite the God you believed yourself to be, were you?
Something you should know though – when you break a person’s spirit until they don’t know who they are anymore that person changes. That person starts from scratch. That person can be who they want to be. I could almost thank you for being the catalyst in making me who I am today. Almost.
You underestimated my love for my son. Back then you could’ve, and did do anything you wanted to me but you shouldn’t have messed with my son….
So, what did you think when I walked in the coffee house you were sat in? Did you think I’d run in fear? Of course you did because you’re a bully. But instead I sat at a table behind you and I have to say, I was amused with your squirming and obvious attempts at looking comfortable. Putting your feet up on the sofa and laying yourself fully out on it as if you were at home was pretty hilarious to me. You won’t have noticed other customers nudging each other at your lack of social etiquette as you were you busy pretending to be relaxed and unintimidated. Didn’t fool me though. Yes, the tables have turned.
Did you know I’ve seen your mental health diagnosis and care plan? Of course you don’t know. Again, you underestimated what I was capable of.
BPD hey?  Hmmm. Nice try. Wonder if they’ve seen through the self harming victim mask yet? Wonder if they’ve challenged you about your behaviours? That’s when the diagnoses will change. Others you can control but you lack that same ability in controlling yourself.
 I look forward to my next report….
I feel nothing for you now. And when I say nothing I mean it literally. Neither love nor hate. Neither a dream nor a nightmare. You are neither alive nor dead.
I have no desire for you to read this. This is merely a reflection of a memory.
I don’t chase revenge. I don’t want to hurt you. I have no anger not pity toward you.  I have nothing for You.
You don’t exist.
Best wishes
The fucking idiot

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