Demolition Man

th (7)Dr E wanted to discuss with me the consequences of my behaviour. I agreed to listen. The sneaky head doctor had only gone and obtained testimonies from various people who have apparently suffered at the hands of my kind. I recognised a few of the comments and suspect that he had spoken to people that I know although he denied this. We argued for ten minutes as I demanded that he tell me who he had spoken to but he maintained that the information had been given on the basis of preserving anonymity. I challenged this and explained that if he could not attribute the comments then he had surely made them up. He assured me that he had not. I then told him that these comments were lies. He conceded that he could not confirm the veracity of the comments since he had only heard their side but he asked me, for the purposes of the discussion, to just accept they were accurate. I knew if I didn’t I would have to spend longer with him so I nodded. The first comment was that I was like a tornado that blew in without warning and caused carnage wherever I went. I agreed that I was intense in my desire for somebody but they always enjoyed that. I said I did not understand the reference to carnage. He moved on.

The next comment was that I shattered people’s self-esteem and took away their identity. I laughed at that. How could I take away their identity? I countered that their self-esteem was invariably broken when I arrived and I helped to try and repair it. He jotted down something at this point. Next up was the comment that I trampled over people’s feelings and left them a broken shell.I pointed out that sometimes people could not cope with the fullness of my personality, especially if they were a wallflower. Next up was the observation that I ruined financial stability and had no concept of what belonged to others. I responded by explaining that when you are in a relationship you are meant to share and if they could not handle sharing their property with me then that was their issue and not mine. Dr E ploughed on with comment after comment all essentially suggesting that I caused heartache and destruction left, right and centre. I am pleased to report that I batted back all the observations successfully. He sighed and lowered his clipboard. He paused and then said,

“Last one, you came in like a wrecking ball.”

I just stuck my tongue out to that one.

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31 thoughts on “Demolition Man”

  1. Omg I should not chuckle at this one. I have been told I come in like a tornado and leave a wrecking ball. Guilty of spending tons of money and agree it’s all to share, I work to. I have even been told that I don’t seem to have a clue what I am doing. Now in my defense I never did see my ways to be an issue. I could not understand the big deal. I never hurt people on purpose but I am known to turn a room around in chaos and not because I even mean to. I honestly hate attention. Now the money part, once my basement door opened up and my feelings started to flow, I felt horribly quilty. I could not understand it then. I do see some things now from the eyes of others. I just understand this post and I no you actually are not trying to be funny. I just no I have given so many blank looks because I did not understand the problem.

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      1. To submit to treatment in agreement for my inclusion in a substantial inheritance and the no further action concerning certain scurrilous actions which whilst lies made up by others could have regulatory and criminal repercussions.

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  2. It’s not that my mother takes away my identity so much as she never let me have one (separate from herself) to begin with. She does come in “like a wrecking ball”, smashing things and people. Not that I spoke with Dr. E.

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  3. Ha! Oh HG!!!….when oh when will you take responsibility for your behaviour?

    you know deep down that everything Dr E said is true…don’t you!? 😐

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  4. “Sneaky head doctor”, haha, thanks for the laugh, HG. 🙂 I agree your kind can be wrecking balls. But when your kind stays with one partner for years, then you’re more like… slow working poison, that the partner ingests every day. That poison tastes like the finest oysters, lobsters and champagne… but in the end, we (non-narcs) wake up to find that we’re almost dead… (emotionally, not physically), now, that is a sneaky operation, if anything, I would say! I still haven’t figured out all the ways the narcissist used to make me stay for so long, even though I was miserable…

    By the way: resisted 6 hoover attempts last week… do you think it is possible the narc will “escalate” in the near future? I fear that! (Or will he finally give up now..)
    I hope you are well, thanks for a great read today. 🙂 🌸⚘

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    1. Thank you SN. Well done on resisting six hoover attempts. You are likely to have a period of respite after that concentrated effort. He won’t give up but the maintenance of your defensives will have caused him to look elsewhere for fuel and so long as you stay out of his sphere of influence you are likely to be left alone. You laid down a marker there.

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      1. You’re welcome. And thank you! Yes, I hope there will be a period of peace and quiet now. I know he is usually searching for women a lot, on dating sites. Hopefully he can have another girlfriend for a few months, so I’ll get some peace. Thank you so much for your reply, it strengthens my resolve even more! 😊⚘🌸

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    2. Yup. Slow and insidious. Like arsenic. Just a little bit a day in your food. Totally unaware you are being poisoned. You just start to not feel well, and you cannot explain why.

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  5. This one actually made me laugh out loud. Literally. I’ve been in a LTR with one of you for the past 14yrs. He is better at mimicking empathy, which makes him stealthier, and is why I didn’t see it coming. But same crap nonethless. I love him. But he is absolutely a total nightmare in arrogant sheep’s clothing. Now that I took the red pill, and went through all the painful process of seeing that the emperor is buck naked, I can laugh at it. That, and, I have come to terms with and accepted my love/hate relationship with narcs, now that I know how they tick. Nice post. PS: I can unemotionally decode what those people meant, fyi. 😉

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  6. 😀 You do know what the comments mean HG – you spell out the effects of your type of behaviour so well that even empathic individuals with not a selfish bone in their body can comprehend them! I still think you’re wonderful xx and, as a direct result of your work, I don’t even mind that others will feel that way about my ex now because understanding people can’t combine with judging them.

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    1. Also,the answers you kindly gave me relating to my personal situation even allowed me to find ways of explaining my sons feelings to him, lessening their intensity and that’s been invaluable to me. Loved this post, I’m still laughing at what I interpret as your audacity! 🙂

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  7. For all of the good doctor’s assertions about you, the defense you offered up is just as viable. I know the victims won’t see it this way, but your points are just as valid.

    You’ve stated before that you seek out a specific kind of target. You do go after people you know can be easily manipulated, perhaps suffer with low self-esteem to begin with and are looking for that fairytale knight in shining armour to sweep them off their feet and make it all better.

    I know people get on me about my victim-blaming stance, but I will say it again – I do not understand. I don’t understand how someone can tell a person “You’re my soul mate and I am in love with you” after only a few weeks or months and it doesn’t raise a red flag. Is it nice to hear? Absolutely. Everyone wants to be told that they are valuable and special and desired, but a bit of common sense is required (although my friends tell me that when things like this happen, common sense goes out the window…..)

    I understand the importance of the bleeding hearts, the empathetic souls looking for their greatest love of all, those who are desperate for the fairytale. I know they are like water and air for you and your kind and I understand why. Completely. Hence why I am willing and able to identify with the reasons you gave for your behavior.

    In most of these cases, I cannot identify with the victim because I simply don’t understand that perspective.

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    1. Blood and Thunder, I don’t know about anyone else but in my case, the now-ex seemed to almost read my mind about many things – and he would say the same thing as me, a tiny fraction of a second after me, just enough that it appeared we’d spoken at pretty much the same time. At the time I thought we had one mind. Now I think he was listening carefully in order to jump in and create that effect. That didn’t occur to me back then but looking back, it never happened the other way round. I’m usually quite good at spotting things like that but at the time, yes, I ignored my instinct in favour of believing this was indeed a soulmate.

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  8. Your doctor probably did not talk to anybody. All empathics say the same things about their narcs because all narcs are exactly the same. It just takes a few minutes of research on the Internet; write down a few quotes and viola!

    Your doctor seems quite smart though. He really could end this all since clearly you can’t be helped. What he did was instigate you into feeling paranoid and in turn possibly make you act out later down the road towards people you think were talking behind your back too him. So cha Ching! More and more appointments to try to help the poor disturbed rich boy. (I’m guessing that’s how he views you)

    By the way, I enjoy this blog.

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    1. Hello Riott, could it be said that all empaths are the same as well? What do you think.
      I am pleased you enjoy the blog. I think you are probably right, the doctor is a scurrilous individual and I have often considered his motive to be less that ethical, I am pleased you accord with that view. Still, I have him in my eye.

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  9. HG,
    I am neither a narc or empathic but I find both personalities to be fairly predictable. The answer is yes but you know that. :p

    As for your doctor, sounds like you found a worthy opponent.

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    1. How did you end up on this site, then? If you are neither narc nor empath. Are you a non-empath who managed to fool a narc into thinking maybe you were?

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  10. Cody, there’s more than two types of personalities in the world.

    I am on this site because I like to read especially at work. (Also, HG seems to welcome all sorts here which is very nice)
    I enjoy reading his blogs.

    As for fooling a narc? Is that possible? 🙂

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