About

Hello,

Welcome to Knowing the Narcissist.

I am H G Tudor. I am a narcissistic sociopath (some state psychopath – this remains a matter of debate by the profession concerning the current application of sociopath or psychopath).

By my terminology I am a Greater Elite Narcissist. You will learn here what that means along with all about the other types of narcissists and empaths too.

I convey this is an effective manner based on my perspective. I know what I am and I know the best way to communicate this to you. I am a very effective communicator.

I write extensively about what this means and what I am. I have practised this dark art for many years, I have honed and crafted my abilities. I am aware of what I am and I am engaged in understanding why I am this way and why I act as I do. I am sharing these ongoing revelations.

I know my kind in considerable detail. I have several family members who are narcissists and have engaged with numerous in my life. I know the way my kind think, why we act as we do, say what we say and so much more. I understand why we target our victims and how we go about it. I comprehend why our victims think and act as they do. I have had many, watched many and listened to many. This allows me to build a formidable body of knowledge about not only my kind, but the people we engage with.

I am currently engaged in treatment which has been forced upon me. As part of this treatment and because I enjoy writing, I have been encouraged to share my knowledge. This is to engender a greater awareness of what I am on my part and also to allow the world an unrivalled view of the mind and actions of a narcissistic sociopath.

I do this because I like to write. I like to interact with people. I want to be the number one source for the reality of how my kind think and behave. I also find the weaponising of empaths and having them go into battle with my kind entirely in accordance with my worldview.

I do not do this for fuel. I do gain some fuel from the comments but since those who comment are tertiary sources (see the book Fuel for more) it is not significant. I gain far more fuel in my interactions in my private life.

I am direct. I do not speak in scientific terms. I welcome enquiring minds and those who want answers. I will give them to you. You will not gain understanding like this from anywhere else. I encourage you to read my articles and extensive collection of books which can be found on Amazon. I encourage you to contribute, ask questions and offer your own views. I read everything that is submitted to me and answer all questions, thus if your post does not appear straight away, please understand that it is in moderation and is either receiving or awaiting my attention.

The number of comments and hits are testament to the need for my knowledge and the huge usefulness many people have found from it. You will too.

Welcome on board. You will now Know the Narcissist.

HG Tudor

 

 

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777 thoughts on “About”

  1. The more I read your work, the more I am convinced you are a fucking GENIUS (pardon my French).

    I am sorry but so many self-proclaimed experts just don’t know what they are talking about.

    Whoever wants to understand narcissists AND human nature in general needs to read your work. Seriously.

    How can one be so intelligent and have so much insight? It can’t just be about being educated to a post-graduate level and observing people.
    Many people study for years and years and do not know. Many people observe but do not see.

    The blog remained inactive for one day and I panicked. I thought maybe you weren’t going to publish anymore.
    I thought there was a possibility of having to say goodbye to your new books (on narcissists and money, narcissists in the workplace, the creature underneath the construct and so on and so forth).
    “Who’s going to teach me about those things now?” I thought. I felt crushed. Because your work is impossible to replace.

    Jeez. You were right once again when you said first class education is addictive.

    1. Thank you and you are correct, however, I am not going anywhere just yet as there is far too much to do.

      1. I paranoid thinking I had been banned .. lol 🙂 Then I rationalized …. it’s the World Cup plus the guy has the right to take some rest ..

        I too hate HG’s vacations from the blog day !

        So I went to FB to read comments just to stay «  connected » but not the same feeling out there.

  2. Hi H G Tudor. My father is a narcissist, and I’ve been in relationships with narcissist my whole life. I have a magnet for them. I really don’t know what to do to stop being their target, I’m aware of my codependency, self esteem and so on. And I’m working on that, but coming from you , will be a good advice. Also I want to know why some people develop narcissism and others are like me , coming from the same toxic environment. Thanks.

  3. Mr. Tudor,

    I am helping my fiance regain access to his daughter, who has been held hostage the past six months, by suing his ex-wife for custody. I’ve found this site in my search for a crash course on narcissistic behavior, in an attempt to be preemptive in making my battle plans, by anticipating which ways her fury may erupt, as well as decide what provisions to include in the order, to protect my fiance and the child as much as possible from her abuse.

    I would peg her as somewhere in the lower mid range – she is low class but maintains a decent job and reputation, but at our last meeting she became so enraged she physically attacked me by shoving a car door closed on my legs – because I dared defy her and got out of the car when she screamed at me to stay in the car (I did so to draw her ire – she charged my fiance spewing verbal abuse, and appeared to be likely to attack physically. My fiance is not yet mentally strong against her and the child was present).

    Our first mediation is July 12. I am considering a consult with you, but as we have extremely limited funds, I must determine if you have enough knowledge of females and mothers to :

    1) Ascertain what type of abusive behavior she is likely employing with the child (if you are familiar with the concept of parental alienation, it is happening; I am certain there is more, the girl is very depressed for a 10 year old),

    2) How outrageous her responses to the suit will be (how far she will likely go with false allegations, how best to protect against them, what other tactics she is most likely to employ, etc),

    3) How best to unsettle and destabilize her so that she is less effective in the proceedings and possibly shows the depth of her instability to court personnel.

    Please be honest in your ability to help as all of our very limited resources must go to valid use against her to protect the child.

    Please know that while my fiance is still not out of the woods, I am nearly sociopathic myself, although not narcissitic. I would normally consider the woman an amateur against me and play with her for my amusement, but I do not want to underestimate her and thereby fail the child and my fiance.

    Thank you – Winter

    1. I can address all of the points you have raised and have done so in similar situations, so do organise a consultation as it will prove to be of a massive help to you.

  4. I was married to a narcissist for 18 years and we had 3 children. He put me through years of hell with his verbal abuse. I became physically abusive towards him, I had all I could take. I never figured out what made him this way. I know now by doing lots of research that it wasn’t my fault. I appreciate your insights on this subject. You have been the most helpful. Jan

  5. Welp. How very kind of you. I became aware approximately 3 weeks ago that I have been with a bonafide narcissist for 5 years. I have a 2 1/2 year old son. He is now living back with his ex wife- mother of the other 5 boys he has. ha ha ha. Funny crap. She’s super successful, and based upon ways she misled me and then verified my pain over the last few years, I believe she also may be one. Or, maybe she’s just going to have him paint all her real estate properties and get whatever she can out of the prick. She should thank me, because they barely talked, and certainly wouldn’t be co-habitating with him.
    Either way, along with a shot or two of vodka- I laugh. Quite silly!

  6. I can’t shake this feeling that there is an elephant in the room STILL ..that you covertly and sometimes not so covertly hint on. Yet, I don’t see anyone saying anything about it. LOL. I’m conflicted on how to approach u with the questions I have… they run deeper than ones I’ve seen thus far. I’m intrigued by the blunt and BRUTAL HONESTY, however very aware there is more than what APPEARS to be the reasononing behind why you do this..or well the END RESULT. As your kind say. .. working on how to go about this as u know it’s all about words. 🤔😉

  7. Dear HG,
    I found your website through the rabbit hole of bad information. I am recovering from Round #2, Discard Phase and reading your insights; although harsh and completely foreign to me, have helped tremendously. As a deeply Empathetic Scorpio, a lie is still a lie, and disrespect is still disrespect, so perhaps there is hope I can overcome. Even empaths have boundaries and self worth. Thank you for sharing this insight and your amazing writing talents. Despite some of the content, your writing is pure poetry.

  8. I am going to add this to my Tudorboard:

    “Relying on hope will see you doomed. Relying on cool, hard logic acquired through knowledge will win the day”.

  9. I have gone no contact. Its been almost 5 months. Does he really hate me for this? I was very good to him. Why wouldn’t he admit this to me?

    1. I was no contact for 2 months. THEN, my cell phone took a voice message from him! I thought blocked callers couldn’t do that.. wrong again. Triggered the hell out of me, SHAME ON ME. After a week or two spin out following his nasty, sarcastic, angry and jealous voicemail, I’m back to no contact. Having said all that, my answer to your question is NO HE WILL NEVER admit #1 that he was wrong in ANY way unless it’s to get something from you and #2, that you were good to him. He will likely snarl and make fun of you for being good to him, if you push him. I don’t know what your circumstances are but I HOPE you didn’t have kids with the beast. I hope you can learn to accept what he is and NEVER have contact with him again. I hope you can move on and find happiness and the love you want and need, in your life.

      1. They only admit things that serves them, a purpose, fuel, hidden agenda, manipulations .

        EVERYTHING they say – even the nice ones – serves a purpose of them.

        Once you understand that deep within – you don’t want them to admit anything –
        Because it is not an admittance
        It is a game !!!

  10. Hello there HG.
    Can a narcissist change cadre as they age based on negative live experiences and decision making? E.g., Perhaps a somatic who has engaged in drug use and becomes impotent resurfaces as a vulnerable narcissist? Just desserts anyone?
    Thank you.

    1. No, they remain somatic. Have a read of Time and the Narcissist to see ONE way the narcissist might go which involves an example concerning a somatic.

      1. Thanks so much HG.
        I would love to see Part Three & Four re: Time and the Narcissist (Mid-range and Greater) come to life (somatic & elite cadres). Any plans to do this?
        Your first two parts are brilliant reading however, unfortunately the narc in my life has gifted intelligence and his charm offensive game is fierce. He has had considerable success in his professional career although drug use has brought him undone over a number of years.
        I am no contact but given the profound effect of his maschinations on my life seek to understand the whole picture.
        Your insights are second to none (really). Can’t thank you enough for what you have sewn and has grown in my mind as a deeper, holistic understanding of the beast.
        Sarah

  11. What if you have a child with a narcissist? How can you go no contact or get away from their hold on you?

    1. I recommend you organise a consultation with me so I can discuss this with you in detail.

      1. Not quite sure how to approach you with some of the questions I have. Without you losing focus and moving on .. I’m intrigued by the blunt and BRUTAL HONESTY you share you are EVIL as shit. However, obviously you are getting ENDLESS supply by doing this but you really are helping people. Ha, it’s conflicting bc you aren’t doing it for that. I must say I have to respect the fact that you are what you are and claim it. I’m curious.. I think that “your kind” are operating in a more powerful and EVIL sinister way than simply a psychological disorder. If you catch my drift. I KNOW a’ll about psychology etc. Etc.. I myself was diagnosed as bipolar at 15 I’m 31 now. It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. My ex and I had a bizarre violent supernatural type relationship. At the risk of sounding bat shit lol .. he did take on my personality, mimicked me, as my soul was being sucked out.. he took on my personality. Hmmm 11 years of this I learned a lot. Is it more a soul swap? I actually would have to tell the strange bizarre story, as to why I strongly feel you are holding out a little. Have some evidence or documentation of this with he and I.
        IRONICALLY, I UNINTENTIONALLY flipped the script and came out NOT A NARCISSISTIC BITCH. He still stalks me. . It’s been quite a while. I HEAR him outside by my window..went to the store last week at like 2 am.. he was parked down the street. I’m curious as to why. Is it bc I could potentially expose him. Not interested in doing so, but I TOOK THE POWER and I’m wondering how dangerous can he get, or will he give up.

  12. I have a Narc mom, sister and mother-in-law. I also dated a few Narc. I have some dysfunctional ways of dealing being the GC because I don’t call my out on her lies and abuse. My question is which of your books is best for someone like me who wants to keep contact with the Narc in my life but wants to not be abused ?

  13. After reading pretty much every article you wrote and the fact that you are in therapy (being forced) and you saying that you have an increased awareness and understanding I would like to know whether your behavior has changed as well?
    How does it feel to know that your actions were and possibly are dreadfull?

    1. There have been some modifications.
      It does not concern me because I do not care. I do whatever is necessary.

  14. You mentioned in one of your videos that you were once married, do you still Hoover her or was she able to get away completely and if so- how?

      1. Does she answers? Has she got on with her life ? You think you could have her back ?

  15. I have listened to your youtube videos and I was wondering if you have worked on the way that you talk or does it come naturally. I find it almost hypnotic yet cringeworthy.

      1. For those of us how has no idea what “Top hole” means: adjective
        British, Slang
        first-rate

  16. HG….

    I was an avid reader of your blog. You taught me how to save myself. The consult and continued reading probably saved my life.

    You also helped me with the fall out after my ex-narcissist’s death.

    Five weeks later….and all the ugly truths continue to ooze forth.

    I can tell your readers, from my first hand experience, by obtaining real truth through death, that the life of a narcissist and their cheating/lying ways is actually worse than any words words can possibly convey.

    I honestly believe had I not discovered and heeded your advise, I would be spiritually dead, and possibly physically as well.

    A giant cyber hug from a thriving Empath.

  17. After listening to last weeks Q&A some asked that the “narcissist seems to love their child” your reply was “seems”. Can you elaborate a bit more on that? Small child and narcissistic father, what does that do for a narcissist? When will the fuel run out?
    Thanks!

    1. A narcissist does not love his or her children. Some create the appearance of doing so for the purposes of fuel (from the child and also to triangulate with the partner/spouse), maintaining a facade and to further manipulations. The fuel only runs out through no contact or the appliance breaking down.

      1. Interesting, my ex’s teen children have been no contact for the three years since the family separation and subsequent divorce. They became wise beyond their years early in their innocent lives. They are sticking to their guns and mom is the biggest trooper of all. He must have lost it when the little girls no longer looked at him with adoring eyes…then the alcoholic emotional abuse commenced with a fury. Ladies,get out for the kids.

  18. As you are in therapy I would like to know if that has changed anything for you?
    And the second question is about helping others:
    I have read that if a narc starts working with others/helping in the nonprofit world that this triggers the brain in releasing oxicotyn and that this actually may help him to „change“ / learn and start developing emotions.
    What is your thought on that?

    1. 1. I have hugely increased awareness and understanding.
      2. Not at all. Whoever wrote that is incorrect.

      1. Thank you for answering!
        That of course leads to the next question:
        Have you changed some of your behaviors due to an increased awareness?
        And how has that changed the way you feel?

      2. To some extent I have, yes.
        It has not affected how I feel. I do feel, but I also operate a lot through thinking, rather than feeling.

      3. And of course as more I think about it as more questions arise!
        “Your energy follows your attention” doesn’t that hinder your own dealings with narcissism?

  19. You are amazingly enlightened for one with such an ingrained issue. Is there a “cure”? Do you hope to conquer this “affliction”? I do not know what you consider it, this label. It is your behavior, but who are you? Can you chose to behave differently? To “become” someone else? I have so many questions. Hope you don’t mind. Do you miss the inability to form attachments to others or never having had it, and not knowing really what it is like, you are not in search of it. I had come to a preliminary conclusion that one who is incapable of forming attachments to other human beings is in their own sort of hell because, on the whole, that is what drives most of us. To love and be loved. Anyway, I’m totally fascinated. I find you brilliant, I enjoy your succinctness, your precision in describing yourself and situations, and your willingness to bare yourself to the world is fascinating. Although, being a narcissist, is there an ulterior motive? I am simply asking because I like learning. I don’t know something, I ask. And you are a huge resource in a topic that definitely interests me. Thank you for being willing to open a door into a small room of the human condition. Lord knows we need the help! Lol

  20. HG,

    How do you wound narc who’s completely ignoring you for the first time? There’s obviously a new source, as it’s been weeks since the last reply.

    1. I would not bother, you are far better focused on establishing no contact and getting your emotional thinking under control. Trying to wound the narcissist is engagement and from what you have written, it is too early to attempt this.

  21. HG,
    Sadly I’ve been reading your work for some time now. I say sadly because I know the rules and I know what I need to do to change the situation with the no-contact regime. However my narcissist knows me quite well and knows that as long as he ignores me it will drive me completely insane. I am the type of person that my skip the last word and if I do so resorting in text or email the next day I completely feel bad about what I said so I try to reword it which is more contact no I don’t want this individual back I just do not understand why two people can’t move on like normal people do. Why can’t there be some sort of resolved in the matter. So the talk behind everyone’s back stops so that everyone can see the drama is gone everyone can get back with their lives now why must it be this way. I question myself before am I the narcissist am I hoovering and then I continue reading and listening to your YouTube videos and if I was a narcissist I would take a new Appliance and ditch the old it wouldn’t bother me it wouldn’t be hard to do. So my question is after all how do I get to be okay with something left undone? I’m the type of person that is never left anything I’ve done in my life and I feel like if I do it will come back later and I will be completely obsessed with the situation and dumb enough to return which at the moment is my biggest fear why can’t we get closure now why were pissed off while they’re still pissing us off

  22. HG – I am two days into the discovery of your work and I have to say you are brilliant. Thank you.

    I seek your assistance…..

    1. I met the narc at 8 years old (as an adult he was diagnosed as NPD with psychopathic traits).
    2. He pursued a relationship with me from the age of 15. At the age of 23 I gave in. I put it off for so long knowing all too welI he was a charmer.
    3. 3-years later the narc discarded me with another IPSS already in place. He was a somatic and very active online during the course of our relationship. Devaluation was passive aggressive – mostly back handed compliments and jealousy.
    4. Shortly after our break-up he became a drug addict and continued to see multiple women.
    5. After discard I went no contact (the right way). I blocked him from all social media, changed my number, changed my place of work, moved house and had no contact with any joint acquaintance or family member.
    6. I married a grown up man with his shit together and had 2 kids.
    7. Narc served a 6 year prison sentence (armed robbery).
    8. Alas, 13 years after discard when released from prison with nothing but the sixth sphere for all that time, he found me at my place of work. He tracked me down with the intention of a grand Hoover (the good old “one that got away”). He has a current IPPS and multiple secondary sources. I don’t know how, but he knew I had married and had 2 kids.
    9. I rejected him. I told him we are from two different worlds and I have nothing to offer him. If I had not been in a public place of work I would not have spoken to him at all.
    10. I am (based on reading your materials) what I believe to be a magnetic super empath.

    Is it likely that over time my presence in the sixth sphere of influence will dissipate? I have given no fuel for so long. Surely the lack of fuel I provide as well as hurdles required to jump will raise the Hoover bar beyond reasonableness? What are his motives?
    Any tips?

    Thanks – Saskia

    1. Hello Saskia, a bespoke situation such as this is best addressed through consultation.

  23. HG, just discovered your videos on youtube a few days ago. I would appreciate it if you could explain to me 1. why you do this, helping so many people, so kindly. and 2. I’m a bit baffled because narcs lie and lie, are you lying to us? I do thank you for what you have done here. To me, it is a gift.

    1. 1. See the About section.
      2. No, I have no need to. I do not know you, you do not know me therefore I can convey the reality in this place. It serves me very well to do so.

    2. Laurie

      Welcome. Prepare to be amazed at the wealth of his accurate information and the company of many who understand your situation.

      1. so much of what I’ve read and the youtube videos are SPOT ON. I am grateful to have stumbled across this, this perspective from the other side.

  24. I have one question, and due to my pressed time I haven’t been able to check your work for a specific answer. I intend to do so soon, but I just figured I might as well ask now, because I can.

    Is there any way to provoke a narcissist into impulsive behavior, or into behaviors that might betray their routine of subdue-devalue-discard?

      1. How? It looks like water off a ducks back to a non- narc . How do you wound a narcissist ? Ignore? No contact?

      2. Yes ignore, no contact, expose. See Fuel, Fight or Flight for additional information. Wounding is usually a consequence of something you have done and most often something you have not done, which has no fuel attached. Therefore, ignored us, failed to wish us happy birthday, failed to call back immediately and so forth.

  25. My nex is crumbling under my no contact. He’s not a very bright narc though. His lacklustre email hoover today (5th attempt in 5 weeks) was quite amusing to me. I saw it for what it was without an emotional filter. He seems to have morphed into Barbara Cartland. Such drama…like an old am-dram Queen. I could clearly feel him cracking apart…desperate…(in between the pseudo romantic drivel) trying so hard to grasp at any perceived heart-string I might have left to play on to reignite my interest. However, the love bombing phase is long gone and I know his game well. I only see him for what he is now…simply pathetic. It’s like an assault on my intelligence. No supply here…the well is dry. My narcs have taught me well.

  26. I just discovered your site yesterday. I have been suspecting that a long-time “acquaintance” was a narcissist. After reading some of your posts, I now think that the person I liked recently is one too. My father was never officially diagnosed so I cannot be too sure of what he was but he too demonstrated a wide variety of manipulative and abusive behaviors you describe here. Your information also inclines me to think that I might be an empath. How horrific that I would be attracted to the type of person that has always hurt me the most and that I dislike deeply. These abusive behaviors must appear familiar to me to some extent because of my father. I have no problem leaving a narcissist. I just want to make sure that I am no longer drawn or attracted to them. I want to make sure that I am only involved with emotionally and mentally healthy, normal, kind people. I hope I can learn enough to be able to help myself in this way.

    Anyway what I want to ask you is, I understand that there is something very dark and destructive inside a narcissist that makes him behave in the abnormal ways that he does… I suppose it stems from a lack of compassion for oneself. I know you picture this type, and yourself, as being sort of inhuman in the sense of not feeling sensitivity, empathy, compassion for anyone and always behaving from a place of calculation, selfishness, and gain… that any kindness or compassion demonstrated by a narcissist is fake and driven by an underlying motive…I guess I would like to accept and understand this, and it’s probably the hopeful empath in me talking when I say this, but how can it be possible that a narcissist never, ever, experiences even a moment of vulnerability and gentleness? Does he never feel awe, or joy, or gratefulness? Does he never fall in love? Does he never feel like protecting something? Does he never do anything that does not fall within his carefully designed plan? He knows no spontaneity? He never feels at peace with himself? Does he never feel remorse or sadness? It never harms him when he continuously harms others? Are all narcissists also sociopaths and incapable of feeling any sympathy or empathy with others?

    I won’t deny that I am still in the process of learning to accept that a person of this kind cannot change, does not want to change, and no one ought to even dream of changing or helping such a person.

    Since you describe that a narcissists displays expected behaviors such as kindness and affection in the beginning of his interaction in order to lure the person in, how can a victim recognize a narcissist from a normal person at this very initial stage, before the emotional bond is established? If I could identify a narcissist at that stage, I could prevent a lot of hurt and save a lot of time as well.

    1. Hello Bollyview, welcome. You pose a number of questions and in order to save my fingers and to enable you to digest the answers in detail you will find them in the many articles provided on the site.

  27. Have you read up on organic portals?
    It describes (in albeit newagey terms) the soulless phenomenon in much of the same way you do. What do you think of artistic portrayals of it, such as in movies like The Matrix and, more recently, Annihilation?
    Also, what about covert/soft narcs? I find them far more insidious then violent narcs since they rely on “niceness” and status-quo behavioral patterns to mask the bruiseless wars they’re endlessly waging, chains they’re binding, and blood they’re sucking. Plus, those fuckers are everywhere. They are the status-quo. I swear those types outnumber any other on the planet and their tendency to hivemind is insane.

    1. * I mean covert as in, they don’t know they’re narcissists. Like they witlessly prey on supply yet actually believe that that kind of “relationship” is loving/good. Wolves in sheeps clothing who genuinely, unquestioningly, believe they see a lamb when they look in the mirror. And are incapable of even understanding that they’re doing harm.

  28. Hello HG,

    Thank you so much for all the information you are giving us.
    I have spent my whole life swimming among sharks such as yourself. My mother is a lower level narcissist and my now deceased older sister was either a mid range or possibly higher. I am a Super Empath, I’ve always known what I am and what they are, but thanks to your videos I know have the terminology to tie it all together in my head.
    Naturally enough I have attracted narcissists in my personal life, I got rid of the last one after 5 years of ‘fun’. I had no issue enforcing no-contact as when I’ve had enough I’ll walk away without ever looking back, he did track down my new ph no from a mutual acquaintance, so then came the hoovering, this stopped when I told him I couldn’t care less if he carried out his threat and he killed himself and I wouldn’t be going to his funeral, lol I thought he’d spontaneously combust.
    My sister, may she Rest in Peace, wow, she was one hell of a piece of work, she died from a degenerative disease, it was pitiful, I’m sure you can imagine how it would feel to be losing control of your body and having to rely on others to help with the bathroom etc. My younger sisters who I shielded my whole life had nothing to do with her, so it was me, and my mother (for appearances sake) who looked after her, on a higher level my sister and I called a truce. I had already walked away, I literally stepped over her as she crawled along the floor screaming abuse at me, I didn’t look back. I had no contact for over 1 year, the smear campaign was epic!! When I decided to go back to her, I showered her with positive energy and she lapped it up, and we stayed in this bubble until her death, on a near daily basis her eyes would flash with irritation/anger/hatred at me, however she was able to control the arisen beast, and we had a harmonious relationship, she was able to get all the negative fuel (her favourite type) from my mother and care workers (who quit on a regular basis).

    Again thank you,
    YS.

  29. Hi Hg.. I’ve been binge watching your videos and you talk , sound and act exactly like the ex narc that was in my life.. why is it that secondary, third party sources are treated better than the primary source.. isn’t it the goal to have a primary source to your kind? To have and keep the primary source is to be kind as you are with secondary, third sources.. secondary, third sources are always there.. primary’s always changing .. why? I was his primary source and he’s having his secondary sources reaching out to me.. they do not know who he really is

  30. All I can say is wow. I lived with my narcissist ex for nearly 7 years and escaped 2 months ago. I discovered your site one day ago and can’t stop reading. You have given me so many answers to questions I have about his motives and what to expect moving forward. I wish I’d found your site a few years ago when I first suspected he was one of your kind. Thank you.

  31. Thank you for this resource. I am interested in an article about coping with a narcissist husband and beating him at his game. I don’t want to leave until my children are out on their own. Have you written an article like that? Thanks in advance.

    1. What is written about narcissists here and in my books will apply to your narcissist husband. This will also assist you in beating him at his game. If you require specific bespoke information about your own situation then you should book a consultation with me.

      1. I am sorry you have children.

        While you may get the tools “in beating him at his game”, it may still drive you crazy. One can only withstand so much cray cray until it seeps into oneself.

        HG really helps, but nothing beats getting out.

        Good luck with your journey.

    2. You should get your children in therapy for they can become narcs or codependent, believe me, being codependent is a horrible thing. I know now my mother is a covert narc and she hates me. it has affected my relationships, as I am a magnet for narcs. thank you HG for giving me tools to deal with my narc mother and sister. I will be loving my entire family, including my oldest son and my lovely grand children as I cannot be around these toxic vampires any longer

    3. I’m in same situation. I have currently started my own business so I can survive financially. I also have a fear though that somehow he will take that money too.

      I don’t want to leave either till kids are on their own…i feel like i can protect them better and curb any narcissistic tendencies they may show…my middle child is already showing some as his father has taken him in as a confidant. I honestly feel trapped.

      And then a part of me feels like shit for even making this move…which I know is part of the whole vicious cycle. And I feel like I’m just gonna end up in the same damn boat with someone else. I have actually proven to myself that it will happen….and the other person is worse than him.

    1. I agreed in order to
      1. Secure my inheritance;
      2. Avoid the distraction of fabricated allegations which would have precipitated a criminal and regulatory investigation;
      3. Learn more about myself;
      4. Further the Grand Design.

  32. Amazing! Thank you, HG, you helped me a lot understand some of my relationships with narcissists during my life. I am an empath, maybe a weird one, because I do have an exagerated sense of empathy with others and I neglect totally my own needs in the beginning, thus getting to be rather abused from the emotional point of view during a longer time than it should be.
    Fortunately I usually set my boundaries later at some point of the relationship – I do it instinctively – which chases them away rather quickly. This is good and bad at the same time 🙂 – it saves a lot of problems ‘a la long’, but it is rather despairing for me immediately after.
    My last relationship with a narcissist was particularly tough. I knew something was wrong from the beginning; I used to tell him that I felt I was just an experiment for him (felt totally like a lab rat and I’m sure I was – and yes, it feels spooky now that I know that) and he really got angry everytime I told him that; then he said that he will not get angry anymore, that he will prove it to me with his behaviour. He did lots of stupid things during these months (when I say “stupid” I mean things that really prejudiced and hurt himself in the first place) and finally he discarded me, from one day to another, which really drove me crazy as I didn’t know what was happening. But my practical side took over, I went looking for my own personal “therapies” and here I am, one and a half year later much better, but still with moments of dreaming of some kind of “revenge” 😛
    Yes, I know it sounds funny, and these moments are less and less frequent, and my sense of humour also takes over, which is, maybe, a healthy thing for me. I am lucky that I have my family and also some good friends that help me with their objectivity and comprehension.
    This guy was in therapy – psychologist – but I doubt that here, where I live, professionals know anything about narcissism, so I doubt that he knows what’s happening to him.
    Yeeees, I fell into ‘that’ mistake :), tried to get back to him some months ago – I just had discovered that he was a narcissist, after stumbling upon some article about narcissism just by chance and found out that all the facts coincided, so I wanted to test my belief somehow – and of course I failed and was right at the same time. I mean I was right because he clearly IS a narcissist. And I failed because, obviously, nothing happened during or after that unique meeting, he was very polite and normal, but never answered back to my few messages afterwards.
    So I let it go, but part of my personal therapy strategy is getting to know more things about narcissism in order to set myself completely free. And be a little bit more wiser.
    That’s how I got to your blog :). I’ll hang a while here with you in order to learn more.
    Good job, wonderful that you do it for yourself, for me the nice thing is that in your own pursue you also help others – I think we all should do this, this should be our life target, struggle to be happy in our own way, and inspire others while we are doing it – so, as we say in my country, I wish you good health, the best of energies and keep on.
    Be happy. Thank you.
    (Sorry for my English, not my native language, and I still make mistakes)

    1. With my personal experience is say let it be and move on. It’s also been a year and a half for myself . (Crazy huh) and my revenge didn’t work out the way I anticipated . First off I wanted to make sure I was correct the same as you I learned one way to tell was to show up at the narcs house uninvited and if he is a true narcissist no matter how polite you are or distressed they will call the cops. And true narc fashion that is exactly what happened confirming to me that he was indeed a narcissist. A normal person wouldn’t do that in front of their children especially to somebody that was in their life and they care about. The only thing that my revenge accomplished boys making me feel like a bad person and keeping him in my thought process. I know now the best revenge is to erase them completely. Give him what he scared of most…… fading out . I remember I find Superfluous things essential but some i can do without

      1. Thank you, Dee. I think erasing will be the best thing for ME, not for him 😛 ; in truth I doubt that he even remembers that I exist, not to speak about thinking in some way of me :). I’m lucky that I didn’t get involved too much with him and we haven’t got anything in common.

    2. You’re most welcome. I do very much regret it .hindsight being what it is ….plus I am now seeing i was more being used for others peoples Vendetta against this person. As i believe now that a lot of the aftermath he knew absolutely nothing about . I Now focus on self healing and oddly enough iactually feel sorry for him. even if he is a narcissist I can’t imagine having so many people coming at me from so many different angles. No one deserves a life of Not knowing who is real and who is serving up some chaos. I recently apologized for my role after all there is love there or we wouldn’t care. Maybe one day he will be able to see his true self and start healing as well. (I don’t expect to see him in my animal rescue groups or anything 😂🤣) but maybe he will find his compassion and Not spend life alone . Thats a sad thought. Anyhow I send positive vibes to all that are hurt by narcissist abuse both narcs and willing participants. I say that because I did know what he was when I opened that door . I even told him he was a sociopath I just was an idiot that thought I could change it. I learned from it though you can not teach someone how to love they have to reach that to themselves. Until then they will live a life full of conspiracy, chaos, and utter loneliness

    3. Oh and he remembers you he knows you exist. You are not just an ex-girlfriend that went away. You are an appliance on a Shelf he knows everything you do and he thinks it all has to do with him every move you make. He honestly believes no matter what kindness or rude gesture you pass his way is your way of saying you’re not over him. That’s why you must erase and not acknowledge his existence at all. Or he will be back and you don’t want that. These people cannot be your friend he cannot be trusted!!!

      1. In my case I doubt that he will ever come back, I think he knows that I know he’s not what he pretends, so for him it’s game over: he can’t deceive me anymore so I’m not “fun” anymore for him.
        I agree with you, these people cannot be friends and can’t be trusted. They’re not real.

  33. HG I’ve read 2 of your books so far. Amazing. 2 questions for you. 1. Everyone being on a spectrum, are all narcs completely aware? 2. Why are no other narcs replying here? Surely some must want to agree or disagree or simply say hi I’m here too, Look at me, Look at me, HG doesn’t get ALL the attention. No? Why is no one else coming forward if narcs are so self aware?

    1. 1. No. The majority of narcissists have no awareness as to what they are.
      2. The occasional narcissist will appear here but they do not know what they are, hence they are not going to comment in the way you have written.

      1. Having become aware. Would you say it is better for you or worse for you to know. And would you say it’s better or worse for your girlfriends now that you know?

        Is awareness good for anyone or does it just reinforce the underling feeling of bad you want to avoid with all this fuel? I guess i’m asking if the aware need more fuel because they are aware?

      2. Better for me.
        Worse for them sometimes.
        Awareness will have an upside for appliances also.

  34. I have a question for you…how is it you can profess to help people when you are actually preying on the vulnerable people who come to your site looking for information and help?
    As a narcissist you are constantly in need of, and looking for narcissistic supply. You are NOT helping anyone, you are using them for your own supply! You act like you are being ethical and helpful, when you are actually just looking for a ready source of narcissistic supply.
    I spent 36 years in the medical profession, with many of them working in a psychiatric prison unit with a wide range of disordered people. I have met your type before on many occasions. You sir are a leech, sucking the life from vulnerable victims, using them for your own benefit and supply all to feed your own ego.

    1. 1. Where do I prey on them? Nowhere. There is no such evidence.
      2. Do I use my readers of fuel? I gain fuel from them – I have never denied doing so, however if you had taken the time to understand my work you would realise
      a. My readers are not a fundamental source of fuel;
      b. My fuel needs are met in my private life;
      c. My work is for a different reason.
      3. Where do I act like I am ethical. I admit what I am. I am totally clear about that – unlike others who operate supposed support forums.
      4. Yes my work is exceptionally helpful because it is accurate and insightful. Do I state I do this to help people? No. I repeatedly explain that I do this for my own purposes and that the fact that it helps others is a fortunate collateral consequence for them.
      5. If you have spent 36 years in the medical profession that one ought to be concerned by your prejudicial behaviour in reaching a conclusion without actually having regard to any of the available evidence. I would expect a competent medical professional to actually appraise himself of the evidence before reaching a determination or do you just make decisions because after all, you know best? Hmmm. I wonder what that might mean? Do read my work and the comments and you will find evidence which will cause you to reconsider your premature conclusions.

    2. Your opinion only. I have read 80 percent of hg’s work ,conversed via email and telephone. I can speak on my own experience and say i feel as he has helped a lot. I am in a much better more positive and enlightened mindset. Your negative input however I could do without

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Read and understand all about narcissists from the best source possible. A narcissist himself.

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