“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

39 thoughts on “Pet

  1. Pingback: We See You An An Object ⋆ NarcTopia
  2. 1jaded1 says:

    What would you call me?

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Probably sweets during seduction but chocolate during devaluation now that he knows you hate it lol.
      I think they have the same name for all of us: MINE.

      1. Made me think of the seagulls from Finding Nemo.

      2. cadavera says:

        @NarcAngel, I just went hot, then cold. During intimate moments, he says, “You are MINE. Do you hear me?” Aaaaaaagggghhhhh!

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        So weird, Narc Angel. This pops up in my inbox May 15, 2021.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Very strange. It is however a chance to say hello and that I hope that you are well, so I’m glad of it.

  3. ha ha….oh yes, indeed; the pet names.

  4. Claudia 🌺 says:

    I called the Somatic Narcissist “Twinkie”; he looked yummy and sweet on the outside, but no substance on the inside, (just cream for brains).

  5. Wooww the play on Boss! I was “Tight Fit” 😂😤 from a movie he introduced me to 🙄 .. then “Baby” (which went to any and everyone I learned) .. occasionally “Super Woman” .. then as I was pregnant and after my first big escape I became “The Monster” when he would be on the way to bring me something to eat it was referred to as “I gotta go feed the Monster” It was probably meant to be hurtful but being the person I am I always loved Monster the best loll as that meant he knew I was Not the easy target anymore 😂😂😜 What say you, HG?!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He may well have been referring to himself.

      1. You know what.. Knowing what I know now it very well could have been! I’m already touchy feely and I am a VERY emotional pregnant woman lol then the baby got to where she kicked whenever she heard his voice we were just the ultimate fuel even after she got here… My lightbulb went off when I saw your comment lol you need to teach a college course you have made soooo much of the nonsense I’ve been through make sense 🤗🤗

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  6. Wow. How insulting that you could even forget someone’s name. Lol. When I was married many years ago, my husband hated if I called him by his name and said it made him feel funny and please don’t do it. He was a narcissist but I didn’t realize it then. He never used my name but called me Honey or Little Mama, which he knew I hated. My last guy called me Thee. It rhymes with my name. I wonder if it’s an insult.

  7. Cory "babe" 😊 says:

    This is SPOT ON.

  8. ava101 says:

    “Mein Herr und Gebieter”, haha, wie passend. Es freut mich, jemanden zu treffen, der auch auf Deutsch seine Stimme erhebt und dann noch sogar fast aus meiner Heimat. 🙂

    1. ava101 says:

      …. and the translation: “my master and commander”, haha, how fitting. I’m happy to meet someone who is speaking up in German as well, and almost from my home region, too. 🙂

      1. Ja ich erhebe meine Stimme in diesem wundervollen Forum in dem auch (Selbst)-Ironie und intelligenter Humor ihren Platz haben. Schön jemanden aus Deutschland zu treffen. Aber ich liebe die englische Sprache und den speziell britischen Stil von H G Tudor.
        Der Pluralis Majestatis begeistert mich als Stilmittel seines Schreibens!

      2. ava101 says:

        I meant you do it in Germany, which is very important. 🙂

      3. Aha! Jetzt verstehe ich … 😏
        Das Thema wird in Deutschland viel schüchterner diskutiert.
        Und ein deutschsprachiger Elitär-Narzisst vom Niveau HG Tudors wird wohl noch lange gesucht werden müssen.

        Ah! Now I unterstand … 😏
        In Germany the subject is discussed with great shyness.
        And a germanspeaking Elite Narc ranging with the qualities of HG Tudor still has to be found.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You need to help me improve on my school boy German then.

  9. Babe, My Angel, Sweetie, My Sex-Goddess in honeymoon periods.

    Dirty Slut, Whore, Paranoid, during devaluation.

    He called me Babe from the first Moment onwards. It was his way of putting me under arrest.

    But I have to admit, I loved it. I longed to be called Babe again after times of devaluation.

    After more than one year of being together he mentioned my first name for the first time. I was astonished and delighted that he knew it after all.

    I used to call him “Gebieter” which is so much as Master in English.

    Thank you very much again HG Tudor for this important article.
    Narcissistic Pet Names are used as weapons to extinguish ones personalities….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Ursula.

    2. Safah says:

      My Narc would refer to me as 38 in reference to my bottom. In France a size 38 is a UK size 10. Other pet names were NEG (naughty English girl) and ma lapine. My narc is thankfully no longer my narc. He gave himself the moniker of 🐿 – I’ll leave you lovely people to imagine why.

  10. Matilda says:

    ‘Boss’ – not very classy of you, I have to say! Does anyone in your coterie actually show some backbone, and not laugh about that?

    What pet names were you given during the honeymoon period, and at the breakup?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They find it amusing.

      1. Matilda says:

        Spineless, all of them.

      2. Sunshine says:

        They sound like a bunch of block-head misogynists.

      3. Greeneyedchick666 says:

        I think its hilarious.

      4. NarcAngel says:

        B.O.S.S Haha Still makes me laugh.

  11. DragonKrae says:

    This was one of the first red flags that caught my attention with my narc. I have a first name that I’ve never been called even by my parents as I’ve always been called a well known nickname unless by telemarketers or doctors offices. Say my name was Melissa but I always went by Missy. Something to that extent. My narc found out my “real name” and then made sure he was the FIRST one to call me that full name all the time and then anyone I met through him called me that name too even though he knew I hated that name and felt it didn’t fit me. My parents thought it was sweet because it was the beautiful name they picked for me. Puke. No thank you.

  12. Carla says:

    He never gave me a “pet name”, oddly. He told me that he preferred to call me by my own name because the “pet names” are so overused and devoid of meaning.

  13. Flickatina says:

    I loathe pet names! They make me cringe.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Oh come now Snufflekins don’t be like that.

      1. Flickatina says:

        My god! Does the evil never end 😮😮

  14. dawninggrace says:

    Not only for narcs
    These days X is Voldemort (“a raging psychopath, devoid of the normal human responses to other people’s suffering” JK Rowling)

    1. Mona says:

      Did you read about his family? JK Rowling wrote a little bit about his family. I do believe, that she met a psychopath in her real life. I do not think, it was only fiction.

      1. dawninggrace says:

        No, I got the quote from Rowling on Wiki and it reminded me of X (except for “self hating” which I don’t believe) .

        Not the least bit surprised that the character is based on her experience- perhaps with an intimate partner?

    2. Carla says:

      I refer to the narcissist the same way

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