One of our central aims when we have targeted you is to bind you to us. During our seduction we create this magical place and invite you and only you to inhabit it with us. We build a fantastic place and place you on a pedestal in the centre of this artifice. It is very difficult for you to realise this is a fallacy and even harder to do something about it. Every day, every hour that you remain close to our influence allows us to create more ties, more connections and increase the extent that you are bound to us. We make you feel fabulous, worshipped and loved. The dizzying, whirlwind nature of our passion is unlike anything else you have known and you readily accept it. It is of course not informed consent. You have no idea what we are, but nevertheless you accept all of this wonderful treatment. You allow us to permeate every aspect of your life. We draw you into ours and make you feel special and privileged for being allowed to do so. Consider how we penetrated your every network so everywhere you turned we were there.

We knew all your friends, we ingratiated ourselves with your family and got to meet your colleagues. We knew all the places you liked to go to and introduced you to some additional ones. We made sure we knew every favourite thing of yours, from books to plays to food. Your wine rack became stocked with the types of wine you preferred, your wear the jewellery that was bought for you after careful solicitation of what you deem pretty and I occasionally arrive bearing a new book from the stable of authors that you enjoy to read. Bit by bit I invade your life and as our relationship progresses at light speed, the gradual, creeping advance of my influence has actually gained more than a toehold. It has spread across your territory like some formidable weed that cannot be held back, covering and smothering. My clothes hang in the wardrobe, I have my favourite chair at your house, you now buy the cereal that I prefer to eat in the morning even though you think it is just a mouthful of sugar. You now wash my socks, my songs populate the iTunes playlist and the bathroom is testament to my occupation with the bottles, razors and accoutrements mingled amongst yours. You cannot fail to see my influence all around you, but you welcome this and from it you gain a great happiness. From dating, to staying over, to co-habiting and on to marriage, this inexorable march of sudden and frantic seduction, although this is only ever apparent with hindsight as at the time it was the right thing to do, results in our lives entwining as I wrap my tendrils around your life and drag you tight against me. So many links, connections, lines and ties between you and I.

These ties keep you in place despite the abuse that is to come. It is sudden and bewildering but you will not give up easily. Not only did you say those vows, you meant every word and we know this. You will not let what we have built up crumble to dust. Admirable as your fortitude may be, you may as well stand on a beach and command the tide to halt its own unceasing advance for all the good you will do. This will not stop you trying though. We know this. The ties are many and they are tight so you will not run for cover at the first administration of a silent treatment. You will not down tools and walk away when the shouting continues long into the night. You do not pack a bag and leave it in the hallway, sitting on the stairs as you wait for us to return, late at night, from whatever tryst we have been engaged in. You keep going, bound to the hope that everything will be good once more, that the golden period will return. You hang in there, you battle, you demonstrate misguided resolve as we lash out time and time again, drawing the negative fuel from your distress, dismay and disarray. You will not let go. The connections are too many. Our behaviour is reprehensible as we open up front after front after front against you, leaving you confused and crushed. We twist, blame, push and pull yet you will not waver. No matter how many times we knock you to the floor you keep coming back for more, dragged back onto your feet by the ties that bind you to us.

Then one day you remove yourself from our toxic influence or in some instances you are removed. Those ties remain but there is an elasticity which allow you to escape us. To be taken away from the acidic words and vicious schemes. The insults, the violent rages, the isolation and the denigration may have been halted. You may no longer be subjected to being spat at, your hair pulled, your money withheld, your social interactions curtailed and your self-esteem trampled underfoot. You may have escaped the daily devaluations which came at you in so many different and unedifying ways but your ordeal is far from over.

You may not have our furious face shouting into yours anymore. You may not be sat cowering behind a locked bathroom door as we pound on it demanding you come out. You may not lie crying in a bed made to feel empty by our absence. You may not stand outside the study seeing the glow of the monitor within, under the door and wonder who we are engaging with online, that knotted sensation in your stomach inducing sickness. You may have escaped many of these manipulations but the ties that bind remain.

The bond we have created with you is so strong, so deep and so far-reaching that every day you will feel a vast void at being parted from us. You will excuse the abuse as you hanker for those golden days. You will feel like something has been ripped from you by our absence. Even though you know how terrible we have acted towards you, you will still suffer that sense of illogical loss. Every day feels empty. You wonder what we are doing, who we are with and whether we are thinking about you. You see our presence all around you still, people still ask about us, you collapse on to your bed burying your face in that t-shirt we kept under our pillow and you still smell us on it. You drink deep of the scent, hoping the nagging pain will recede, that somehow you will be magically restored to where we once both were, when we were happy. Your run your fingers over the tub of hair wax which we left and you remember watching us as we carefully applied it. You cannot bring yourself to discard it, clinging on to these reminders of the joy that once abounded in these walls. You pass the bookcase, touching the spines of the volumes we bought for you, the words and letters all further reminders of our presence here in this house. You miss us you miss us so much, you shouldn’t do, not after what we have done. Not after the vile treatments you have suffered. It makes no sense that you should feel this way but you do. You ache for us, the ties that remain are still being pulled and yanked, even though we are not there with you. The searing pain rises as another reminder appears, the tie still strong. Unlike an umbilical cord which provides life, your cord to us continues to pain you. When will this end? When will this agony recede and be replaced by something else? Would it now not even be better to feel nothing? To be numbed and anaesthetised so you do not have to endure this ongoing pain.

The bond we create with you is so powerful, so deep and so long lasting that it is often the aftermath of the ties that bind that hurts more than the abuse itself. That is how dangerous we are.

87 thoughts on “Bound

  1. sanzanblog says:

    My story is probably atypical. I was married for 34 years before I discovered that I was married to a narcissist. It only became obvious five months ago. I don’t really understand this, but I think a combination of a mid-life crisis and an alcoholic relapse sent him on a collision course to reveal the narcissist. I’ll try to make a long story short.

    He started drinking ten years ago and became verbally abusive towards me and our son. It increased in frequency and intensity. I became the frog in the boiling pot, slowly adjusting to the abuse. I thought things would get better. He lied constantly about where he had been and was incredibly selfish.

    He did admit to a drinking problem three years ago and started AA. Things were great for a year; we went places, he bought me things, we took walks with our dogs. He was finally a normal human being with emotions. He was kind and considerate. Love bombing after 30+ years of marriage? Why?

    A year and a half ago, he started to disconnect. He wanted to sleep in separate rooms, he started hiding his phone, and admitted that he’d had some wine on a business dinner. He started to say mean things to me. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and he would not tell me.

    Two months later out of the blue, he said that he wanted to get a divorce. He tried to kick me out of the house and took control of the money (I do not work). He then kicked my son out. He totally disconnected from me and our kids; his face was emotionless when I spoke about memories. I filed for divorce because he was again abusive and explosive.

    For some reason, he decided that he wanted to work on our marriage. I agreed, but spent that year being bullied, belittled, gas-lighted, humiliated, demoralized, blamed, manipulated and lied to. I was completely devalued and didn’t have any rights in my own home. He controlled everything. The failure of our marriage was my fault, of course. I took the blame and became very subservient and submissive. I had no idea what was going on.

    Last September, he came back from a ‘business’ trip and told me that he’d spent a week with another woman and wanted to pursue the relationship with her. I asked him to move forward with the divorce…he has a lawyer, I cannot afford one. Since then, he has not done a thing to move the divorce forward but continues the relationship. He tells me that if I don’t like it, I can get the F out. I would, but I have no where to go. He shows no guilt or remorse and is, in fact, gloating. I knew this man better than anyone else in the world, but I never really knew him at all.

    When I found out about the cheating, I realized then that he was a narcissist and everything fell into place. All of the behaviors that I’ve witnessed points to it without a doubt. He uses projection and tells me that I’m a ‘lying, manipulative bitch’. He accuses me of ‘putting on a nice little facade’ for people. That one was my favorite, because that is exactly what he does. He also launched the smear campaign. His family will not speak to me any more. He tells me constantly that ‘everyone hates me and knows what a piece of shit I am’.

    I don’t understand where this came from after so many years of thinking that I married a normal person, albeit one with an alcohol problem. His childhood history is having a mother who did not hug her children or say “I love you”. His father told him repeatedly that he should have never been born. He was the fifth child. I guess my question is: You’ve mentioned a scale, HG, with Empaths on the left and Narcissists on the right. Is it possible for a person to keep sliding to the right as they age? Is that what happened?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Sanzanblog, no, whilst there is a scale one does not move along it owing to age.

  2. mallgood2016 says:

    When I’m done with someone I’m done. Toothbrush and anything else left goes in the trash. I don’t leave my things at there house that I would miss and don’t allow things to be left at mine that the other might value in case the relationship ends.

    I delete all pictures, texts and signs of them from social media.

    In other words I erase them from my existence and push aside all memories and focus on replacing those memories with new ones.

    The only thing that kept a hold on me was when they showed signs of being a decent human being which lasted no more than a couple hours via text and that was only because I couldn’t block them due to work cell phone restrictions.

    After a few times of wasting time and energy believing their fake human emotions I don’t engage anymore.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ruthless and effective.

      1. mallgood2016 says:

        Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:


  3. Indy says:

    It is bound like a noose. Indeed, PM, addiction is the truth. Those chemical reactions create those cravings and withdrawal symptoms. This is why abstinence, or No Contact, is healing. It is a detox. HG has created here almost the makings of a 12 step program. Narcaholics Anonymous, the OTHER NA. Hehe.

    1. Snow White says:

      Hi Indy! I hope you are safe and all is well. I loved what you just added. Your are so right. We are detoxing. Lol

      1. Indy says:

        Hi Snow, thank you. Safe and sound so far, and I got m cat (he lied about taking it while I was gone). Still no contact since 7/4 from my end 🙌💪. He is hoovering less this past 24 hours. Let’s hope this trend continues.

    2. Poetic_Me says:

      Fantastic analogy Indy….narcaholics, indeed….getting them fully out if our system to free ourselves .
      Indy, I have not seen you On here since I saw post about your ex hoovering you…how are you doing? Has he desisted in his behaviours, the phone calls and texts? Hope everything is better now and he has given up. X

      1. Indy says:

        Hi PM, I’m doing ok. He hasn’t given up. Still texting and phoning. Still strong, maintaining NC while gathering harassment logs for home state. Hoping he stops as I hate involving the law. I would think he’d take the hint and stop by now. It’s insane. He’s back to loving messages. No more threats to take cat, though I suspect he knows I’m home and that he knows I know cat is ok. IT was like Xmas and my birthday all wrapped together when I got home and saw my cat there and safe. It was all lies. What a vacation, smh. How are you doing PM? I haven’t been on here lately as much. Hope you are doing well!! X

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Maintain NC Indy, gather your evidence and whilst this is a sustained hoover which is alternating between malign and benign he will eventually leave you alone as he will need to obtain fuel from elsewhere. It may take some time but it will happen. Even when he has backed off you will need to remain vigilant and ensure you do not do anything to enter his spheres of influence to minimise the risk of triggering further hoovers.

          1. Indy says:

            Thank you for the encouragement, HG. Yeah, I’m maintaining NC. It’s hard not to call and say “Stop it!” My friends and family said if he calls them, game on. But he hasbt. I think he knows better. Is this insane? Would you be this intense? I know you would pull out more charm, for sure! It would be even harder to resist if he was a greater. Am I at risk for attracting a greater more now that I have gone thru an upper midrange and can spot them now? I know About greaters because of your education, though I wonder if I’m still at increased risk. I went from a lower narcicist type in my teens to mid in my 20s to now an upper mid in my 40s….lord. Working on me and my boundaries and still….I wonder.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            A wise step. Allow your family and friends to act as your buffer. Have you coached them on fuel? Their responses will fuel him as well. Yes it is hard not to call and demand a stop to it, but that is what he wants you to do. Would I be this intense? It depends on the situation. The IGH would be full of charm in order to woo you back in but if I decided that this was not working I would unleash hell through a malign hoover. You are not a greater risk for attracting a greater, you can attract any kind of narcissist because of the person that you are. However, as Bethany has written earlier today now you can see them coming, you will still attract them (because of who you are) but you can do something about them to stop them before any damage is done. You will always be a magnet for our kind but you are now equipped to evade our clutches.

          3. Indy says:

            HG, I told them about fuel, 🚫♻️🔥as two of them really wanted to tear him apart. I told them it is positive reinforcement when they do this and encourages hi, to continue this behavior. My therapist friends totally understand, it’s my relatives that had to wrap their minds around the fact that he would like the negative energy just as much.

            Hi PM, Hoping sunshine comes soon to dry up your rain.☀️☀️☀️Hang in there! Fortunately, He never threatened to hurt my cat ” gave” me one year ago, he just threatened to kitten-nap him 🐱(no giggling, HG!!!). Anyway, he knows I adore this cat and was an effective way to work me up and a strong attempt to get me to respond (and he failed, woo hoo)!

            Thank you Snow White, I’m hoping he slows down soon. 🍎🍎🍎

        2. Poetic_Me says:

          I am sorry Indy….well done for holding strong through all that. good lord, some of them are ever so determined to emotionally destroy. I had to take a restraining order and put call traces for one of my exes. It is a last resort , it is shame we have to do that. To make you think he would harm his cat, makes him sounds quite desparate, yes keep all logs. Can you perhaps have a third party contact him to warn him off, is there anyone he might listen to, might rationalize with him?
          This is horrible, unfair, you are brave. Thank you for sharing in here. There are lots of supportive people in here, who do not take the sides of narcs and their threatening behaviours. I am sure Hg can advise you further as well, he would know what to do to stop his kind.
          I have had some things going on lately, but I am okay. When it rains it pours, doesn’t it?

        3. Poetic_Me says:

          I am glad kitty is safe with you. Well yes. He Ned threatening to take the cat would emotionally hurt you and cause you a panic, especially when you were away and could not prevent it. Thank goodness he was only posturing with idle threats. Continue to be mindfully and aware, Indy.
          They tend to underestimate us, that is their fatal flaw. Be well xx

    3. Snow White says:

      Indy, soooo glad to hear you and the cat are doing ok. I hope things r slowing down a little for you. It sounds like you have great support around you. Keep your spirits up. 🍎❤️

  4. Steeviann says:

    My mind just explodes reading this darkness. My therapists fear is I will become “addicted” this this blog. It is painful reading that one can be so monstrous in their actions but yet I read on.
    She is correct in her thinking. I feel the addiction settling in my brain. The neurons firing, sparking, trying to rewire my thoughts and telling me to hurry and open my laptop to get my dark dangerous fix of Mr. Tudor.
    Holy hell you are a frightening man. I need to turn away………….until the next post and I hear the ping of the alert and I open my laptop once more.

  5. Snow White says:

    Fool me, I hope that your last few weeks go by quickly. I bet him being out of your sight will bring a big relief for u. Bound =addiction was right on… I was so addicted. I had no idea that I was a co-dependent and an empath. I’m learning so much about myself. It’s nice to hear about your progress. Hope your day is good ❤️

    1. Fool me 1 time says:

      Snow, some days are tougher then others! What is working for me is that I am the client and he is working for me!!! Ha, ha,! Have a good weekend. 🌹🍎xx

      1. Snow White says:

        Fool me, glad to hear you are the one in control!! Lol… You have a good weekend also.

  6. Exhausted says:

    Wow. Thanks HG This one really speaks to me. I’ll be taking libertgal1776 advice and start breaking away one by one. I’m sure it will hurt but at the moment with how much anger I am carrying I can at least break a few.

    It’s the hope that keeps the bonds strong. If only I could squash the hope, but then I would be empty because it’s the only thing that keeps me going and out of the dark hell that is inside me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Exhausted.

  7. Gem says:

    Are you sure HG, it’s not the other way round?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Positive, gem.

      1. Gem says:

        But I see you as ‘bound’ in possibly a different way. You are ‘bound’ to needing fuel for example. You are bound to needing the sources of fuel. You are bound to the need.
        And as you have written here, you regard the ‘appliances’ you gave used as your possessions forever. Therefore, that would imply that you are as bound to the possession as you imagine they are to you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed we are but we do not like to contemplate or admit this as it infuriates us.

          1. Yes, but it seems that Narcissists will never be without supply…

  8. Rosemarie says:

    In the resurgence of the golden period right now. Because of the knowledge that HG has given through his writings I’m gonna take all I can get right now and won’t be phased a bit when devaluation starts cuz I’ll be expecting it. Many thanks, H G.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My pleasure Rosemarie.

  9. alexis2015s says:

    Yup, I reckon I’m bound forever, in playing games. Doesn’t have to be the Mn tho, any N will do. They’re all the same to a greater or lesser degree.

    I was thinking last night as I recalled a time I had been in a terrifying situation. Anywya, it made me wonder, if you were in a situation HG, which most people would fear, be it a house fire, some form of attack, anything where your life was in immediate danger with no one around to make you look heroic 🙂

    Would you feel any fear at all ? For yourself I mean. Or are you incapable of feeling fear ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A house fire would not concern me. Since it would lack fuel potential I would be focussed on my preservation and nothing else.

      I fear nothing.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        You fear fuel running low or the construct breaking down that could free the Creature.

  10. Gem says:

    I felt relief actually when I was no longer in contact with the Narc, and actually towards the end, I’d ‘engineer’ discards, (so easy, I knew the triggers), so then he’d think it was all his idea.
    I felt overwhelming relief that I wasn’t in that horrible toxic cycle. But sometimes, especially at the beginning, I missed him or thought about him. But I was so angry and hated him. So I felt a lot of things, but relief was predominate. And truth is my life improved a hundred fold on every level with no contact.
    I don’t feel a void at all, if anything I feel more ‘whole’.

  11. Poetic_Me says:

    Bound= addicted….break the chains of narcissistic love and we can begin healing the addiction. More difficult for co dependents, but very possible when you put your own self worth first …finally. I am doing that, except when I broke the chains that bound me to him, I began building a wall to protect myself. Next step is to demolish the wall that the chains built.
    Thank you HG for a stirring and thought provoking article,

    1. alexis2015s says:

      Love this !! Well done !

    2. nikitalondon says:

      you will do it J. you seem a strong woman to me.

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        Thank you Nikita. It has been just over two months now since I went no contact and have avoided hoovers. Fingers crossed with luck and courage. We can all do it xx

    3. Steeviann says:

      addiction is a perfect word. Poetic_Me

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        Yes. Steeviann. It is and it can be.

  12. nikitalondon says:

    It did not work with me .. to bound me like that in a pool if tears..but the above is letter by letter the history

  13. 1jaded1 says:

    Being out of his tentacles was and still is like breathing clean air for the first time. Forever and ever happy that marriage vows never took place bc yes, I would be bound. The ties that bind are in his mind. I do not have to abide by them should I choose not to. He can’t make me anymore…ha.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      And + so there…as I walk away.

  14. How come I still love him despite all he has done? I try to not have any feelings for him…..but, I find myself wanting to still share things with him despite not seeing him for about a year and a half. Ugh!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is the effect of the addiction and the conditioning that we engender in you. If you have not already done so I would suggest you read Exorcism as there is more in that book about how this happens and also what you can do about it.

  15. Jessica says:

    I agree with SW. You must be very strong to see the N every day. I couldn’t take it anymore and I knew that the time was right to jump ship. That was five days ago. I thank God I did this and slowly getting my life back. Big hugs to all who still have to endure this hell. I will still continue to educate myself in these posts so thank you HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Jessica.

  16. Every wise woman buildith her home and only the foolish will pluck it down with her own hands.
    Many of us unknowingly to begin with are replacing a parent with this new partner. if we have been conditioned previously by our parents, then conditioning by our partner is easier for them. I see the same principal with ever presence now too, more so than I did before when younger with my father HG. He too still had his ever presence effect but it was replaced somewhat by the greater after him being my spouse and the higher up the chain the N is, the greater the planning and therefore the more practice at honing the stealthier skills and hooking you deep. After 27 years of a relationship with this man by the time I asked for a temporary separation,you can bet your sweet bippy that even when he was no longer there, he was there.

    I saw him everywhere as I was still living in our Matrimonial home for one thing to start with and almost all of our possessions then, for the first time in 27 years after never spending more than 3 days apart ever.

    He took on a contract that had him working a long way away in a very remote area, but assured that he returned every 8 weeks for a week and did this for 2 years to start. that was 2012, just over 4.5 ago now. I used to jump out of bed at night because I swore his ghost had laid down beside me. I became partially 3rd eye blind like never before as he had proceeded to take up permanent residence there too. He was always there so to speak before all this came to a head because I was always thinking of him, but I could relax it or shut it down sometimes to reserve resources while he was at work and such. The longer we were apart and the worse the situation became, I could no longer shut it down as he was all I saw. just like the image I had temporarliy burned into my retina’s one time doing computer graphics in the dark in the early 90’s. only this is permanent folks. Let me tell you how hard a thing that is, excruciatingly. It is very damaging, a very hard thing to a super em-path as we use the third eye as the 6th sense and they know it. it is literally like someone has taken your eyes and soul from you and you start to loose your mind from it literally. The damage he has caused to me and himself and our family and friends is immeasurable at this stage, and he is still going on with his madness and torture like the Energizer bunny. want to know what ever presence and torture does to you over time. Listen to me…& for god’s sake, Keep reading HG. he’s giving you nuggets of pure gold here everyone. If you allow yourself to get to my stage, you will no longer hear Hg writing & speaking in the narrative for the Narcissist, he will be speaking about you…from your voice…believe me, their will be no difference except some of your conscience stays intact…double quadruple torture. Thank-you Hg… It was spot on once again my dear X’s

    1. HG Tudor says:

      you are welcome.

    2. I very, very often feel like narc is suggesting what to post or giving HG phrases that cut to the bone. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am 2 days NC and am rapidly cycling between fuck off and an hour later feeling like I can’t get out of this pit of despair. It is the scariest thing I have experienced. I feel I am not in control of myself….and I am not sure what to do about it or if I even have it in me to do anything at all. I am trying to sit with the grief. Let it wash over me and keep aware that the tides will retreat again. Just breathe. Keep swimming. But I feel like I am drowning and even though he is a ghost he is holding me under….and enjoying every second of it. God help me. I don’t know where else to turn.

  17. lmmc says:

    And 5 months after the psychopath’s wife left him, she came back. Twice she has left him and twice she has returned.

  18. For the first time in my life I DON’T feel BOUND. I don’t feel like I owe DN anything. I don’t feel like its up to me to fix him. I don’t feel like someday he will come back to me for good (bc I now know that he never will). I don’t feel anything for him except for relief that I am no longer bound to him!

    I don’t feel bad about being me, fucking up sometimes, being attractive, being friendly, loving my friends and family too much. I don’t feel guilty for being honest with myself and others. I am UNBOUND!

    Ironic that I Narc helped free me from the narc….HG YOU SAVED ME XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome Alex.

  19. chirose says:

    Hmmmmmm…reminds me of Nina Simone’s “I Put a Spell on You”.

    “You hear me
    I put a spell on you
    Because you’re mine”

  20. Entwining….such a beautiful word with such devastating results.

    Thankfully… As devaluation started and progressed, I removed him at each step. Every tear that was shed created another brick that I placed in the wall around my heart and soul. So now his words fall on deaf ears. His touch no longer desired or stirring. His games no longer effective. I don’t care where he is or who he is with….he is not here causing chaos is all that matters to me.

    He is impotent.

    1. Christine says:

      Love , hugs and understanding to you libertygal ❤️
      One day at a time .

  21. Snow White says:

    It’s so mind blowing that we can actually feel it. I kept telling my ex from the beginning that I could feel that strong bond between us. I have experienced every one of your examples of the Ever Prescence that you work so hard at. From the scent, jewelry, to the notecards. I keep waiting for the feeling of missing her to go away but it doesn’t, even after all of the knowledge that I have now. Some days it feels like two steps forward but then it goes backwards. Numb is a good word to describe how I feel on most days. What’s the most potent thing you do HG to make the bond that strong? I swear I felt it!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Promise you the world.

      1. Snow White says:

        Lol! Yes you do.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        Not quite truthful promises…

  22. Fool me 1 time says:

    HG, This is so true!! It was so hard for me at first to let go! It hurt so much! It took me 6 months before I could throw any of his things away! ( yes a tee shirt of his was one of them!) but one day I just threw them all away! Of course crying as I was doing it! But afterwards I felt relief. Now having to see him everyday for at least another month makes me feel sick! Now all I want him to do is leave! But just 6 months ago I would of given anything for him to stay!! There is a strong bond but you can break it, especially if you have someone like you and your books and also some of the people on this blog to help you get through it! Thank you!

    1. Snow White says:

      Hi Fool Me! I loved reading your post. That makes me feel like there is hope for me. And that I’m not crazy for feeling like this. I am right on track with my recovery and feelings. I have gotten rid of very little and I know as I continue to purge all of the stuff I will be crying just like you. I still have tshirts too. You are very strong if you have to still see him everyday. I can’t imagine that. Sending u a big hug.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Thank you Snow! Seeing him everyday only for a few more weeks! His business is working at the same place I do right now. At times it is very hard trying not to give him any fuel! But honestly I can’t wait for him to leave!! I didn’t think I would ever be at this point, but then one day a remarkable man and his writings came into my life and changed all that! You will also be able to say this one day! We all heal at are own pace!! Take your time and be good to yourself Snow! Xx

    2. Christine says:

      I echo your comments fool me 1 time – i read every post and am reading the books but im so broken and struggling . I understand snow white exactly . I threw some special sentimental things away a few days ago and sobbed , but as hg says – it was an illusion – my heart not up to speed

      1. Snow White says:

        Hi Christine! We must be in the same place. Hope this is one of the better days for you. Even if I get up and feel strong I always end up crying at some point. Sometimes it feels good because I have learned one more thing about myself. This blog has been a life saver. Thanks HG

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome SW.

    3. nikitalondon says:

      agree fool me… bond broken and one year ago I thought its stronger than myself

    4. nikitalondon says:

      hi FM

      DO you sometimes not get kind if schocked when you look back on how much you wanted this bond.. although it was destroying you …. i look back and I cant believe myself..

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Niki, yes I look back and can not believe the things I would of done to keep him with me forever! I lost myself and who I was just for him! No mistake about it Narcs are very powerful know matter what level they are at!! 🌻Xx

        1. nikitalondon says:

          yes FL. very piwerful… I still smy had.. i spent a night crying and even then I wanted to see him the next day… that was last year.. and now.. less than a stranger although I wish him the best and pray for him that he is well. they are all humans.

        2. nikitalondon says:

          i meant I still shake my head..

  23. Kerri says:

    Nope….I don’t feel A vast void at being parted from that nut job . And I don’t give a shit who he is with and what he is doing as long as he stays away from me! And as for wether he’s thinking about me ? I’m sure he is ….. I have no doubt . He will be thinking up his next plan to twist the knife in my wounds . He better be prepared for the consequences . The vile beast maybe physically stronger but mentally he isn’t . He’s a weak pathetic repulsive individual. 👊👊

    1. So Sad says:

      Hello Kerri. High Five to that !

  24. Alexis says:

    I thank your kind, wholeheartedly, my experience was horrific at the time, but I now have the same knowledge as you do as a result. I have just started following your blog. They are superb, thanks for giving insight in to your world!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Alexis.

    2. Any chance you are in Ohio?

      1. Alexis says:

        Nope! Far away in the U.K 🙂

      2. mlaclarece says:

        I grew up in Cleveland!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Someone has to!

          1. mlaclarece says:

            I was saying hello to a fellow “Buckeye”. It’s an Ohio thing! Lol

      3. Snow White says:

        Hello to all the Buckeyes and former ones. I am in Ohio just two hours away from Cleveland.

  25. How are you able to do this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Conditioning, Ever Presence, planning, practice.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        You forgot trauma bonding…

    2. Never again says:

      Wow… It’s hard to read but at the same time I needed to understand just how different we are and you explain this perfectly… To me the worst have been to realize that from the beggining everything, Our whole relationship was fake, it breaks my heart, but at the same time the experience has brought so much strength in me that I know I can survive anything after this. Thank you HG, reading things from your perspective has opened my eyes.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You are welcome. It is an eye-opener once you see and understand it from our perspective. You do not have to like it or approve it, merely understand it.

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