Psychopath : Dominion


This is my dominion. Few are ever allowed here, but you are granted that special insight reserved for the curious, those that have shown that you want to learn and to learn through engaging with cold excellence.


The emptiness I experience is often described as a pervasive and profound sense of detachment from emotions and an absence of deep and meaningful connections. It is not accompanied by regret or longing, but rather a fundamental inability to experience empathy, guilt, or genuine emotional attachment. This void forms the lens through which I see the world. This emptiness is embraced, it is part of me, some of you who are especially attuned to others will experience this emptiness. Not within you, for you have no such place, but rather it is a sensation in passing, or possibly for longer if you linger or have been caught in the hyperfocussed gaze. For an instant, the howling wilderness sweeps over you and through you, threatening you with oblivion, yet oblivion is where I reside, it is my domain.


Rationality and self-interest become my primary driving forces as I have been spared  the emotional connection that guides most people’s decision-making processes. This lens of emptiness means I  view the world as a game or a series of transactions that I engage in to pursue my own desires and self-gratification. Other people are often seen as mere tools or obstacles in this pursuit, and their wellbeing or suffering holds little significance to me.


Forged with a lack of empathy and emotional depth this powers my  ability to manipulate and deceive others without remorse. Without the connection to emotions, I view social interactions as strategic opportunities rather than genuine moments of connection or understanding. This means I do not establish and maintain meaningful relationships.


This empty world governs my perceptions of morality and ethics. While I understand the concept of right and wrong intellectually, the absence of emotional connection  means I do not genuinely appreciate the ethical implications of my actions and nor do I care.  As a result, I may engage in antisocial or harmful behaviors without considering the emotional or moral consequences, as these are lacking and wholly unnecessary.


Embedded within the core of my being lies an overwhelming sensation of emptiness that is unfathomable to most. The inability to experience authentic emotions, the absence of my empathy, and the absence of the profound connections that others cherish evokes a profound sense of isolation. I am an enigma, forever detached from the feelings and shared experiences that bond humanity. Do not be fooled by those who complain about such an isolated existence, those that bemoan the burden of detachment, they are not of my kind, more likely they are a cry baby narcissist or more likely an attention seeking edgelord normal who wants to play at being a psychopath but who would wet himself once my unwavering, desolate gaze bored into his pathetic existence.


To navigate through the world, I employ a mask of charisma and charm. This facade allows me to seamlessly interact with others, mimicking emotions and responses to successfully camouflage my innate coldness. Crafted to captivate, my charm establishes an illusion of connection, coaxing trust from unsuspecting individuals who are unaware of the vacant space behind my bright facade. This superficial charm serves only to satiate my hunger for control and dominance.


Empathy, an integral aspect of human connection, remains as elusive to me as Atlantis. The emotions and concerns of others are but mere noise, mere curiosities that occasionally pique my interest. Without the capacity to internalize the pain and joy of others, genuine empathy is an uncharted territory that forever eludes me as an experience, I have instead simply come to understand it. The lack of this emotional compass renders me bemused as to why acts of kindness can create lasting bonds or why harming others engenders revulsion in most hearts.


The art of manipulation presents itself as a thrilling game, a means to achieve personal goals that others obediently follow. The convoluted dance of manipulation, so skillfully choreographed, leaves me with an insatiable appetite for control and a ceaseless craving for power. This sense of dominance fills the gaping void within, ever so briefly offering a taste of satisfaction before it dissipates, leaving a craving for manipulation’s next intoxicating high.


Relationships, an amusing concept, exist for strategic purposes rather than emotional connection. Though I may effortlessly forge relationships, those partnerships remain superficial, devoid of genuine devotion or attachment. In this emptiness, I wander alone, watching others engage in profound connections that ignite their lives, while I remain perpetually detached, a bystander observing love and authentic bonds from a distance.


From within the cavernous emptiness of my being, I maneuver through life in an alternate reality; a space where emotions are but riddles to be solved, connections serve a self-serving purpose, and the world’s coveted experiences elicit little more than a paltry imitation of true gratification. In this perspective, my  gaze upon the world unveils perpetual barrenness, leaving me observing with contempt, the emotional vitality found effortlessly among others.


I perceive the world with a detached and objective lens, devoid of the nuanced emotions that color the experiences of others. While most individuals are guided by their emotions, my reality is constructed upon a foundation of calculated pragmatism.


In observing human behavior, I find solace in the predictability of human frailty. Unlike others who may seek emotional support or rely on empathy, I approach situations with a calculated and detached analysis of people’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities. This allows me to exploit them to my advantage without the burden of guilt or remorse.


The world appears like a vast playground, filled with unsuspecting victims and opportunities that await my devious manipulation. Each person represents a potential chess piece, strategically placed to further my calculated schemes. I carefully study their vulnerabilities, extracting information to create a web of power and control.


Interactions that may seem profound or deeply meaningful to others merely serve as stepping stones in my own personal game of dominance. Trust, loyalty, and intimacy are not genuine emotions to be cherished but tools to be skillfully wielded for personal gain.


When observing intimate relationships, I cannot help but marvel at the naivety of individuals who place their trust in others so effortlessly. The depths of their love, the intensity of their connections are interesting to me. I recognize their value, even if I can never truly appreciate or experience it myself. It is like observing a vibrant painting, beautiful but foreign, a masterpiece understood only by its creator.


The rules of society hold little sway over my consciousness. I exist in a world governed by my own moral compass, one that navigates a morally gray terrain where the boundary between right and wrong fades. Beneath the guise of normalcy, I engage in the perpetuation of acts that others deem unacceptable. My actions may shock or provoke, but they are mere experiments, conduits for my insatiable curiosity.


While others may be burdened with remorse or regret, I shoulder none of these emotions. My existence is uncomplicated by moral dilemmas or ethical quandaries. I am unburdened by the expectations and responsibilities of socially constructed norms and obligations. Freedom, within the constraints of psychological detachment, allows me to navigate through the world unencumbered by the trappings of ethical considerations.


Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.


There is no yearning to experience that which I have witnessed, on the contrary, my dominion only goes to emphasise the efficacy of what I am. There is no misery, no sadness, no regret, no loneliness.


This is why my dominion prevails.

86 thoughts on “Psychopath : Dominion

  1. Asp Amp says:

    “Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.”

    I can understand the ‘black hole’ concept as you described as above. How I would describe my ‘darkness’ when I had it, was a heavy and dark mass, that I could not ‘remove’. I have explained it previously (dog, father) so I won’t repeat it. I can also understand not being able to ‘fill’ that “hollow essence” as I was not able to ‘replace’ my ‘darkness’ with anything else. I do remember what it was like (over my dog’s passing), yet, as child, I was too young to understand it fully (father’s passing). I don’t feel it any more. I did not like “it” (the ‘mass’) because it “dominated” me for some time.

    Fascinating in how you have taught yourself to analyse and understand your “dominion” (previously called the ‘creature’?) and that you recognise when you need to take back your power so that it does not take over. Exactly like your work is there to educate people on how to understand what ET is, how to manage it, understand what toxic logic is unless one reminds themselves to rein it in and take back control of their mind & emotions. Whereas you, may, ‘project’ your ‘dominion’ onto, either, people (by whatever means), or, your work (whatever you are working on, as ‘HG’, or your other professional roles).

    Would you suggest that your ‘dominion’ is the same as the ‘creature’, or, is that two separate ‘dominators’? I ask this because you recognise when you need fuel, or, distraction (from your boredom). Interesting to consider that maybe, on occasion, the ‘force’ of the ‘hunger’ of the ‘creature’ may be the driving factor to push the ‘dominion’ to “permit” the narcissism to feed (and get control), thus, maybe the narcissism could, on occasion, be the leading ‘dominator’ because the psychopath may not always force the creature to stay silent (the restlessness could increase)? Similar along the lines of a human not being able to access food to the point where they may be pushed to obtain food from anywhere by any means, if absolutely necessary.

    Do you switch from one task to another different task, once you start to sense the narcissism getting ‘hungry’ as a means to force some distraction (control) over the creature until it becomes too “demanding” to be fed?

    Thank you for this article, HG, fascinating to read as always xxx

  2. Asp Amp says:


    Do minion.


    Yes, Sir 🙂

  3. Sweetest Perfection says:

    It has taken me some time to regurgitate this one, as I was struggling by the overwhelming black/white perception based on duality it exudes, including the manipulative chess board analogy. For someone who reminds us constantly of the relativity of truth, (which I adhere to), your assessment of others’ behaviors is quite inflexible.
    While the quality of this writing is unsurprisingly outstanding (you have gotten us very spoilt in that regard) I found myself captivated by this section: “Freedom, within the constraints of psychological detachment, allows me to navigate through the world unencumbered by the trappings of ethical considerations.” Freedom.
    It usually happens that while I sleep on some work, pieces of writing I have to turn in, or texts I have read, unexpectedly some information gets in the way that makes me reconsider everything and look at it with a new lens. As was the case with this article.
    Tonight, I was watching a documentary on the life and career of admirable Nina (really, Niña) Simone. She was the subject of racial discrimination, gender discrimination, and an abusive husband with all the traits of being a lesser narcissist. And she declared that to her, freedom means having “no fear!”
    Nonetheless, she also was hooked on her narcissistic husband in a very toxic relationship.
    Question: do you think empaths could ever achieve the same level of freedom (as in being devoid of fear), or is it just exclusive to antisocial personality individuals? Is that freedom the success of your dominion?

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hi Sweetest Perfection,

      “Do you think empaths could ever achieve the same level of freedom ( as in being devoid of fear) or is it just exclusive to antisocial personality individuals?”

      It’s interesting you pick up on the freedom aspect. This is one of the reasons I believe I am best suited to narcissistic individuals. Low emotional empathy equates closely to freedom in my view. Freedom to say what they think and do what they want to do with very little concern about how others might interpret or be impacted by their words or actions. There’s a certain honesty about that. It’s a ‘tell it like it is’ approach. We have all benefitted from a similar approach here on the blog. If that approach is entirely unfettered though, then I think it becomes horrific.

      Lack of fear I think is also broader reaching than we perhaps realise. No fear of what others think, no fear of failure, no fear of judgement, no fear of the unknown. It must be far easier to go do, try, amend, achieve. There’s no mental downside. If it doesn’t work, fine, just switch approach, and again, and again. No fear of loss, make a fortune, lose a fortune, only yourself to look after. Form a relationship, lose a relationship, no problem, just form another. I agree, lack of fear opens up the board and it does link to personal freedom.

      I think total freedom is unachievable for the empath. It’s rare I view something as unachievable and I’ll accept that could purely be based on my own personal experiences and view. For me, it just is not possible for me not to consider the impact my words and actions might have on other people known or not known to me. Can’t be done. I can temper my emotional empathy. I can elect to put myself and my own needs / feelings first and will do so in certain situations, particularly if I’m defending myself in some way, but on the whole that fail safe is always there. Consideration for others takes mental energy, it’s hard wired in and in my view it can be exhausting.

      In terms of fear, I think there is more wiggle room. Fear is often anchored in the past rather than the future. The future is yet to happen so for me that means many aspects of fear can be worked on. On the whole I’m not a slave to my past mistakes, it’s pointless, forget it, move on. I don’t often experience fear for myself but I do bond, so fear of loss for me would always be inescapable.

      Where there is emotional empathy, there can be no true freedom in my view. Whilst I might somewhat admire this freedom I can also say that its cost (lack of emotional empathy, lack of ability to bond) is one I would be unwilling to pay. People are the point for me. Take my emotional empathy away and I’d struggle to see the point of being here, I’d definitely struggle to see my purpose.

      I find it very difficult to imagine what life would be like on the other side of the fence.


      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Dear TS,
        Are you the TS who shared her escape yesterday? If that was you, congratulations and thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed listening to you and you have a beautiful voice.
        I do not think narcissists are freer than empaths, remember we do not need to feed on anyone but they need fuel so they will never be free. But I agree with you that our attachment to human connections and emotions is a disadvantage. My question to HG was considering precisely the control of emotions that you mention in your response. Lowering our ET and being able to maintain a more neutral approach could be the key, but are we as empaths able to achieve that point? I am not very optimistic about that.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hi SP,

          Yes, that was me, thank you for your kind comment!

          To clarify, the group of people I see as being free (other than psychopaths) are narcissistic people but not narcissists. Narcissists I think are probably least free overall for the reason you state, the need for fuel.

          I wouldn’t switch to narcissistic though, I love the depth and range of emotion I can experience. Every upside has its downside but overall, I wouldn’t switch group.

          In many ways I think freedom sits side by side with selfishness. Empaths aren’t really known for being selfish so we are probably going to struggle with feeling wholly free.

          I think you are exactly right though. The lower our ET I think the more control we get over our emotions. The more control we have, the more selective we can be with them, then I think we are as free as it is possible for empaths to be.

          Maintenance is tougher. There’s the definite ‘steer clear of narcissists’ but for me my ET can go up just through stress or through dismay at what I read in the news. I might not be the best person to share on the maintenance question!


          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi TS,

            I wondered if that TS was you. Xx I’m glad you shared your story with us, it was nice to hear your voice and your encouraging story. ❤️ Thank you xx

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Rebecca,

            Thank you, I’ve never done anything like that before. It felt really strange seeing it posted on YouTube!


          3. Rebecca says:


            You did great! Xx ❤️ ❤️ Thanks for sharing your story xx

          4. A Victor says:

            TS, really nice to hear your voice, and your story, thank you for sharing! You sounded exactly as I’d imagined!

          5. Contagious says:

            TS thank you deeply for your courage and generosity! I loved your YouTube and proud to be among you!

          6. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you AV. Did I ? That’s funny. I sometimes get an image of how people look when I’m reading their comments, I’m probably miles off the reality though! Once I have the image I always see them in that way as I read their comments. They keep that picture. I don’t think I’ve ever really considered voices, it’s interesting that you do. 🙂


          7. A Victor says:

            Hi TS, Thank you for your reply.

            Yes, I picture the visuals, sounds, smells, tastes if food is involved, feel if physical contact is involved in every interaction I have or read or hear about etc. It is automatic and is a split second thing, I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I am often surprised both by how accurate my imagination can be at times and how far off it can be at other times.

            I have a long distance friend who struggles to picture things, I either show her things via pictures or write them with as much detail as i can to help her “see” them. I am not typically a detail focused person, kind of a more ‘get to the point, I’ll fill in the rest as we go’ type. My friend is the opposite, very detail focused. I find that interesting, we are all so unique. I have enjoyed learning from her the value of looking at details sometimes.

          8. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi AV,

            Visuals definitely, if I can’t visualise something I struggle to connect with it. I don’t have a great sense of taste, not a foodie, so I’d be absolutely hopeless describing food, though strangely I’m very picky with wine!

            I once went on a team building weekend in the Lake District where they do lots of interesting things like give you a plank of wood and tell you to cross a river.(sigh) The trainer / evaluator said I had the worst listening skills out of anyone who had ever done the course. Guy was an ass but he’s right in that my listening skills are weak when I’m not interested. Conversations I can remember verbatim but small talk, or things that don’t interest me I screen out and entertain myself in my own world. So, auditory we can probably say ‘variable’ if we are feeling generous.

            I’m a kinaesthetic learner so touch is important to me too. I self soothe through touch, I notice fabric, materials in clothing. I like physical contact so long as it’s me that instigates it at the beginning. Most people would probably describe me as tactile.

            It’s sweet that you send pictures to accommodate your friend, some people really don’t see the pictures we try so hard to paint.


          9. Truthseeker6157 says:


            I love that you shared your story. What struck me about it is how escape is an ongoing thing. We escape, then we learn more and find we need to escape again, different narc, different context. As time passes we don’t know who will get put in our path so learning everything we can from HG gives us the best chance to get and remain narc free.


        2. Viol. says:

          SP: your latest avatar!
          good Lord, Brand looked like Crabbe and Doyle when he was in high school.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I had to look that up as I am not a fan of Harry Potter, Viol. This is my old time favorite RB’s picture.

        3. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hi Contagious,

          Aww thank you. I’m really enjoying the series as a whole, there are some truly inspiring stories from people who really had their world turned upside down.

          I think the male accounts are brilliant because it’s often female accounts that we hear. It’s important to hear from the guys too so others know that ensnarement doesn’t just happen to women. There was a time when I thought that men might somehow be less impacted, that isn’t the case now. I know they are equally as impacted.

          Also the lady who spoke about how hurt she was through having a friendship with a female narc. I thought that was very eye opening too. A cautionary tale.

          Me too Contagious, happy to be a member of the empath club. We know that HG’s work has worked for us, but hearing real accounts from empaths in different countries made me feel really boosted somehow. I love that HG came up with the idea. I think I needed to hear something positive amongst all the negativity I’m bombarded with in the news. I needed to hear about empaths winning!


          1. Dani says:

            I agree with you, TS. It’s comforting to hear something positive amongst all the negativity in the news. It can be very difficult to escape it at times. I also thought the story of the friendship was very important to hear. It’s good for people to realize the variety of relationships with the narcissist can all have impact on empath victim (and normals and narcissistic people, too), particularly if they are involved with a narcissist who is more likely to devalue in those relationships. It’s excellent to have men sharing, too, because narcissism is a problem for everyone, regardless of sex.

            Also, remember HG has decided (for some bizarre reason–I don’t really understand [sarcasm] that being the leader of “Empath Company” was the way to go, rather than dealing with “Narc Squad”) Something about empaths serving the prime aims better and being eager to help others…assisting him with a legacy…

            (By the way…LOVE your accent!)

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Dani,

            Honestly, I get so disillusioned by the news that I’ve said numerous times I should just put my blinkers on and not read it. Can’t do it though, I view it as almost irresponsible to withdraw from understanding the mess this world seems to be in.

            This series perked me up again though. 🙂

            Thank you for your kind comment about my accent. I’ve moved around a lot so it has softened a little but I’ll never run a ‘barth’ and scone will always rhyme with gone!


          3. Contagious says:

            TS you are a general! Swords up empaths!

      2. Leigh says:

        It was so nice to hear your voice!

        Thank you for alerting me to this video!

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hey Leigh,

          Haha! It’s funny what a difference that makes to us isn’t it? I thought the same when I recognised names in the 100K videos. It makes us more ‘real’ to each other I think.


          1. Leigh says:

            That’s exactly it, TS. It makes you real. Plus now, I’ll hear your voice when reading your comments! Yes, I had the same reaction to the 100k videos, especially AV’s & Isabelle’s interviews.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          You’re welcome, Leigh. I am taking the time to comment on each video because I find this initiative extremely inspiring. It makes me very happy to hear so many empaths getting weaponized and freed from their abusers. I am also very impressed to see the magnitude and positive impact of HG’s work through these testimonies. Many of these accounts have made me cry, and I have seen myself in some of them, which provides me with validation. I know others have felt the same way, so not only do the testimonies speak of the efficacy of HG’s work, but listening to them adds to the process of rebuilding your confidence and achieving peace of mind. I admire those of you who read your own, I am not that brave.

          1. Leigh says:

            Sweet P,
            I agree. Its so wonderful to hear these survivors take back their freedom! I’m impressed by how many are sharing their stories as well, especially the men. Too often we forget that men are abused as well.

            I saw the news about your sister also and I just wanted to send a hug.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thank you so much, Leigh. That’s very kind of you. It’s been 4 months of no communication with her, one direct hoover and two by proxy. I ignored all three but I know I have to go NC with her. It’s not that easy when it is part of your family. And because I am always sweet and she is always what she is, my family uses that to make me feel guilty: “come on, you’re better than her, don’t take it so seriously, you know she has always been a difficult person.” This time I said NO.

          3. Leigh says:

            Hi Sweet P,
            I’ve had people make similar comments to me to try and make me feel guilty. I find it helps to stand my ground Just because I’ve chosen not to accept their difficult behavior doesn’t make me a bad person. It just means, I’ve decided I’m no longer going to deal with it.

            May I make a suggestion? Have you gotten the “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist” package? Its not just for parents. You can substitute any family member. If you can’t go complete no contact with your sister yet, it will help you go almost no contact and then proceed from there. Its an incredible package and well worth it. Now with Mr. Tudor’s generous 50% discount, it would be a steal!

          4. Leigh says:

            Hi Sweet P,
            I heard your video today! I’m so glad you decided to do it! You’re braver than you realize!

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Sweetest Perfection,

            I loved the way you structured your escape account. I thought the list was a great idea and practical for those listening who perhaps aren’t sure where to start. I didn’t know your story in any detail previously, it was good to understand more about how you landed here. 🙂


    2. Contagious says:

      Sweetest Perfection we do achieve freedom but in a different way I think. We aren’t empty. We achieve freedom from fear through Love. Psychopaths don’t know joy, awe, love, contentment, happiness, bliss or peace. Most if not all people don’t have this escape or sense of freedom from life everyday but we get it, don’t we? 🙂

  4. Witch says:

    “The depths of their love, the intensity of their connections are interesting to me. I recognize their value, even if I can never truly appreciate or experience it myself. It is like observing a vibrant painting, beautiful but foreign, a masterpiece understood only by its creator.”

    This is surprising to me, it’s like you admire it and enjoy observing it, but how does a psychopath admire something like this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because it furnishes with me a weapon.

    2. Leigh says:

      Thank you for asking this question, Witch. Sometimes I sense admiration in these articles as well. Mr. Tudor’s response doesn’t shock me, but I still needed the reminder.

  5. Witch says:

    “ In this perspective, my gaze upon the world unveils perpetual barrenness, leaving me observing with contempt, the emotional vitality found effortlessly among others.”

    HG does this lead to envy when you witness love between others? The IPPS and someone else?
    Even strangers?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is a moment of envy which is rapidly dismissed.

      1. Witch says:

        Why do you dismiss it ? Is it because you believe it’s a weakness? Or grandiosity kicks in and you believe it’s beneath you to feel that way? Or something else?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I regard it as redundant and pointless.

      2. Viol. says:

        Nor much worth envying, HG. The pain outweighs the joy, and even intense joy can be painful.

        1. Allison says:

          Pain can be a door.

          1. Viol. says:

            Yes, but I keep running into it face first when it only looked open.

        2. Allison says:

          Yes. Clear seeing is best.

      3. Rebecca says:


        I had a thought about having a great relationship with a non narc, imagine a relationship where there is mutual understanding, devotion, boundary recognition, mutual respect and love….close to perfect as humanely possible….eventually, as all things die, one will leave the other and so even a “perfect” relationship causes pain for the surviving half of the couple…my thoughts are sad and dark, reading your Psychopathy series is both educational and emotional for me. The fear of being one and standing alone, is overwhelming to contemplate. Xx

        1. Alexissmith2016 says:

          What scares you in particular about being alone Rebecca?

          1. Asp Amp says:

            I think that could be the CoD traits?

          2. Rebecca says:

            Hi Alexissmith,

            Going through grief again. I’ve dealt with death of people closest to me. Lost my parents and brother, all within 5 years. I don’t want to feel that pain again. It’s life, I know, but I still don’t want to feel it again. It’ll happen anyway. Xx

          3. Rebecca says:

            Alexissmith and AspEmp,

            Yes, I have Codependent in my Empath make up and I think it has a part in my fears and ET, but logically I’m aware of my weakness and fight against my fears.

          4. Asp Amp says:

            Rebecca, a 5 year period and quite a number of bereavements is a lot. Then being on your journey here, the detectors and so on. It is hell of a lot of pain ‘processing’ & reprogramming it all. Maybe the pain (losses) you experienced impacts on your CoD as people leaving you when the CoD also “relies” on having people around?

          5. Rebecca says:


            I think you’re right, I think my attachments to my family and then losing them through death did impact my CoD. I have nervous attachments anyway, I’ve learned from being here, and I expect people to leave and then blame myself for them leaving. I think my nervous attachments formed when I was a kid and my dad would leave for Naval duties overseas and he’d be gone for months sometimes and I remember feeling he was mad at me, and that I felt grief when he went away, though at the time, I just felt pain and heart break and didn’t understand it was grief I felt. I desperately wanted him back and wanted to be good enough for him. I didn’t realize then, that he already loved me and I didn’t need to prove myself to him. I felt the need to prove myself and make amends to some unknown mistake I thought I did. I formed the nervous attachment to him because I also think my mother conditioned me to feel that way, to blame myself , to think I did something wrong. The conditioning HG talks about, is real and I see how it was ingrained in me and I still do it, but I fight it with logic and HG’S reminders of logical thinking and going to the evidence. ….I got it HG and I’m practicing it….though the conditioning is an awful foe, it’s still achievable to win. Xx

          6. Asp Amp says:

            Hi Rebecca. Yes, ‘pain’ as grief when in childhood is not something children will automatically understand despite feeling it. How you have described what it as like for you as a child when you father went to work is more or less how it was for me (father died & going to boarding school). It made the ‘home-sickness’ worse on my part. Even though some people may view the building they live in as the “sanctuary” when in fact, it is within the person they saw as the nurturer (as a child), thus a different perspective of the co-dependent as an individual (I’m not referring to the Co-D school here). From my childhood to, even, when I was 30, I got the impression (through matrinarc’s behaviours / words) that it was my fault that I was ‘created’ to what I became and for the “circumstances” that matrinarc “found” herself to be in (without a husband, without the life that she expected to be living etc).

            I agree that “it’s still achievable to win” against the “foe” that is the ‘conditioned’ & incorrect ET / LT that we were brought up to ‘believe’, all the while, ‘harbouring’ the unawareness of the ‘enemy’ that is the addiction to narcissism that we now, understand. And, continue to learn to manage.

            Thank you for sharing, what is, I think an important perspective that I can understand & relate to. 🙂 x

        2. Another Cat says:

          Rebecca, (forgive me if I misunderstand your conversation)
          I feel this,
          if I found a nice nonnarc partner and then he passes away, then that is a very different story from being left/dumped.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi Another Cat,

            No worries. Xx What I meant by my comment was that, for me, regardless whether someone leaves due to dumping me or passing away, either case still causes me grief. I grieve for the lose of that person and it also doesn’t matter if that person was toxic to me or not. I still grieve for them. I grieve because I loved them, makes no difference if they were nice to me or not. I hope my explanation helped and I hope you’re well. Xx

        3. Bubbles says:

          Dear Rebecca,
          Losing loved ones, is devastating! I ‘feel’ your losses and it’s emotionally heart gripping ! You certainly have had more grief to deal with than most people Rebecca. We miss our ‘dear ol friend’ terribly, however, we relish in all the good times and what a wonderful life he had. We’ve had nothing but a turnstyle of funerals lately, as all our old friends are either having health issues or dying We’re all old ! So many are now venturing into a new phase of being on their own…..alone ! Such an enormous adjustment!
          Sadly, many cannot cope and are having to be placed into retirement villages or aged care.
          It may be that some of us are destined for loneliness, however, we can implement changes and focus with a different mindset. Putting coping mechanisms in place will help immensely. Challenging one’s fear is the first step.

          I’m came across this article and thought it might be helpful! It also resonates with me!

          “There is great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4am, or sleep until noon. I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will, get old.

          Over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, or when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when a pet is hit by a car ? Broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

          I am so blessed to have lived a long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have youthful laughs be forever etched into my deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

          As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

          I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste my time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

          And I shall east dessert every single day if I feel like it ! “

          Author unknown

          I truly believe, everything happens for a reason, hence why we are all here, to learn from the best of the best…….overcome what sets us back and to be our very best.


          1. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            I still care too much about what people think of me, though I’ve learned some people aren’t for me to worry about. I’ve learned not to let it hurt me so much, to logically think, they dont know me, not in my life and I push out the negative feelings about myself their cutting words caused me to feel. I take things to heart, people say and I take things personally. I guess paet of my empath make up, conditioning and my own negative feelings about myself. I think most empaths can relate to how I feel and how I think. Maybe Im wrong?
            I’m in the middle of my life, still working every day and still very active and doing my best to enjoy my life before my name is called. I feel I still have a lot of life to live, I hope its not ended short like my brother. I don’t have the same addiction as him, I dont make the same choices as him. I hope staying physically active, eating right and not smoking, makes the difference for me. But, I’m not going to live in fear about it. I’m going to do the best I can to enjoy my friends, my life and help where I can and when I can. Thats the best I can hope for and do. Xx

          2. Bubbles says:

            Dear Rebecca,
            You are doing your best and that’s what matters lovely. We can truly see your progress! Congratulations! ☺️

          3. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            Thank you so much, means a lot to me, that you say that! Xx❤️❤️🤗🤗

  6. Witch says:

    “ more likely an attention seeking edgelord normal who wants to play at being a psychopath but who would wet himself once my unwavering, desolate gaze bored into his pathetic existence.”

    Lol! that’s funny

    1. Contagious says:

      Witch: it was brilliant writing. Wish I knew the books outside this blog HG penned!

    2. Viol. says:

      Hmm. Maybe Empaths are tougher, in a bizarre way, than Normals. Psychopaths don’t scare us nearly enough. We’d be safer if they did.

      1. Contagious says:

        Viol which is scarier falling in love with someone who will love you back completely and opening up and being vulnerable or meeting someone with red flags, falling into lust and “ love” where you are constantly questioning, bouncing back and forth, wondering why? And always keeping a shield handy as once the trust is gone, it’s can’t come back. I am reminded of being a new mother and holding my baby and loving him so much then the abject fear of what would I do if I ever lost him. That fear was the scariest of all as I could not fathom surviving but I know many do. A little plug HGs escape series is astounding. I am so awed by these brave women and men for what they have achieved and their generosity in sharing it. Also… thanks HG!

  7. Loke says:

    You’re an eloquent and fascinating man, Mr. Tudor.

    Cognitive understanding is no less valuable than esoteric empathy. Both, even at either extreme polarity, are necessary for a complete view of the human condition. Yes, the world is empty. The universe is empty. Laws, rules, language and etiquette are all made up, socially agreed upon based on whichever subset of people dominate the rest at the time.

    In a sense, I can relate to the void. Finding meaningful, genuine connections is hard. Through acquaintances, friends, family and especially intimate partners. This seems to be a trauma response, a self-sabotaging preemptive defense mechanism. Maybe it’ll ease with enough EMDR.

    The difference is, hard is not impossible. Just difficult.

    Why it seemed so impossible for my Dad to relate to me or anyone else makes sense in hindsight. It outright was impossible.

    Happy birthday, HG. I hope you’ve treated yourself generously!

    1. Anna says:

      Nice post Loke. EMDR. Excellent, as is Cognitive behavioural therapy.

      Happy Birthday HG


      1. Loke says:

        Thanks. DBT has been more helpful to me, but CBT certainly helps a lot of people too.

        1. Anna says:

          Glad to hear it helps Loke. I found CBT did wonders for me.

          I am still stuck in the emotional numbness, for years now. Sometimes emotions flood back. There is this saying you never miss what you have never had. I can agree with this. I remember what it was like to feel. I do sometimes realise that logical thinking is great as I am stronger, but I do miss what other “normal” people have. I can control it very well though and can choose when to feel. But this empty hollow space sometimes overwhelms me.

          1. Contagious says:

            Anna: you need a pet;) A dog! They will shake you out of it:) I promise!

          2. Loke says:

            I’m glad CBT worked for you. Whatever works is worth it!

            Learning how to think differently and observe what twinges happen in your body that you may not recognize as emotional responses is hard. Really fucking hard. The numbness is comfortably uncomfortable. It doesn’t fit perfectly but you’re familiar enough with the sensation not to mind it. Sometimes the idea of feeling at full intensity again is appealing, sometimes it’s an overwhelming prospect. Which is better, which is worse? I don’t know either. The clarity of mind that comes with a dulled emotive sense is an asset, undoubtedly, and the cost is steep.

            Of course you can’t really miss something you don’t have a memory of it that that you can feel. Memories are stored in the body and the senses. Trauma fractures many of the connections between the body and mind. With this kind of trauma, the experience of feeling is just too fucking much, so we unconsciously alter how we experience a memory by dulling the emotional impact it has on us. This creates a fracture between the self and the emotional being. It’s a self-defense mechanism seeking control over what has been uncontrollable before.

            I spent a lot of time dissociated and so thoroughly cut off from my emotions as a kid and as a teenager. Being connected to them hurt too much, I couldn’t take the searing, frigid heat that experiencing them guarantees. So, they were forced into a basement at some point in my childhood, then I locked the door and hid the key from myself. Now as an adult, picking the lock is my next best option, which DBT is helping with. If this doesn’t work well enough, on to breaking down that fucking door with more intensive EMDR than before.

            You’ll find your way out, Anna. One foot in front of the other, you’ll get where you’re going. =)

  8. Enthralled says:

    Matter of fact, honest, insightful, and chilling 😉

    I was drawn recently to how much we project our own experiences and feelings onto others – projection – (not you) but narc’s in general and also empaths. Understanding something beyond our comprehension is hard. Generally, people see the world through this limited understanding. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  9. In so many words says:

    HG, the articles and videos on psychopathy are fascinating; thank you.

    I am trying to understand how your see the game. You have described in as a game of chess in previous articles, and in this one. On one hand, the analogy makes sense to me, as chess is a complex game involving study, strategy and exploiting the opponent’s weaknesses. But chess involves two opponents who are playing by the same set of rules. You say that “Each person represents a potential chess piece, strategically placed to further my calculated schemes.” So you are not playing against most people in your world; they are your pawns, or if powerful enough, your rooks, bishops, and knights, or even the queen. But they are pieces that you manipulate. Who do you see as your opponent? A powerful man or woman on the other side of what you want to achieve? Another intelligent narcissistic psychopath, perhaps? Or are you playing against the universe? Or am I taking the chess analogy too far?

    Are you concerned that you may lose and interest in playing the game, the way Magnus Carlsen (by his own admission) lost interest in chess? Or your are not, because, like he did, you then switch to poker or another game?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The opponent is whoever I am manipulating.
      No, I am not concerned by that, if it happens, I will respond accordingly.

  10. Dani says:

    Beautiful, sir. I love the way you’ve narrated the psychopathy series, how you inflect your voice so differently than in the Tudorscope videos and such. Your tone is cold and dark. You convey your detachment from others so well…but then there are moments in the 100K interviews where I would describe your voice as being quite gentle and understanding, the complete opposite of your psychopathy videos. It just demonstrates how good your cognitive empathy is.

    “The art of manipulation presents itself as a thrilling game…” — This paragraph is lovely. I love the analogy to games and dance…It puts a number of images in my head.

    Thank you so much for all you do, and looking forward to the next chapter of this series.

    1. Leigh says:

      Hi Dani,
      I thought the same thing when listening to the videos in the psychopath series. In the SoularFlow interview with Faye, she called them chilling. I couldn’t agree more.

      I’m glad you brought this up. When I listened to the video he did after Queen Elizabeth passed away & the videos on Tina Turner, I had a similar reaction that you had to the 100k videos. In the Queen Elizabeth & Tina Turner videos, I almost thought he admired them. His voice was soft and it almost felt sympathetic. Was that genuine or a manipulation? I’m leaning toward manipulation.

      1. Dani says:

        Hi Leigh–

        Sorry about the delayed response. I just saw this today.

        He’s the Ultra. It’s all a manipulation. Even if it seems genuine…it is…genuine manipulation.

        1. Leigh says:

          The scary part is that i know its all a manipulation yet sometimes I still question it. Sometimes my ET even tries to con me about Mr. Tudor. Thankfully, I can recognize it relatively quickly and knock the ET back down.

          1. Dani says:

            Have you ever listened to the same Ultra video more than once, and found that Mr. Tudor sounded very different than the way you remembered it–in terms of tone, inflection, and emotion? I have. I think that is related to emotional thinking, too. When I’m a little more worked up, I hear him differently…but when I go back several days later, having replayed those words in my mind in the inflection that I remember…he sounds different to me…

          2. Leigh says:

            Omg, Dani! You just sent shivers down my spine, lol! Yes! That’s happened to me as well. It’s even happened with Mr. Tudor’s articles. You really hit on something here. Its how we interpret his words and our frame of mind at the time may skew that. Thank you for sharing that, Dani!

  11. Truthseeker6157 says:

    “There is no misery, no sadness, no regret, no loneliness.”

    Just a vague sense that something is missing? A little like knowing you have forgotten something but can’t remember what you forgot?

    Eight years of running a successful blog is quite the achievement. Congratulations! Ten years will be better 😉 ( still working on it haha!)

    Happy Birthday HG. X

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you TS.

      1. Contagious says:

        Right on! Wow! I was married to an anti social and we were on our honeymoon and I thought we could be anywhere he is indifferent to the beauty of other countries. BUT what did thrill him gambling. He loves poker. He is retired but he liked business. Making money. Hoards it. Spending he abhors but the accumulation matters. It doesn’t matter what the purchase he is a multimillionaire who goes to the 99 cent store and drive 45 minutes for slightly rotted fruit. I recall one thanksgiving in front of a friend he had a fit I bought a Turkey from Trader Joe’s when there were 9.99$ turkeys at Ralph’s. My friend was there and was shocked as he was rich. She said I am surprised you have to deal with that. Sex was a transaction. I swear he wanted daily to justify I lived in his mansion despite being a mother to his child. It was ROTE never a connection. Technical. And he cheated. He cheated as after giving birth Right away I could not. So he brought a “ friend” to the house who bought my baby a Tiffany’s birthday set. I threw it out. I knew. Not the extent but I knew when she walked in the room. A contagion. But to be honest, I rushed in and I could not love him after knowing him better. I lost most desire. To this day, I don’t blame him. I wanted the divorce not him. Not that he was faithful but he wanted the old car in the garage while he drove new ones. He was very controlling. Your articles on art did not resonate with me as he had zero interest in the arts only boxing. He loved the raw violence of boxing. He taught his kids and boxed himself. Ironically my son who he wanted to adopt and thank God he didn’t, is a boxer. Unknown to me, he invited him to lunch with the girls and asked him if HE was the reason he was a boxer. Later I learned everyone silently laughed. I paid for it all and took him. Plus, it is my own sons calling not my ex. He once said to me there are two ways to deal with business: legal and illegal. I didn’t know of his criminal activities until I got a call from a federal crime unit which prompted me to divorce him. My dreams screamed at me. There was the trickster who would follow me with his rotting organ who wanted to show me the darkness. It was a dark parking garage. I became overly charitable and religious. I founded a charitable arm to a national organism and I gave away most of his old clothes from the 70s. He was 20 years older. He found this humorous and would joke about how charitable he was. Charity meant zero to him. One of the reasons I couldn’t love him right. His lack of love for his kids also detailed me. His son was very troubled. His mother was an alcoholic and dependent on my ex. His son was a drug addict and drug dealer who blew up a vehicle. Arson at 14. Juvie. Since then a life of rehab and jail…. I tried to intervene suggesting removing him to counseling, al alon classes, therapy…, all “ too expensive” as he bought himself another rolls Royce to my disgust. The divorce was unreal, the things he did. I had to hire a bodyguard. Constant death threats. On the day I was packed he showed up and said he would blow my brains out. I said “ Do your worst, I am leaving.” With the big moving guys standing behind me ( probably ex cons.) He did he sued me for full custody saying I was delusional ( seeing drugs, crimes and affairs). I got 80% custody two years later. I represented myself in the end and I fought like HELL. His top family law attorney told me I was like “ nothing he had ever seen.” And I asked him, “ how does it feel to make a career out of destroying kids.” I let the child custody escalator know his son ended up in prison and his other daughter ended up in a mental hospital. Well done lady! Her response was that protecting the other children was not her job and put a lot of the blame on their mother. The worst was he was Jewish and I am Christian but a lover of all faiths. I told him I couldn’t marry him outside the church and that our kids would have to be Christian. He said he had an epiphany when his sister died and he was in fact a believer in Christ. So we married, and baptized our daughter. He raised his hand saying he was a believer and attended church with me. But during the divorce he wanted Jewish holidays and Christmas. I wanted Christmas. His reply was if I wanted to get on my knees in front of Jesus, let her. It was said in a vulgar way. Now, the judge was Cuban and maybe Catholic and maybe that’s why the judge gave me Christmas and the 80% recommended by the child custody expert and evaluator. Btw she found no disorder with me, and found me very empathetic with the children but she did call me a mother bear. Lol Your article on dominion was dead on. I don’t think my ex was a narcissist. Doesn’t fit but ASPD. Yup. For anyone else dealing with this…we successfully raised our child. He did well. We have never spoke since the divorce. Not once. She was 5. She is now 21.

  12. Asp Emp says:

    “Yet, in this alternate existence, I am forever haunted by a silent, hollow essence. No matter how much I manipulate, dominate, or control, the emptiness remains but this empty dominion is why I succeed, it is why I rise above others.”

    I can understand the ‘black hole’ concept as you described as above. How I would describe my ‘darkness’ when I had it, was a heavy and dark mass, that I could not ‘remove’. I have explained it previously (dog, father) so I won’t repeat it. I can also understand not being able to ‘fill’ that “hollow essence” as I was not able to ‘replace’ my ‘darkness’ with anything else. I do remember what it was like. I don’t feel it any more. I did not like “it” (the ‘mass’) because it “dominated” me for some time.

    Fascinating in how you have taught yourself to understand your “dominion” (previously called the ‘creature’) and that you recognise when you need to take back your power so that it does not take over. Exactly like your work is there to educate people on how to understand what ET is, how to manage it, understand what toxic logic is unless one reminds themselves to rein it in and take back control of their mind & emotions. Whereas you, may, ‘project’ your own “version” of ET (your ‘dominion’) onto, either, people (by whatever means), or, your work (whatever you are working on, as ‘HG’, or your other professional roles).

    Would you suggest that your ‘dominion’ is the same as the ‘creature’, or, is that two separate ‘dominators’? I ask this because you know when you need fuel, or, distraction (from your boredom).

    This series offers a different aspect of looking into understanding what a really small proportion of the population may experience as they go through life, yet, some may think differently in the way you think / look at the world as a whole. Because they are not you.

    Thank you for this article, HG X

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My dominion is different.

      1. Asp Amp says:

        Thank you for answering my question, HG.

  13. Jordyguin says:

    A messenger of the Emptiness, an enigma! No matter from what angle I look, amongst all of these unexpected worlds and fates – you are a gift! In your manifestations of what you are and were. And there is no return and what counts is the full picture. Even if not understood yet fully and simultaneously seen and felt. We lived unknowingly to who we were to you. I thought you were a fairytale, and those were just storytelling words, but they conveyed the truth all this time. And still I will remember “The root of this darkness was once a soul…”.

    Thank you, HG, for this incredible insight and for every fiber of your mind, your energy and being! How magical that you were born in this majestic time of the year as golden flames engulf and transition nature’s heartbeat!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Jordyguin.

  14. Allison says:

    You absolute beauty.

  15. MB says:

    Beautifully written. Thank you for allowing the glimpse, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome MB.

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