The Porn Supremacy

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39 thoughts on “The Porn Supremacy”

  1. HG,

    I’d like your opinion on something.
    About 4 years ago my soon to be ex narc came out to me that he was addicted to porn. I wasn’t aware that he was watching so much, as I guess most of it was at work after hours and at home when I wasn’t around. I was feeling, though that there was other women (1 of which I’m pretty sure of).

    But most of my problems with him that I was aware of was his treatment of me and the craziness that he was putting me through. I had already suspected that he might be a narcissist by the time he confessed his addiction. He fit the description of a covert narcissist to a T, and he had already put me through all 3 stages of a narcissist relationship. He had already discarded me but was hovering at this point. It was after the discard that I started researching just what the heck went on here.

    He started to go to a sex addiction counsellor who told him that he had Intimacy Anorexia. I see this term being bantered around other sex addiction groups. I tried to talk to his counsellor about his narcissism, only to be shut down and told that I need counselling. His counsellor refused to hear me out. I refused to go to couple’s counselling with my ex because I had a real bad gut feeling about this.

    HG, have you heard the term Intimacy Anorexic before, and what is your opinion on it?

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  2. HG, I’m always learning with you. This podcast makes so much sense to me. I’m understanding him now…Not that I’m happy to listen to the explanation on the use of porn, but now I know what he was thinking, i guess.

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  3. Listening to you, I can sense your uneasiness when you talk about intimacy, the way you rush through the sentences, getting agitated at the thought of feeling overwhelmed by the empath’s demand for intimacy when you feel you cannot provide it, which results in shame and in you withdrawing/lashing out. The problem I see here is that you do not address that with her.

    She asks for intimacy because this is how she operates. If you refuse to provide that she will feel rejected and deeply hurt, resulting in her either withdrawing or pressuring you more for it. She does not know that you cannot give it, or to the extent she wants you to. You have never told her, probably because it would clash with your sense of superiority and power. Yet there is empowerment in honesty. There is no shame -none at all- in talking about what you can and cannot do or feel, and why. You can do it on here, face-to-face with her is just a further step. Empath that she is, I am certain beyond any doubt that she would understand, and she would try to alleviate that pain. And this goes for all aspects of life. She cannot help you if you do not let her help you. But you have to be honest with yourself and her first.

    I am sometimes irritated with your work, because I am very much triggered by what you write: the content is so accurate and it cuts deep. Perhaps, I should take a break. But I just want to express that I appreciate what you are doing for survivors, and I wish you well! 🙂

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    1. What HG is doing for survivors….Matilda dear, you do realize that what HG is doing for the ‘survivors’ is not out of ‘goodness of his heart’….he has no heart, try and remember that before wishing him well again. Narc’s do not deserve any well wishing from an Empath….period.

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      1. I see why you would say that, bloodybladeblog. I know he is not doing this to primarily help us, it is a by-product of the therapy he was forced into. I am dealing with PTSD, and I have read *a lot* on narcissism (popular and academic works) to make sense of this madness. Almost all is written either from an outsider’s point of view (health professional who never experienced abuse) or from a victim’s perspective (mostly anecdotal). Very little is written from the narcissist’s point of view, less so in this straight-forward manner.

        It is infuriating most of the time, it is highly triggering, but we need to hear the brutal truth to understand. Once we understand, we can heal! Along the way, you also learn what triggered their descent into narcissism. That does not excuse anything, but it gives you a more balanced view. We empaths want to know everything thoroughly, don’t we? Anger alone will keep you stuck: read and learn!

        While I am disillusioned with life and love, I believe that all of us can be redeemed.

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  4. Wow!! The man i married is a narcissist, and we are separated now of course as he became a man whore, and I figured this info to be pretty much the why, but you just helped me understand it better. I just don’t quite understand why they are this way. No offense, but these are horrible people, or i will say the man i married is a horrible person, does not even seem human to me. To me it’s all satanic and seems to make more sense that he gave himself to demon possession at some point. Its like he is a demon prowler always hunting for his next victim. One of the last times i was in his presence, it was like his mannerisms were even not normal, not human, but animal like, It is a horrible horrible existence, and to know it is real is mind blowing!!!!!

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  5. Wow! Interesting!
    The life of my narc revolves around sex and porn so much that I called him “porn star missed” (he enjoyed this nickname). His head and his speeches ended up going there. Usually I contented him in requests but sometimes he irritated me because we were talking about other things and gave me the feeling that at the outside of the sex did not care anything! Even while his mother was under the scalpel to be operated he asked me in chat to talk about sex and to send him pictures of me … in my opinion there are times when this is lawful and becomes an enjoyable game for both, other times it’s just bleak and even sad. But I always had to be the one to understand him and please him in every demand. And believe me his demands were very perverse. When I said no his reaction was usually to disappear for days or make me physically ill pretending not do it on purpose … but I saw the satisfied grin and he told me things like: “pain is so close to pleasure”.
    Anyway he was always fiery and technical and appeared cold, never once showed involvement or affection or care …
    What do you do if some your partner (formal or lover) say to you No for something about sex?
    Was there a time when you felt something like a feeling for a woman?
    P.S. you have a beautiful deep voice.
    P.S. 2 I bought 4 your books in print because I did not have how read in kindle. I also wanted to take “Sex and Narcissist” but can not find the paper. I’m very interested. How can I do?

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      1. P.S. I sent you an email with some drawings made by me…with this theme… I have made many more but I sent you the most prudish (he inspired and encouraged me to do erotic drawings, it was funny)… did you see them? 🙂

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      2. Hi HG,
        I liked your answer in replying to what you do when someone says no.
        I was “persuaded” and encouraged.
        She had the ability to make me feel completely comfortable and safe with her and everything she did. I trusted her completely. That’s why I did whatever she wanted. I am sure you have that gift also.
        She was first with the nude pictures and phone sex and I reciprocated without any question. And this after I have told my daughter a million times not to send pics to anyone.
        And I wanted to let you know I was listening to this on my iPad and my daughter walked in, who makes fun of me on this blog, loved listening to your voice.

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      3. Thank you SW. Making fun of you on this blog?! Heresy! She would be burned were it not for her saving herself by loving my voice! You need to book her into the HG Tudor School of Corrections. That’ll learn her!

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  6. Of course, he tried everytime to change my mind, sometimes he could convince me (you know to be very persuasive), but sometimes my answer remained NO (some claim was excessive and put at risk my health).
    Do you convince always your partner to do what you want?
    Thank you for the link, I order it sudden.

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      1. Speaking of your voice, like SW’s, my daughter heard me listening to some of the interview with Jamie a week ago. She wanted to call British Darth Vader and give a big hello and then thought it would be hysterical to share “mommy secrets” like if I accidentally spill something and cuss…I put the kabosh on that real quick. lol

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  7. Touchy subject for me as well. I have often felt like he treats me like a whore rather than someone he is supposed to love. I deserved to be loved. I deserve to be touched gently, not rushed over like a .10 tramp with no hugging kissing or romance. It makes me feel dirty and used. He used to watch so much porn on my computer back in 2005, that i had to make up a lie and told him that I getting virus every time he visited those sites because I’d check his internet history.

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    1. Lol She, you should have installed parental lock software on your laptop. Nothing but the Disney website for him lol.

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      1. Back in 2005? Hadn’t thought of it really. Bahaha! Now we have separate computers. Separate rooms practically. Truthfully I don’t care anymore. He’s a pervert, he’s always been. Making me do stuff I didn’t even wanna do. I’m just glad he doesn’t touch me anymore. I don’t love him anymore anyways.

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  8. She refers to you as the biggest, baddest narcissist out there HG! Lol

    That sounds like a great place to send her. Perfect for 20 year olds.

    She is educating some of the students at Ohio State University about narcissists since she has no choice but to listen to me. Her boyfriend had to participate in a survey about narcissism in his psychology class. He was only aware of what one was because he has heard so much from me. I will see if I can find out what the details are. It will be interesting to see what the colleges are teaching.
    The college group needs a class on identifying them and so do the high schools.

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  9. You guys must have way better porn across the drink… How does this scenario play out with secondary people? Who was it that said “everything is about sex except sex; sex is about power”? The secondary people do not know they are secondary, not in the beginning. They do not get any kind of love-shower or golden period. For the amount of frustration and anger he caused, I wish that I had at least walked away with some new tricks or having learned something interesting between the sheets. Just, nothing.

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  10. Matilda… you really are a lovely soul but you are displaying 100% signs of weakness. You are still in victim mode and I suggest with respect and care, that you try and find some counciling, particularly targeted for victims. Try contacting your local Women’s Canter. If you shine out to me, as a victim, God help you in the world of predatory men! This is written to you with respect and concern.

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    1. Could you please elaborate on that, Esther? What are signs of weakness that I display in your opinion? What makes you think that I was still a victim?

      I am genuinely interested in your point of view. Thank you, Esther!

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  11. Reading through the comments, is like looking through a directory for submissives in the bdsm world! WoW lol…. bet you have a constant supply HD! ….and yes its pulled me in too but i am aware of that and can see it! Still delicious though! Blood mixed with black velvet can be ever Do Exciting!

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  12. Reading through the comments, is like looking through a directory for submissives in the bdsm world! WoW lol…. bet you have a constant supply HD! ….and yes its pulled me in too but i am aware of that and can see it! Still delicious though! Blood mixed with black velvet can be ever So Exciting

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  13. HG, I just discovered you this weekend. You are a very special and unusual person – I deeply admire your choice to use your wiring for the greater good. Beautifully you have managed to make it work for both sides – you’re fueled, we’re empowered. Wow! This needs to be the case with all types of people, in my opinion. I have been a victim most of my life, and later on I chose not to be- so full accountability. Every ounce of enlightened information is armoring me with understanding, as you once recommend in your interview. I have never been afraid to delve into the deep dark sides – but the lasting effects are short lived for me, ie: porn. Debilitating submission just became too shallow and boring for me as did the mind control fencing.
    I’m a singer and writer and I require a degree of detachment to succeed – with tremendous energy, I always succeed. So I get this type of person, and I cannot imagine being with someone who isn’t a little dark. Thank you master narc. You are doing great justice to the ultimate balance of the world. Great reverence.

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    1. Thank you Eve for your kind words and welcome on board, I look forward to your further contributions. What do you write about? What type of music are you involved with?

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  14. I have written about many things, but my expertise lies in strategic business for success. I have a few ebooks, and I used to be a staff writer for various publications. I have also written about and used to run a non-profit animal rescue before all the reality shows came out. So I have seen a lot of horrors that people, including the Russian mafia, have done to animals, and I also get it about empaths losing control because animal rescue is loaded with them- no boundaries and they give up their soul to save them all. I finally got out, and then coached empath people who needed help with getting out. My music is jazz. I sing jazz and have recorded two albums, with ten as my goal. I also do voice/overs as in commercials.

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