Smile for Me

I just love that special smile of yours. I know that the first time I saw you displaying it that I wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the recipient of that smile and I wanted it so badly, oh so very badly that I went for you with ferocious determination. I watched as it slowly formed, your delectable lips twisting upwards and then parted to allow your teeth to be seen. Many animals bare their teeth as a warning to others to stay back, but not you. As you revealed your teeth and your smile widened into a grin I watched transfixed. I could see the effect it had on those near you. I could see how they felt happier for seeing your smile. I detected it in their faces, in their reactions and if I had been close enough I have little doubt that I would have been able to hear their pleasure and joy as you allowed them to bask in the warmth of your smile. It was inclusive. You showed it to everyone sat around that table and nobody was missed out. You did not break into laughter. That would almost have been vulgar and spoilt scintillating effect of the way you conveyed such emotion to others near you. I continued to watch from my position across the bar as the words of whoever it was I was with that night, I cannot recall now, became nothing but white noise. I only allowed myself to hear her expressions of irritation at how I was distracted by you.

I made my excuses, feigning illness and dispatched whoever it was I was with, I cannot recall now, in a taxi with an already broken promise to call whoever it was, I cannot recall now and once that person who I cannot now recall had gone I returned to the restaurant. I positioned myself next to your table, sat at the bar and allowed myself to eavesdrop on the conversation that you were engaged in as I allowed myself a closer examination of your smile. It appeared frequently and never diminished in its brilliance. It was engaging, captivating and I had to have it. With customary ease I allowed myself to join your table once the dining had been concluded on the pretext of making a point arising from something you had said. I had already established from the body language around the table that none of the attending men were accompanying you and the behaviour of the other women indicated they were no more than friends. No ring rested on your wedding finger and you responded to my polite intrusion with a brief flash of that smile. I knew the drawbridge was down and the portcullis was up.

Accordingly, I made your smile mine and how I revelled in those perfect lips as they moved into that glorious smile. I had known fuller lips but yours were certainly not what I would call thin. Your left cheek dimpled when you smiled broadly and thereafter I knew that your smile was only truly for me. Yes, you smiled for others and I was proud of you for doing so, allowing them to experience it but only at a fraction of what was reserved for me. I was the sole recipient of the full magnitude of that smile and its amazing effect. You conveyed so much to me with your smile. The times you smiled at me in supportive admiration as I held forth at dinner parties, your appreciative smile when I did something for you, the sensual smile when you knew that our sexual congress was looming, the amazed smile when I stunned you with yet another example of my brilliance, your satisfied smile when you looked at me across the living room from where you were reading a book, safe and content in our world where your smile was mine and nobody else’s. I relished seeing your sleepy smile when I turned to you in the morning and gently kissed you on the nose. I delighted when you contacted me using your video capability on your ‘phone and you deliberately showed only your smiling mouth. Countless times I would record you doing so and play the footage back when I sat alone and relished the sensation which washed over me as I watched.

What made your smile so special was the fact that you gave it willingly to me. You told me that nobody had made your smile as much as I had. I took no issue with that for I knew it was something that I was entirely capable of. Your sweet, illuminating smile belonged to me, was engaged for me and existed just for me. I worked so hard to ensure that your mouth gave me that smile again and again and again. It sustained me and invigorated me, turning a moment of weakness into one of edifying strength in but a moment. I can truly say that nobody else has had a smile which has such an effect on me as yours. I saw what it did for other people and I knew that they were only experiencing a small percentage of what I felt because the true power and radiance of that smile was kept just for me because you understood me, you knew how I needed it and you were content and delighted to provide it to me. It was a beautiful smile, a beguiling smile, an admiring smile, a playful smile, an engaging smile, an enticing smile, an uplifting smile and so much more but above all else it was your special smile. Special for me.

Most of all though I cherished your smile because better than anyone else you knew how to hide everything behind that smile. I knew this is what you did and I knew he began teaching you to do so all that time ago. I made sure  that you continued to use your smile in this way. I completed your learning. Now it cloaked everything that the world did not need to know about. I made your smile extra-special didn’t I?

38 thoughts on “Smile for Me

  1. I’m gonna smile for you, HG Tudor… I’m gonna smile just for YOU.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please do Tamara, I am sure it is a delightful smile.

  2. Persephone says:

    U R growing on me.

  3. RMG says:

    That picture reminded me of the stay puff marshmallow man in Ghoastbusters.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes the same vacuous grin RMG.

  4. I have a dimple …on my right cheek! Phew! 😅

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You will never guess what, but so do I.

      1. Ha! But OF COURSE you do… Bet you have the same mirror as me too 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:


  5. Watching someone smile through tears. That`s always fun!

    1. Stephanie Hodges says:

      He did this to me. Smiled when he hurt my feelings. He hurt my ego more then my heart. But I knew he was evil when he did this, still I was addicted to the pain but only for a moment. Not anymore.
      But I get my revenge. I think I get it in knowing his misery. He also has to live with little things in his life that will always be attached to him. 😉

  6. This is so on the money.

    Daddy raised a tough little girl who knows how to maintain a stiff upper lip no matter the circumstances. I have been described as stoic but when I do break, I pour fuel like a geyser. It rains down on him and he soaks it up. “Don’t cry baby.” “Everything will be okay baby.” “Come to daddy.”…and he wraps me up and it feels so good I temporarily forget that he is the one who caused it to begin with. Just like home….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An excellent encapsulation LG of the power of manipulation.

    2. Steeviann says:

      Unfortunate. I had the best relationship with my father. He would cry to see me cry. Now, my Mother, she was the one. Yes indeed.

  7. Maddie says:

    I don’t know whether to cry remembering how hard it is (and it’s so well known by me) to hide everything behind the smile…but my eyes always gave me away ..
    Or to be jealous that someone like You could admire someone’s. ..fuel that much…
    Or perhaps I shall just hide back in my head….
    Which one You’d prefer I’d do, G.?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will take the fuel.

      1. Maddie says:

        Which fuel? The one from jealously?or saddness?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. Steeviann says:

        Jealousy? What a monster this is.

        1. Persephone says:

          Jealousy is the more potent of the two.

    2. Indy says:

      What would Maddie prefer? It is so important to honor your own wishes. I used to think it was stronger to hide behind a calm face, now I know it is stronger to speak your feelings and hold that power for you!! Peace to you~

    3. Snow White says:

      Hi maddie! My eyes always given me away too. I have never been good at holding the tears back. Lately I have bought so much waterproof eye makeup it’s ridiculous. I never go anywhere without my sunglasses. Triggers are everywhere and I never know when the waterfalls will begin. I have to force smiles most days now. It is sad that they start out loving your smile and then they love the tears.

  8. alexis2015s says:

    A big smile that lights up the room, infectious with a dimple only on my left cheek !! HG this is getting too much for me !!

    But yes be loved my smile and as you describe he wanted it for himself. He hates my smile with a passion now. He sees me walk into a room beaming and other people respond warmly to me immediately, mirroring my smile and he hates this, I can see that glimmer of evil in his eye. He wants people to only smile at him in this way.

    It used to cover up pain. But now it just glows from my heart for anyone who has a heart and conscience, for others it is fake.

  9. Oh…you don’t even know!

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    *sings* light up your face with gladness…hide every trace of sadness…just smile.

    Actually no one gets to see my tears again.

  11. Heather says:

    I was 33 years old the first time I saw myself smiling on the outside while burning with RAGE over abuse in the inside! My phony smile (my mask) broke off the 1st time then. The realization spurred me to be honest with my feelings and I began learning boundaries! i have smiled that special smile til ya wiped it off my face! It helped me survive!

  12. RKinn1726 says:

    That last paragraph says it all

  13. I’ll only smile if I can have that cookie!

    1. Steeviann says:

      Right!? dragoncreeper79

      1. You know the worst part of this read is that my smile will never change whether I am happy, sad, angry, frustrated or whatever my feelings are… very few will know my true emotions but my happy go lucky smile is there for everyone to see.

        Unfortunately HG hit this one dead on, not only did I cover up his actions, I smoothed over problems with others and hide my pain with that same smile.

  14. Persephone says:

    Since I am in exposure mood…..the last paragraph……😢

    1. Lilly says:

      The last paragraph is when you start learning how to create your own facade of mirrors.

  15. Indy says:

    Did your mother, HG, make you smile for lots of posed pictures…to keep up appearances with all the others? I have seen this in families where image ruled.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  16. Steeviann says:

    “I will give you something to smile about” is the opposite of “I will give you something to cry about”.

    1. Snow White says:

      Steeviann that was great!! Made me laugh because it’s so true😂… We pay the price for all that smiling. Lol…. one of the first lines that my ex used was telling me how beautiful my smile was. Of course that made me smile even more. I ate it up… Do you say that to everyone of your targets HG?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Only to the one that matters.
        So yes, all of them.

      2. Steeviann says:

        But I hear this from everyone. I do have a great smile.

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