You Are The One That I Want

you-are-the-one

I will have told you that I only have eyes for you, that you are the one, that I am completely dedicated to you and that I only ever want to be with you. You make me say these things. It is your expectation of such faithfulness to you and you alone, indoctrinated into you by the world, that causes me to have to say these things. I need to fulfil your expectations in order to capture you and then keep you. It is a ridiculous state of affairs. Since when can a person be sustained on one thing alone? It is impossible. At its most basic, you are given only water to drink and nothing to eat. You will starve. Then if you are given just bread to eat your body will be malnourished as it is not getting the nutrients it needs from fruit, vegetables, meat and so on. One food stuff alone is not sufficient. Take your job. If you had to do the same thing over and over again, the absolute same task you will go out of your mind with boredom. Either that or you would lose your job to mechanisation. One thing is not enough.

Have you only ever had one relationship? Unlikely. How else would you know whether this is right if you have nothing to compare it against? Can one man win a football match? Of course not. He needs his team mates. Where does your stimulation come from? Are you confined to reading just one book repeatedly? No. One film seen countless times? No, you like and prefer a variety of silver-screened entertainment. Do you have just one person you interact with on a social level? Again the answer is no. You draw your social nourishment from different friends, family members, acquaintances and so forth. One is not enough.

I am no different. The thing that sustains me is fuel. I must draw this from several sources. Yet, my necessary actions in acquiring this fuel subject me to moral indignation and disapproval. How is that fair? I do not tell you that you must only eat one kind of breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, why should I be expected to gather my fuel from just one appliance? I need the variety. Not only is this necessary to ensure that I have fuel on tap at all times, it is necessary to provide the catalyst for the provision of fuel from my primary appliance. If I have nothing by which I can provoke a reaction from you, your free-flowing fuel will soon dry up.

The result is that you and I are never alone. There is no singularity despite all of my words asserting that this is the case. When I first ensnare you there will be another who is being subjected to my vitriol. You are most likely warned of this psychotic ex. What I am less likely to tell you about is my ongoing campaign of denigration in order to harvest further fuel from this harlot who has let me down. I may even be faithful at first. Yes faithful by your understanding of the concept, namely that I will not physically consort with another. I am not faithful however in just being solely committed to you. I will be reaching out to others in order to bring them into my sphere of influence, most likely whispering the very same things that I have said to you. My lips may not lock with these new opportunities but that is more by accident than design. I have certainly locked with them in order to draw fuel from them. As I walk through the day those invisible fuel lines reach out and attach to most who I interact with.I am sure, judged by your standards, you would not be overly concerned about the methods by which I draw fuel from some. In other instances you would be most concerned. Yet, you must understand that I am only doing what everyone does. I am seeking variety. In your instance you do it because you prefer it that way. It is interesting. Maintaining a variance keeps things fresh and stimulating. In my case I have to do it. There may not yet be any lipstick on my collar but there are scores of fuel lines attached and in ways that you are always going to find distasteful. That is of course if you ever find out.

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48 thoughts on “You Are The One That I Want”

  1. This is deep and I love your blogs! Gives me something to read and learn in times where I have nothing filling up my day.

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  2. Variety is the spice of life, True.
    There are people who are not narcissistic that cheat. They are called selfish.
    If you feed that bad dog it will grow stronger and chew your good dog up. The process is this:
    The seed or thought of an affair gets planted. The person starts to dwell on the thought. The thought turns into action and the action leads to death of the current relationship. Unless you forgive and forget. The odds do go up that they will do it again though.
    You have to cut that seed/weed off with some round-up. That seed will try to come back if you have a weakness for it. You have to fortify that weakness with knowledge.
    HG is giving you the seed/weed killer. Use it.
    He makes a great argument for variety/cheating. I cannot deny I have thought of it at times. I think if you focus on variety in your relationship you will fair much better. It builds with positively. Cheating stems from that negative thought….what am I missing in this relationship rather than what am I getting from this relationship.

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      1. HG, you are not right. People who cheat without a bad conscience are narcissistic. When people cheat with a bad conscience, then it is only a sign that they miss something in their relationship.

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      2. No, the fact of cheating is narcissistic in itself because it leans to the sense of entitlement. If something is missing in your relationship then you could make the change or end the relationship and then fulfil your need elsewhere. To remain in the relationship and cheat is narcissistic.

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      3. Interesting, HG. You having more morals than us. ;D
        I don’t think it’s so black and white.
        But I have another question: would you consider yourself addicted to sex somehow? (Or to fuel from sex.)

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      4. No it is not stated from a moral perspective at all but from the perspective of the narcissistic trait of infidelity.
        I am addicted to the fuel that comes from sex.

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  3. Huh? Whaatt? You and I need to have a consultation so i can explain to you why your thought process on this subject matter is oh so wrong Mr. HG Tudor. I accept paypal. Please let me know when you would like to chit chat with me. 😮
    H

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  4. Of course, this would not be acceptable it I said it to him. Even if I used the exact words (minus the need for fuel). Double standard and all that.

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  5. If a N was to Hoover and the applicance took him back and said she didn’t care who he dated in addition to her and she would date others too
    How would that go?

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  6. Most females have fear of abandonment since the world can be a dangerous place if you’re petite and codependent. So they seek protection first. Big guys to the front of the line. If you offer that, you’re ahead of the game.
    Most males fear shame. If she shows respect she’s made it into your sphere. That’s the basics covered. If you trigger her abandonment, expect her to try to shame you. That’s why males can hoover to play the field – it’s somewhat natural. Girls – Get used to and don’t take it personally. Grow up and stop expecting men to pay for your existence.

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  7. Insightful HG! Just wondering your thoughts, how long do you think a mid-range somatic can stay physically faithful and mentally focused on his primary source before he starts on the prowl?

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      1. So, HG, in other words, you are saying he will remain faithful for the duration of the golden period, correct? Because if I understand this correctly when there’s a decrease in the potency, quantity, and frequency of positive fuel, devaluation begins. I recall you said on average the golden period lasts between 6 to 18 months. So 2 years would really be unusually long, correct? Thank you!

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  8. Wow. I have spent the last 5 years wondering and trying to understand why I felt so hurt, so abused. I never understood what a narcissis was. My husband who I finally had the courage to leave is text book this very person. I am so received to know I am not alone.

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  9. I dunno HG. Emily Bronte never felt the need to seek companionship outside her immediate family. I think many of us can be very autonomous and hold out for friends and lovers with whom we share a specific sensibility, cherishing those relationships once established.

    The problem arises when Matthew MacFayden as drawn by N.C. Wyeth decides to simulate your interests, worldview, etc. and is articulate and relentless in doing so. His kink is tricking you into thinking you’re alike, when really his values are anathema to yours, or he has no values.

    BTW, I think that’s the tip off, ladies contemplating celibacy to ensure this never happens again: when Hollywood handsome starts pursuing you like you’re the last woman alive, it probably isn’t real.

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      1. He said to me that his girlfriend doesn’t like sex ..
        And, I know her ,she is not pretty.
        Why is he with her?

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  10. One of the reasons why they put so much effort into the love-bombing is to ensure that the victim is completely and *whole-heartedly* in love with them.

    It is easy for them to have casual encounters. The other would be present in the flesh, and fuel would flow… but I can imagine it would not be as potent as coming from someone who truly loves him, who not only gives her body but also her heart.

    In his pathetic, little mind, he will congratulate himself for having successfully conned yet another into loving him, knowing it will hurt her so much more when he discards her. And this shell of a human thinks he is the winner.

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      1. He could get a warm body any time, but that did not interest him because that was not a challenge! He was after heart and soul. How freely and generously I gave it all… I still get very emotional thinking about it… one of the reasons why I will never forgive him.

        He did not win. I did. The last word was mine, and ‘no contact’ will never be broken.

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    1. Do they not “win”? Because the discarded one is the broken vessel left to rebuild, if they even can, yet
      the narc really doesn’t give the destruction they have wrought a second glance.

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  11. Okay if one wants multiple relatioships its his/her choice
    And i understand the sentiment
    But to relate a human intimate relationship to food and stuff its absolutely idiotical.
    Sorry HG
    Yes as a matter of choices and likes its understandable , but your comparison is surprising shallow.
    You are surely more intelligent than that
    HG no offences here i hope, because i know how brilliant you are.
    But i had to be frank here.

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  12. Blocked the dummy Twitter account that had been making be feel special for all of 48 hours.

    This guy can’t even stay excited about the singer in a super hip electronic group. He fucks and blows off women who are well known and respected in the academic – activist circles he moves in, marginalizing himself.

    It’s like he just doesn’t get that it’s not 1992 anymore. Male entitlement is no longer sacrosant in these subcultures, and women who enter your bedroom willingly aren’t default deranged for expecting some warmth and communicativeness the next day.

    He’s suffering for it, but keeps sabotaging himself.

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  13. My narc husband had extra marital sexual encounters he STILL denies to this day.
    Even though I have a copy of a medical record where he admits an encounter to the doctor as he thought he had a dose of the clap.
    Even though two women ( vulnerable clients of his) told me to my face that he’d had sex with them.
    Even though he drove me to hell with his denials.

    HG says these relationships only end when one of the parties dies. Figuratively or literally?

    My narc periodically makes suicidal gestures to a) solicit sympathy and b) to maintain his illusion that he has PTSD/Depression and garner further sympathy and fuel from whichever female is “being supportive” at the time.

    Arguably, I’m already dead at some level given what he did to me and his children.

    Given that the narc is devoid of all real feeling, is it inevitable that the only real death and therefore end to all this will only come with my demise? Curious.

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      1. No HG
        i do not believe you are any of that
        Maybe you though that relating it to food and stuff and situations.. would resonate with people..
        in fact i think it does with the majority of shallow people..
        so yes.. that its a good way to get it across..
        i was critizising that way of articulating it.. NOT YOU..
        💕

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  14. HG,

    In your response to “Escaping…” you noted, “I am not pathetic. I appear shallow. I am selfish.”

    I am interested in knowing more about “appearing shallow.” Can you elaborate?

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  15. But “appear” suggests that you are not actually shallow from your standpoint. Do you think that you are shallow?

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  16. Well back to the nature at hand i to have lived this exact story and we are not togeather but i am the brain washed victim. Of his narc ass and we went four days no phone call no text first time in 6 yrs and i had my moments of tears but talk to my self and tell my self dont do it dont call dont text but talk my sick self in to asking him if he is still alive couldnt stop my self folks. Well he is alive … Bummer i to think the hell he has me in will only end when he or i die from -natural causes of course.6 years of same shit diff day as they say.even had a baby with a women and i helpes her birth her baby and he was talking dirty to her two wks prior. The storys and victimizing i could write a book .keep the pomes of strength. Coming please they help….

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