Is This You?

Learn all about how the narcissist’s co-dependent is created, treated and desired. Find out whether you have become chained to the narcissist in this way.







16 thoughts on “Is This You?”

  1. I just had a question HG. I’ve never posted before and this isn’t directly related to this post. You have talked about the ‘ wrong focus’ you and yours create. It makes sense that if there is a wrong focus there is a right one. A yin has a yang. If ‘wrong focus’ is a tool you use to continue human suffering when you are frustrated with your attempts to find joy through another (codependency/the human condition). I think it’s possible all you and empaths are doing is mucking around in the same dirty hole. You work to create suffering while they work to alleviate it. I said there was a question and there is. Is it possible that it’s wrong focus on both ends? Are both parties distracted by the yin while completely ignoring the yang? Thanks for indulging my question. Your writings have given me a lot of room for thought.

    1. Hello Jill, thank you for reading and posting your observation. There is force in what you write. From our point of view we are focused on the correct thing, namely fuel, because this is crucial to our existence, but you are right that we are mucking around I the same dirty hole, because we drew you into it so you have to operate by our rules to give us the object of our correct focus.

      1. Dear Tour Guide,
        More like shoved, pulled, threw, elbowed, hustled, jostled, propelled, jammed, shouldered….etc.
        I heard you say, “Thank you for riding with us today, On the right you’ll see, love and affection abounds, just look at it. Wonderful…..Coming up on the left, disastrous ruins….how exciting everyone, your worst nightmares….don’t forget to stop by the gift shop on your way out….and thank you for coming to Magic Narcdom. I don’t like that ride, but for some reason i’m compelled to go again. That tour guide is really cute and his voice….to die for.
        Signed, Tourist trapped.

  2. Excellent book! Based on your description of a co-dependent, it appears I am NOT a co-dependent; but I AM an empath.

      1. At least there’s some health benefits to coffee. There is no such benefit to something to toxic.

  3. I wasn’t sure where to put this so I am putting it here just in case there is a book to help me better understand a couple things.

    First, we all know that the narc is drawn to the empath. Some have even asked if two narcs can get together. My question is how often to two empaths get together? I would love to say that they get together and live happily ever after and it happens more than not but being on here and looking at 98% of my friends and their marriages, I feel like for some reason empaths are not naturally drawn together. Maybe there are more of them out there and they are just so happy together that they don’t need the internet or blogs sites to bide their time…lol

    Second, Not only am I confused about what DN is I am also confused by what I am. I know I am an empath to a certain extent. I cry easily, feel guilt often for little things, and desire to help and do things for others. I’m not however overly sensitive and I do feel like I have a bit of a sassy/bitchy side, and sometimes I am pretty selfish about things. I also question if I am a true co-dependent. To this day feel like I can’t make certain decisions. But was that bc DN made them for me for so long? I relied on his thoughts to make so many of my decisions. At the same token, I feel like I resisted a lot of his control over me and fought back often when I did not agree with him (one reason why I still question why he did not discard me long ago). He did gaslight me often but I feel like sometimes I was able to get him back and he backed off (of course I got the silent treatment for a day or days). Again,

    I hate the labels bc no body can be put into a pretty little package but up into a month ago I didn’t even know half of these terms existed. Sometimes I even feel like I might be slightly bipolar bc some days/weeks I feel like I am on cloud nine and can conquer the world and some days/weeks I want to crawl into a hole and not come out or do anything. I do know one thing…my brain hurts!!!!

    Almost finished with Fuel, HG. What do you suggest next?

    1. I wondered about that for myself as well, since I can be sassy/bratty and resistant, yet a lot of the traits for c’s seem to resonate with me. Best I could figure is that I subconsciously test them to see if their control is strong enough, or I’m just that masochistic as to invite such punishment. Or both.

  4. Yeah, I think I tick pretty much every one of those little boxes on that checklist in there. Definitely it’s about control, security, safety, trust… I never really felt those things growing up. Perhaps I seek to control my “creature” by finding someone to exert their control and will over me. Not just borrowing their cage to stick the creature in, I want to hide in there myself, and be protected from the world.

    When it’s been proven to me time and again that I’ll likely be hurt and taken advantage of anyway, is it worth contending with just one person’s monster in order to be safe from everyone else’s? No, I know it’s a pipe dream and I’d lose my mind in the process. Digging through my own traumatic past and working on core issues, making myself stronger, is the only way to find any actual sense of control or security in my life.


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