About

Hello,

Welcome to Knowing the Narcissist.

I am H G Tudor. I am a narcissistic sociopath (some state psychopath – this remains a matter of debate by the profession concerning the current application of sociopath or psychopath).

By my terminology I am a Greater Elite Narcissist. You will learn here what that means along with all about the other types of narcissists and empaths too.

I convey this is an effective manner based on my perspective. I know what I am and I know the best way to communicate this to you. I am a very effective communicator.

I write extensively about what this means and what I am. I have practised this dark art for many years, I have honed and crafted my abilities. I am aware of what I am and I am engaged in understanding why I am this way and why I act as I do. I am sharing these ongoing revelations.

I know my kind in considerable detail. I have several family members who are narcissists and have engaged with numerous in my life. I know the way my kind think, why we act as we do, say what we say and so much more. I understand why we target our victims and how we go about it. I comprehend why our victims think and act as they do. I have had many, watched many and listened to many. This allows me to build a formidable body of knowledge about not only my kind, but the people we engage with.

I am currently engaged in treatment which has been forced upon me. As part of this treatment and because I enjoy writing, I have been encouraged to share my knowledge. This is to engender a greater awareness of what I am on my part and also to allow the world an unrivalled view of the mind and actions of a narcissistic sociopath.

I do this because I like to write. I like to interact with people. I want to be the number one source for the reality of how my kind think and behave. I also find the weaponising of empaths and having them go into battle with my kind entirely in accordance with my worldview.

I do not do this for fuel. I do gain some fuel from the comments but since those who comment are tertiary sources (see the book Fuel for more) it is not significant. I gain far more fuel in my interactions in my private life.

I am direct. I do not speak in scientific terms. I welcome enquiring minds and those who want answers. I will give them to you. You will not gain understanding like this from anywhere else. I encourage you to read my articles and extensive collection of books which can be found on Amazon. I encourage you to contribute, ask questions and offer your own views. I read everything that is submitted to me and answer all questions, thus if your post does not appear straight away, please understand that it is in moderation and is either receiving or awaiting my attention.

The number of comments and hits are testament to the need for my knowledge and the huge usefulness many people have found from it. You will too.

Welcome on board. You will now Know the Narcissist.

HG Tudor

 

 

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419 thoughts on “About”

  1. I had to take a break from reading & youtube..Every word was triggering me into panic attacks,shaking,crying, & just a black cloud of doom. How long must I suffer ? I must get past this but I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that every single word he said was a lie.

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      1. This is very true. Reading and watching YouTube videos saved my life…the more I understand, the more easily I detach from my narc and the more quickly I now see them when I meet them. I removed two friends from my life in the past and didn’t know why, I just knew that I didn’t like how they made me feel. It took a horrific breakup for me to see that they are all narcs. Thank you for sharing this stuff HG, it is most appreciated.

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      2. Jojo… The more you read, the more you will be empowered. The more you will discover it is not you… You are not the problem… The problem is within themselves. As much as it hurts to read and watch, trust yourself- you are in control o your feelings while you educate yourself so you can make informed decisions on how to move forward in your healing. The more you know the less you are to live in fear… However that fear looks like – you won’t express it to provide fuel to their fire. Hugs.

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      3. Thank you HG 3 months later & reading everything youve written Iam in a totally different place,I do hope youll read & reply to my lengthy responce to our dear “Cleo of Course”. I feel life is finally real again & its good !

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    1. Jojo. Hang in there sweetie. You will get past it, and you will see him/her for what they are – pathetic. If you’re not seeing a therapist, I highly recommend it. If you like to write, write about your experiences until you’re sick of reading your own stories. Delete or destroy everything of his you have. Hold a ritual to banish him from your life. One day, when you see a hoover coming, you’l shake your head, smile and think: “How sweet! He still cares enough to come back to (virtually) slit my throat.” Then you’ll turn and walk away because you have a 10:00 manicure. I don’t mean to sound glib, but you will get to the point that you just don’t care anymore if he exists in the world. Then, he will start turning and walking away because he knows, though he won many battles, he has lost the war. Good luck.

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      1. Exactly HG, as I asked previously in youtube, I wonder, if your mother and uncle are narcisissts themselves, how can they forced it upon you? Aren’t they the ones who need help themselves?

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      2. When you said you are ‘forced to do good things’, there’s something cute about it. Hmm…. there is something tantalizing about bad boys who are forced to do good things, rather than bad boys who continue to do the crimes.

        (do you know hot convicts ‘Jeremy Meeks’?)

        It reminds me of an episode in Xena the Warrior Princess, loong time ago. In this episode, there was a young man who created trouble all the times (like Pollyanna) in order to create his ‘self-identity’. But somehow he could never be bad enough or mean enough. So he looked like a peon.

        But then at the end of the story, Xena had an idea for him, what about be a ‘bad man who’s pretending to be good’? (rather than be a ‘good man who pretends to be bad’)

        And this young man liked the idea. So then he switched, now he did good things, but he knows that he’s “evil inside” and he’s “only pretending”…… 😀

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      3. This one is for HG: You said your mother is a narcissist, and you do this therapy thing so you can get inheritance from her.

        Don’t trust her too much. Narcissist loves to betray. I tell you this, so you won’t get shock, if in the last minute of her life, your mother would change her will and give her money to a dog charity, instead of you.

        My take is, if you do this healing therapy thing, please do it for yourself. Don’t do it for money, inheritance, or whatever your “aim” is.

        If you are betrayed again for the second time, when you are trying to heal, it will totally crush you to the ground, and erase your hope for healing.
        Many narcissists who have gone through this, end up a bigger, nastier, crueler, bitterer narcissists.

        If I were you, I would detach myself from them. Tell them they are losers, and this is your life, you want to heal, because you know you still have hope to heal and they don’t.

        Don’t let yourself attached to material possession. Heal because you want to heal.

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      4. Thank you for your input but you need not be concerned, I do not trust anybody and I have ensured that I have other means of securing the outcome if there is any attempt to renege.

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    1. How naive she obviously is. I fell for a bad boy and he excited me so much. I left him 7 months ago and he’s still trying to reel me back in, trying every tactic in the book. Trouble is for a moment of excitement they’ll chew you up and spit you out! It’s never worth it. I almost sacrificed myself to that man. He liked rough sex and had his hands on my throat, I told him to squeeze harder and harder and almost thought I would die. They are very seductive and I was under his spell. I don’t think they are evil but do possess some kind of power over people. It’s sexy but dangerous. I’m glad I met him but I now know what is truly good for me and it’s not that. I did love that man very much but from everything I’ve read he obviously couldn’t have loved me like he said he did 🙁

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      1. In response to miss koala….I think it would be great if ur mother gave her money to an animal charity. Do the right thing for a change. People can learn a lot from the animals kingdom. Dogs are a lot smarter and more intune then we think. They have an inate sense of awareness that most humans do not.

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      2. Sounds like my ex Shane. However I would not let him choke me out although he wanted to. He has an unhealthy obsession with women being “knocked out” ” chloroformed” “hypnotised” etc etc. Anything where a women is easily controlled or completely unconscious. Deviant sick mind and behavior.

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      1. Didn’t mean to like this comment! I know I’ve been extremely naive but I realise I’ve been so. I still stand by MK being naive to. It takes time to realise this 🙁

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    2. In response to Tanya: There’s a misunderstanding here. That was not what I was talking about (re: bad boy). I gave explanation in the bottom.

      As for the mother’s inheritance, I was talking about HG Tudor’s mother inheritance.

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    3. I believe MK may be one herself, darlin’ 😉 Either that, or she’s attempting to bait in some attempt to feel superior for a past harm done by another narcissist. Whatever the case, you’ll note HG did not respond.

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    4. Koala person has obviously not caught on to who & what HG is seems very confused ,I suggest starting at the beginning .

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      1. Candy, Koala person obviously has a thing for narcissists and I have to feel sorry for her unless she is happy then I’m happy. She’s told me to fuck off and said she’s leaving this site but keeps coming back. Get ready Candy, you’ll be next in line.

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  2. sorry you went through that brokenlady. I meet one after the other lol. Not just in a partner form either…..flatmates, ‘friends’ (some whom have been my friends for a long time and suddenly the mask drops), women….they are freakin everywhere. I’ve had a 5 year reign of them…but I’ve earnt my Masters Degree! I believe they are evil to the core…and actually…where I’m at now…I don’t believe they are human. What makes us human is a conscience and this is what these things dont possess. I’m researching down these lines now. The only time they have a spell over me is in the lovebombing stage….but I’ve always been a hopeless romantic & this has been a big learning curve for me. I now have a strong boundary up so as I dont get lured in in that stage. The last partner (online rel) sucked me in but I was very aware of what was happening & watching for the red flags of which there were many. After 6 months of seeing to many flags I dumped him as I left one weekend and then blocked him…he will never hear from me again. And knowing what I know regarding dumping a narc, I sit here with a smirk on my face knowing that I’ve narc assaulted him and he’s writhing in pain. Works both ways aye? 😉 And whilst the narc gets off on us being fuel…….I get off on 1/ Not allowing the narc to control & use me as fuel and 2/ the growth that can only come from brushing up against these things. What I have learnt about myself during a lifetime of narcs has been phenomenal & I wouldn’t change it for anything 🙂

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    1. I’m sorry for you to. Thanks for your really insightful reply. That has helped me very much. I’ve been so naive worrying how he is and feeling guilty when he says he misses me and wanted me forever. I imagine him lonely and waiting for me but that’s probably not the case. I expect he’s annoyed I got away. He’s annoyed he hasn’t the gallons of fuel I poured into him daily. I will take a leaf out of your book and learn from that experience. Realise he broke me down and broke my heart so it’s karma if he’s hurting now. I was stupid thinking he can’t help how he is. To a certain extent it’s his horrible mothers fault but I’m sure at some degree they know what they are doing. I’m sure they could stop hurting their loved ones if they chose to stop?? Maybe not. I’d love to know exactly how they tick and if my ex can help hurting women like he does. HG please help

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  3. When my narc becomes cornered in his lies he has a sudden critical illness like an asthma attack, heart attack, possible brain tumor, he even claimed to have a series of mini strokes. As it turns out each event was diagnosed as hypertension, more commonly known as an anxiety attack. It took me 13 years of marriage to figure out what was actually happening and that he is a textbook sociopath narcissist. I have two children with him and the court has made it impossible for 100% no contact due to our court ordered parenting plan, however I do have primary custody. I am completely aware of his behavior, have learned his patterns and predictability, but I still have a lot to learn in order to protect my children and myself.
    He continues to stall our divorce, but he is running out of options and time. He makes what seem to be stupid mistakes that sabotage himself. My theory is that he needs to stop his current scam or con because it has gotten to big for him to handle, but he can’t take the responsibility, therefore does something stupid (like stealing) and that act forces the other party to end the relationship.
    Am I on the right track of learning his behavior and patterns?

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  4. I didn’t ask you to change what you said. I simply stated that it was sickening watching a ‘victim’ go legs up over one of these things. Oooooo you’re such a bad boy *flutters eye lashes*. Get real, these people cause unbelievable damage…..get on to a Narc victims site and see what those people go thru. Makes me sick to be honest!!

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    1. @Mandy It makes you sick, because you don’t understand what I meant. What you described as “flutters eye lashes”, etc., is not what I meant at all. The opposite is true.

      What I mean is, this bad boy has to be forced to do the right thing, and pay all the consequences of their actions. Now that’s cute.

      But bad boy who get away with the crime, or just pay partial punishment (e.g. OJ Simpson, who has ladies correspondence with him in prison), are not sexy to me.

      Only the ones who has completely remorseful, pay all the consequences, and apologize to all their victims are cute. Because that means they have power, but they don’t abuse it.

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      1. MK, are you under the impression that HG Tudor is paying all the consequences, apologizing to his victims, and ‘doing the right thing’ because of remorse, and is somehow proving that via this blog? Or are you referring to something else? If so, could you please elaborate?

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      2. A Brown lol lol ! ! Apologising , that’s funny. Maybe she doesn’t quite understand and needs educating more on this subject. I told was totally in awe of my ex to start with, the bad boy image excited me but when you realise you’re being abused its disturbing. I couldn’t believe he was a narcissist but I know he is. He’s apoligised by text but I know he doesn’t mean it. Miss Koala and many others probably believe everything they say. My exs ex said he should apologise to all his victims but it means shit! Wake up and smell the roses MK.

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      3. I don’t have narcissist problem, because I take revenge, and I am happy. 😀

        Funny how you call me naive, while in fact you are the one who keep begging HG asking him to teach you how to heal your narcissist inner wound. lol

        I find it funny people who misunderstand my post keep calling me naive.
        I never say YOUR narcissist will change.

        I think all my comments, I was referring to HG. Because I do think he’s quite nice, at least here.

        You mock me for apologizing, yet you are thanking one.

        People change, ONLY if they learned their lessons. YOUR narcissists will never change, because you keep pitying him, but if I said it a week ago, you will be offended, right?

        So basically, everything I say to you will be wrong, because the Truth hurts for people who don’t want to heal.

        If you don’t like my comment, please don’t read. But it is not necessary to underestimate others. Every person has his/her own way to heal. Please respect that. 🙂

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      4. I just don’t believe any of it is ‘cute’! I’m thanking HG because he has helped me. I’m ‘begging’ him to help as I don’t want to give up on my ex without trying to fight this. No doubt my ex has helped many people out to look good but he messed my brain up which is something HG admits he does himself. I stick by my comments and I give respect where respect is due! I don’t owe you anything MK

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      5. So, good bye all. I am unsubscribing from this forum.
        It’s so sad a forum that suppose to be a place to look for information, become arena for jealous victims who are looking for targets.

        Good luck in your journey all. Thank you HG for your time. Thank you for never devaluate me or any commentators. Appreciate your professionalism. You love attention, and you give attention equally. If you get all your supply here in this forum or youtube, you don’t need to harm anybody. You are not an empty shell after all. You give your thoughts & time to analyze yourself and help others. You have substance.

        To the nice ones, good luck in your journeys.
        To the bad ones who give me hard times, fuck you!

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      6. The ones who are sorry don’t mean it and don’t like paying the consequences that’s what I mean by naive. I respect anyone’s way of dealing with healing but I don’t get you. Sorry, I won’t bother reading your posts as requested. Good luck with your healing. Didn’t realise that’s what you were trying to do.

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      7. You deliberately don’t want to understand. Because you devaluate me.

        You call me “naive”, but we were talking about “different things”. I was talking about people who have paid the consequences of their actions. And you were talking about people who have NOT paid the consequences of their actions.

        If you were nice you will leave me alone, but you don’t.

        You are talking about YOUR narcissist who keep saying “sorry” but don’t really mean it.
        But I am NOT talking about narcissists who keep saying “sorry” but don’t really mean it.
        I am talking about people who say “sorry”, and REALLY meant it.

        Do you see the difference? Or you prefer to stay ignorant, just to make you feel good, by making other people feel bad?

        A narcissist refuses to look at the truth & evidences, because she wants the “fun” of devaluating others.

        So there are misunderstandings, miscommunications, and certainly we were talking about different things.

        So you don’t understand, that’s fine.

        But why do you call me, ‘naïve’, “I respect anyone’s way of dealing with healing but I don’t get you. Sorry,”, ‘I don’t owe you anything’,

        all the bad words, that are basically designed to devaluate me?

        Devaluating me = supply.

        I am not giving you any.

        A victim who goes no contact for the first time, is like a drug addict who is not getting supply from the drug dealer (the narcissist), then she is looking for supply somewhere else..

        I have more respect to your narcissist than to you. Because at least he picks up at horny women who deserve to be lied to, while you pick on peaceful random person, who has done nothing wrong to you at all.

        If you have negative intention toward me, then you are more disgusting than your narcissist, because he did not pick on me, you did.

        I hope your narcissist come back to you and lick your ass one more time (which is what you want), giving you the supply that you need, so you don’t have to pick on me.

        I came here with peace, I didn’t even try to “heal” you. But yet you came out of no where, commenting on my comment, which is not dedicated to you, desecrate on it.

        If you are looking for supply, please look somewhere else. Not here.

        I know you are a narcissist victim who become a narcissist herself.

        Sorry, you will never heal, because you are too horny to heal. 🙁

        Thank God, I am already healed. If no one invited me back in, actually I already suppose to leave this forum.

        I am healed. But now I want happy. So please leave me alone. 🙁

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      8. Ok I thought we were just talking about narcissists. I still don’t think the others are ‘cute’. Anyway we obviously are different and that’s fine. And yes I am bloody horny lol. I won’t bother answering anymore. We are very different and I will heal and I hope you do to

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  5. Thank you for your work. I have learned alot. The whole experience has forced me to grow; while I do not welcome it, I accept it. Indeed, after reviewing your work here, I feel I may better understand my true situation.
    Encountering your kind is a real trial by fire for the lingering vestiages of narcissism within one’s own heart. I have also come to a full emotional understanding of how trying to judge or label (or rate, beyond in a clinical manner) a narcissist simply means you are playing by their rules, and are in that moment in a similar place. In addition, analyising over and over the minutae of how a narcissist is sick or broken is more an expression of empath/CoDep pathology, really, and living in pathology is the opposite of growth. I see now, with no small sense of irony, how a CoDep or empath sitting around producing exquisite armchair diagnoses of their N is emblematic of “empathology.”
    I’m in a very strange situation, and I honestly wonder if I have become a pawn in a circumstance which has a scope beyond my understanding. Indeed, someone I have spent years resenting may not be the real menace in my life. Regardless, your work has helped to keep me grounded. I am vigilant and hopeful that the storms eventually pass by.
    Thank you again for your help.

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  6. Do narcs love their children? I am confused as my ex narc always said “I love you” to our children whether it was saying good night or leaving for school. He walked out on us and our children don’t want to anything to do with him. How can he walk out if he really loved his kids? And furthermore he hasn’t done any leaps and bounds to repair the fractured relationship he crested with our boys. Texting and calling just isn’t enough for them. But I think he only loves himself but yet hates the person he is. He cannot control himself and he cannot control his kids or me so he’s gone AWOL. Did he ever really love us?

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      1. That’s heartbreaking but you have to remember they can’t help it. They have no emotional capacity to feel love. I feel for you and your children but if you explain this I’m sure they’ll understand. My ex narc said he didn’t want children, probably as he knew he couldn’t care for them and it takes the limelight off them! My ex said he knows he’s not a nice person but flirts and makes other women fall for him! They don’t like themselves but if they get so much validation from others maybe that makes them feel maybe they are likeable. He needed constant approval and compliments, it’s so draining isn’t it? I wish I could have helped him and had the relationship he told me we had. It was just a dream I’m sure he really believed was true. I wish I understood completely. HG… is there anything I can do for him? Can he be happy without me? He says not..
        He wants to marry me??

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      2. Hello BL, there is plenty you can do for him but it will come at a cost to you, thus you are better placed looking to your own defences.

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  7. What like? Should I stay away or can I have a good relationship with him if I do certain things right? I don’t want him flirting with other women but I doubt he’d stop because I asked him. What is the cost to me? Also what will he feel inside for losing me? I hate feeling like ive abandoned him

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    1. If you try to remain in a relationship with our kind as IPPS you will just have to make repeated compromises until we dis-engage. You are better served by no contact.

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      1. 😢 I really love him. He says he wants to marry me and he loves me. Why? Why after 8 months is he still trying to get me back. I thought if he felt nothing he’d leave me alone by now. We had some great times, I don’t get why he’d mess that up. Could he be low on the narcissitic scale ? He doesn’t seem as bad as some. He has a nice kind side, he does a lot for other people and has such a great sense of humour like mine. We laughed so much. I miss him so much

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      2. He is doing it foe fuel. Of course you miss him, that is how you are meant to feel. I have no doubt you love him, but the person you love is not him.

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  8. BrokenLady, join a support group for victims experiencing the same thing. There is nothing you can do….the hard cold fact is he doesn’t love you or anyone else. How long do you want to stay on the merry go round? He will have supply elsewhere…. and you are also giving him fuel by staying in contact. You weren’t the first or the last you were simply next…and the same will go for his next victim. Go no contact and concentrate on healing yourself. All the best.

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    1. Thank you for the advice. I joined a support group and they were quite mean I thought. The general thinking was that narcissists are evil and demonic! One man claiming to be a narcissist said he knows what he is and was made that way by his mother. He says it’s not his fault. I can understand that. I just felt so close to my ex, ,I asked other exs of his and none of them said they laughed that much together and he’s never asked any of them to marry him like he did mention. He saved a song for his soul mate (me) he told a few of his exs he had a song he was saving for his soul mate but never listened to it with them but he did with me. He has done dodgy stuff but generally he did good stuff for me. I would stay if it wasn’t for his harem! I am very confused right now 🙁

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  9. 😢😢 I have read that therapy can help if they want to change. How do you feel about that? I have also read they have abandonment issues. I don’t want him hurting so what can I do to stop him hurting?

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    1. May I suggest that you read more of the material on this blog and also my books so you gain further understanding. You are at a stage whereby you are clinging to hope that things can change for the better and you can help him. This is understandable and is most common. Indeed, it is for this reaction you are targeted. You are better served by reading further because at this juncture you will only keep asking questions over and over in the hope of getting the answer you want. That is not going to happen here. You need to understand exactly what you are dealing with and that is a narcissist who does not know what he is and therefore will not change. Once you have understood this, you will alter the nature of your questions brokenlady.

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  10. I don’t understand HG because you understand what you are, you’ve had therapy and you’ve changed some of your behaviour? ?

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      1. Thank you so much for your help over the time. Your advice has finally got through to me. He was texting me last night still after 10 months apart saying he loves and misses me and I’m the only one who changed him. He misses my dog and wants us to go on a dog walk! With my new knowledge I said no. I am going no contact now. He never seems that upset, he just thinks up new things to manipulate me with! Thanks for your patience HG. Us empaths must make you despair at times 🙂 x

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  11. BrokenLady….you are buying into his bullshit. Love does not look like the way he is treating you….and confusion is a MAJOR red flag. Don’t forget…..they all call us their soulmate……I have had 3 of them write and produce amazing songs for me. The lovebombing stage is incredible….ALL us victims experience it and all narcs do the love bombing to Trauma Bond us. You are Trauma Bonded…..protecting him and protecting the ‘love’ you thought they had. He will be off wooing some other kind soul as we speak. You are still in denial….and not wanting to face the facts. Do some research on Trauma Bonding AND Cognitive Dissonance…because that’s what you are doing now. You are in love with the illusion pure and simple. I know its hard…been there several times but once you understand the chemical reactions that are screaming around your body right now…and research the two subjects I mentioned above you will have a better chance of fighting in. I hope you find your peace. Much love x

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      1. Brokenlady,
        I am at the same stage like u. I have no idea what actually happened, and even though so many things seem to be showing rather clearly that he has pretty strong narcissistic traits, if not being full blown narcissist, i don’t get at all how it can be that a person who opened me up to the world, helped me in so many ways, was very generous financially (which I am completely not used to and had troubles to receive all what he gave me), i saw him helping others too….how this can be the very same person who finally treated me according to his mood and finally blamed me for everything.
        He was my closest person, my best friend, my soulmate…the only one i ever met. I read a lot recently about narcissism, though i somehow cannot figure out if he really was a narcissist, i have no idea how to find out now. I just feel emptiness, fear and like i can never trust any living soul, nor open up to anyone. And most of all, that my whole idea about real soulmates is just a crap 😢

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  12. Hi Tsunlai,
    So sorry to hear you are going through this to. I think having a narcissist in my life has been both traumatic but in a way quite a life lesson. I want to take something positive away from this. Firstly, he did push me to try new things and gave me confidence to overcome some fears although he seemed to enjoy it if I hurt myself! ! I don’t know about enjoy it but he didn’t show any emotion or concern. It’s confusing behaviour because sometimes he’d make me go to bed but he’d enjoy being the hero, doing everything for me and making sure everyone knew about it. I have seen life at 100mph like being on drugs which gave me a rush but I got addicted to it. It was all so much fun at times, acting like a couple of kids, doing silly things, messing around and getting into trouble (not bad things)! I had a bit of a bad girl experience and I liked it. I knew it couldn’t last, especially when he kept flirting with other women and not really respecting me, criticising etc.. I think you should trust your instincts, full NPD, narc tendencies or ass hole, he obviously treated you badly. Why does it really matter. Please don’t give up on the soul mate idea. You’ll find that special person for you. He probably thought you were all those things in his distorted view, don’t let him spoil your dream. I think they have sudden intense emotion where they believe that’s true, probably as we give them so much supply, attention etc that makes them feel better than anyone else they might just think that must mean we are the one! Not the same as we think. I read a funny thing once… imagine we go another planet where to the aliens who live there, smacking each others heads means they love each other! You would wonder whatever are they doing. You’d find it odd if you fell in love with one and had to slap their head lol! That’s how they probably feel watching us cry or needing a hug, it’s all alien to them, they don’t get it. My ex seemed to do loads of stuff for me thinking thats all he needs to do and said ‘well, ive never hit a woman’ !! I really dont believe they mean to hurt us on purpose but they are impossible to have a truly meaningful relationship with. I was with mine a year and his behaviour got gradually worse. I’m kind of more relaxed now, I miss him but knowing he doesn’t really love me how I’d like it to be makes me accept it better. I felt bad for abandoning him but I had no choice. I think it takes a tough woman to be able to cope with a narcissist, one who can turn a blind eye! You’ll find someone better suited to you when you are ready. Don’t rush it, take time to heal and learn. HG. I’m no expert, am I near the truth here?? Thank you as always for your advice 🙂 x

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  13. Any advice on finding a good therapist, HG? I have been aware of my narcissism since I was a small child and never considered it a bad thing… until recently. I have become such a slave to it that it’s severely affecting my life. I frequently lose jobs because I can’t let someone else dictate my schedule, or because I have affairs with my colleagues’ husbands and boyfriends. I have 2 shoplifting convictions because (1) I assume everyone else is blind and stupid, (2) rules don’t apply to me, and (3) it’s not shoplifting if everything on Earth already belongs to me. I’m tired of the negative consequences of my behavior but am unable to change on my own. I’m also hesitant to seek therapy for several reasons. I have read that many therapists will not treat people with NPD. Also, I am covered by state-provided health insurance right now, which might make finding a competent therapist even more difficult. In the past, professionals declined to diagnose me with NPD in order to save me from being “stigmatized”. Others ruled it out – even when I suggested it – because they still couldn’t see past the angelic, innocent facade I’ve so carefully cultivated. I, however, know what I am, and I want to change. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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    1. Cashmere Jesus will help. Psychologists/therapists only can help you up to a certain point.

      But only God will give the true healing.
      When you are a narcissist, your fight is with the Demons not mental.

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      1. @Karma Aack.. why am I still receiving response. I thought I already unsubsribe.

        Nice test, but I am a real person here. And I am already healed.
        Strange but true. The more I heal, the more I realize I am no different than a narcissist. People do things based on necessity.

        Thief steal because they don’t have money. If people have money, why would they steal?

        To me narcissist victims who becomes narcissists themselves are scarier than the narcissist. Because while narcissist prey on you, you prey on me.

        The narcissist, and the healed are similar, on the most left, and on the most right.
        But the victims, they are in the middle of the bar. So it is like this:

        Narcissist ——- victims ——– Healed

        The victims are actually the closest personality to the narcissist. Because the people who healed do not have this: hypocrissy. The victims are typically play angelic.

        Look, Hitler and Japan were the narcissist of WW2. It took atomic bomb to shut them off.

        If you are the victims of the narcissists, why don’t do something about it? Don’t be the bitter ones. Take revenge, or whatever.

        If I take revenge that makes me the same as the narcissist, Yes. But I am no longer bitter, and I am healed.

        So, what’s the difference between me vs. narcissist? It is this: ethics.
        I will never ever do evil things to innocent people. I will only do it to evil people who try to harm me.

        Remember narcissists were also psychopaths victims before. So psychopaths create narcissist, narcissist create half narcissists, half narcissists, create toxic victims, and so on.

        But the ones who heal are the people who see God’s Light and decided not to be victims/narcissists anymore. So it is up to you.

        Alright, I go away now. Hiiiy…..

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  14. Are you still a Grand Narc High Supreme Max Level 3 when you post as a puppet account on here, or do you genuinely believe you’re an empath then?

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  15. As much as I don’t want to say thank you, I feel I should due to the insight I have gained. That being said after being raped of my soul, it turns my stomach to know this is only for personal gain and not to change for the positive

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    1. He’s up front that he’s not here to help (at least not on purpose). It’s a means to an end for him and as a bonus he gets an audience.
      He can’t change. Just take advantage of the insight, get what you need and move forward.

      Your soul can and will heal.

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  16. My comment replying to tsunlai has been awaiting moderation for some time. Please can you print it so they can see. Thank you. Ive read narcissists don’t always hurt us on purpose?

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    1. You have asked for my input on your post BL, hence why it has remained in moderation. It will appear in due course. As to the question concerning purpose. A distinction might be draw between those instinctive responses which draw hurt (which are collateral consequences of a self-defence mechanism) and those where it is calculated and therefore the hurt is the intent.

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      1. Ok thanks 😊
        It hurts either way, just being hurt and disrespected by someone you love and thought they loved you is very damaging. Knowing it’s not real love hurts. My ex text me last night saying he felt in true love with me. He’s definitely a narcissist but on the lower end of the scale. Some emotional abuse, flirting behaviour so what does true love mean to him?

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  17. HG, have you written anything for those close to the victim, but unaware of the soul-crushing dynamics at play, to help them recognize the abuse once it is in progress? is the abuse masked too well for outsiders to see through the façade? this scenario is different from someone who is trying to warn the victim in the early stages of entanglement. TIA

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      1. Hi HG, I was under the impression that your books focus on romantic entanglements, so am glad to hear they cover a broader range of experiences. Thanks!

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  18. I just found out my ex of 9 yrs is a narcissist. Totally makes sense why I held on so long. I’m pregnant with his child about to give birth! We have been off & on for several months this time around & he’s been telling ppl we aren’t together, that we haven’t been for a while & he was just with me for the baby which was a complete lie! He was telling me we were together & it seemed like we were. I found out recently he’s been seeing an ex who he initiated a relationship with for a short few months during one of our breaks! I called him out on this and he’s denied saying any of those things about us not being together & denied the relationship with the girl. It’s quite apparent she’s his new main supply & he’s used me up for anything I had, I’m absolutely useless to him at this point. If he treats me like such shit and clearly doesn’t want me anymore since I’m not under his spell & keep figuring him out then why keep up the charade!? I don’t want him either, the feeling is quite mutual. He’s proven he wants nothing to do with me or the baby & I don’t want him anywhere near us! So why Keep it up?!

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  19. Is there any one thing I can do to turn someone from obsessing and controlling me into wanting to find a new source?
    I want to leave and I’m so afraid of what that might mean, what he would do against me.

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    1. By implementing a solid no contact and weathering the storm, the narcissist’s need for fuel will mean he will have to look elsewhere. Of course it depends on how effective your no contact is and your resolve to maintain it that will determine if this is successful, but it can be achieved.

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      1. Hi HG. I managed no contact for 18 days until he got me with an ultimatum by texting to say he’s going to bring an easter Egg round to my house unless I tell him not to so I replied saying not to. I suppose he thinks he won that one? I’ve managed a week now ignoring other texts. We’ve been apart 9 months and he texts me all the time and I mostly ignore him. He says he hasn’t been with anyone else as he loves me so much but I take it he just hasn’t had any luck with anyone yet? Ive read so much and most say people with npd suffer and I hate to think he’s suffering in any way. I don’t like being hurt myself but he says if I take him back he’ll stop doing things that hurt me which is mainly flirting with other women. Is there any hope whatsoever for a relationship with him? Have you ever had any woman you respected or loved in any kind of way? Thank you as always 🙂

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  20. Thank you so much for this information, I needed to read this. Just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and after reading this it’s my story almost word for word. I am a codependent so you imagine how I’m feeling. I’m extremely sad, confused and destroyed . I hope One day the narcissistics face their core. I also hope they realize how much damage they cause to so many people and they decide to get help maybe even become the real them instead of false personas .Good luck in you’re therapy. Thank you again

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    1. I broke up with my ex narc 9 months ago and I’m still upset. He says he doesn’t hurt me on purpose. His sister said they have both built up walls since being emotionally neglected as children. I do feel sorry for them but I he knew I was hurting but carried on his flirting. He insisted on getting back at his ex for ignoring him. He wanted her as a friend still when he met me. Had lots of female friends and exs he make me jealous about. He says he didn’t mean to but whether he meant it or not I wont put up with that. I feel I’ve abandoned a puppy but he has had so many women in the past I’m sure he’ll find another. His sister cried and I felt bad.She said although they are hard on the outside they are emotional wrecks on the inside. I miss the good bits. HG I still need help to stop worrying about him and feeling he needs me. What can I do? I believe he has a good side and not high on the spectrum although I know he does prey on vulnerable women although I’ve read they don’t x

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      1. How do you feel your love is different? I’ve asked my ex to come to counselling. Don’t know if I’m wasting my time. I want to heal the broken child and want him to enjoy a more intimate relationship. What will he be feeling or thinking about that? He sent me a text saying he really did change but it won’t happen overnight. I just don’t want to abandon him as that’s what I believe you fear most?

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      2. Hello Brokenlady, reading Exorcism will help and also consulting with me by audio so I can shatter the links that are still binding you to him.

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  21. I divorced my narc 5yrs ago. He refused to agree to current terms on divorce amendment (bc we have minor kids) so he choose to go to trial. Really stupid bc I have so much against him (I saved every email, text, police report, etc)…I have a lawyer. X does not. My lawyer will interrogate x. X will interrogate me. What tactics should I use to stump him… My demeanor ?my tone?…

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      1. What love means to you and is he the vulnerable little boy I think he is or how does he really feel? I suggested counselling for us both? Is there much point?

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      2. Thank you for clarifying.

        Love is infatuation to me and a device for gaining fuel.
        The vulnerability is no doubt there but hidden away beneath the construct and its machinations and impacts.
        The counselling is likely to help you deal with the impact of his behaviour on you, but it will not provide the breakthrough you desire with him.

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      3. Thank you for the advice regarding counselling. Infatuation? So I suppose that explains his stalking? He has stalked exs in person but me it’s generally online.

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    1. Hello imkelly530, there are various blog articles which address the relationship I have with MatriNarc and you may find the article Keep It In The Family of interest as well. There will be specific books on this element of the narcissistic dynamic in due course.

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  22. Hi HG. Do you know much about altruistic narcissists? I believe that’s what my ex is. Sorry for all my questions. I’ve been so confused and bewildered by what he’s done it have been desperate to find answers. You have helped so much. I tried buying 2 of your books but I bought the kindle addition by accident and I don’t have a kindle lol! Can you recommend books that will help me? Thank you x

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    1. Hello Broekenlady, you do not need a kindle to read them. You can download the free kindle app to any electronic device and you can read the books that way. Which two did you purchase?
      There is not such thing as an altruistic narcissist. Altruism is a selfless concern for the well-being of others. We are never selfless. Our generosity is only because it serves a purpose to us. I do many good things but I only do them because it suits me to do so and I ultimately gain from it. I am completely self-interested, our kind always are.

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      1. Fuel and from the mouth of a narcissist. OK, thanks. I understand what you mean. He definitely did lots for others according to him not for gain. Funny how he always benefits more from everything he does. He also tends to like young girls and he’s in his 50s. He’s quite sexually alluring so I’m finding it hard to pin point which he is

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  23. I have a friend to thank for putting myself and my ex in touch. Unfortunately I’d been single and celibate for 4 years. She didn’t tell me what he was like but told him I was probably gagging for it hahaha! After I’d known him for a while I found out about his sexually deviant past. He also told me what she’d said. She also told him I’d been abused in the past. He probably thought all his Christmases had come at once. Definitely prime target, little did I know. You live and learn

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  24. I don’t mean unfortunately as in I didn’t want that. I chose that but I meant unfortunately it made me a challenge and even more tempting to my ex

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  25. In response to miss koala….I think it would be great if ur mother gave her money to an animal charity. Do the right thing for a change. People can learn a lot from the animals kingdom. Dogs are a lot smarter and more intune then we think. They have an inate sense of awareness that most humans do not.

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  26. What mystifies me….is the Narcissists natural sense of intuition and not just intuition but being intune w it and listening to it. We all have intuition but most people dont pay attention to it or ignore it. I believe my ex N to be a high functioning one. On one of his dating site profiles under the section for ‘Talents’ he put….”Intuition” I spent 11 yrs. Off and on in this rediculous rollercoaster with three different marriages proposals and three rings to go with those proposals…..everytime I said yes….but whenever he would try to set a date to get married…..my body would seize and I would feel scared my intuition told me that if I married him my life would be over. He would end up orchestrating some kind of fight so I would break up w him and he could go lovebomb someone else and then come back to me again . It took me soooooo long to figure out what and who he truly is. I am a year and a half no contact and this time he has FINALLY left me alone. A few of his parting words were…”I’m not taking the blame” and “I’m not coming back”and those were the nice things he said befor the finale…my question is…..how can such unconscious people have a natural sense of being in tune with their intuition?

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    1. Interesting point. Maybe HG can answer. I think it has something to do with intention/purpose, the fundamental reason of why someone do something. Thinking there’s no other choice but do evil thing. We need to know the reason, and the choices, before someone do something.

      Hitler was highly functioning intuitive, otherwise, how could he attracted huge mass.

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  27. Hi HG. I’ve been wondering what’s your take on narcissists taking psychedelics. Do you have any beliefs/thoughts/information about whether enjoying said substances could actually cure narcissists or just make them worse? The assumptions here are that the narc is aware of his condition and he actually wants to heal.

    I will shed some light into my situation depending on your answer.

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  28. Greetings HG,

    Having just located this site today I would like to thank you for the invaluable information that you have shared.
    Your writing style is appreciated.

    At this time I finds that I am at “Post Battle pt3” standing strong like a weathered old oak.
    I do wish that I had known about this site years ago when my mind was fighting against my heart.
    My mind won, but the heart is severely battle scarred.

    Perhaps I am jaded, as I have stopped dating entirely? My trust broken, I’d rather be alone than mistreated.

    I do have a question Mr. Tudor. In your opinion are you guys born or made?

    Respectively,

    Swtsusan

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  29. Dear Mr. Tudor,

    Thank you so much for a timely reply.

    In my inexperience I used my full name (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) in my last reply to you dated May 23, 2017
    If possible would you mind editing it to read simply Swtsusan?

    Kind regards,

    Swtsusan

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      1. This minion… seems to be the artistic equivalent of your internal world in an uncanny way, no? (First time posting on the site, go easy on me 😉

        Seriously, the merchandising of this art could stimulate much needed education on the subject. There isn’t a person on the planet who wouldn’t ask “what the hell is THAT about?” on your coffee cup, T-shirt, wall, etc.

        June 1, 2018!

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  30. I find your site intriguing and informative. I have borderline personality myself, and am naturally attracted to narcissists/sociopaths. I find them to be fascinating, as I don’t understand them very well, and I do understand most other personality types and disorders.

    Some think borderlines and sociopaths are anathema to each other…..who can really say?

    I do have a question for you….and admittedly you may lie, but I have to try – do you feel love for others? Or guilt?

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  31. I have a female friend involved with lower to midrange narc. After reading and listening to your posts I suspect that she may also be a lower level narc and an empath. Is that possible?

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      1. Thanks for the reply. Btw you’re presentations are concise and to the point. Much more informative than anything else that I have seen or read on this subject. Good graphics also.

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  32. HG, reckon about now’s the time to get you an HG moderator clone! I really enjoyed the WNAAD interview you got em all sat up and listening, powerful stuff. I must admit I spent a good part of it trying to detect a regional accent beneath the well rehearsed BBC voice… Please tell me we’re at least a step closer to ‘le grand unveil’?!

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  33. “I am currently engaged in treatment which has been forced upon me.”

    Ever the victim. 🙂

    The insights you provide are invaluable to empaths…. as uncomfortable as they are to read. Many are startling in their accuracy of our thoughts and behaviours. But, as uncomfortable as they are, they need to be absorbed and understood in order to heal, and to form defences against future narcs we may encounter. Thank you.

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