The Narcissist Online – The Somatic


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How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?

I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.

There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?

Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.

One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging message. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.

Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.

Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?

  1. In respect of a female somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
  2. If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
  3. If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
  4. There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
  5. The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earning to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
  6. The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
  7. The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
  8. There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
  9. If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
  10. If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
  11. If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess of proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
  12. References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
  13. The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
  14. If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
  15. Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
  16. The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.

The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.

If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.

  1. They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sights will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
  2. Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
  3. You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
  4. You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
  5. You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
  6. The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
  7. The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
  8. You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
  9. The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.

A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.

27 thoughts on “The Narcissist Online – The Somatic

  1. Heythere says:

    I d send these kind of pics to the fan base .the loyal,the new ,whoever I want to impress or stick around . I don’t actually have social media as I m a private person ,i don’t really want people to know about one another . I could use aliases but meh. I m quite happy with the attention I get ,the very successful /High quality men that approach me .
    I had some men approaching me in the
    Same way as described in the article ,I find them annoying and the more into themselves they appear the better I feel to crush their ego. Kindly. Never agressively. Not sweet me .

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Which pic of the above is you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are both me. Before and after.

      1. Sarah says:

        You truly are perfect…

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        They are both your kind…

  3. Sarah says:

    …and lay off the roids dude seriously!

    1. Sarah says:

      But both of y’all (as we say in the South) are hot as hell regardless!

  4. Sarah says:

    Ugghhhh! If a guy takes longer than me to get ready or take a picture we have a problem!!!!

    1. Watermelon says:

      HG: I have three cats. I like them because they’re independent (and yes, selfish). I struggle with needy pets (or men).

      My experience of dating sites is fairly limited. Made a couple of male friends who I chat to occasionally, and a couple of crazies who became very full on and very demanding super fast. Which was a bit scary.

      The radar is generally quite good, not sure why it went off track so badly with the narc.

      I have to wonder if there are more narcissists today than say 30 years ago or if we are just exposed to them more due to social media? Or does social media create narcissists? People seeing validation, likes etc., and then the angst because a certain photo didn’t receive enough likes. Validation (from likes, praise, attention) to me is the non-narc’s fuel…it’s just that other people don’t get hurt in the process.

      I took a break from Facebook because I felt so many people were putting up a false front, so retreated to Instagram, it’s even worse. I am physically active but recently found myself obsessing about a particular part of my body that has bugged me all my life, but not to the point of fixing it. All of a sudden I became quite obsessed and blamed it on stress of the narc but it’s not that, it’s damned Instagram showing me photos of 20 something year old women with perfect bodies. It’s just everywhere.

      Sorry, ranty mc ranty.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It is difficult to state with any accuracy whether there are more narcissists today than 30 years ago. Anecdotally there is certainly the appearance of more narcissists, but this may be because there are more or just because more people are now having an awareness of narcissists and that narcissists are becoming more obvious owing to the advantages of technology which cater to narcissistic traits per se but also allow a platform and greater reach for narcissistic behaviour, so it is seen by more people.
        I think it would probably be safer to say there is a rise in narcissistic traits, I suspect it will always remain impossible to determine whether there is a rise in the number of narcissists in any empirical fashion.

      2. Sarah says:

        HG, this comment showed up on my feed, but it is directed to you – didn’t want you to miss it since it’s on my reader.

  5. Watermelon says:

    Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against German cars. Until earlier this year I drove one myself and I loved it. I didn’t mention the type of car I drove on dating sites as I didn’t see it as relevant. I traded it in a few months ago for a Japanese car.

    But back to the German cars, they’re great, love them, but don’t see the need to mention you have one on a dating profile. No topless with abs and/or pecs bulging, no dick pics, no income. Just tell me about yourself. That you like surfing, reading, history, dogs, French cuisine…whatever. Money and toys don’t need to come into it. But maybe that’s why I’m still single, way too picky. Hehe.

    I think FB is the same, you can tell a lot about a person by the stuff they post.

  6. Watermelon says:

    I had a rule when I dipped my toes in online dating. If they mentioned a German car or a six figure income they were ruled out.

    I never minded the fitness angle, being active myself I’m interested in someone similar so we can do stuff together. But grand displays of wealth, prestige were massive red flags to stay away. Along with guys who would place too much emphasis on the physical appearance of a female.

    All talk and no substance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What’s wrong with mentioning a Trabant? I guess that ruled out anyone from Zimbabwe too with their hyperinflation. In 2008 an egg cost 50 billion Zimbabwean dollars.

      1. Watermelon says:

        I had to Google Trambant.

        What I am getting at is that for me, a guy who openly talks about money early on is a bit off putting. A fancy car never impressed me.

        I also had a rule about guys whose profile pics showed them topless.

        Zimbabwe would be quite a long distance relationship for me. I was looking for guys in my country where hyperinflation isn’t an issue.

        Online dating wasn’t very successful and I quickly abandoned it. and am resigned to a life of singledom. I do have several cats, on the right path 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I know WM, I was just joshing with you. You evidently had an inbuilt aversion to some of the indicators of our kind and moreover paid heed to them.
          How many cats do you have? I have always thought of cats as rather selfish creatures.

      2. Love says:

        Watermelon, I’m not German but extremely patriotic to their cars. One brand in particular. ☺

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        Yes, people were bringing wheelbarrows full of money to buy a loaf of bread.

    2. I should try this online dating, lol… If they are throwing around what kind of car they drive maybe one will have Bugatti Veyron… and we can work out a lovely deal to let me drive it! 😍

  7. Love says:

    Ugh, my least favorite type of narcissist. Yes, they’re easy on the eye but as shallow as a puddle. I would thing 2 somatics would make the perfect match. Although they may not have enough walls in their house for murals of themselves.

  8. survivednarc says:

    Ah what a great post. This sends shivers down my spine, cause it reminds me of when I met the narcissist ex online. Almost every indicator you mention here, matched, with a few exceptions… while he did have a sporty profile, showing him in a sports situation, talked about his job and what a great guy he was (yuk!). Also, he sent very short messages, and talked about adventures he wanted to take someone out on. He seemed to be a person completely without problems/issues, he jad this “Happy-go-lucky”, sunny persona on his profile…..

    He also claimed to want to feel that tingling sensation of falling for a special someone. (Double yuk!). Now I know the only tingling feeling he wanted was that of the fuel from hundreds of women in his inbox. Strangely enough, he didn’t show off any bare chest etc, in his photos. In retrospect, since he has been trolling these dating sites so much, I think he has picked up on the fact that a lot of women “weed out” the bare chest pics as “too much”. (Cause he sure loved getting praise for his muscles, IRL, lol).

    This is a very comprehensive guide for when I will go on dating sites again, I only wish I could keep this as a list handy near my computer screen to check off all these against the men I talk with! 🙂 Thanks for this post. 🙂 👍

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome SN and thank you for comparing your experience against it.

      1. survivednarc says:

        🙂 ⚘

    2. Love says:

      Lol Survivednarc. I’ve heard the tingly/sparkly sensation term used before. Its hilarious!
      Even if he didn’t post bare chested pics of himself, here is a test to tell you he was one. As soon as he passed by a mirror, did he flex?
      I actually think the flexing happens automatically and its involuntary, similar to breathing for us.

      1. survivednarc says:

        Heheh, hey “Love”, no he did not flex much in front of the mirror, but he used to always love compliments about his appearance, it was clear he took a lot of pride in it, for example he was very afraid of eating fatty foods etc… sigh. 🙂

  9. Oh WOW!!! I recently signed up with an online dating site… I’ve never done something like that before n I thought it might help me to get moving on. First off… I can’t believe the men that sent me msg.’s i.e. Mr. Lickalottapuss ewwww! and Wal-Mart Cowboy? Anyway one man in particular seemed to interest me but he was very pushy and wanted to meet me immediately I have not met up with him and now after reading your post I definitely won’t. All the indicators you listed he fits all of them. I just realized its the profile on myself that attracted him to me I wrote something about being skiddish etc. I need to remove myself from that site and do some more work on me before dating again. I’m apparently still walking around with a sign on my back must say something about being a sucker! Kindly, Gooey

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Mr Lickalottapuss, is he the chap who got the cream? Thanks for sharing your experience.

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