The Narcissist Online – The Somatic

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How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?

I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.

There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?

Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.

One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging messages. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.

Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.

Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?

  1. In respect of a male somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
  2. If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
  3. If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
  4. There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
  5. The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earnings to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
  6. The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
  7. The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
  8. There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
  9. If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
  10. If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
  11. If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess or proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
  12. References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections, trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
  13. The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
  14. If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
  15. Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
  16. The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.

The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.

If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.

  1. They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sites will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
  2. Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
  3. You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
  4. You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
  5. You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
  6. The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
  7. The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or her pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
  8. You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
  9. The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.

A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.

45 thoughts on “The Narcissist Online – The Somatic

  1. entertainment says:

    Thanks HG this should be placed on a Public Service Announcement and should be mandatory for all Seniors to read prior to completing high school😊😊😊They may not get it now but that seed would be planted. Forwarding to my niece so she can share with her 18 year old.

  2. Forgotten says:

    Wow as an empath and co-dependant I NEVER look at muscle weight lol the more muscles are build the less brain 😉 no offence to anyone… as for spotting a narcissist online I keep having experiments and indeed all You write is spot on… perhaps exept for a sexual content … some are sophisticated enough to delay it within interactions so we don’t get suspicious. 🙂

  3. Indy says:

    HG, not taking me up for dinner at Dorsia? 😉🍷

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Naturally. I am securing the reservations as I clean my nail gun.

      1. Indy says:

        Awww I knew you cared. Fresh venison. But I think a compound bow will have better aim and distance….when shooting that fresh white tail doe.

  4. Ah Oh says:

    The two dating sites I had subscriptions for was Match and Millionaire match. I thought the later would be better as it is like looking for like. But it is all BS. I tried it for a year. I met my Narc on MM. He is the only one I had any relationship with. I just had no desire in the end for the meet and greets.
    I am not sure I would ever try any of them again. I look into a match maker service, and the fee was 10K, and they deal with people internationally. Not at the point where I need to do this. Hell, I will get me a boy toy and go on a trip>

  5. Yo says:

    I am not a narcissist at all, but i do prefer to meet up after 5-10 messages instead of creating long term conversations before meeting.
    Coz u can chat forever but 5 min face to face spokes much better.
    I dont see any sense to lose time chatting online

  6. MLA - Clarece says:

    I couldn’t stop giggling at the pic with the guy, mainly his pose with his arm up to accentuate the abs. I’ve seen that pose a time or two or ten. I’ll leave it at that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Absolutely Clarece, it is a standard pose and one which the Somatic will probably adopt as a consequence of muscle memory!

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Not only that, but they truly think they are indulging you with eye candy to make our mouth water. It’s done as a giving act for our delight.

  7. Sarah says:

    I just realized the Somatic posted this post…twice. That is so fitting! lol

  8. ICGB says:


    Seriously, you captured *exactly* my ex-narc

    Is there a playbook? I eventually found he was linked to those cheesy “how to seduce women” b.s. sites

    I feel a bit foolish knowing I fell for all his b.s.

    I forgive myself with love, knowing my then-circumstances ♡

    I am GLAD & wiser for NOW knowing the landmines to scope out.

    Never again. And I do mean that never —

    Thank you, dear narc-whistleblower; you’re a lifesaver 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome ICGB

  9. So Sad says:

    WOW .. How interesting !

    Fortunately I prefer brain over brawn & good sense of humor.

    As for dating sites I tried POF last year.. it felt like I was swimming in shark infested waters .. Never AGAIN 🙂

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Stay away from POF. Not only for the sake of narcissists, but I have heard of several cases of pedophiles looking for single moms and also cases where robbers will go on a date, find out where you live then come back in a day or two to rob you with their cohorts.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        POF is indeed the bargain basement of dating websites. It does stand for Plenty of Fuel doesn’t it?

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Plenty of Fuel for you, plenty of F*ktards for me. Tomato, tomata…

        2. Asp Emp says:


      2. So Sad says:

        Thanks MLA .

        I appreciate it .
        I kinda guessed it wasn’t for me and just dabbled really .
        I don’t think online dating’s for me especially with my trust issues . You’ve just confirmed it . x

      3. So Sad says:

        I’ve never seen such a bunch of misfits in my life .

        They send you a message asking to chat without a profile pic , then when you ask they quickly flash it on & off again .. No bloody wonder lol . some of the ugliest monsters god created! they must think some women are desperate .. or maybe it was my profile that said it in so many words., not that I mentioned much in it .

        No penis pics though or ” do you fancy a shag” but several took offence when I didn’t want to chat .. quite nasty really .

        Anyway I’m too good for all of that though I say it myself 🙂 .

      4. So Sad says:

        P.S I wasn’t desperate BTW , but my lateral thinking was malfunctioning 🙂

      5. Indy says:

        Yes POF is horrible!!! OKCupid is not bad, though it has been a long time since I have dated and there are always the scary ones.
        About 2.5 years ago, I went on a date once (well actually a couple of times because I like spice)with a guy that was trouble. He could have been Patrick Bateman. He was a writer, actor and photographer (should have known). He made lots of weird crazy comments, great humor (morbid though) though insulted wait staff horribly. I knew he was trouble, but he kissed so well and that face (Hugh Grant-esque) and he was smart, sigh. But the boundaries were crossed, texted at crazy hours, made sexist comments (hidden badly in jokes), loved being the center of attention in the restaurant (women definitely found him hot), ordered FOR me without asking. What ultimately ended this fun little experiment was he put his hands on me a little too forcefully, pushed me against my seat roughly. Yep, done. But I got two expensive dinners and a lot of laughter.

        Dating…shaking my head…maybe I will just hang out at the farmers market and hope to fine some kind, earth-friendly, brainiac with nice hair and eyes. I am the one by the hot cider, trying not to feel up the avocados too aggressively. 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Interesting to read Indy. Yes, I will order for you, to start you will have the venison carpaccio with quince, dandelion and hazelnut dressing. The Times described it as playful yet mysterious. I won’t order a starter to make you feel greedy for having one.

          1. Indy says:

            Hmmmm, Lets ditch this joint, venison is so Vermont..lm thinking Dorsia.. You can get us a table, right? 😉

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. Indy says:

            And yes, that guy i went out on two dates….or maybe three….hehe….he was so tempting and mesmerizing. And I also knew he was narcicistic at minimum. Most people would recognize it in him. He got ridiculous dishes when we went out, crazy expensive and exotic. He had this subtle rage under his tempting presentation. I think he may have been a greater, or a very intelligent and subtle psychopath as i think he was very capable of maiming me physically. Another detail about him was he held my head in his lap (on a park bench looking at stars) like he was going to break my neck…wrapped his arms around and nearly suffocated me. The vibe I felt was to run. After the kissing though….haha…but never bring home or go anywhere alone. He really scared me. ..and I’m no shy kitty with minimal experience…..he was .the only one I’ve tangled with dating wise that will had a strong psychopathic vibe. He even made American Psycho jokes. I told him I would only go on a third date if he could guarantee that I would not be put in a pit and asked to put lotion on my skin. We both laughed. And, I truly believe we both knew.

            I know, I play with fire. I am learning that these types of encounters lead to my own pain and possibly some sort of danger. I still chuckle at some of my dating stories from back then. And will be very different when I go back out.

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          Damn, I can’t find anyone to go to a Farmer’s Market with! Lol
          Ok Cupid, in my 100 mile radius, equally as scary as POF. If it’s free, it’s like playing Russian roulette with serial killers on Craigslist.

          1. Indy says:

            True, if it’s free there are more scary prospects to weed through. I’m big on profilesvthst arecwritten well….though lord knows, that is how I got a smart cerebral narcicist. OkCupid wasn’t bad around my area as the writing profile requirement weeded out more than POF. I had creeps on Match, actullay it was worse in my area than OkC. But that was a little over 2 years ago, so who knows what it all looks like here now. I’m gonna be more cautious this time around for sure and may just date in a more organic manner….where’s that simple farmer with the manure. Lol go back to my Vermonter roots.

  10. Ah Oh says:

    All muscle no brain, I see these types everywhere.

    1. Love says:

      Ah Oh, yes they are everywhere. Nice eye candy.
      DC, take the neon sign as a compliment. They’re very attracted to physical beauty.
      In my opinion, they’re great boy toys, meant to be enjoyed, not taken seriously, and then dispensed. Definitely not relationship material.

      1. Ah Oh and Love you have both nailed it.
        I love a nice body but you are absolutely right… I wouldn’t be able to listen to them… well usually it is dead silence anyhow. The only thing this type is good for is me playing Alice… 😈

  11. I am glad I don’t do dating sites… but it doesn’t mean I am not meeting a somatic n when I am out and about.

    I am pretty sure there is a neon sign above my head anyhow…

    1. Hey DC…
      Thought of you today….Alex and Ani got a dragon bracelet out now. Oops sorry HG….empath girls think of others….wait….stop…I didn’t mean it….what’s my safe word?

      1. Sarah says:

        BananaSplit. Ssshhhhh…I promised I wouldn’t tell you again, please write it down and put it in our heart shaped box and DON’T forget this time! Not trying to be mean, but you know I am ever so protective of you…but we CAN’T make it obvious!

        1. Ok got it. 32 flavors in Nirvana…btw I went to Roatan in 2003, way before it was what it is now. Next stop in Caribbean, definitely Cuba.

          1. Sarah says:

            Did you like Roatan? I’d like to go to Cuba – I have heard it’s really beautiful…I think Americans can travel there now since Obama as long as it is for an “educational journey” …but God only knows with American politics right now…this election is not going well and will be very interesting to say the least.

          2. Yes. At the time $1 = 17 of theirs. So next to nothing to go. Anyone can travel to Cuba now. I have friends that went about 10 months ago. I’ve been all over in the Caribbean. Have you too? Oh and HG is wonderful!

      2. Oooh a dragon bracelet? I will have to go check it out! Thank you French! <3

        No safe words Frenchie… I'll lick your wounds!

        1. Okay but hold the fire play.

          1. Ha ha ha…okay no fire!

  12. Viktoria says:

    you can not post this pictures and except smart comment, so distracting…😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Honestly Viktoria, so transparent you will be saying you need fuel next.

      1. Viktoria says:

        Tesko, moje primarno gorivo ne dolazi izvana. Nije valjda da apeliras na narcisoidnost 😉
        To bi stvarno bilo prozirno od mene, ne mislis?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You still provide fuel which would prove attractive to our kind. Just because you do not need fuel yourself would not affect that drawing narcissists to you.

  13. nikitalondon says:


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