Knowing the Narcissist : Love Bombing : If the Narcissist Was Honest
What if the unaware narcissist was made aware so they shared with you how they regarded you and their behaviour prior to the commencement of their love bombing of you? What if the aware narcissist decided they would share their thoughts and motivations about you, no longer seeing doing so as a transference of power? If they did, this would be the result.
Dear Victim,
There you sit. Soaked in innocence, drenched in unawareness, drowning in vulnerability. You are an empath. I can detect that. From the things that you say, the things that you do, the way you move, the way you interact with others, the manner of your gestures, the look in your eyes and the facial expressions that you make, you radiate as only the empath does. Great bubbles of honesty form on the surface of you and float upwards, arcing jets of the need for justice spray from you and decency shimmers about you like some ethereal cloak. I watch as the ripples of your caring nature sweep back and forth across you, beautiful display of what you are. The coils of your compassion emerge onto you and spiral upwards enveloping the fortunate recipient that you direct them towards. Your desire to heal and fix shines from you as if a magnificent light, sweeping around the world from you the lighthouse, banishing darkness and providing succour and support to those this ray of repair lands on. I see it all. These empathic traits and more besides are part of the empathic ecosystem and I am the predator that waits within this ecosystem, ready to take advantage of it.
I see the narcissistic traits too. The bubbling anger that resides beneath your cloak of decency, that cloak keeping your anger in check until it is permitted to make an appearance through the application of righteous annoyance. I sense the showcasing that you have, a glittering desire to be seen, but since it sits beneath your caring nature, it is only ever seen in its fair and entertaining application, never show stealing or vainglorious.
Your jealousy lurks, but trapped within those bubbles of honesty, save when one of those bubbles is pricked by an external force usually me and my abuse, albeit we are some distance away from that at this juncture.
No, this is that moment right before I commence my seduction of you. I say seduction as that sounds romantic but in reality, it is an invasion. You see, you are a nation state which has the resources which I need. My reconnaissance is at an early stage and I do not yet know whether you will become my Intimate Partner Primary Source (other half, wife, spouse, girlfriend ) or whether you will be an IPSS, either one which I will pick up and put down as and when I see fit and allow some access into my world, or one which I will keep tucked away in the shadows, there when I need a fresh injection of the fuel that I must have. What I do know is that you already belong to me. The moment I saw you meant that your fate was sealed, you became my property, all I must do now is invade you.
Will I spare you this invasion? No. I do not care at all for you. I have no emotional empathy whatsoever and therefore I will take what I need with no regard at all for the consequences for you. Will I invade you slowly and steadily, perhaps giving you a chance to work out whether this is right for you? No. This is an invasion. I must achieve your submission as fast as I can. You see, I cannot cope unless you are under my control and the possibility that you might threaten my control over you starts to weaken me, make me feel insignificant and powerless and that must never, ever happen. This means I have to achieve control over you so I can access your resources – your fuel, your character traits and your residual benefits – as quickly as possible.
Now, most invasions are a brutal display of force, battering the enemy into submission, destroying the opposition´s defences, shattering their infrastructure, terrifying their populaces and annihilating their armed forces with an impressive arsenal of destructive weapons. This invasion will be brutal in its speed, you will be battered into submission, I will overwhelm your defences, I will disable your support systems, I will occupy every inch of you, I will monopolise your time, I will isolate you from any interfering influences, I will harness your assets and make them mine to ensure that you are subjugated. I will not do this with terror however, I shall do so with love.
Well, I say love, truth be told, I have no idea how to love you. I have no emotional empathy remember which means that I am utterly unable to love you in the way that is best for you. Instead, what I am going to do is give you what I understand love to be (but actually isn´t) and thanks to my predecessor narcissists you have been conned into misunderstanding what love is. You see, love is actually premised on emotional empathy, that means respecting one another, having things in common, embracing the differences, being patient and supportive, taking time to know one another, to accept who you are and to be accepted for who one is, to share and to care, to listen and listen properly. This emotional empathy means recognising boundaries, it means never manipulating or abusing, it means working together and standing shoulder to shoulder when the world and it is a tough old world, throws what it does at you. It means not shirking responsibility, it means standing up and being counted, it means jealousy and envy are kept in check, there is fidelity and passion for one another. It is all in the doing and not the saying.
The problem with all of that is that I am not designed to do any of it, but I am designed to give you the impression that I am capable of doing it.
My invasion has three parts to it:-
- I will use the narcissistic narrative to dazzle you,
- I will use my powers of mimicry to make you think I have emotional empathy , and
- I will mirror yourself back at you.
All are based on fabrication – the fabrication of what love is, the fabrication of emotional empathy and the fabrication of what you think I am.
The first part is that my predecessor narcissists have become the architects of the ideal of love. All of that which I just described about how love is based on emotional empathy, well they effectively threw all of that out of the window because it is too slow, boring and will not lead to your swift submission. Accordingly, actually loving you through emotional empathy would be too slow and not give me the control I must desperately have over you. Instead, what allows you to be conquered within the blink of an eye is fabrication. I will flatter you, compliment you, adore you, admire you, swamp you with my infatuation. I will idealise you and put you on the highest pedestal. I will treasure you, covet you, showcase you, polish you up and present you. Notice what this all signifies, yes, you are an object to me, my object. You will not realise this though because I will drape you with the narcissistic narrative so you think what I am giving you is the most perfect, incredible love but it is not. It is an illusion. It is fakery.
I am going to become the romantic poets all rolled into one, I will be a stormtrooper of seduction, blitzkrieg you into submission through the application of the most amazing sex you have experienced, I will buy you gifts, I will introduce you to all my friends and family, I will propose marriage to you within weeks of meeting you, I will move into your house within a week of meeting you because “this feels so right”, I will tell you how scintillating you are compared to that horrible person I was with previously, I will tell you that nobody compares to you, that you are simply the best, that I don´t want to miss a thing, that love comes quickly, that all you need is love – do you see how my predecessors have already done the hard work? They are the song writers, the artists, the poets, the authors, the entertainers and the writers of Hallmark cards. My narcissist brethren have created a tapestry of what romantic love is and it is false. That is not love but you have become conditioned by film, book, poem and song to believe that it is and all I am going to do is wrap you in all of those things and make you feel like the only girl in the world. It will be breath taking, amazing, mind-blowing and dizzying. Your heart will race, your spirits will soar, you will have a spring in your step and a smile plastered on your face for weeks and months on end. All of this is called a golden period.
This golden period is given to you so I can invade you and occupy you in the shortest time possible and with maximum effect. Inside this golden period. I will also use the artifice of creating the impression that I also love you with emotional empathy. Alongside the fireworks, glitter and rainbows, I will give you glimpses of kindness and support. This is the second part of the invasion. This means my invasion is guaranteed to succeed. After I have used the narcissistic idea of love to dazzle you into submission and the second is to layer on that, the appearance of having emotional empathy. I am an expert at fakery. I have been designed so I can mimic what truly empathic people do, but I only do this for a short time, intermittently when I absolutely have to and of course entirely to make you mine. I will bring you chicken soup when you feel unwell, I will do the laundry, I will take the dog for a walk, I will tidy up, I will cook for you, I will listen to you talk about how difficult your boss is and offer suggestions as to how you deal with it. I actually do not give a flying fuck about any of those things, but I have to do them, so you think that I am that type of person. I need to give you the fireworks, so you think I am special and the fake empathy, so you think I am supportive and reliable.
Within all of this is the third part, the mirroring. You see, I actually do not exist, well I do, but that part of me is locked away and must never be seen. What I mean, is what you see, and experience does not exist, it is a shapeshifting fabrication which takes on whatever form is needed to conquer you. Sexual Olympian? No problem. Bon viveur? Absolutely. Pillar of the community? Easily done. Captain Success? Already to be deployed. Dr Caring? At your service madam. Loving father? Kind companion? Hilarious entertainer? Sports mad? Fashion conscious? Brain the size of Canada? Literary genius? Comicon enthusiast? Friends binge watcher? Dirty Dancing worshipper? Religious acolyte? Dedicated to the literary works of great American writers? Fly fisherman? Equestrian? Ten pin bowler? Check, check and check. I will become whatever is needed to win you over.
Everything about you will be mirrored back at you, the way you smile, the way you love, the things you like, and the things oyu dislike. What I show you is not me, good God no, what I show you is yourself. In the most brilliant of perversions, I make you fall in love with yourself. How narcissistic is that?!
So, none of it is genuine but you do not have to worry about that now because the best part is, you will not even notice. I am so good at this because I am designed to be this way and you are designed not to notice (thank you emotional thinking). Settle in and enjoy this golden period because it will be unlike anything you have ever experienced before. It is absolutely incredible, and you may as well enjoy it because it will be removed. Yes, I only need to give you the golden period to conquer you and to extract your resources and after that, well I will take it away and then the full horror is visited on you, but we do not need to go into that now. What you must do is enjoy this and I guarantee you will, it is beyond the highest high, this is more potent and more addictive than heroin.
So, there you sit, my crosshairs trained on you, the target on your heart all lit up and easy to see to one such as I. It is time to commence the seduction, time to love bomb you. Time to make you mine with the application of falsification, fakery and fabrication on an unprecedented scale.
Do I feel bad about this? Of course not. I simply do not care, but I will make it look like I do.
I am like the predator that has learned to mimic the firefly. I will flash and signal so you think I am ready to mate with and when you come flying to me, all eager and enraptured, I will ensnare you and later devour you as you offer no resistance, confused and dumbstruck as to how you fell for this.
It is all a big con. I am the love fraud and you are my victim.
11 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Love Bombing : If the Narcissist Was Honest”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
As you say, love means “taking time to know one another, to accept who you are and to be accepted for who one is.” We know that you have never felt compelled to give this to anyone. But if we take this definition seriously, the conclusion would have to be that you have also never been loved. You have not had the luxury of being accepted for who you are, none of them have penetrated the illusion to get at your core and really know you. That is something you have yet to experience.
It is even questionable whether they loved the illusion you made for them. When we look at the time taken to know one another, for starters, as well as other criteria, there is an argument to be made that they actually did not. You can get a lot of extremely potent fuel out of this mockery of love, sure. But you have never yet felt the full force of the real thing.
I also believe that it would be a very different feeling for you to be loved not as an illusion but for yourself, not just as an experience of what the other person is sending out towards you but the reaction within yourself. It is my view that subconsciously at least there is likely to be a recognition that this love, if we want to call it that, you receive from your victims is not all it could be, that it does not quite fit. As an extreme example, if someone loves you because you (portray that you) share their love of Céline Dion, this reaction to your illusion as an extension of yourself may well be required at the time, but I doubt that it can give you the same feeling you would experience if it was the real you and not your current mask they loved.
Anna,
When he removes a mask, a victim loves him even more, than during golden period. So he does receive love by being himself. Though, you can argue that it’s not love. Maybe yes, but a victim feels like it is.
Oh yes, Arya, the victim feels like it is, no question. But when HG drops the mask for Devaluation, it will be too late, even if the victim could love the real him. By then, HG will have no use for this love, except as a means for manipulation. He will already feel let down and probably not believe it, so he would not give her a (second) chance.
To me it is highly doubtful that the victim loves the real him, when what she has fallen for in the first place was his illusion. If it was me, I would find it very hard to believe coming from someone who told me during the Golden Period that they have never loved anyone like they love me, when I was not being me at all.
This person first says she loves Golden-Period-HG more than anybody else, and then, when Devaluation-HG basically switches to portraying a completely different person, she tells him she loves him just as much. My bullshitometer would be lighting up like a Christmas tree.
From what I understand, most victims try to get back to the Golden Period, which means she will want to go back to the way he was behaving when he was acting to create the illusion. That is not what I see as loving the real person.
On top of that, during Devaluation he creates this new illusion where he basically plays the Devil, and when he does show parts of his real self they generally tend not to be the ones which are particularly easy to love, because he will be looking to extract negative fuel.
Hello Anna,
Yes, I agree. During a devaluation, it’s just another mask. Maybe a real him doesn’t even exist to show it to anyone.
Regarding, “bullshitometer”. If I may ask, have you ever been as an IPPS with a narcissist? If not, then lucky you.
Hi Anna: you know it’s odd “ devaluation.” It’s a cycle or cycle of abuse. What’s odd is even if great residual benefits, prime aims, they destroy it. It’s not just you they hurt, they sabotage their own lives. Maybe they move on but a long string of broken relationships is hardly a dream come true. I feel abuse which is devaluation is the air they breathe. They don’t know better aware or not. It’s within them. For their victims life is hard enough. For them it’s business as usual. My ex was a binge drinker. He would go months not drinking them once a year he would drink for days. He hit me once but I threw him out. He quit drinking. While the physical stopped, his abusive nature did not. It was in him after meeting his mum , I realized he treated me like his mum treated him and he didn’t see it or didn’t care. But it wasn’t the booze, that exasperated things but it was within him. I have known drinks not all are mean drunks. I just find it sad to that is so little help and no pill that can cure narcs. There are programs that allegedly improve their actions same with psychopaths. But no cure:(
Hello Arya,
the real HG does exist, he just is understandably extremely circumspect about who to show which parts to. He shows quite a bit to us here where it is safe because of the anonymity and the physical separation.
I have not been IPPS to a narcissist, nor any IP really. Either I have not gotten close enough to any, which might be where luck comes in, or they are not interested in me, and I am generally not interested in them. Off the top of my head I can think of exactly one narcissist I care about in any way, and he has certain rare quirks and qualities which partly come from him being what you might call a half-blood, Mixed Martial Arts specialist. Goes by the name of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Hugged, HG Tudor, or whatever the passport currently in his hand says, maybe you’ve heard of him?
Hi Contagious,
There are two factors which cause them to destroy what they have and sabotage themselves.
Firstly, the moment-by-moment nature of the narcissism, which often equals to acting in a short-sighted manner. The need to assert control in the moment is stronger than their ability to control their fury/reactions. Only those narcissists with the intelligence, foresight and control to suppress their fury in the moment for a greater gain are largely able to avoid self-sabotaging, though not always. You might be able to teach a Greater to learn to control the fury better, probably they will already have taught themselves that, but with Lessers and Midrangers who do not have the insight it is a hopeless business. The narcissism just does not allow most of them to see that they are damaging themselves in the long term by giving in to their impulses in the moment.
Secondly, negative fuel is so tasty and potent that they will always seek to extract it in one form or another. It is just too tempting. As HG says, fuel is the rule. The smart ones might try to extract it where it causes the least amount of damage to themselves, but as the fuel from the IPPS has the highest potency, their negative fuel is also the best and most “rewarding”.
Anna,
He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Hugged 🤣👍 yes, and also He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Seen…ever. There are similarities, I agree. Tom Riddle is a narcissistic psychopath as well, probably. So half blood means one parent is a narc and another is an Empath? Makes sense. Then, two narcs as parents, gives pure blood or mudblood child?
If HG “came out” so to speak and had a partner that knew who he is, the golden period and devaluation etc would still be in play but clearer and I wonder if the possibility of something more akin to love could happen… The understandable secrecy keeps this version of love going.. does that make sense? because he can’t let people know who is, he can’t really know others in these scenarios…
Arya,
I was seeing half-blood more in relation to his psychopathy and narcissism halves, but your idea works too!