Teardrop

cry

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56 thoughts on “Teardrop”

  1. I have cried a billion or more tears often times laying right beside you while I held my breath as to not make a sound, to disturb you, controlling my body from shaking, the depths of me in wretched emotional pain, and all the tears that washed down the shower drain, I prayed to God almost everyday to take me from you, I knew I could never do enough, you would be the death of me, the salt that would sting my skin as I sipped on wicked Gin, in hopes to numb the days away, so I could continue to pretend, I would be okay, my tears became my lovers, little friends to remind me I was alive, even as you grew mightier as a part of me would die, piece by piece, until there was but a sliver left of me, you consumed me and relentlessly expected more and for me to never end, my tears you knew I cried but forbid and made me hide and demand I was your beck and call, never leaving your side.

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      1. Thank you HG, for letting me share my page, its appreciated much more than you could ever realize.

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    1. This broke my heart just reading this. I have been there, done the very same and you describe what I could never put into words. I hope you are ok now and you life is filled with love and happiness X

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      1. Thank you. I am recovering, I am in the depths of healing, my journey started in hell, I am no longer in torment, I am in the light, with truth, and I practice truth every day, as I dive into my psyche where my codependency was born, the trauma in childhood that I believe marks a child to walk a path with HG or a Path of that of a soul who knows no self love seeking only love from abusers, for it is all we know, and all we believe we are worthy of. I write about this healing on this page..if anyone is interested.

        https://www.facebook.com/convalescentcodependent/?ref=nf

        HG has inspired me to let go of the shackles of my past and to speak freely about the darkness that put me in a cage for most of my life.

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      2. Thank you for your support. I have joined! The moral support on here is great. I’m not in a good place (tomorrow will be different I’m sure). The n I had the misfortune to meet works with me. Everyday is an absolute battle of wits. Worse still I have massive suspicions that he is doing the same with my closest colleague. (Even more wounding and I’m certain very intentional) I have to watch her behaviour and it Very much mirrors mine. There are other clues too (since turning into Mrs observant and a little stalkerish) and I hate it. I have got over the uncontrollable shaking but her secretiveness drives me mad, but would I have lied like her? Most definately. The most annoying thing is I really want to save her. She is vulnerable and lonely – a lot more so than me and don’t know if she could take what he is about to give. No one should ever EVER have to suffer this way. I like her a lot and pity her but believe she is under his spell to the point of making me feel sick. I just want to make it stop and set her free before he damages her forever

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    1. Iseethroughyou-
      I have been and felt exactly as you describe right now. I can tell you I did reach out during a triangulation as you describe and that is exactly what he wants, I can tell you no matter how compassionate you are how experienced you are of your ex, you will get hurt in trying to help this colleague of yours. I can honestly look back and say I could of done without that involvement on my part, though I learned a lot about myself through it, it did nothing but fuel him more, and I put my vulnerabilities my heart on the line not only again with him but with her as well. You see the one that is under the spell may welcome knowledge into your ex, private info so she can know more about him and claim to identify with you, but the reality is she thinks she is the one that can change him, and you will in the end be the one hurt, know that her time will come on its own, and she will look at you and have great regret and know what you went through, but if you intervene she will never really truly see it that way cause you were in the middle of it, if that makes sense?? Hang in there and keep reading and communicating as much as you can to keep you on track, it is a rough road and there will be much more to go, you can reach out me anytime!

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  2. No matter how much you say you love the seduction phase and have hope and optimism along with strong affection for a new intimate partner, it’s all foreplay until you flip the switch to extract the negative fuel. Your brain is addicted to the pleasure endorphins finally released. It really is “crying porn” for you. Alexissmith2016 is on to something…

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  3. The words evoked by image and of thought…

    There, I sit
    Amidst the glow of love
    That thee doth bestow
    Measured be
    Not by breadth
    But. By depth, alone.
    Thy love does not sink.
    But speaks in tongues
    Of inhabitating languor
    and impassioned lust.
    No end,
    There is
    To this we dwell.
    For sorrow, shall be drowned
    By love alone.

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  4. He likes Muppets (Meat + Puppets) Yes I ruined Sesame Street and the Muppet Show in one stroke of the pen. I know, no pen, but it just sounded better.

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  5. Crying as a sexual fetish (either through your own tears or those of someone else) has a name, it’s called dacryphilia. It’s not a very common fetish. You’d think it might be more so than it is.

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    1. Thanks Lucky.

      I think maybe it could be more common, well at least 5% of the population like to see the tears flowing ! But whose going to admit to it ?

      I remember some women posting on a board how their ex-N would regularly have them in tears and then have sex with them or sit there watching porn whilst their partner was sobbing about an argument they’d just had ????

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      1. Oooh Alex your posts taken me back .

        A few years ago I was in floods of tears after narc had been particularly nasty one afternoon .
        Any way I managed to hold the tears back until we arrived home & then the floodgates opened . . Before I knew it he was up off his chair & taking off his jeans .. It was as though my tears were a massive turn on & he looked like he was really getting off on them, but I understand now that it was more likely to be another big dollop of fuel mixed in with a bucket load of control . .. x

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      2. So sad. That’s awful. I’m really sorry you had to go through that !! I hate your N on your behalf !! So pleased you’ve taken the power back now though. Xx

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      3. Thanks for your kind words Alexiss πŸ™‚

        It took a long time to take the power back , not sure if I’ll ever be in complete control BUT I’ll do everything In my power to make sure it stays this way. xx

        Life gets better every day .. So Sads my name , narc frees my game .. .. Haha…

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      4. I read an article about this once. I can’t find it now. I think it was on Vice. Apparently there are forums and boards for dacryphiliacs and yeah it’s more common than believed because people don’t want to admit they have a fetish for something like that. I read there are 2 types–the BDSM type who enjoys tormenting someone to tears, and the “comfort” type, who wants to nurture someone who is crying. Kind of the opposite going on there–one type is sociopathic and the other type empathic? I’ll look for the link to that article.

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      5. Two types. Goodness I hadn’t even thought of it the other way round ? The empath side ? I hate to see people crying and I’d do anything to help them (real tears only please) but I would not want someone to cry just so I could help them. Fun and laughter all the way xx. I’d be really interested if you can find the link lucky. Xx

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      1. Be wary, Nikita, as you recall HG made it clear he finds crying pathetic. πŸ˜“
        I say if one is moved or compelled to tears, than that is a natural response that should not be stifled at the behest of another. I find tears in an appropriate circumstance to be cathartic and healing emotionally.

        Mind you if tears is ones only reaction and they are unable to verbally communicate emotion as well, that is entirely another issue.
        Some men do get off on tears of another that they help produce, it is called sadism, as well.

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      2. Hi Miss Stress. I cry of sadness of happiness and of excitement … Its me.. I know about sadism. After all I have read I think N3 enjoyed my tears of sadness in a sadistic way… But Im not sure could also be fuel.. Anyway I could care less.. He is sooo history.
        Be well Jana

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      3. Me too Nikita, we are emotional beings so we freely express our emotions, tears of sorrow and joy.
        Yes, thank goodness N3 is history and you are happier now, hopefully far less tears In that respect. More tears of joy.

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      4. We get stronger and happier in time. I will heal as time goes by. I need to stand by no contact this time. There is no closure to be had through all his lies. Contact now, will only serve to further harm me and fuel him. I won’t lie it makes me sad, he couldn’t accept himself as he is and chose to blame me instead. But , I know I tried. I can’t push past his need to remain in denial and seek women who do not know him and what he is and be fueled by fake adoration, instead of genuine love and care. I chose genuine always.
        We deserve to be happy too, even for a short while in this life we lead.

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      5. Yes, it is Nikita, nevr change that In yourself. I will not either, no matter how many times I am hurt. Abused or disappointed in love. Maybe love isn’t for me, but it will always be in me for others. That is innate and constant. Hugs.

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  6. Wait- is that my tear or yours?? At the moment I’ve got his virtual (crocodile) tears as its his birthday and I’m “ignoring him”. He said I must just be laughing at him with my friends and family. I think he did not find reliable primary supply to replace me and is thus in chaos. Feeing a little sorry for him today. What a mug I am!!

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      1. Yes!!! Makes me want to scream and swear! But I made it through a difficult challenge and maintained no contact. I’m up to a whole 6 days now. Woopdedoo. Grrrrrrr. I’m just gritting my teeth til Oct 10th (court date) .

        No contact. No contact. No contact.

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