The Vainglorious Twenty



To say that my kind and me have a high opinion of ourselves is to put it too low. We are superior, of an elevated status and ethereally stunning and wonderful. Our achievements are magnificent, our accomplishments legion and we leave you mere mortals trailing in our wake. We know you look on, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, a mixture of awe and envy washing over you. How good it must be to be like us, you wonder. Well not only are we spectacular and scintillating we are generous too, so generous that I can share with you twenty of our excessively vain and self-centred comments. You may have heard a number of these said to you, about you or just uttered in your general earshot as we gaze nobly towards the horizon. If you have, you know you are dealing with one of our kind and that we wholeheatedly believe these comments irrespective of how pompous, hypocritical ,vain or ridiculous they may sound.All that matters to us is ensuring we gain a reaction to them.

  1. I don’t complain, I advise.
  2. I do, I am not done to.
  3. Don’t be sorry. Be accurate.
  4. I turn heads. I turn sexual preferences.
  5. I own you.
  6. I have every right to do this.
  7. I never lie.
  8. I achieved all this without any help whatsoever.
  9. I made you what you are today.
  10. I am very much in touch with my feelings.
  11. I hate liars.
  12. It is all down to me.
  13. I am a god.
  14. If it wasn’t for me, nothing would get done round here.
  15. I think of everyone but myself. I am too giving at times.
  16. It can be hard being this well-loved.
  17. I cannot help being so popular.
  18. They are my people. They get understand me,
  19. Everyone wants to either be me or be with me.
  20. I am the puppet master and the piper. Deal with it.

13 thoughts on “The Vainglorious Twenty

  1. 12345 says:

    21. Lawyers run the world.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They are ball washing bastards.

      1. 12345 says:

        AMEN!!!!! The very worst.

  2. Shannon says:

    “I’m a rare breed.” “They don’t make em like me anymore.” Hm, you got that right!

  3. giulia says:

    He never, ever said anything like being superior or God or the Owner….it would have rang so many bells in me… he knew he had to keep humble and respectful. He played it well. I believed him.
    N.14 was played as if he was everyone’s servant….

  4. superxena says:

    22. ” Just do what I say and don’t say what I do”
    23. “I am a cut above”

  5. Jenna says:

    “I hate liars”

  6. Brian says:

    Narcissist wholeheartedly believe themselves when they say they hate liars?

    The bit about staring nobly toward the horizon makes me laugh every time.:)

  7. Suckerfornarcopaths says:

    Is it usual for one of your kind to be relentless people-watchers and incessantly judgmental and critical of everyone you observe, even when you yourself have no room to talk? This is a characteristic (a very disturbing one) that I noticed about mine that always bothered me. Thoughts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This can happen yes.

  8. K says:

    #s 2,5,9,13,14, & 17
    I used to say to my ex, “I am surprised you can fit through the door cause your head is so big.”

  9. Indy says:

    The recent ex said when I called him arrorgant: “Im not arrogant! If anything I’m too humble!” 😂

    Mind you this was a week before he said this when I questioned his ethics at work(he fudged numbers to make him look good): “they would never fire me! Do you know who I am? I am XX XX. Classic!

  10. BC says:

    21. I don’t trust anybody.

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