Dr E wanted to discuss with me the consequences of my behaviour. I agreed to listen. The sneaky head doctor had only gone and obtained testimonies from various people who have apparently suffered at the hands of my kind. I recognised a few of the comments and suspect that he had spoken to people that I know although he denied this. We argued for ten minutes as I demanded that he tell me who he had spoken to but he maintained that the information had been given on the basis of preserving anonymity. I challenged this and explained that if he could not attribute the comments then he had surely made them up. He assured me that he had not. I then told him that these comments were lies. He conceded that he could not confirm the veracity of the comments since he had only heard their side but he asked me, for the purposes of the discussion, to just accept they were accurate. I knew if I didn’t I would have to spend longer with him so I nodded. The first comment was that I was like a tornado that blew in without warning and caused carnage wherever I went. I agreed that I was intense in my desire for somebody but they always enjoyed that. I said I did not understand the reference to carnage. He moved on.
The next comment was that I shattered people’s self-esteem and took away their identity. I laughed at that. How could I take away their identity? I countered that their self-esteem was invariably broken when I arrived and I helped to try and repair it. He jotted down something at this point. Next up was the comment that I trampled over people’s feelings and left them a broken shell.I pointed out that sometimes people could not cope with the fullness of my personality, especially if they were a wallflower. Next up was the observation that I ruined financial stability and had no concept of what belonged to others. I responded by explaining that when you are in a relationship you are meant to share and if they could not handle sharing their property with me then that was their issue and not mine. Dr E ploughed on with comment after comment all essentially suggesting that I caused heartache and destruction left, right and centre. I am pleased to report that I batted back all the observations successfully. He sighed and lowered his clipboard. He paused and then said,
“Last one, you came in like a wrecking ball.”
I just stuck my tongue out to that one.