Psychopath : Dominion
This is my dominion. Few are ever allowed here, but you are granted that special insight reserved for the curious, those that have shown that you want to learn and to learn through engaging with cold excellence.
The emptiness I experience is often described as a pervasive and profound sense of detachment from emotions and an absence of deep and meaningful connections. It is not accompanied by regret or longing, but rather a fundamental inability to experience empathy, guilt, or genuine emotional attachment. This void forms the lens through which I see the world. This emptiness is embraced, it is part of me, some of you who are especially attuned to others will experience this emptiness. Not within you, for you have no such place, but rather it is a sensation in passing, or possibly for longer if you linger or have been caught in the hyperfocussed gaze. For an instant, the howling wilderness sweeps over you and through you, threatening you with oblivion, yet oblivion is where I reside, it is my domain.
Rationality and self-interest become my primary driving forces as I have been spared the emotional connection that guides most people’s decision-making processes. This lens of emptiness means I view the world as a game or a series of transactions that I engage in to pursue my own desires and self-gratification. Other people are often seen as mere tools or obstacles in this pursuit, and their wellbeing or suffering holds little significance to me.
Forged with a lack of empathy and emotional depth this powers my ability to manipulate and deceive others without remorse. Without the connection to emotions, I view social interactions as strategic opportunities rather than genuine moments of connection or understanding. This means I do not establish and maintain meaningful relationships.
This empty world governs my perceptions of morality and ethics. While I understand the concept of right and wrong intellectually, the absence of emotional connection means I do not genuinely appreciate the ethical implications of my actions and nor do I care. As a result, I may engage in antisocial or harmful behaviors without considering the emotional or moral consequences, as these are lacking and wholly unnecessary.
Embedded within the core of my being lies an overwhelming sensation of emptiness that is unfathomable to most. The inability to experience authentic emotions, the absence of my empathy, and the absence of the profound connections that others cherish evokes a profound sense of isolation. I am an enigma, forever detached from the feelings and shared experiences that bond humanity. Do not be fooled by those who complain about such an isolated existence, those that bemoan the burden of detachment, they are not of my kind, more likely they are a cry baby narcissist or more likely an attention seeking edgelord normal who wants to play at being a psychopath but who would wet himself once my unwavering, desolate gaze bored into his pathetic existence.
To navigate through the world, I employ a mask of charisma and charm. This facade allows me to seamlessly interact with others, mimicking emotions and responses to successfully camouflage my innate coldness. Crafted to captivate, my charm establishes an illusion of connection, coaxing trust from unsuspecting individuals who are unaware of the vacant space behind my bright facade. This superficial charm serves only to satiate my hunger for control and dominance.
Empathy, an integral aspect of human connection, remains as elusive to me as Atlantis. The emotions and concerns of others are but mere noise, mere curiosities that occasionally pique my interest. Without the capacity to internalize the pain and joy of others, genuine empathy is an uncharted territory that forever eludes me as an experience, I have instead simply come to understand it. The lack of this emotional compass renders me bemused as to why acts of kindness can create lasting bonds or why harming others engenders revulsion in most hearts.
The art of manipulation presents itself as a thrilling game, a means to achieve personal goals that others obediently follow. The convoluted dance of manipulation, so skillfully choreographed, leaves me with an insatiable appetite for control and a ceaseless craving for power. This sense of dominance fills the gaping void within, ever so briefly offering a taste of satisfaction before it dissipates, leaving a craving for manipulation’s next intoxicating high.
Relationships, an amusing concept, exist for strategic purposes rather than emotional connection. Though I may effortlessly forge relationships, those partnerships remain superficial, devoid of genuine devotion or attachment. In this emptiness, I wander alone, watching others engage in profound connections that ignite their lives, while I remain perpetually detached, a bystander observing love and authentic bonds from a distance.
From within the cavernous emptiness of my being, I maneuver through life in an alternate reality; a space where emotions are but riddles to be solved, connections serve a self-serving purpose, and the world’s coveted experiences elicit little more than a paltry imitation of true gratification. In this perspective, my gaze upon the world unveils perpetual barrenness, leaving me observing with contempt, the emotional vitality found effortlessly among others.
I perceive the world with a detached and objective lens, devoid of the nuanced emotions that color the experiences of others. While most individuals are guided by their emotions, my reality is constructed upon a foundation of calculated pragmatism.
In observing human behavior, I find solace in the predictability of human frailty. Unlike others who may seek emotional support or rely on empathy, I approach situations with a calculated and detached analysis of people’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities. This allows me to exploit them to my advantage without the burden of guilt or remorse.
The world appears like a vast playground, filled with unsuspecting victims and opportunities that await my devious manipulation. Each person represents a potential chess piece, strategically placed to further my calculated schemes. I carefully study their vulnerabilities, extracting information to create a web of power and control.
Interactions that may seem profound or deeply meaningful to others merely serve as stepping stones in my own personal game of dominance. Trust, loyalty, and intimacy are not genuine emotions to be cherished but tools to be skillfully wielded for personal gain.
When observing intimate relationships, I cannot help but marvel at the naivety of individuals who place their trust in others so effortlessly. The depths of their love, the intensity of their connections are interesting to me. I recognize their value, even if I can never truly appreciate or experience it myself. It is like observing a vibrant painting, beautiful but foreign, a masterpiece understood only by its creator.
The rules of society hold little sway over my consciousness. I exist in a world governed by my own moral compass, one that navigates a morally gray terrain where the boundary between right and wrong fades. Beneath the guise of normalcy, I engage in the perpetuation of acts that others deem unacceptable. My actions may shock or provoke, but they are mere experiments, conduits for my insatiable curiosity.
While others may be burdened with remorse or regret, I shoulder none of these emotions. My existence is uncomplicated by moral dilemmas or ethical quandaries. I am unburdened by the expectations and responsibilities of socially constructed norms and obligations. Freedom, within the constraints of psychological detachment, allows me to navigate through the world unencumbered by the trappings of ethical considerations.
Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.
There is no yearning to experience that which I have witnessed, on the contrary, my dominion only goes to emphasise the efficacy of what I am. There is no misery, no sadness, no regret, no loneliness.
This is why my dominion prevails.
148 thoughts on “Psychopath : Dominion”
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I thank HG for empowering empaths. For too long people have been hurt and damaged by narcissistic psychopaths. It is about time empaths took control.
Something has got to change for the good of humanity.
It is not right that history repeats itself, and that we are ruled by an elite who care not for anything but themselves.
There is so much danger in pathocracy.
I really hope for a better future. I really do.
“Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.”
I can understand the ‘black hole’ concept as you described as above. How I would describe my ‘darkness’ when I had it, was a heavy and dark mass, that I could not ‘remove’. I have explained it previously (dog, father) so I won’t repeat it. I can also understand not being able to ‘fill’ that “hollow essence” as I was not able to ‘replace’ my ‘darkness’ with anything else. I do remember what it was like (over my dog’s passing), yet, as child, I was too young to understand it fully (father’s passing). I don’t feel it any more. I did not like “it” (the ‘mass’) because it “dominated” me for some time.
Fascinating in how you have taught yourself to analyse and understand your “dominion” (previously called the ‘creature’?) and that you recognise when you need to take back your power so that it does not take over. Exactly like your work is there to educate people on how to understand what ET is, how to manage it, understand what toxic logic is unless one reminds themselves to rein it in and take back control of their mind & emotions. Whereas you, may, ‘project’ your ‘dominion’ onto, either, people (by whatever means), or, your work (whatever you are working on, as ‘HG’, or your other professional roles).
Would you suggest that your ‘dominion’ is the same as the ‘creature’, or, is that two separate ‘dominators’? I ask this because you recognise when you need fuel, or, distraction (from your boredom). Interesting to consider that maybe, on occasion, the ‘force’ of the ‘hunger’ of the ‘creature’ may be the driving factor to push the ‘dominion’ to “permit” the narcissism to feed (and get control), thus, maybe the narcissism could, on occasion, be the leading ‘dominator’ because the psychopath may not always force the creature to stay silent (the restlessness could increase)? Similar along the lines of a human not being able to access food to the point where they may be pushed to obtain food from anywhere by any means, if absolutely necessary.
Do you switch from one task to another different task, once you start to sense the narcissism getting ‘hungry’ as a means to force some distraction (control) over the creature until it becomes too “demanding” to be fed?
Thank you for this article, HG, fascinating to read as always xxx
Dominion.
Do minion.
Obey.
Yes, Sir 🙂
It has taken me some time to regurgitate this one, as I was struggling by the overwhelming black/white perception based on duality it exudes, including the manipulative chess board analogy. For someone who reminds us constantly of the relativity of truth, (which I adhere to), your assessment of others’ behaviors is quite inflexible.
While the quality of this writing is unsurprisingly outstanding (you have gotten us very spoilt in that regard) I found myself captivated by this section: “Freedom, within the constraints of psychological detachment, allows me to navigate through the world unencumbered by the trappings of ethical considerations.” Freedom.
It usually happens that while I sleep on some work, pieces of writing I have to turn in, or texts I have read, unexpectedly some information gets in the way that makes me reconsider everything and look at it with a new lens. As was the case with this article.
Tonight, I was watching a documentary on the life and career of admirable Nina (really, Niña) Simone. She was the subject of racial discrimination, gender discrimination, and an abusive husband with all the traits of being a lesser narcissist. And she declared that to her, freedom means having “no fear!”
Nonetheless, she also was hooked on her narcissistic husband in a very toxic relationship.
Question: do you think empaths could ever achieve the same level of freedom (as in being devoid of fear), or is it just exclusive to antisocial personality individuals? Is that freedom the success of your dominion?
Hi Sweetest Perfection,
“Do you think empaths could ever achieve the same level of freedom ( as in being devoid of fear) or is it just exclusive to antisocial personality individuals?”
It’s interesting you pick up on the freedom aspect. This is one of the reasons I believe I am best suited to narcissistic individuals. Low emotional empathy equates closely to freedom in my view. Freedom to say what they think and do what they want to do with very little concern about how others might interpret or be impacted by their words or actions. There’s a certain honesty about that. It’s a ‘tell it like it is’ approach. We have all benefitted from a similar approach here on the blog. If that approach is entirely unfettered though, then I think it becomes horrific.
Lack of fear I think is also broader reaching than we perhaps realise. No fear of what others think, no fear of failure, no fear of judgement, no fear of the unknown. It must be far easier to go do, try, amend, achieve. There’s no mental downside. If it doesn’t work, fine, just switch approach, and again, and again. No fear of loss, make a fortune, lose a fortune, only yourself to look after. Form a relationship, lose a relationship, no problem, just form another. I agree, lack of fear opens up the board and it does link to personal freedom.
I think total freedom is unachievable for the empath. It’s rare I view something as unachievable and I’ll accept that could purely be based on my own personal experiences and view. For me, it just is not possible for me not to consider the impact my words and actions might have on other people known or not known to me. Can’t be done. I can temper my emotional empathy. I can elect to put myself and my own needs / feelings first and will do so in certain situations, particularly if I’m defending myself in some way, but on the whole that fail safe is always there. Consideration for others takes mental energy, it’s hard wired in and in my view it can be exhausting.
In terms of fear, I think there is more wiggle room. Fear is often anchored in the past rather than the future. The future is yet to happen so for me that means many aspects of fear can be worked on. On the whole I’m not a slave to my past mistakes, it’s pointless, forget it, move on. I don’t often experience fear for myself but I do bond, so fear of loss for me would always be inescapable.
Where there is emotional empathy, there can be no true freedom in my view. Whilst I might somewhat admire this freedom I can also say that its cost (lack of emotional empathy, lack of ability to bond) is one I would be unwilling to pay. People are the point for me. Take my emotional empathy away and I’d struggle to see the point of being here, I’d definitely struggle to see my purpose.
I find it very difficult to imagine what life would be like on the other side of the fence.
Xx
Dear TS,
Are you the TS who shared her escape yesterday? If that was you, congratulations and thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed listening to you and you have a beautiful voice.
I do not think narcissists are freer than empaths, remember we do not need to feed on anyone but they need fuel so they will never be free. But I agree with you that our attachment to human connections and emotions is a disadvantage. My question to HG was considering precisely the control of emotions that you mention in your response. Lowering our ET and being able to maintain a more neutral approach could be the key, but are we as empaths able to achieve that point? I am not very optimistic about that.
Hi SP,
Yes, that was me, thank you for your kind comment!
To clarify, the group of people I see as being free (other than psychopaths) are narcissistic people but not narcissists. Narcissists I think are probably least free overall for the reason you state, the need for fuel.
I wouldn’t switch to narcissistic though, I love the depth and range of emotion I can experience. Every upside has its downside but overall, I wouldn’t switch group.
In many ways I think freedom sits side by side with selfishness. Empaths aren’t really known for being selfish so we are probably going to struggle with feeling wholly free.
I think you are exactly right though. The lower our ET I think the more control we get over our emotions. The more control we have, the more selective we can be with them, then I think we are as free as it is possible for empaths to be.
Maintenance is tougher. There’s the definite ‘steer clear of narcissists’ but for me my ET can go up just through stress or through dismay at what I read in the news. I might not be the best person to share on the maintenance question!
Xx
Hi TS,
I wondered if that TS was you. Xx I’m glad you shared your story with us, it was nice to hear your voice and your encouraging story. ❤️ Thank you xx
Hi Rebecca,
Thank you, I’ve never done anything like that before. It felt really strange seeing it posted on YouTube!
Xx
TS,
You did great! Xx ❤️ ❤️ Thanks for sharing your story xx
TS, really nice to hear your voice, and your story, thank you for sharing! You sounded exactly as I’d imagined!
TS thank you deeply for your courage and generosity! I loved your YouTube and proud to be among you!
Thank you AV. Did I ? That’s funny. I sometimes get an image of how people look when I’m reading their comments, I’m probably miles off the reality though! Once I have the image I always see them in that way as I read their comments. They keep that picture. I don’t think I’ve ever really considered voices, it’s interesting that you do. 🙂
Xx
Hi TS, Thank you for your reply.
Yes, I picture the visuals, sounds, smells, tastes if food is involved, feel if physical contact is involved in every interaction I have or read or hear about etc. It is automatic and is a split second thing, I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I am often surprised both by how accurate my imagination can be at times and how far off it can be at other times.
I have a long distance friend who struggles to picture things, I either show her things via pictures or write them with as much detail as i can to help her “see” them. I am not typically a detail focused person, kind of a more ‘get to the point, I’ll fill in the rest as we go’ type. My friend is the opposite, very detail focused. I find that interesting, we are all so unique. I have enjoyed learning from her the value of looking at details sometimes.
Hi AV,
Visuals definitely, if I can’t visualise something I struggle to connect with it. I don’t have a great sense of taste, not a foodie, so I’d be absolutely hopeless describing food, though strangely I’m very picky with wine!
I once went on a team building weekend in the Lake District where they do lots of interesting things like give you a plank of wood and tell you to cross a river.(sigh) The trainer / evaluator said I had the worst listening skills out of anyone who had ever done the course. Guy was an ass but he’s right in that my listening skills are weak when I’m not interested. Conversations I can remember verbatim but small talk, or things that don’t interest me I screen out and entertain myself in my own world. So, auditory we can probably say ‘variable’ if we are feeling generous.
I’m a kinaesthetic learner so touch is important to me too. I self soothe through touch, I notice fabric, materials in clothing. I like physical contact so long as it’s me that instigates it at the beginning. Most people would probably describe me as tactile.
It’s sweet that you send pictures to accommodate your friend, some people really don’t see the pictures we try so hard to paint.
Xx
Rebecca,
I love that you shared your story. What struck me about it is how escape is an ongoing thing. We escape, then we learn more and find we need to escape again, different narc, different context. As time passes we don’t know who will get put in our path so learning everything we can from HG gives us the best chance to get and remain narc free.
Xx
TS,
This is so true! When I first got to the blog, I thought I was dealing with one narcissist. I managed to successfully escape that one. The more I was here though, the more I realized, there was a line of narcs that I needed to escape.
TS I found the successful escapes on YouTube. Amazing. Well done, great stuff. So lovely to hear stories of people who escaped from the clutches of narcissists.
Hi Anna,
Your comments came through together, I’m glad you found the videos on YouTube. It’s a really inspiring series. There are some heartbreaking accounts of ensnarement but all have a happy ending.
It makes me wonder where some of the empaths would be if HG wasn’t working his ass off to get his material out there. Some would have escaped by themselves but carried the scars of ensnarement, never fully understanding why they were treated as they were. Others would still likely be ensnared. That’s a sobering thing to think about.
Xx
Truthseeker, WhoCares
an inspiring series indeed on youtube which HG has made.
I haven’t yet had the strength to listen to the testimony of WhoCares, since it feels very close to my own path and situation. Thank you for being so brave WhoCares!
Another Cat – 💜
WhoCares,
It was so nice to hear your voice! I think you’re incredibly brave. Your story is inspirational!
Thank-you, Leigh. ❤️
TS,
I cannot believe that I didn’t clue in when listening to the Livestream of your escape story! I should have known… thank-you for the telling of your story – also, you have a lovely voice.
Another Cat,
I know what you mean. I’m finding that different stories resonate for different reasons. Overall I’m just in awe of empaths for having survived what they survived and thankful that they found HG.
I just listened to the account of the ‘Adult child of a narcissist and empath’. That one floored me and I wished HG could feel the emotion contained within that account. In some ways I think he could, intellectually, because the narration was perfect.
I know what you mean, some accounts leave me with a melancholy feeling behind the happiness I feel at their escape.
Another Cat, personal question so please don’t feel you need to answer, but, have you escaped your narcissist?
Xx
Hello Who Cares,
I was looking for a recent comment so that I could thank you here for having the courage to share such a harrowing escape. I left a comment for you on YouTube, (I think you know it was me.) As you were talking I was imagining. You were so very alone back then. I’m so glad you found the strength to escape.
Having HG in your corner for the custody battle must have been a huge relief to you in ensuring you made all the right moves to keep your little boy safe.
I thought your video was a real inspiration, you sound so calm and gentle but there’s steel behind that voice haha!
Thank you for your kind compliment. I gabble, so speaking more slowly was a battle!
Xx
Hello Truthseeker,
I saw your YT comment, thank-you, and thank-you also for your further kind words here.💜
“You were so very alone back then. I’m so glad you found the strength to escape.”
Yes, I was quite alone. I hid what had happened – what was happening – from my employer and the people I did know (in town) until I ran into a childcare crisis and was forced to explain my situation…I am not very good at asking for help.
As for strength…it simply was that the fear of staying finally out balanced the fear of leaving – and basically, I had got myself into that situation, so I was going to get myself out of it. Along with my son.
It was fortuitous that the mechanic came along. I have never, in my life, hitchhiked, nor accepted a ride from a virtual stranger. In fact, in court, my ex tried to make it look like I was the crazy one for taking my child out on that trek. But anyone who knows that area, knows that there are only two roads out of there – and the other road was far more winding, hilly and treacherous. (Boat or snowmobile, are also possibilities, but were not options for me.)
I had to google “gabble” – you do not! Or, you didn’t. And you have a lovely accent.
TS,
I had wanted to respond separately to this point (but got interrupted):
“Having HG in your corner for the custody battle must have been a huge relief to you in ensuring you made all the right moves to keep your little boy safe.”
Absolutely. The Co-parenting package, How to Deal with a Narcissist in Court, the consultations I have done – all have guided my stance in the legal arena.
Additionally, I have drawn on my learning in many areas of HG’s work: his information on threats and the narcissist, giving the narcissist enough rope, the HG Mauls series (and the weaknesses of each therein), the knowledge that narcissists cannot change and – most especially, I have relied on the indisputable ACCURACY of HG’s work to guide me. With regard to legal matters< even when we have a handle on what we're dealing with (a narc ex), I think empaths have a hard time dealing with how others regard them (we don't want to look like the difficult one, the contentious one, or 'high conflict' one) so we will cave to the expectations of others or expectations of the law. It's the knowledge I take away from HG's work that has emboldened me to simply stand my ground in my legal case and (mostly) watch how the maneuvers, of my LMRN ex, do not succeed in getting him what he wants – and, inevitably, end up revealing his character again and again (not unlike HW). I haven't had to make many motions myself – in contrast, my ex has motioned repeatedly (in effort to asset control) and is mostly just attempting to re-litigate the same issues…what it comes down to, really, is how much longer the courts will all him to do so.
@TS and WhoCares,
I think you both have kind voices, I can feel your kind nature coming through in your voices. I commented on the videos and I’ll say it again here. You both have inspiring stories and to both of you, congrats on your victories! You are brave and strong! Xx
WhoCares,
I do have a question for you….When you were walking into town and got a ride….Where did you go for help, once you got into town?? Xx
Rebecca,
Thank-you for your comment. 🩷
It was simply a matter of having to protect my child from anything worse happening – getting away from a clear source of danger (as it made itself known to me) and closer to safety.
To answer your question, I did not go for help once I got into town – not at first. I hid what had happened from everyone and just tried to proceed as normal (as best I could.) There were some people (from the community arts organization that I worked with) that suspected something was wrong, and they gently inquired, but I would brush them off and deflect: “Oh, everything is fine, we’re good, thanks – what’s going on with you?” – or words to that effect.
Rebecca – I would not share this on YT (as it is more widely accessed, I am sure, than the comments here) but I will share here – because you ask, and because I know your situation.
I asked the mechanic to drop my son and I off at the building that housed my studio. You see, I did not have a proper home at that time, but I had an art studio – which was a second home to my son. This is also why leaving was not traumatic for him – he just thought we were going to hang out at ‘momma’s studio’. My studio was a decent size and it was two-thirds play area (for him) and one-third work area for me. Plus, I had brought him many times when I had a project deadline or had to pull an all-nighter. There was a cot for sleeping, that he could use, so I would bring him along (I would worry less about him than leaving him with his father in the woods). During the day he would play, ride his tricycle, or build and create alongside me. Basically – we lived there for awhile (and if I revealed the type of building it was, you would understand how that was possible) without people suspecting anything was up.
I did go to the local women’s shelter, did a take-in and became what they call a ‘community client’. But I didn’t want to take beds away from those who actually had nowhere to stay – and because my studio was safe and secure (literally, it had an alarm system and security camera). It would have been more disruptive to my son to do that – I felt, anyway, at the time – plus, I was able to continue earning some funds being my studio. If I had gone straight to the shelter (which was the nearest larger city) I would not have been able to coordinate getting to my studio, nor getting to my part-time job.
Anyway, at that point my story gets super convoluted (and there is a ‘part 2’ to my escape, which I have referenced here on the blog) and the timelines get messed up in my head…but I have shared bits and pieces here on the blog.
In terms of seeking actual help – I did access Crisis Services (for mental health) at one point – but it was actually out of concern for my ex (stupid, I know). I was not doing NC (hadn’t discovered HG yet) and would receive text messages from my ex. At some point he claimed I was sending people to follow him, that he was in fear for his life (from me) – due to this, I called the police and had them do a wellness check on him. (I didn’t know where he was living, nor did I care to know.) But he sounded completely irrational, in his texts, and I just wanted to make sure he was alive/okay. When I reported, on the phone, to the police that my ex ‘feared for his life’ and they asked “Who from?” – I got complete silence when I said, “From me.” Anyway, the police reported that they knew where he was and he was fine, so I was told to stop asking after him or his location. I wasn’t doing so, I didn’t give a shit – but he flipped it and made it look like I was harassing him (via text, etc.) when he was actually sending me all these concerning texts, but reported to the police that he was perfectly fine.
So, I went to Crisis (while their staff watched my son) and talked about my concerns re: my ex’s mental health!! But, fortunately, the in-take worker was very good and she listened intently. At the end, she finally said, “I hear what you’re saying about your ex. But, in listening to your story, I have alarm bells going off for you.”
Rebecca – that’s when I realized how dulled my own inner alarm bells had become, over time – that I could, barely, register – my own state of distress (it had become a normal state of being) and the risks that had been present when still in relationship with my ex.
It is also why I worry for you, because of how “manageable” it can feel at times when still with your narcissist – when, in reality, your ability to function is consistently being undermined and slowly eroded. I hope that answers your question.
P.S. My son and I did eventually live at the women’s shelter – and then a friend’s house – for a time. But now we have been in our own apartment for over 3 years and it’s been the longest stable living arrangement in his life.
Thank you for sharing more of your story, Who Cares. Did your ex know you were at your studio? Did he come there looking for you?
Leigh,
Yes and yes. He was actually there, in the studio, for a while…until he had a violent outburst.
That was it – he wasn’t allowed on the premises again. He never had a key or alarm code and I told the building owner that he did not have my permission to be there.
Oh my..sorry for the significant typos.
Must proofread better before sending…I did an *in-take, haha, not take-in, at the women’s shelter.
Truthseeker, WhoCares
Thank you for your question, TS. We are coparenting, I send very few polite short text messages, so that we are uptodate on the children’s events.
The huge quagmire is that he is a very handsome, respected member of society, Upper midrange elite narcissist. I try to give as little fuel as possible, so that he doesnt start the bullying/threats. Very brief texts of communication. I don’t answer every single text, either, if it’s provocative.
Hi TS,
I just wrote you a book reply and accidently erased it. 😬😳🥺😭 Sorry, got another stupid head cold…brain is foggy…anyway, as I wrote before…damn, cant believe I deleted the whole thing…
I’m glad you escaped and had a safe place to go with your boy and thanks for answering my question. A shelter sounds absolutely terrifying to me, had a bad experience once, when I trusted a place…it still makes me avoid shelters at all cost. I’m glad the one you went to was helpful to you and they didnt have creeps on the staff.
I just had HG recently answer a question about an incident with MLSomatic husband and my reaction to what he was doing was dulled compared to what most people might have done. I waited for his next move, prepared to react with force, if he moved to hurt me. MLS was surprised at my reaction. He said, he was surprised to see the look on my face, like he was really going to try to hurt me. He laughed a little and acted like I was silly to take him so seriously. He said, he was only testing my reaction and I sensed he was testing me….he looked me in the eyes and I stared back, probing him for his vibe and motivation….what are you doing and why…I waited and he just simply got off of me and walked out of my room. I felt a little scared, but mostly confused.
I’m aware of what he is, but my childhood and previous marriage have made the situation with MLS not so alarming, a sort of dulling of danger. My ex was more violent than MLS. He doesn’t hit me like my mother (LMRV )did or my ex (UL Type B Elite). I think it’s because he knows he can’t hit me without me telling someone. He knows I have friends and some family I can call. He doesnt know that my supervisor knows and that I already spoke with an officer of the law. He definitely doesnt know about HG and what he knows. I hope you understand that i feel safer here, than a shelter. I’m working on things, I cant afford to be on my own, so I must work on other options.
I found another way to make extra money. I’ve been drawing and selling commission work, so I think it’ll help make up some money I’ll need. I think the most part and just doing it, when I get it all set….the guilt Ill just have to live with….I’m not his mother, not responsible for a grown man and to hell with those vows….he didnt keep his promises either.
Hope youre well. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I just clued in and realized that this comment may have been meant for me – at least, in part…
Re: shelters – I hear you. But my studio and friend’s house were not long-term living solutions and the shelter was a stepping stone to our apartment now. To say that community living is not my thing is an understatement and I did not feel fully safe there at the shelter, as I recognized some residents as narcs, and at least one staff member. (I also have pride issues, but had to get over that or I was never going to make any forward movement.) However, the empathic staff were warm and wonderful. I also met my rl empathic friend there (she’s a confirmed empath and follows HG’s work) – which would have never happened if I had kept dragging my feet over going to the shelter.
I understand re: your MLS. Similarly, somehow, I knew that my ex would not hit me, or that he knew, if it came to that – that it would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But the slow erosion of our ability to cope is far worse – if you ask me.
I hope your head cold is better, Rebecca. There are so many bugs going around this time of year – I was getting over one just before recording my escape – and to me, my voice sounds a bit nasally.
Take care, Rebecca. 💗
Hi again Rebecca,
Regarding your commission work – that is so awesome! Personally, I think everyone should have a creative outlet – and if you can sell some of your work to add to your income – even better! All the best. 💜
Who Cares,
I can see what you mean. Leaving that night was the lesser of two evils. When you spoke about the mechanic asking if you needed a lift I was thinking “Get in, get in!”. I would have got in too, calculated risk.
Laughing at you googling ‘gabble’ haha!
And, thank you.
Xx
TS – calculated risk” – very much so!
❤️
Another Cat,
Thank you for answering my question. That can’t be easy at all. No doubt those who are unaware as to what he is and how he treated you find it easy to believe what he says.
You know though. That’s what counts.
Xx
WC,
It was so great to hear your voice! You sound exactly as I expected also! Your story was heart ending to hear and took me back, some similarities. Thank you for sharing!
Oops! Heart wrenching**
Darn autocorrect!!
I knew what you meant AV. 💜
And thank-you for your kind words.
Who Cares,
Yes, the escape itself is traumatic in itself but actually, in terms of your son it is what happens after escape that is equally as important. Navigating the legal system is daunting on its own let alone when you are fighting a custody battle with a narc. The information has to be accurate, more than ever at this point. There’s a trust relationship with the information too. As we see things play out as described and predicted the trust builds so that there is more confidence and it becomes a little easier to follow the work to the letter.
I totally see why it’s hard to stand your ground and not give an inch. We are wired to find compromise and resolution with the expectation that others will respond in kind. In this instance it takes the mind of a narcissistic psychopath to predict and block the moves of another narcissist lower in the narc hierarchy!
It still takes balls to trust and implement the work though Who Cares. We have to believe in it and commit to the process, which you clearly did and with great success.
Xx
Truthseeker,
“As we see things play out as described and predicted the trust builds so there is more confidence and it becomes a little easier to follow the work to the letter.”
That’s well put. On the subject of trust…
I have zero trust in the legal system itself, to protect children, having witnessed it go wonky more than once (and having heard the horror stories of others.) Although, one can’t know everything about what’s going on in a narcissist’s fuel matrix – I fully trust the accuracy of HG’s work and it’s allowed me to make very educated guesses about the future behaviour of my ex. This has been a definite boon – as all the lawyers and judges think they are the experts – but they do not know my ex the way that I do and they don’t have the benefit of the education I have received from HG. Plus – I fully trust in my ex’s ability to shoot himself in the foot.
“We are wired to find compromise and resolution with the expectation that others will respond in kind.”
I have found that the family Court system relies on this aspect of the empath parent – that we will bend to expectations of the Court – in the ‘best interests’ of the children – that we will bridge the gap, solve the problems, etc., while the narc parent is never fully held to account.
“In this instance it takes the mind of a narcissistic psychopath to predict and block the moves of another narcissist lower in the narc hierarchy!”
Yes!
Thank-you for your last paragraph, TS.❤
You’re very welcome Who Cares.
Xx
SP: your latest avatar!
good Lord, Brand looked like Crabbe and Doyle when he was in high school.
I had to look that up as I am not a fan of Harry Potter, Viol. This is my old time favorite RB’s picture.
Hi Contagious,
Aww thank you. I’m really enjoying the series as a whole, there are some truly inspiring stories from people who really had their world turned upside down.
I think the male accounts are brilliant because it’s often female accounts that we hear. It’s important to hear from the guys too so others know that ensnarement doesn’t just happen to women. There was a time when I thought that men might somehow be less impacted, that isn’t the case now. I know they are equally as impacted.
Also the lady who spoke about how hurt she was through having a friendship with a female narc. I thought that was very eye opening too. A cautionary tale.
Me too Contagious, happy to be a member of the empath club. We know that HG’s work has worked for us, but hearing real accounts from empaths in different countries made me feel really boosted somehow. I love that HG came up with the idea. I think I needed to hear something positive amongst all the negativity I’m bombarded with in the news. I needed to hear about empaths winning!
Xx
I agree with you, TS. It’s comforting to hear something positive amongst all the negativity in the news. It can be very difficult to escape it at times. I also thought the story of the friendship was very important to hear. It’s good for people to realize the variety of relationships with the narcissist can all have impact on empath victim (and normals and narcissistic people, too), particularly if they are involved with a narcissist who is more likely to devalue in those relationships. It’s excellent to have men sharing, too, because narcissism is a problem for everyone, regardless of sex.
Also, remember HG has decided (for some bizarre reason–I don’t really understand [sarcasm] that being the leader of “Empath Company” was the way to go, rather than dealing with “Narc Squad”) Something about empaths serving the prime aims better and being eager to help others…assisting him with a legacy…
(By the way…LOVE your accent!)
Hi Dani,
Honestly, I get so disillusioned by the news that I’ve said numerous times I should just put my blinkers on and not read it. Can’t do it though, I view it as almost irresponsible to withdraw from understanding the mess this world seems to be in.
This series perked me up again though. 🙂
Thank you for your kind comment about my accent. I’ve moved around a lot so it has softened a little but I’ll never run a ‘barth’ and scone will always rhyme with gone!
Xx
TS you are a general! Swords up empaths!
Hi TS and AV,
First, thank you both for being here and being such a help here and an inspiration for me. I mean that. Xx
TS, I know I’ve heard your story from the Successful Escapes Series, have you shared your story yet, AV?? I swear I felt it was you under a different name?? Is Susie your sister, nams change of course, you mentioned the name change for everyone. Dawn was the name used. Anyway, it was a feeling I had, I felt it was you xx
Anyway, thanks TS for the kind words and I like that you liked my shared story. I appreciated HG narrating it for me. I get nervous leaving a voice mail. 🤣xx
Yes, you’re right, TS, narcs are all in our lives at work, in the family, in relationships of all kinds, escapes are an ongoing thing and narcs arent going to go the way of the dinosaurus, so better armour yourself now and keep yourself alert, as we do here.
HG, Ive said it before and I mean it, you’re the best, better than the frauds on the other channels and please keep the knowledge and videos flowing, I’ll keep filling my cup. Xx
Hi Rebecca, I have not shared an escape story. I didn’t realize until recently that HG was taking volunteers. If I do it, it will be with my blog name, so you will know.
I had been thinking that since my ex left, I had no real escape story. But maybe that isn’t as true as I was thinking, we will see.
I have not yet listened to yours, have been very busy for the last while. I look forward to it as soon as I get a little time.
Hope you’re doing well!
Sorry TS, hadto use this spot to respond to AV xx
AV,
I’m looking forward to your story. I hope you decide to share it. Xx I thought for sure “Dawn” was you. I just got a strong feeling I know the person talking, she felt familiar to me. Her vibe felt so welcomed, like an old friend, very warm and so familiar. I automatically thought of you and a few others on the blog, who’s vibes read warm like that. Xx I lnow, I know that person. I keep feeling that.
I’m well and feel safe being connected here and with HG. I’m feeling well. Hope you’re well too. Xx
TS,
It was so nice to hear your voice!
SP,
Thank you for alerting me to this video!
Hey Leigh,
Haha! It’s funny what a difference that makes to us isn’t it? I thought the same when I recognised names in the 100K videos. It makes us more ‘real’ to each other I think.
Xx
That’s exactly it, TS. It makes you real. Plus now, I’ll hear your voice when reading your comments! Yes, I had the same reaction to the 100k videos, especially AV’s & Isabelle’s interviews.
You’re welcome, Leigh. I am taking the time to comment on each video because I find this initiative extremely inspiring. It makes me very happy to hear so many empaths getting weaponized and freed from their abusers. I am also very impressed to see the magnitude and positive impact of HG’s work through these testimonies. Many of these accounts have made me cry, and I have seen myself in some of them, which provides me with validation. I know others have felt the same way, so not only do the testimonies speak of the efficacy of HG’s work, but listening to them adds to the process of rebuilding your confidence and achieving peace of mind. I admire those of you who read your own, I am not that brave.
Sweet P,
I agree. Its so wonderful to hear these survivors take back their freedom! I’m impressed by how many are sharing their stories as well, especially the men. Too often we forget that men are abused as well.
I saw the news about your sister also and I just wanted to send a hug.
Thank you so much, Leigh. That’s very kind of you. It’s been 4 months of no communication with her, one direct hoover and two by proxy. I ignored all three but I know I have to go NC with her. It’s not that easy when it is part of your family. And because I am always sweet and she is always what she is, my family uses that to make me feel guilty: “come on, you’re better than her, don’t take it so seriously, you know she has always been a difficult person.” This time I said NO.
Hi Sweet P,
I’ve had people make similar comments to me to try and make me feel guilty. I find it helps to stand my ground Just because I’ve chosen not to accept their difficult behavior doesn’t make me a bad person. It just means, I’ve decided I’m no longer going to deal with it.
May I make a suggestion? Have you gotten the “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist” package? Its not just for parents. You can substitute any family member. If you can’t go complete no contact with your sister yet, it will help you go almost no contact and then proceed from there. Its an incredible package and well worth it. Now with Mr. Tudor’s generous 50% discount, it would be a steal!
Hi Sweet P,
I heard your video today! I’m so glad you decided to do it! You’re braver than you realize!
Sweetest Perfection,
I loved the way you structured your escape account. I thought the list was a great idea and practical for those listening who perhaps aren’t sure where to start. I didn’t know your story in any detail previously, it was good to understand more about how you landed here. 🙂
Xx
Thank you Leigh and TS. TS, it’s my educational deformity, I cannot write anything that is not destined to help by teaching haha!! When I was a little girl I put all my toys in front of me and “taught” them the inventions I wrote on a blackboard with colored chalk. I couldn’t have done another career path. Leigh, you just read my mind!!! I was about to purchase that package today, HG recommended it in the results of the NDC for my sister. Thank you so much for thinking of me ♥️
You’re very welcome, Sweet P.
SP,
Some teachers were just born to teach, I know what you mean. They love what they do, it’s a calling almost. Those teachers are the ones we remember most fondly.
Xx
Dear TS, where can I watch this or listen to this? Sorry for asking. I am a bit older and not so great with technology.
I am so glad you managed to escape the clutches of the narcissist. Stay strong and look forward to listening to this.
TS you are so right. I would be lost without the work and support of HG.
I realised I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse since I was a child. I originally came here due to a problem at work where I was gaslighted. His work has helped me become stronger. It has helped me survive. I have been through hell and back in my life. Some days are harder than others, but this blog and all the support advice, plus connection with others helps keep my pieces together.
Hi Anna,
Some days are harder than others, I agree. ET likes to piggy back on stressful weeks, tiredness, feeling unwell, all kinds of things that just happen naturally through day to day living.
I’ve noticed that with myself but also with the friend I mentioned in the video.
He took a dip down this week, ( tiredness, working very long hours) and then frustration creeps in where he’ll say “ I should be managing my ET better than this, I should be over this by now.” He has what he views as an acceptable recovery time in his mind. I was very similar. I got very annoyed with myself for still not being ‘over it’.
There’s no time limit. Recovery takes as long as it takes I think, particularly when you start to recognise other ensnarements that you missed previously. So if you are tempted to tell yourself off at any point, please don’t, ensnarements through a lifetime take a while to unpack and reconcile, but you will get there in the end.
Remember the practical things too, eat well, exercise even if it’s just short walks outside, and most importantly, make time to sleep well. HG knows this and has provided a range of music and stories to listen to to help us relax for sleep. I liked ‘Eerie Tales for Yuletide’ but I love spooky stories! Those practical steps make it tougher for ET to climb on your back and I really do think they make a difference.
I remember one of your early comments on the blog, I know your story of ensnarement is an involved one, you’re in the right place here Anna.
Xx
Sweetest Perfection we do achieve freedom but in a different way I think. We aren’t empty. We achieve freedom from fear through Love. Psychopaths don’t know joy, awe, love, contentment, happiness, bliss or peace. Most if not all people don’t have this escape or sense of freedom from life everyday but we get it, don’t we? 🙂
“The depths of their love, the intensity of their connections are interesting to me. I recognize their value, even if I can never truly appreciate or experience it myself. It is like observing a vibrant painting, beautiful but foreign, a masterpiece understood only by its creator.”
This is surprising to me, it’s like you admire it and enjoy observing it, but how does a psychopath admire something like this?
Because it furnishes with me a weapon.
HG : do you think your psychopath diagnosis overrides your narcissism? Such that as an ultra you don’t really need narcissism defenses so long as nothing is in your way at achieving your goal. For example if someone was in the way of achieving your goal, you might hit them. Your psychopathic nature would have no fear, you would feel no remorse and when confronted if sage, you would say” yes I did so what.” If not safe, if it was police, you might lie. But if a narcissist who can’t accept any responsibility or raise a defense, they will lie, blameshift ( you caused me to do it) , withdraw ( never answer), gaslight ( you are crazy! No one got hit) rewrite history ( you hit yourself itself), triangle ( the person who hit you worse was your abusive dad not me), etc… so to me if a psychopath you can ignore the narcissistic defense. Am I right? Or it’s impossible both coexist evenly…
My psychopathy is more prevalent than my narcissism.
HG, as you suggest that within an empath, their schools / cadres can ‘shift’ a few degrees (increase / decrease) in their own circumstances / situation / environment they may be in.
Would your psychopathy / narcissism increase / decrease (ie shift a fe degrees) depending on the circumstances / situation / environment you may be in?
Thank you in advance 🙂
Yes.
Thank you for your answer, HG.
Mr. Tudor,
Have you personally met any narcissistic psychopaths where their narcissism is more prevalent than their psychopathy?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation.
Yes.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for answering.
Is there a possibility of hearing these stories at some point?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated!
Probably not.
Dear HG,
AspEmp’s question about your percentages shifting due to environment etc..popped up questions in my mind…
1)Can being around a certain person cause your percentages to shift too?
2)What would that person be doing to cause the shifting??
Thanks for your replies and time xx
1. Yes.
2. Usually abusing you.
Thank you, sir.
Dear HG,
I’m sorry, could you clarify your answer to question 2 , that I gave you? Xx
Thanks for your reply and time xx
You need to quote question and answer as I do not see them in the moderation pane and I do not have time to go retracing exchanges.
So you were born a psychopath. They say a psychopath is born. A PET scan can show brain differences. They say a sociopath is made? Do you agree? For example, Ted Bundy at the age of 3! 3! Had knives all around him and aimed them at his Aunt! Do you agree that psychopaths are just born that way. I think they are rare or 1-3% of the population. Why are they so prevalent in prison? I get that they violate rules , laws etc… they have no fear and don’t tend to think of consequences. Is that why?
Dear HG,
I’m sorry for the confusion….the 2nd question was, What was the person doing to you, to make your percentages shift?
Thank you for your time and replies xx
They were not doing anything to me.
Thank you, HG for your reply and time. xx
Thank you for asking this question, Witch. Sometimes I sense admiration in these articles as well. Mr. Tudor’s response doesn’t shock me, but I still needed the reminder.
“ In this perspective, my gaze upon the world unveils perpetual barrenness, leaving me observing with contempt, the emotional vitality found effortlessly among others.”
HG does this lead to envy when you witness love between others? The IPPS and someone else?
Even strangers?
There is a moment of envy which is rapidly dismissed.
@HG
Why do you dismiss it ? Is it because you believe it’s a weakness? Or grandiosity kicks in and you believe it’s beneath you to feel that way? Or something else?
I regard it as redundant and pointless.
Nor much worth envying, HG. The pain outweighs the joy, and even intense joy can be painful.
Pain can be a door.
Yes, but I keep running into it face first when it only looked open.
Yes. Clear seeing is best.
HG,
I had a thought about having a great relationship with a non narc, imagine a relationship where there is mutual understanding, devotion, boundary recognition, mutual respect and love….close to perfect as humanely possible….eventually, as all things die, one will leave the other and so even a “perfect” relationship causes pain for the surviving half of the couple…my thoughts are sad and dark, reading your Psychopathy series is both educational and emotional for me. The fear of being one and standing alone, is overwhelming to contemplate. Xx
What scares you in particular about being alone Rebecca?
I think that could be the CoD traits?
Hi Alexissmith,
Going through grief again. I’ve dealt with death of people closest to me. Lost my parents and brother, all within 5 years. I don’t want to feel that pain again. It’s life, I know, but I still don’t want to feel it again. It’ll happen anyway. Xx
Alexissmith and AspEmp,
Yes, I have Codependent in my Empath make up and I think it has a part in my fears and ET, but logically I’m aware of my weakness and fight against my fears.
Rebecca, a 5 year period and quite a number of bereavements is a lot. Then being on your journey here, the detectors and so on. It is hell of a lot of pain ‘processing’ & reprogramming it all. Maybe the pain (losses) you experienced impacts on your CoD as people leaving you when the CoD also “relies” on having people around?
@AspEmp,
I think you’re right, I think my attachments to my family and then losing them through death did impact my CoD. I have nervous attachments anyway, I’ve learned from being here, and I expect people to leave and then blame myself for them leaving. I think my nervous attachments formed when I was a kid and my dad would leave for Naval duties overseas and he’d be gone for months sometimes and I remember feeling he was mad at me, and that I felt grief when he went away, though at the time, I just felt pain and heart break and didn’t understand it was grief I felt. I desperately wanted him back and wanted to be good enough for him. I didn’t realize then, that he already loved me and I didn’t need to prove myself to him. I felt the need to prove myself and make amends to some unknown mistake I thought I did. I formed the nervous attachment to him because I also think my mother conditioned me to feel that way, to blame myself , to think I did something wrong. The conditioning HG talks about, is real and I see how it was ingrained in me and I still do it, but I fight it with logic and HG’S reminders of logical thinking and going to the evidence. ….I got it HG and I’m practicing it….though the conditioning is an awful foe, it’s still achievable to win. Xx
Hi Rebecca. Yes, ‘pain’ as grief when in childhood is not something children will automatically understand despite feeling it. How you have described what it as like for you as a child when you father went to work is more or less how it was for me (father died & going to boarding school). It made the ‘home-sickness’ worse on my part. Even though some people may view the building they live in as the “sanctuary” when in fact, it is within the person they saw as the nurturer (as a child), thus a different perspective of the co-dependent as an individual (I’m not referring to the Co-D school here). From my childhood to, even, when I was 30, I got the impression (through matrinarc’s behaviours / words) that it was my fault that I was ‘created’ to what I became and for the “circumstances” that matrinarc “found” herself to be in (without a husband, without the life that she expected to be living etc).
I agree that “it’s still achievable to win” against the “foe” that is the ‘conditioned’ & incorrect ET / LT that we were brought up to ‘believe’, all the while, ‘harbouring’ the unawareness of the ‘enemy’ that is the addiction to narcissism that we now, understand. And, continue to learn to manage.
Thank you for sharing, what is, I think an important perspective that I can understand & relate to. 🙂 x
Rebecca, (forgive me if I misunderstand your conversation)
I feel this,
if I found a nice nonnarc partner and then he passes away, then that is a very different story from being left/dumped.
Hi Another Cat,
No worries. Xx What I meant by my comment was that, for me, regardless whether someone leaves due to dumping me or passing away, either case still causes me grief. I grieve for the lose of that person and it also doesn’t matter if that person was toxic to me or not. I still grieve for them. I grieve because I loved them, makes no difference if they were nice to me or not. I hope my explanation helped and I hope you’re well. Xx
Dear Rebecca,
Losing loved ones, is devastating! I ‘feel’ your losses and it’s emotionally heart gripping ! You certainly have had more grief to deal with than most people Rebecca. We miss our ‘dear ol friend’ terribly, however, we relish in all the good times and what a wonderful life he had. We’ve had nothing but a turnstyle of funerals lately, as all our old friends are either having health issues or dying We’re all old ! So many are now venturing into a new phase of being on their own…..alone ! Such an enormous adjustment!
Sadly, many cannot cope and are having to be placed into retirement villages or aged care.
It may be that some of us are destined for loneliness, however, we can implement changes and focus with a different mindset. Putting coping mechanisms in place will help immensely. Challenging one’s fear is the first step.
I’m came across this article and thought it might be helpful! It also resonates with me!
“There is great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4am, or sleep until noon. I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will, get old.
Over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, or when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when a pet is hit by a car ? Broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived a long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have youthful laughs be forever etched into my deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste my time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.
And I shall east dessert every single day if I feel like it ! “
Author unknown
I truly believe, everything happens for a reason, hence why we are all here, to learn from the best of the best…….overcome what sets us back and to be our very best.
💕xx
Dear Bubbles,
I still care too much about what people think of me, though I’ve learned some people aren’t for me to worry about. I’ve learned not to let it hurt me so much, to logically think, they dont know me, not in my life and I push out the negative feelings about myself their cutting words caused me to feel. I take things to heart, people say and I take things personally. I guess paet of my empath make up, conditioning and my own negative feelings about myself. I think most empaths can relate to how I feel and how I think. Maybe Im wrong?
I’m in the middle of my life, still working every day and still very active and doing my best to enjoy my life before my name is called. I feel I still have a lot of life to live, I hope its not ended short like my brother. I don’t have the same addiction as him, I dont make the same choices as him. I hope staying physically active, eating right and not smoking, makes the difference for me. But, I’m not going to live in fear about it. I’m going to do the best I can to enjoy my friends, my life and help where I can and when I can. Thats the best I can hope for and do. Xx
Dear Rebecca,
You are doing your best and that’s what matters lovely. We can truly see your progress! Congratulations! ☺️
Dear Bubbles,
Thank you so much, means a lot to me, that you say that! Xx❤️❤️🤗🤗
Dear Rebecca,
Leaps n bounds gorgeous, leaps n bounds 🤩
“ more likely an attention seeking edgelord normal who wants to play at being a psychopath but who would wet himself once my unwavering, desolate gaze bored into his pathetic existence.”
Lol! that’s funny
Witch: it was brilliant writing. Wish I knew the books outside this blog HG penned!
Hmm. Maybe Empaths are tougher, in a bizarre way, than Normals. Psychopaths don’t scare us nearly enough. We’d be safer if they did.
Viol which is scarier falling in love with someone who will love you back completely and opening up and being vulnerable or meeting someone with red flags, falling into lust and “ love” where you are constantly questioning, bouncing back and forth, wondering why? And always keeping a shield handy as once the trust is gone, it’s can’t come back. I am reminded of being a new mother and holding my baby and loving him so much then the abject fear of what would I do if I ever lost him. That fear was the scariest of all as I could not fathom surviving but I know many do. A little plug HGs escape series is astounding. I am so awed by these brave women and men for what they have achieved and their generosity in sharing it. Also… thanks HG!
You’re an eloquent and fascinating man, Mr. Tudor.
Cognitive understanding is no less valuable than esoteric empathy. Both, even at either extreme polarity, are necessary for a complete view of the human condition. Yes, the world is empty. The universe is empty. Laws, rules, language and etiquette are all made up, socially agreed upon based on whichever subset of people dominate the rest at the time.
In a sense, I can relate to the void. Finding meaningful, genuine connections is hard. Through acquaintances, friends, family and especially intimate partners. This seems to be a trauma response, a self-sabotaging preemptive defense mechanism. Maybe it’ll ease with enough EMDR.
The difference is, hard is not impossible. Just difficult.
Why it seemed so impossible for my Dad to relate to me or anyone else makes sense in hindsight. It outright was impossible.
Happy birthday, HG. I hope you’ve treated yourself generously!
Nice post Loke. EMDR. Excellent, as is Cognitive behavioural therapy.
Happy Birthday HG
🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎈🎈
Thanks. DBT has been more helpful to me, but CBT certainly helps a lot of people too.
Glad to hear it helps Loke. I found CBT did wonders for me.
I am still stuck in the emotional numbness, for years now. Sometimes emotions flood back. There is this saying you never miss what you have never had. I can agree with this. I remember what it was like to feel. I do sometimes realise that logical thinking is great as I am stronger, but I do miss what other “normal” people have. I can control it very well though and can choose when to feel. But this empty hollow space sometimes overwhelms me.
Anna: you need a pet;) A dog! They will shake you out of it:) I promise!
I’m glad CBT worked for you. Whatever works is worth it!
Learning how to think differently and observe what twinges happen in your body that you may not recognize as emotional responses is hard. Really fucking hard. The numbness is comfortably uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit perfectly but you’re familiar enough with the sensation not to mind it. Sometimes the idea of feeling at full intensity again is appealing, sometimes it’s an overwhelming prospect. Which is better, which is worse? I don’t know either. The clarity of mind that comes with a dulled emotive sense is an asset, undoubtedly, and the cost is steep.
Of course you can’t really miss something you don’t have a memory of it that that you can feel. Memories are stored in the body and the senses. Trauma fractures many of the connections between the body and mind. With this kind of trauma, the experience of feeling is just too fucking much, so we unconsciously alter how we experience a memory by dulling the emotional impact it has on us. This creates a fracture between the self and the emotional being. It’s a self-defense mechanism seeking control over what has been uncontrollable before.
I spent a lot of time dissociated and so thoroughly cut off from my emotions as a kid and as a teenager. Being connected to them hurt too much, I couldn’t take the searing, frigid heat that experiencing them guarantees. So, they were forced into a basement at some point in my childhood, then I locked the door and hid the key from myself. Now as an adult, picking the lock is my next best option, which DBT is helping with. If this doesn’t work well enough, on to breaking down that fucking door with more intensive EMDR than before.
You’ll find your way out, Anna. One foot in front of the other, you’ll get where you’re going. =)
Loke, Yes, I have experienced this too. Comfortably numb. Kind of a joke really.
Worse is my body will experience things, for example I had a car accident, it wasn’t bad luckily. I was numb, reacted logically, but I could feel the adrenaline kick in my body. My hands were shaking, but I felt nothing.
I hope I do find my way out. Thanks for the supportive words.
I actually had a breakdown Friday, emotion dump I call it. All pain in one go. Non stop crying for about 2 hours. Then the depression hit in. Bam. Today I am better, as quickly as it came like a tsunami, it quickly went.
One step in front of the other, baby steps. Well said. Yes, hopefully it will get better. I wish you well too on your healing. Dissociation is a hard habit to break. I certainly have not been able to.
Contagious. I love dogs, I have had one, but no they do not shake you out of it. Nothing does. If only life was that simple. Great companions though.
Loke, just a note too
When I emotionally dump. I try to avoid others. I realise this behaviour is highly toxic. I tend to withdraw. No one can help me and I do not wish to hurt others with my dumping.
I hope through CBT I find a better more constructive way to deal with issues. I tend to lock myself away in a bathroom so no one can see it. It is horrible.
I hope EMDR helps you.
Numbing emotions is bad. Especially if it leads to a toxic emotional dumping. I would describe it like this
Emotions are like water and they need to flow
Numbing them or holding them in, in a state of denial is like building a dam. Eventually the dam walls break or the cup flows over. This is emotional dumping, anyone within close proximity could see this overflow, it is not good, it is toxic.
First step is realisation, then dealing with the issue at hand.
I wish you all the best Loke in your healing. I hope we both find comfort and a suitable method of catharsis.
Matter of fact, honest, insightful, and chilling 😉
I was drawn recently to how much we project our own experiences and feelings onto others – projection – (not you) but narc’s in general and also empaths. Understanding something beyond our comprehension is hard. Generally, people see the world through this limited understanding. Thanks for sharing 🙂
HG, the articles and videos on psychopathy are fascinating; thank you.
I am trying to understand how your see the game. You have described in as a game of chess in previous articles, and in this one. On one hand, the analogy makes sense to me, as chess is a complex game involving study, strategy and exploiting the opponent’s weaknesses. But chess involves two opponents who are playing by the same set of rules. You say that “Each person represents a potential chess piece, strategically placed to further my calculated schemes.” So you are not playing against most people in your world; they are your pawns, or if powerful enough, your rooks, bishops, and knights, or even the queen. But they are pieces that you manipulate. Who do you see as your opponent? A powerful man or woman on the other side of what you want to achieve? Another intelligent narcissistic psychopath, perhaps? Or are you playing against the universe? Or am I taking the chess analogy too far?
Are you concerned that you may lose and interest in playing the game, the way Magnus Carlsen (by his own admission) lost interest in chess? Or your are not, because, like he did, you then switch to poker or another game?
The opponent is whoever I am manipulating.
No, I am not concerned by that, if it happens, I will respond accordingly.
Beautiful, sir. I love the way you’ve narrated the psychopathy series, how you inflect your voice so differently than in the Tudorscope videos and such. Your tone is cold and dark. You convey your detachment from others so well…but then there are moments in the 100K interviews where I would describe your voice as being quite gentle and understanding, the complete opposite of your psychopathy videos. It just demonstrates how good your cognitive empathy is.
“The art of manipulation presents itself as a thrilling game…” — This paragraph is lovely. I love the analogy to games and dance…It puts a number of images in my head.
Thank you so much for all you do, and looking forward to the next chapter of this series.
Hi Dani,
I thought the same thing when listening to the videos in the psychopath series. In the SoularFlow interview with Faye, she called them chilling. I couldn’t agree more.
I’m glad you brought this up. When I listened to the video he did after Queen Elizabeth passed away & the videos on Tina Turner, I had a similar reaction that you had to the 100k videos. In the Queen Elizabeth & Tina Turner videos, I almost thought he admired them. His voice was soft and it almost felt sympathetic. Was that genuine or a manipulation? I’m leaning toward manipulation.
Hi Leigh–
Sorry about the delayed response. I just saw this today.
He’s the Ultra. It’s all a manipulation. Even if it seems genuine…it is…genuine manipulation.
The scary part is that i know its all a manipulation yet sometimes I still question it. Sometimes my ET even tries to con me about Mr. Tudor. Thankfully, I can recognize it relatively quickly and knock the ET back down.
Have you ever listened to the same Ultra video more than once, and found that Mr. Tudor sounded very different than the way you remembered it–in terms of tone, inflection, and emotion? I have. I think that is related to emotional thinking, too. When I’m a little more worked up, I hear him differently…but when I go back several days later, having replayed those words in my mind in the inflection that I remember…he sounds different to me…
Omg, Dani! You just sent shivers down my spine, lol! Yes! That’s happened to me as well. It’s even happened with Mr. Tudor’s articles. You really hit on something here. Its how we interpret his words and our frame of mind at the time may skew that. Thank you for sharing that, Dani!
“There is no misery, no sadness, no regret, no loneliness.”
Just a vague sense that something is missing? A little like knowing you have forgotten something but can’t remember what you forgot?
Eight years of running a successful blog is quite the achievement. Congratulations! Ten years will be better 😉 ( still working on it haha!)
Happy Birthday HG. X
Thank you TS.
Right on! Wow! I was married to an anti social and we were on our honeymoon and I thought we could be anywhere he is indifferent to the beauty of other countries. BUT what did thrill him gambling. He loves poker. He is retired but he liked business. Making money. Hoards it. Spending he abhors but the accumulation matters. It doesn’t matter what the purchase he is a multimillionaire who goes to the 99 cent store and drive 45 minutes for slightly rotted fruit. I recall one thanksgiving in front of a friend he had a fit I bought a Turkey from Trader Joe’s when there were 9.99$ turkeys at Ralph’s. My friend was there and was shocked as he was rich. She said I am surprised you have to deal with that. Sex was a transaction. I swear he wanted daily to justify I lived in his mansion despite being a mother to his child. It was ROTE never a connection. Technical. And he cheated. He cheated as after giving birth Right away I could not. So he brought a “ friend” to the house who bought my baby a Tiffany’s birthday set. I threw it out. I knew. Not the extent but I knew when she walked in the room. A contagion. But to be honest, I rushed in and I could not love him after knowing him better. I lost most desire. To this day, I don’t blame him. I wanted the divorce not him. Not that he was faithful but he wanted the old car in the garage while he drove new ones. He was very controlling. Your articles on art did not resonate with me as he had zero interest in the arts only boxing. He loved the raw violence of boxing. He taught his kids and boxed himself. Ironically my son who he wanted to adopt and thank God he didn’t, is a boxer. Unknown to me, he invited him to lunch with the girls and asked him if HE was the reason he was a boxer. Later I learned everyone silently laughed. I paid for it all and took him. Plus, it is my own sons calling not my ex. He once said to me there are two ways to deal with business: legal and illegal. I didn’t know of his criminal activities until I got a call from a federal crime unit which prompted me to divorce him. My dreams screamed at me. There was the trickster who would follow me with his rotting organ who wanted to show me the darkness. It was a dark parking garage. I became overly charitable and religious. I founded a charitable arm to a national organism and I gave away most of his old clothes from the 70s. He was 20 years older. He found this humorous and would joke about how charitable he was. Charity meant zero to him. One of the reasons I couldn’t love him right. His lack of love for his kids also detailed me. His son was very troubled. His mother was an alcoholic and dependent on my ex. His son was a drug addict and drug dealer who blew up a vehicle. Arson at 14. Juvie. Since then a life of rehab and jail…. I tried to intervene suggesting removing him to counseling, al alon classes, therapy…, all “ too expensive” as he bought himself another rolls Royce to my disgust. The divorce was unreal, the things he did. I had to hire a bodyguard. Constant death threats. On the day I was packed he showed up and said he would blow my brains out. I said “ Do your worst, I am leaving.” With the big moving guys standing behind me ( probably ex cons.) He did he sued me for full custody saying I was delusional ( seeing drugs, crimes and affairs). I got 80% custody two years later. I represented myself in the end and I fought like HELL. His top family law attorney told me I was like “ nothing he had ever seen.” And I asked him, “ how does it feel to make a career out of destroying kids.” I let the child custody escalator know his son ended up in prison and his other daughter ended up in a mental hospital. Well done lady! Her response was that protecting the other children was not her job and put a lot of the blame on their mother. The worst was he was Jewish and I am Christian but a lover of all faiths. I told him I couldn’t marry him outside the church and that our kids would have to be Christian. He said he had an epiphany when his sister died and he was in fact a believer in Christ. So we married, and baptized our daughter. He raised his hand saying he was a believer and attended church with me. But during the divorce he wanted Jewish holidays and Christmas. I wanted Christmas. His reply was if I wanted to get on my knees in front of Jesus, let her. It was said in a vulgar way. Now, the judge was Cuban and maybe Catholic and maybe that’s why the judge gave me Christmas and the 80% recommended by the child custody expert and evaluator. Btw she found no disorder with me, and found me very empathetic with the children but she did call me a mother bear. Lol Your article on dominion was dead on. I don’t think my ex was a narcissist. Doesn’t fit but ASPD. Yup. For anyone else dealing with this…we successfully raised our child. He did well. We have never spoke since the divorce. Not once. She was 5. She is now 21.
“Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.”
I can understand the ‘black hole’ concept as you described as above. How I would describe my ‘darkness’ when I had it, was a heavy and dark mass, that I could not ‘remove’. I have explained it previously (dog, father) so I won’t repeat it. I can also understand not being able to ‘fill’ that “hollow essence” as I was not able to ‘replace’ my ‘darkness’ with anything else. I do remember what it was like. I don’t feel it any more. I did not like “it” (the ‘mass’) because it “dominated” me for some time.
Fascinating in how you have taught yourself to understand your “dominion” (previously called the ‘creature’) and that you recognise when you need to take back your power so that it does not take over. Exactly like your work is there to educate people on how to understand what ET is, how to manage it, understand what toxic logic is unless one reminds themselves to rein it in and take back control of their mind & emotions. Whereas you, may, ‘project’ your own “version” of ET (your ‘dominion’) onto, either, people (by whatever means), or, your work (whatever you are working on, as ‘HG’, or your other professional roles).
Would you suggest that your ‘dominion’ is the same as the ‘creature’, or, is that two separate ‘dominators’? I ask this because you know when you need fuel, or, distraction (from your boredom).
This series offers a different aspect of looking into understanding what a really small proportion of the population may experience as they go through life, yet, some may think differently in the way you think / look at the world as a whole. Because they are not you.
Thank you for this article, HG X
My dominion is different.
Thank you for answering my question, HG.
A messenger of the Emptiness, an enigma! No matter from what angle I look, amongst all of these unexpected worlds and fates – you are a gift! In your manifestations of what you are and were. And there is no return and what counts is the full picture. Even if not understood yet fully and simultaneously seen and felt. We lived unknowingly to who we were to you. I thought you were a fairytale, and those were just storytelling words, but they conveyed the truth all this time. And still I will remember “The root of this darkness was once a soul…”.
Thank you, HG, for this incredible insight and for every fiber of your mind, your energy and being! How magical that you were born in this majestic time of the year as golden flames engulf and transition nature’s heartbeat!
You are welcome Jordyguin.
You absolute beauty.
Beautifully written. Thank you for allowing the glimpse, HG.
You are welcome MB.