The Five Shirks of Accountability

 

It is fundamental that we remain unaccountable for our actions. Not only is it the case that we believe we are entitled to complete immunity for what we say and do, occasioned by our innate superiority, we also believe it to be necessary for us to be able to gather fuel as often and as effectively as we do. If we were slowed down by having to make meaningful apologies, explain ourselves, account for what we have done and accept responsibility for the consequences this would absorb time that would be far better spent in the pursuit of fuel. Hampering us in such a way would result in us becoming weaker since we would not be able to gather as much fuel as usual. It is therefore necessary, so we remain sleek, effective and light of foot, for us to never be concerned about accountability and also to never allow responsibility to rest with us. As with many of our machinations, this approach also allows us to gather fuel in itself by the imposition of blame on others, usually you and the astonished and outraged emotional response which then flows from this staggering act of walking away scot free. As ever, words are our best allies when it comes to throwing off the attempt to make us assume the mantle of responsibility. Here are five of our favourites.

 

  1. What do you expect me to do about it?

 

I regularly brag about how brilliant and special I am. That I have many talents and if I so chose I could remedy many situations within moments, but notwithstanding this being the stance that I adopt to the world at large, I am not going to do that with you. Not a chance. I am not here to pick up the pieces after you, although I expect you to do so for me repeatedly. I can do as I like and you are obliged to make good the damage that I cause – collect the broken pieces of crockery, apologise to the shell-shocked friend after an outburst, try to solve the financial headache that we have left. If you have caused a problem, and let’s face it, it is always your fault anyway, you cannot expect me to do something about it. I am above such menial tasks. I have important and bigger things to attend to. Such as? I don’t have to explain myself to the likes of you. If I caused the problem (which in reality is usually the case) I am not going to do anything about it.

 

  1. Deal with it.

That’s the way it is and you had better get used to it. This haughty declaration is par the course for our sense of entitlement to do as we please. We bulldoze through everything and you just have to put up with it. You can’t walk away; we will not allow that to happen. Issuing this barked instruction at you is an effective way of upsetting you. It is telling you that you are useless and you should just be getting on with the situation rather than complaining about it. You shouldn’t be complaining; you should have already guessed that you needed to sort the situation out. Don’t ask me for help because I just do not have time for this mickey mouse nonsense.

 

  1. You caused this to happen.

We like to maintain that we act with the omnipotence of a god but how many times have you found that you have somehow caused something to happen so that it would suggest that you exercise the powers of a deity? My late arrival was down to you. My failure to remember something was caused by you. My infidelity for the sixth time was wholly as a consequence of what you have done. At its most brutal this declaration is issued without any explanation as to why it is that you caused the problem to arise. We say that it is the case therefore that must be right. Does this exchange seem familiar?

“Why is that the case?”

“It just is.”

“But why?”

“Because I say so.”

Other than our kind, who comes out with such assertions bereft of reality or explanation? That’s right, children. That tells you all you need to know about our mentality when we accuse you of being the one who has caused the problem. If you are “fortunate” enough to be given some kind of explanation it makes perfect sense when viewed from our perspective, although it will not from yours. That is deliberate. We want you to feel astonished, bewildered and annoyed at our sheer audacity to make the connection between our wrongdoing and your causation.

“If you were more loving I wouldn’t go elsewhere.”

“What do you mean by that? I couldn’t be anymore loving towards you.”

“Oh that’s right, deny it is anything to do with you and make me about to the bad person.”

“Well, it is you who had the affair.”

“Caused by you.”

“How?”

“I have already told you and if you cannot accept that then there is no point continuing with this conversation.”

You get no answer no acceptance of blame. All you get is a tenuous (in your world but not ours) explanation as to why our wrongdoing is all down to you.

 

  1. Why do you have to spoil everything?

A cousin of the third shirking above but with an added layer of blame. In the above example, you have caused the problem although you may not necessarily have intended it. With this statement we are telling you that not only is the problem not of our doing, it is your fault and guess what? You meant to do it because you are such an awful and horrible person. Our rampant paranoia causes us to believe that you are out to get us, to topple us and that you are plotting to unseat us as a consequence of our behaviour towards you during devaluation. This is why whenever anything goes wrong you are the architect of that misfortune as you have purposefully set out to cause a problem for us, driven by your innate nastiness and jealousy.

 

  1. Why do you make my life so hard?

Poor us. Put upon by you and your terrible behaviours. This is often thrown at you when you begin to wise-up to our manipulations and either through choice or out of sheer exhaustion you are no longer  engaging with our provocations and machinations. What we are actually saying to you here is, “Why do you make it so hard to extract fuel from you?” Your failure to play ball and do what we want is causing us to expend more energy in order to get the negative fuel from you and in accordance with our outlook as a victim, you are doing this on purpose. We need to get that fuel and you should be helping us, not hindering us, no wonder we lash out at you as we do because you are horrible and you make our lives far more difficult and harder than you should or once did.

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39 thoughts on “The Five Shirks of Accountability”

  1. Oh yes, what do I expect you to do about it, because how dare I expect you to do anything about anything. You who are so brilliant and multi-talented, good at so many things, never actually do any goddamn thing.

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  2. What is brilliance? We live in a world where we have become possessed by the need to achieve by means of the intellect, and yet without emotional intelligence we will have very little affect in the world and at best will be short lived.

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      1. Thank you Nikita, you are welcome. I enjoy to contribute and hope that this particular author will continue to allow me to do so.

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      2. Pay attentiom To not steal the limelight away from HG. as you said ” will allow me”…
        And as your comments are so giving of insight… Or he said himself behave😂😂😂

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  3. Yes this is true at an inherent level and it is my belief that empathy is innate, however one must exercise this to form connection with self and others.

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  4. You r fortunate to possess both on a level of 5 y.o. child without any possibility to be developed to possess a whole personality, to possess integrity.
    What a mockery of a destiny to depend on opinion of others.., to live without harmony with yourself.. and never be able to love… Nobody, neither urself no other person..
    Never be able to feel except for deep emtiness..
    And additionally to all this, to feel that there is only U and God in this world. And that God gives u signs, because u r entitled.. what a misery…

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    1. Hello Yo and thank you for your comment. I will readily wager that my intellectual capability far exceeds that of a 5 year old child. Care to take that bet? As for emotional intelligence, my ability to read people, mimic them and understand them points to a highly attuned emotional intelligence. Those elements and others are symptomatic of a highly developed emotional intelligence. The reality is that SOME aspects of my emotional composition are missing or stunted. That much is apparent. I do feel also, as I have explained on many occasions – power, fury, jealousy and envy – admittedly by some people’s standards those are not emotions they would want but I feel them nevertheless. There is more than God and I in this world. There are the targets as well.

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      1. Not SOME aspects of em. competence.. you dont have the CORE of emotional competence: harmony with urself, acceptance of urself and love urself, peace with urself..

        U just not able to feel and/or get it.. and never ever will be able.
        Coz u r defected in the core..

        Such a miserable creature

        The funny thing is the dependence of Ncs on others coz they dont have it inside..

        It s the same as a person who doesnt smoke possesses what a smoker ger only with a cigarette..

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      2. You’ve shifted the emphasis, the reference was to emotional intelligence not emotional competence. If those items you have listed form the basis of a core of emotional competence then yes I do not possess a harmony with myself although I am in tune with what I need and how to get it. I actually do accept myself, this is the way it is – hence why I am freely tell it so. Love is a strange concept. My idea of love is different to yours. Peace. I will accept that, there is no peace, ever.
        I’m not miserable, I am always on the up.
        Yes you are right that I depend on others, I do so very much because of fuel and this is needed to address the need for power.
        I don’t smoke but I didn’t understand your last sentence.

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      3. Yes, however we have lightly broached how there is a lack of wisdom in separating our states of being and there for competence and intelligence are at all levels interdependent. Love is indeed a strange concept and is somewhat crazy making when seeking in a definitive manner. Self truth is much more empowering and is interdependent on empathy. I think what Yo is saying with the analogy of smoking is that a smoker is suppressing something that perhaps a non smoker does not. In the context of what Yo is saying it makes sense, however even non smokers are not immune to suppression. We do smell better, however.

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      1. About smokers: they get nikotine from smoking vs. Non-smokers have this nikotine by default (produced by body)
        Analogue: to love urself/to have peace with urself/be in harmony with urself we (=not MNcs) dont need anything vs. MNcs needs attention from external word= “nikotine” to feel integrity

        P.s. hereby nd in all my future posts if i say MN i mean “a defected person”

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      2. I appreciate English isn’t your first language, Yo, so when you write “defected person” you mean “defective.” A defected person is someone who has abandoned their country in favour of another one, e.g. during the cold war a Soviet citizen leaving the UUSR and moving to the UK.

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      3. Hello Yo, I enjoyed typing that and when I did I said ” Hello Yo” aloud and it caused me to dance a little, so thank you. The body does not produce nicotine. I appreciate your use of the analogy, analogies can be helpful in taking complex issues to the tangible and I appreciate your intelligence in using them. In the context of how a narcissist experiences self love vs a non narcissist it makes sense, however we do need experiences outside of ourselves in order to be in harmony.

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  5. No Contact has begun. I know it will be hard. But I must FINALLY break free. Why have I continued to subject myself to almost every single thing you have written about? I have been holding on to the illusion that he is the man who I thought he was, I suppose. He is not that man. He is a monster. I must break this addiction to EVIL. Thank you again for your insight. This knowledge may have saved my very life. ❤️

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  6. Thank u, dear defective person. Noted and learned). Thanks for patience.

    Another topic:
    About Red Flags i agree. My problem is different now: in evvery single guy and evvery single phrase (especially if it is sweet and somehow expresses love/or that he likes me) i see a MN..

    e.g. “missing u and missing our moments together”..
    What would be a healthy reaction once i got this message from a guy i like?..
    Probably i would feel good or even happy..

    And what do i feel in reality?
    I feel nothing. Zero. Just something annoying and irritating..

    So my Q: how can i distinguish if he (a man) says it from his heart or it s “MN’s style message”…
    This is my main problem now..

    After recovering from the ex..

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    1. You can’t. The fact that in one message we use the same language as someone who has “genuine” intentions means we are indistinguishable and thus able to surmount your defences. The key is to be alive to the context of the comment – somebody saying I love you after six months of dating would be more appropriate, someone who says it on the second date is most likely one of us. Pay attention to the volume also. A couple of complimentary messages smack of a “normal” person being pleasant and wooing you. A bombardment of complimentary messages is our modus operandi.As I wrote you will find plenty about this in the book Red Flag.

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      1. Thank u.
        I also met a guy who directly on the 1st date told me he is a sociopath. )) And in the 1st meeting he told “ok, u go and look around but after that i know u will come back to me, coz i am better”
        So he didnt follow me, disnt bombed me with attention but once he noticed that didnt come back to him within a month.. he started trying to contact me like crazy (himself and through his leitenant) although he was blocked on whatsapp
        So… the conclusion: NOT ALWAYS MN/sociopaths bomb u with attention…

        So sometimes they go to the “second lline” and just wait..

        And this guy who sent me “mussing u bla bla” exactly had this behaviour, went to the 2nd line to wait which guy i am gonna choose (he told me openly about it)

        =》 with all this… sometimes they bomb… somewtimes they wait…

        I am really lost how to detect normal not defective men…

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  7. Dear defective person, my Q is: what i observed about my ex defective person: when he told me something sweet, e.g. “i love u” on the 6th date hahha or when he came home in the 1st 2 months after work, his eyes always were strange…
    Pupils were extremely large.. i even thought.. what a strange thing, may be he has such high level of hormones when he see me hehhe

    And later, after silence treatment when he tried to recall the golden period i noticed these things as well, up to the special movement of his body (not only extremely large pupils), when he told me sweet words.. it was very unnatural..

    Q: it looked like he fell into some sort of trance..

    Is it possible?

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      1. Probably you referring to that articles where u told that MN can on purpose remember their feeling of range to get this effect of pupils?

        If so, i remember them. But it does not explain FOR WHAT he needed to have pupils extremely large while he was telling me good words..

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