Isolation
“Hi honey I’m home!”
“Hello darling, how was your day?”
“Brilliant thank you, I kicked ass with my sales figures this month so that bonus is on its way.”
“That’s wonderful, you work so hard and you are so good at what you do.”
“I do my best, but guess who I bumped into when I call at the shops on the way home?”
“I don’t know.”
“Joanna.”
“Oh yes, how is she?”
“She looks really well, she asked after you of course. We stopped to talk for a while actually, well she did most of the talking, you know what she is like. Anyway, she mentioned your weekend away that you are organising for the ladies.”
“Ahuh, is she still coming?”
“Of course, she was very much looking forward to it but she did mention that Angela and Jill had been causing some trouble.”
“Trouble, what do you mean?”
“Well you know I have told you that they are jealous of what you have, you know, with me and they were trying to get people to cancel going on the trip. They’ve been saying that it is just an exercise in your showing off how well we are doing. Utter nonsense of course but you need to keep an eye on those two.”
“Gosh, I know you’ve made mention of it before but I didn’t think they would do something like that. They’re trying to spoil the trip?”
“That’s right. I wouldn’t say anything to them, it would put Joanna in an awkward position, you know?”
“Yes, yes, I understand. How dare they do that?”
“As I told you, it is jealousy. I would delete them from your contacts if I were you.”
“Good idea, I don’t want to be friends with people like that.”
***************
“Well that was nice to see everybody wasn’t it?”
“Yes it was darling, you were a marvellous hostess as usual.”
“Why thank you.”
“Pleasure, mind you, your brother is starting to annoy me. I had to keep from saying something.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t think you have noticed but he takes every opportunity to have a dig at you and put you down.”
“Oh that’s just the way he is, ignore it.”
“You see, you are just too nice. No I won’t ignore it, he is being rude and disrespectful. He cannot resist but make some sarcastic quip or supposedly funny remark about everything you do.”
“Well yes, but it doesn’t bother me, not really.”
“I suspect you’ve screened it out so you do not notice as much, but it bothers me.”
“Does it?”
“Of course it does, he is bullying you. I tell you what, let’s not invite him to the barbecue next month, that will make him think.”
“Well, if you think that’s the right thing to do.”
“I absolutely do. I am not having him treat my wonderful wife like that. Remove him from your contacts.”
***********************
“Oh hello is that Joanna? Hi, yes it is HG, yes I am very well thank you. How are you? Good, good. Well, just a quick call to tell you that Kim can’t make tonight. Yes, yes, I know she was so looking forward to it but she isn’t feeling very well. She is asleep at the moment but I thought I should let you know as I think she needs to rest and get better. Yes, I knew you would understand. Yes of course I will tell her. Thank you. Enjoy your night out.”
“Oh hello darling, that was John, Joanna’s wife. The night out is cancelled but he was a bit vague as to why. I think they might be having a few marital difficulties if you know what I mean?”
“Goodness, I had best call her and see if she is okay.”
“No, I don’t think that would help, it sounds a bit fraught over there to be honest, better leave them to it. I find it is best to give them the space to sort themselves out.”
“Yes, you are probably right. Oh what a shame, I was really looking forward to going out.”
“Well look, why don’t we go out instead.”
“Really?”
“Sure.”
“That would be great, oh, but I had better ring Josie and tell her that the night out isn’t happening.”
“Here pass me your ‘phone, I will do it, you go and run a bath and I will bring you a glass of wine up, you look like you could do with it.”
“Thank you darling, she is in my contacts, just after Joanna’s number.”
“They won’t be for much longer.”
“Sorry?”
“I said, ‘Thanks, I don’t want to ring a wrong number.”
“Yes, thank you, you are so kind.”
**************************
“Darling, we can’t go for lunch at your parents today?”
“Why what’s wrong?”
“I’m not well. Stomach upset. Not good. I wouldn’t want them to catch it.”
“Sure, sure, I will let them know.”
*****************************
“Darling, we can’t go for lunch at your parents today?”
“Why not?”
“Have you forgotten I have friends coming over for the game?”
“Have you?”
“Yes I told you about this weeks ago.”
“Really, I don’t remember.”
“I did; I know I told you because I explained how Carl was going to bring over that new book for me to borrow. “
“Oh okay, I know they will be disappointed, it is weeks since we have seen them.”
“I know but things just seem to be getting in the way at present.”
**********************
“Good evening darling, how was work?”
“Oh the usual, getting tougher, it has been a difficult week again.”
“I have noticed so that is why I have made an executive decision.”
“Oh yes and what is that?”
“I have decided that each Friday you deserve to do something special so I have organised for just you and me to do something together everything Friday for the next three months whilst this project of yours is ongoing. I am not telling you what I have organised, they are surprises. Something to look forward to and a reward of sorts.”
“Oh darling you are wonderful, that is so thoughtful. Oh but I have a few things organised with friends and families on Fridays over the coming weeks.”
“That doesn’t matter, I will take care of that for you. I want you to be relieved of having to entertain people, cook for them and so on, you do too much of that, even though you are great at it. Pass me your ‘phone and I will take them out of your contacts, I mean out of your diary and block out the time for us instead.”
“Thank you, you are so good to me, I love you so much.”
“I know.”
*******************************
“Well that was a great dinner party.”
“Yes it was, thank you for being such an accommodating hostess.”
“My pleasure. Mind you, it was mainly your friends, mine don’t seem to bother with me as much these days.”
“Well people have their own lives to lead, they get busy you know? But they should try to make some time for you otherwise how can you consider them to be friends of yours?”
“Yes I suppose you are right.”
“Besides, my friends think you are wonderful.”
“Do they? Well I always try to make them welcome.”
“Oh you do, that’s why those so called friends of yours do not deserve you. You know it does not harm to have a purge of those people who claim to be your friends but don’t live up to the title. Clear them out. Besides you have me and my friends and you are very popular with them.”
“You know you are right, I am going to go through my contact list and have a clear out.”
“You do that my love, you will feel better afterwards, believe me.”
*************************
“Hi darling, I have just run into your best friend on the way out of the nail bar.”
“Who, Andy?”
“Yes, he was ever so pleasant. Mind you he was telling me that Sarah has been gossiping about me again.”
“She is always letting her mouth flap; I have to say I don’t like her.”
“Well I am inclined to agree with you so she’s another one who is getting struck off my contact list. I don’t see much of her anyway and besides I have always got you haven’t I?”
“Of course you have my love and you always will have. Which reminds me to ask you where you fancy going away next weekend, I think we deserve a few days together, just you and me, the best way to be.”
*****************************
“Oh my God, he has left me, he has finally done it, after all those months of horrible behaviour he has just walked out on me, why, why has he done this? Why do that to me after everything I have done for him? I don’t understand. I feel sick. I feel dizzy. I need to ring somebody; this just doesn’t make sense. Where is my ‘phone. Here it is. I need support I will just ring someone to come over, I can’t be alone, not after what he’s done. Jesus, I am shaking, this is awful. Wait, what’s this, I can’t call anybody, my contacts list is empty. When did that happen?”
15 thoughts on “Isolation”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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RE: Harry’s Wife Part 84.4 Will She Wake Up?
Thank you, HG, for this video. It was interesting to read. You have piqued my interest when you mentioned the author who is writing a book about Harry and his wife and the same author having written books about Boris Johnson (our so fine – ‘spitting on the ground’ and delectable – ‘cat throwing up a fur ball’ Prime Minister, cough, cough) and Prince Charles. Ooh. That tells a lot.
We all know that Harry is also writing a book.
So, it will be very interesting to see these two books and what they will ‘reveal’.
No doubt, people who have read your work may also take an interest because those that follow you and trust your accuracy in what you say about narcissists may be able to ‘spot’ the different ‘perceptions’ as seen from Tom Bower and Harry.
When Harry and his wife become more ‘shunned’ from their ‘society’ because of her behaviours that people have not necessarily ‘recognised’ as narcissism, she will be looking for another IPPS to replace Harry before too long because his ‘fuel’ will not necessarily be enough. Then again, the children are around as further sources of fuel for her. Yet, this would not be enough for her narcissism now that she has ‘tasted’ the ‘fuel’ that she has been getting from the public for some time. Should the children become narcissists themselves (they could be empaths with eroded empathy), they’ll never be ‘normals’, not from a household as the one they live in, there could be incidences of narcissists colliding when the children get older.
I posted this comment here because Harry will be in ‘isolation’ in any case.
Your words about a narcissist does not ‘self-reflect’. Many times, over the years, I was told to ‘reflect’ on my “behaviour”. I was created and conditioned by a narcissist, what do they expect?! Even narcissists used those words on me. How about looking at yourselves in a mirror?! Fk. I suggested that once to someone “Do you look at yourself in the mirror?” (empath grenade, one of my unaware empath smart-mouth unrestrained statements, smirking).
I enjoyed reading this video, HG. Your words on this video reminded me of this article ‘Isolation’ and a couple of others (forgive me for not recalling the names of them).
Having said that, there are people (non-narcissist) that I know that do not socialise within society as much as other people may do. They like their peace, privacy, like each other’s company ie a sanctuary away from main residential areas. They are happy not to have the ‘clutter’ of society as a whole. They may not know the full details of narcissists as per HG’s work yet may be able to ‘sense’ them. Hence the preference to ‘stay away’.
HG, thank you for your time, your work and sharing your expertise. I really appreciate it 🙂
Wow. A brilliant article. Lots of ‘scenarios’ around what could very well be easily ONE victim of such ‘isolating’ AND smearing. Yet it could ‘stem’ from one narcissist, using their coterie, lieutenants and flying monkeys (HG describes as such ‘hoover by proxy’).
Within a small town, this could lead to devastating affects for the victim in question because the victim could effectively be left without access to support, including those that were led to ‘believe’ the “narcissistic Chinese Whispers / grapevine” (a whole shebang of a massive smear campaign carried out through the ‘tendrils’ of the ‘initial’ narcissist**).
Granted, there may be a small number of people who would not believe the narcissist’s “view”, simply and maybe, because they also “experienced”, or witnessed the said narcissist(s) abuse themselves.
** it could be either ONE narcissist as an individual, OR an organisation with narcissists in high / senior positions – even if that “organisation” is NOT based within the town itself.
How do I know this? Because I know exactly what it feels like. I felt this type of ‘isolation’ more strongly from the last 2 places of work in the locality I live in. Almost 20 years.
Hey HG, are you advising the Corrie St scriptwriters on the current Geoff/Yasmeen storyline? Chilling.
Hello PR, no I’m not.
There are so many ways they pull your strings to ultimately get you exactly where they want you. All to themselves. 22 yrs ago I was persuaded that my company was taking advantage of me bc they promoted me to Property Manager (without any college education) so they could offer me a much lower salary than that of a degreed Manager. My sociopath sabatoged my success by accusing me of flirting with vendors, showing up at my office while in meetings with subcontractors, accusing me of sleeping with them, calling and harassing me constantly, ‘needing me’ midday, for some fabricated urgency. On and on.. he made it unbearable and I gave in. I couldn’t handle both. I quit my job. Here I am, all these years later, emotionally ready to go, finally, but financially desolate. Girls, don’t ever let them take away your independence. You HAVE to have access to your own money. If you’re here, wondering if you’re dealing with an abusive, controlling partner, you already have your answer. The longer you stay, the greater they become at sucking you back in and the harder it is to leave. You WILL suffer so much more pain than you’ve already experienced. You have to stop wanting to help him and help yourself instead. Freedom is in my future. I won’t get the privilege of leaving with nothing.. I get to take with me, tax liens in the hundreds of thousands and law suits filed against us individually and as a company, and whatever monetary fines and compensation, yet to be determined. But I’ll be FREE.
It’s not only that you have limited friends now because of your relationship with a narcissist….
it’s also the story of horror you won’t tell another soul ….all the twisted horrifying things he’s done to you and let’s face it what you’ve done to him in retaliation (mostly)
you want to pick up that phone and confide in someone anyone …
because then it might be over for good.
He wanted me to leave my part time job. He said I am selfish because of people I’m working with and they have bad influence on me. When I said ‘Fine, I don’t have work there’.. he replied ‘Do whatever you want ‘.
Haha, my N ex also liked to tell me that my friends have a bad influence on me and that I change for the worse whenever I spend time with them. Of course he was only worried for my state of mind and well-being and I deserved so much more… I did take his words into consideration, but since I could not lean on him (DSIPSS) all that much, I figured that my friends were here long before he came along and that I have about 3-4 people I can call in the middle of the night in an emergency, which is not something you fuck up because some guy gets his knickers in a twist.
Wow that sounds narc-ish… I don’t form and maintain friendships for utilitarian reasons! What I meant was, had I been able to rely on him more, he would have succeeded in isolating me, I was that brainwashed and stupid. Luckily, common sense kicked in and made me see the true value of friends – not only the emotional connection and companionship, but also trust, support and practical help when needed.
I would not delete the contact in all of the above scenarios. There’s always two sides to a story.
Haha. I hated being called Little Mama. I told him a million times I hated it. He would sing it to the tune of Pretty Woman Actually, I think he wanted me to be his mama and was jealous of my boys.
“Oh you have Gary on your friends list. He was awful to me. I know I’m maybe being insecure but if you keep him as a friend it feels like you’re condoning what he did to me all those years ago”
“She is friends with my ex wife. I dont want anything getting back to her”
“It feels disrespectful to keep your ex as a contact now we’re together”
“From now on I’ll deal with your son’s Dad. He can do everything through me now and that way he can’t be nasty to you”
“Oh he reported back to my ex wife that I had a new car and she used it against me in the divorce. I can’t have him seeing what’s going on in our lives. Just in case”
“Do you really like our neighbours? They’re pleasant when you’re there but when you’re not they don’t speak and give me dirty looks”
And on and on and on and on and on….
The woman in this article surely is a puppet.
“… those so called friends of yours do not deserve you… people who claim to be your friends but don’t live up to the title… I thought my friends were questions but yours show me how good mine actually are…”
Except he was a cheapie and boring, never took me out anywhere to compensate because that would’ve been me “getting my way” aka feeling appreciated and like I was allowed to be happy for once in awhile.
Also anyone else get tired of being called “dear”? As a barely 30 yr old woman it drove me mad! My mom calls everyone dear, definitely don’t want it to be my bfs pet name for me… >.<
That should read as questionable not questions