Complex God

I know a number of you have been curious as to what I look like so I thought it was high time I posted a picture so there you are. Just my little joke. I don’t have a beard. No, the question of spirituality is one that occasionally surfaces. I know of several of my kind who embed themselves in religious groups and congregations because there is a surfeit of care givers and do-gooders available to target. Not only are those who attend worship more likely to be empaths they are also beholden to a set of rules that exhorts them to behave in a thoroughly empathic manner. It is a double whammy of delicious goodness and evidently too good for some of my brethren to pass up.

Where does religion enter to elsewhere into our lives? I was asked recently whether I believed in God. I asked why and the questioner suggested (with fair reasoning I will admit) that she suspected that most narcissists are atheists. The reason for this is that we could not stand to believe that anything more powerful than ourselves exists. It is a good point and I know that it is an applicable one to some of my kind. But not me.

I attended church in my youth at the instruction of my parents. I found it tedious, although I did like the idea of having a pulpit and a captive audience. The history of organised religion interests me – now there were some master manipulators. I should imagine even I could learn something from the archbishops of yesteryear. I also attended a church school. I enjoyed school. It was where I first began to practise my craft and it also provided me the necessary interface with lots of different people, enabling me to study them and gauge their behaviours and reactions. You might regard this as being ahead of my time but I had a good teacher and of course daddy dearest was the headmaster as I have explained way back somewhere on this blog. I had no option to avoid religion. It flowed through the house and school and consequently my life. I was brought up to believe in God and complied with that, for the consequence of rejection was not one I wanted to suffer.

That explains my foundation in my belief but what of now? Has the passage of time and the progression of adulthood eradicated those beliefs? Not at all. If there was no God then how is it that I have been chosen to be as special as I am. Who else would lead and create and test. His power flows through me, I am his instrument and I am blessed with his power of judgement. He chooses many people to further his works and he invests each of them with a fraction of his might appertaining to different facets of his glorious being. The surgeons, nurses and charity workers are chosen to extend his tender caress across the world. The clergy are his mouthpiece, spreading the word and organising those that follow. The brilliant authors, artists, entertainers, inventors, sports stars and musicians have been blessed with an element of his almighty talent and power of creation and they are charged with bringing joy and enlightenment to the masses. For me, my role is to dispense with those who are not of his exacting standard, to challenge the impure, to test those who proclaim to be unblemished and loving and root out those that are the charlatans who do not deserve His perfect love. So yes, I believe in God for his power flows through me and I undertake his works.

31 thoughts on “Complex God”

  1. Really good to read before bed time.
    I will say a prayer and seek then for your absolutiom HG. Will you give it to me? Or do I need further tests?
    Good nite and thanks super thanks for all the great postings of today 😘😘

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  2. My narc is a pastor. It’s perfect! He’s worshipped for his anointing (at least he thinks he has anointing), he has an endless supply of fuel (though it’s constantly rotating) and he gets all the attention he wants. He has no accountability so he can abuse his members without recourse until they submit or leave. Tyrants are rampant in churches. Beware! However there are good pastors like what I have now.

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    1. Hello Tiffany, yes it is an ideal place for our kind to be embedded. Unquestionable authority, an admiring and devoted flock, an established institution and virtually no accountability. For instance the Magadelene Laundries in Ireland (the last of which did not close down until as late as 1996) were essentially prisons for “fallen” women – i.e. young single mothers who had their children taken from them, the mentally ill, the rebels, the troublemakers and those regarded as flirtatious and coquettish. It is evident that systematic abuse was meted out by the nuns (and priests) that operated these laundries, with the state’s approval. Ultimately the state paid out compensation but the Catholic church has not contributed or apologised for running these institutions as it see no reason to and regards the anecdotal experiences of victims as distorting the truth and value of these institutions. Sound familiar?

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      1. Ohhh the catholic church 😖😖.
        The last I heard. A priest stating that the kids that were abused had looked for it. 😡😡😱. This was a priest in the high level position in latin america

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  3. Interesting. I like your honesty, HG. I don’t think most narcissists are atheists. I think narcissists love organized religion, are drawn to it like a fly to honey, because religion gives them an excuse to judge their lesser mortals but at the same time absolves them of any guilt for having done so. They are not so deluded they think of themselves as God himself, but they feel like God has given them special privileges to be his personal hatchetmen and women.

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      1. Before I read your words I also thought as I was finishing her comment…. How accurrate…

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  4. Well that’s an interesting outlook on faith & God. Like many Italian-Americans, my mother was raised Roman Catholic, & like any good narcissist, she believed in God until he did something to end up on her shit list, at which time, he ended up on the pile of useless things.

    She raised me (and my sisters) Catholic (the thing God did to end up on her shit list happened when we were all over eighteen years old) and while I won’t speak for my sisters on what they believe, I will say I stopped believing in a deity the first time my maternal grandfather raped me…I thought no God would let that happen, so there must not be any God.

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    1. Cara. I’m sorry about your Grandfather. I’ve had my own experiences with child molesters.. There are many many sick men on this planet that don’t look at us like we are even human! THEY are INHUMAN! This is a sinfilled planet because SATAN is the God of this worlds system. God is NOT a man. He gives us all a free will. People use their free will for good or evil. God can heal us everywhere we hurt. These evil men can steal everything from us! Even our very lives! But they can never touch our eternal soul if we trust God with our heart and our pain. I personally can’t stand organized “religion”! Mumbo jumbo, man made rules, watered down Word.. My Baptist guilt is gone! Christ died for ALL and believe me! It was a personal choice HE made for each and every one of us! He does NOT interfere with our choices. Freedom is a big deal to Him! Our right to choose to DO EVIL is PROTECTED! So is our right to choose To Trust the WAY of escape that He has sufficiently provided, God is LOVE and there is no darkness in Him. Not much in the way of human torments that I am unfamiliar with! I’m GLAD that GOD IS NOT EVIL! Hope you don’t mind my thoughts here.. I’de be dead if it wasn’t for my Bible walking through this valley of the shadow of death! Thank you for sharing

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  5. Spoken like a true narcissist. There is nothing holy or Godly about you. If you truly knew God, you would never have penned such words.

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      1. Of course you do, or perhaps your perceived God; the devil has many disguises. Why else would you have EVIL as your header enveloped in the flames of hell? Nice touch and very fitting.

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  6. Woah! That’s a first. It makes twisted sense considered with a narcissistic mind. Yet, to me, it is disturbing beyond anything. Thinking of the narcissists exterminator from history …. so chilling. In any case, I am glad to have an answer to the belief question as I was never able to have a straight answer to that question from my ex (what else is new). Brrrrrr …..

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  7. i re-read again this morning but still have the doubt. What I really meant to ask is if you mean with this post that you can say/tell who is good or bad in life? Or is it just to express that you have God like feelings?
    Coming from divinity 😍?

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  8. HG,
    I recall we once had such a conversation; albeit briefly…thanks for enlightening me further of your viewpoint and that of your kind. I guess even N’s have a few amendments to their unwritten bible of sorts (Narc club…Narc 101) …its interesting to hear your stance, from the position held by you in the world. You certainly have your work cut out for you. I daresay, you underestimated your worth as to your genuinely beneficial contribution as a writer and healer yourself; whether unintentional or not. It simply is.

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  9. You sound like PRINCE (the artist formerly known as…) here:-)

    I am a huge fan of PRINCE by the way, but I after reviewing his life, his song-texts and above-all his relationship patterns after his death, I came to the conclusion that he, too, was one of your kind. Almost every song he wrote speaks volumes – if you need an example, see the lyrics of “Strange Relationship”.

    The way he almost compulsively IDD´d all these beautiful girls – seducing them at an early age, then ideolizing them, creating them as his “creature” (renaming them, choosing a certain look and writing songs for them) and then eventually replacing them by a younger, “fresher” look-alike – also shows the narcissist in him. And then, the way they “ended”: either broken and crazy-looking (Mayte, Cat) or seriously ill, strangely `obsessed by religion/God/Jesus´(Vanity, Appollonia, Sheena E.) or – for the more talented, resouceful ones – “best-buddy exes/secondary supply” (such as Sheila E. or his second wife)… He also had that army of flying monkeys around him who – and that´s the irony – ultimately let him down and betrayed him in the end (by enabling his drug abuse, escapism and grandiosity instead of counter-balancing it).

    Anyway – I am sure that if there is a God, there is a reason he included narcissists into the bigger picture. In this Universe, everything is energy. No energy is lost – just as no love is lost either! Some people take energy/love from others, some provide energy/love. In both cases, the energy/love is again transformed into something else – sometimes good, sometimes bad stuff. Maybe the narcissists of this world “suck in” the empaths/co-dependents energy & love to accomplish all the great/daring/innovating stuff they sometimes do accomplish? Not all narcissists have the ability to create something worth-while, but some undeniably have. Their cold empathy, their ability to compartmentalize and rationalize their own behaviour combined with their charm, intelligence and lack of fear (of things or circumstances “normal” people would normally be afraid of) allows them to move forward, tackle task and strive for goals regular people wouldn´t even dare to strive for. All this provided that they get enough love/energy/fuel/supply from their targets. I could provide many examples of how “my” narcissist functions along these lines but I guess that would make him identifyable since he is a public figure, and I have no right to do that, nor do I want to.

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  10. I do so appreciate the title. A half smile crept across my face whilst reading this incredulous post. Really HG? Surely you are equally amused at your unabashed hubris!

    A person who wrote a book on his near death experience described his journey toward the light as a reckoning of all harm he had ever caused. A knowing that filled into his entire being of the pain and suffering he had caused others during his lifetime. He described this as more than an understanding but he also intensely felt this pain as if it had happened to him.

    How interesting to think of empathy coming round as a Karmic and Divine reckoning. I have often Thiught of this book through the years as it resonates entirely with my sense of spirituality. I cannot buy into a heaven or hell in the Biblical sense but can certainly embrace the concept of knowing, understanding and feeling as a way to salvation. You’ll get through it HG. But damn- it’s gonna hurt!

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  11. Reblogged this on Your Journey Begins Today and commented:
    Narcissists suffer from “God Complex”…Some consider this a ‘calling’, others consider their Omnipotence as being ‘Godlike’, and last. NPDs with coexisting conditions may actually call themselves God – or the closest thing to Him while in the ‘Real World” – I continue reblogging HG Tudor’s work, because it is critical for victims to understand first – that indeed, they were victimized….and then educate moving forward, to understand their minds, so as not to be ‘sucked in’ ever again…

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  12. I’ve known a few NPDs, and they have either served faithfully in Church as the upstanding member of the congregation.

    I’ve known another who believed there is no such thing as God and that religion is for the stupid and weak – therefore, they rested well while knowingly stealing, lying, and cheating their way through life (Daddy)

    Last I’ve know the one with “God Complex” – the judgmental one, the one to redeem his sinners (victims) and occasionally during arguments if I said “You aren’t God” the response was “Yes I’m God, the Devil and here to teach you a lesson”

    Therefore, ‘Complex God” is perfect- and couldn’t wait for you to touch on this…I knew it would come..bc you and God are one, in some way shape or form. Thanks.
    Susan

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  13. Did God tell you to manipulate and use people hg ? Is that his plan for you when you where born ? The second you where born did he say to you .. go out in the world and hurt people .. when you where giving Anita the silent treatment was god standin with you at the banister . Telling you to make Anita cry and upset ? Or was that all your doing hg ?

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