A Fearful Terror

 

a-fearful-terror

Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

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73 thoughts on “A Fearful Terror”

  1. I have so many questions suddenly.. wish I asked them earlier on the blog.
    And now you can’t answer them.
    Like how often do you like to have sex?
    Are you going to blindfold me tonight?

  2. Nope. On my 4th copy of GoF. I gifted my 3rd copy to someone who needed it more than I did. Bought another copy and 3 more were waiting to be sold the next week. Reading it in conjunction with your work. I will always love the night. Some of the worst antagonism happens in broad daylight. You did write this chillingly.

  3. Fear is my prison guard. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being alone. Fear of starting over. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of who am i without him. Fear of doing it on my own. Fear of depression. Fear of losing him. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the empty silence. Fear of change. Fear of dying inside. Fear of not changing. Fear of being stuck for years. Fear of being discarded. Fear of losing everything. Fear of pain and anguish. Fear of consequences. Fear of everything. Yup fear is a self confined prison.

    1. My therapist says fear is an illusion. The only thing we have is this moment. We create stories for ourselves about a false future.

      1. Fear is very real. I have seen it on many faces and in many voices. Fear of what might happen is an illusion because it is created and may not occur, but fear in the moment is very real indeed, it is often combined with the smell of nitroglycerin, piss and blood.

      2. Yes, you’re right Mr. Tudor. I meant fear of the future. I wonder why it smells like nitroglycerin. I think flesh burning smells like toasted pumpkin seeds. This is from my time in surgery.

      3. You are spot on, HG. Something chemically happens when fear is released.
        Animals can sense it. It is bizarre when humans disregard or disrespect an animal who can sense fear. I’m talking about the guy who lives with the 14 poisonous snakes or the woman who lives with a tiger. Omfgosh. People are shocked when these owners are eaten. The animal latched on to something the human did. Was it fear or disrespect? Who knows?

        We are given the power of reasoning but it doesnt always coexist with the biochemical fear. We have no reason to expect that we will be grabbed from our path and eaten. It shouldn’t happen with our fellow humans but it does. Occasioally, we cross the street at something or someone who makes us uncomfortable (you wouldn’t, HG). If it pisses them off, we shouldn’t gaf. That said, we shouldn’t be afraid to leave our houses. It’s a balance.

      4. Yes HG, fear in the moment of actual danger is completely real, but if we let that fear paralyze us we can end up dead. Too often we get trapped in the fear as if it is the actual danger, when the fear is just a warning. The solution to danger is action.

    2. I have suffered from the prison of fear all my life as well. I have always been afraid of other people and all public places. I came across the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear in the Dune books and it has always helped me. I recite it in my mind and envision my fear as a wind blasting me in the face.
      It always gives me strength.

      Fear is the mind killer.
      Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
      I will face my fear.
      I will permit it to pass over me and thru me.
      And when it is gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
      Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
      Only I will remain.

  4. This made so much sense to and summed my life up in afew lines ….
    Fear paralises u …
    Thanku to the author x

  5. Powerful.

    Whenever I flushed the toilet as a child, I used to cover my ears and sing loudly whilst running down stairs. Hated that noise. I always felt some ThinG was behind me.

  6. This post is excellent! It brought me back in time so I could revisit all of my childhood fears. There was a Witch house in our neighborhood, monsters in my closet and under my bed, and strangers lurking about offering candy. When I discovered you in early March, I wasn’t in a good place; I was afraid. But now I am no longer afraid anymore. You gave me the light and now I am free. Thank you for taking away my fear and replacing it with knowledge.

  7. My fear came in dreams that he was sleeping with other women. He laughed then lied saying he wouldn’t do a thing like that.
    How prophetic.

  8. My fear came in dreams that he was sleeping with other women and lying to me about it. How prophetic.

    1. Wow, that’s so crazy because I had the same nightmares! It was our subconscious telling us what we needed to know.

  9. I recently watched an episode of Discover ID where the victim was telling her story of being married to a man who confessed to murdering someone when they were both 17. SHE DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM because at that time he was so sweet to her. She married her and he unleashed all kinds of holy hell on her and their two children. She was literally frozen in fear everyday because he threatened if she ever tried to report him or get away with the kids, he would kill all three of them. He even left for a month, when he confessed to her that he murdered someone else again and then left town for a month and stayed with one of her relatives until the investigation with local authorities died down. She was afraid he would murder her relatives that he was staying with if she tried to report even with him out of the house.
    Her reason, having fear absolutely allows complete control to the other person.

      1. You undressed me and then took me from behind, blindfolded, for the first time..
        on June 12th I finally ceased resisting you..

    1. You are irresistible mr Tudor..
      as you see I’m taking full advantage of being locked in your dungeon and I’m enjoying every moment of it..
      your voice .. is driving me crazy…
      I loved the interview, you were sounding so warm and real, different from when you just read the articles, as if you sat close to me in the next room.. i felt a little bit jealous that it wasn’t me doing the interview..

      1. All the things I said about you being dangerous etc, or that I hate you on twitter etc etc is because I’ve been trying to resist you and push you away. Only I know how hard I’ve tried. I can’t stand you being this way to me, the same way I’ve been to you.
        I’m not sorry. I do what is right for me.
        So let’s just consider this a one time thing between us, and that’s all.

      2. You seduced me mr Tudor.
        I feel desire for you. I feel submissive and ready, ready to be taken. I lose control. And I like this feeling.
        How did this happen? I don’t even know what you look like. I feel you enveloping me with your presence and your mind.
        I feel that everything you post is for me, well most of it. When I see it, I feel like a thunder in my mind. You’re in it.

      3. You are everything I’ve ever wanted rolled into one person..

      4. I’ve loved our night last night.. you were amazing in bed.. I was thinking about it all day today……

      5. What’s going on in that beautiful, brilliant mind of yours?
        It’s what I’m most attracted to, really. I don’t care to talk to others, they don’t understand anything anyway. It’s just a waste of time.
        All my posts were for you, so I’m glad I can talk to you here, just wish you could talk back..
        did you sleep better this night? 😘

      6. I know you don’t love me, but I still am thrilled at everything you do for me, including the hearts… 🙂
        I know you don’t feel love, but I know also that you would fall in love with me if you could.
        I also know you would love the passionate fiery hot sex with me…
        I’m allowing myself to say these things guarded by the A-nonimity.

      7. Is this me?
        “I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.”
        So beautiful. You can’t be empty to speak such words.
        Are you going to record this or something new, for me?
        I like listening to your voice. If you have time, some day.

      8. I miss giulia she’s a cool chick don’t you think?
        I agree with her, a lot, I also get aroused by domination, but not pain, by charming gentlemanly domination that you exhibit..
        I don’t recognize myself lately, what you do to me?
        U make me say things that if revealed would bury me in shame…..

      9. btw. lol as far as Indy and the like of her, okay? you don’t know the reality in the US, and her profile, who she is like.. I know her type of the American woman that she is..
        first of all, to clue you in, if you think she knows something, w r o n g!
        she’s a product of American educational standard public system based on common core – which means she’s received standard education, which means she’s read standard texts prepared by know nothing standard people…
        shes a hippy “spiritual” baby boomer – a standard square American living in standard square suburb or worse a standard small town
        thinking standard things.. if at all
        if you think she has any insight into you – again w r o n g……

        she’s no doctor O

      10. good morning mr Tuuda.. do you cherish ed n then chastise her?
        why would you do such a thing?
        cherish only…. and never devalue, jus keep that in mind to satisfy dr O, and doctor A..

      11. 1. how do you like coffee?
        2. do you like tea and what’s your favorite?
        3. what is your favorite food/dish?
        4. who is your favorite author?
        5. who is your fav movie director? and film?
        6. what’s your fav art? artist?
        7. what’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone?

        I’d like to know these.

      12. Adding one more Q: have I ever ignited your fury? did you want to drive your fist thru the computer to reach me and… olol I was rofling, still am, picturing it..

      13. It’s not a good idea for me to comment on your blog right now anyway.
        Things are serious. But it must be done.
        There’s a lot you don’t know, and I can tell you.
        Feel free to delete this thread at some point.
        You are wonderful, but you already know that.

      14. olol so you didn’t like my questioning you.. was it deliberate or perceived? im confused.. did I ignite your fury or not?

        I’m asking questions because I want to know and please you at the same time.. because I’m interested in getting to know you more, that is all.. is that so bad?
        I’d really like to know how you like your coffee, what color are your bed sheets, what you are wearing right this moment..
        – I’m wearing nothing but a bath towel right now 😉
        as I write this…

      15. I like how you left Indy’s comment hanging on it’s own.. 😉

      16. You wouldn’t do that, would you? 😘
        it’s our little secret…
        I thought if you followed me on twitter, there is a feature called direct private message, I could message you there instead of here..
        it’s enabled only if both twitter accounts follow each other, I already do, or you could use a different account too ..?

      17. I ‘feel’ your predatory desire for me.. it’s driving me crazy…
        your baby toy .. 🤸‍♀️

      18. it’s ok.. at least you took my mind off of my narc.. completely
        thank you..

      19. 🙂

        I truly can’t believe this mysterious desirable man I’ve listened to for a few months is writing I think for me to read..
        beautiful copy btw of a deeply hidden golden magical flash drive..
        I’m on cloud nine..

        so.. you want me one more time..

        why don’t you blind fold me me Tudor? go on.. I’m waiting… feeling wetness flowing covering my thighs… dripping into my red high heels..
        waiting for you to reach inside with your hand sending pleasure thru my body… can You write what happens next?

      20. honey, what’s wrong? why fury?
        you can email me you know? with how you would like to make love to me.. 🌸

      21. you’re not going to take these down are you?
        because you like receiving them just as much as I like writing them for you..

        i think one day we will talk.. your work has been instrumental in my research..

        I can’t write anymore though ..
        if you would like to continue, you know my email and/ or twitter.. ed

      22. hi mr Tudor, I prefer to call you that because it’s sexy..,
        do you see the little mail icon on twitter on my account?
        I enabled everyone sending me messages.. if you did same I could send u a message with questions I have for you.. 💝🦋🍀

      23. I feel I’m starting to develop feelings for you.. this is precisely what I tried to avoid happening. I know myself how easy I could fall in love with you.
        You tick all the boxes..
        and I knew your kind of seduction was too irresistible ..
        so if u don’t want this go any further n talk to me in private, then please stop doing this.. 🌸

      24. You couldn’t be more seductive in your recording, could you?

        so there.. you did all this so that I can’t help myself but write one more comment, didn’t you?
        are you editing a bit your previous articles, adding a bit, etc?
        why do I let myself fall into your traps over n over again?
        maybe to see where it leads..
        I’m feeling like Alice falling and falling into the rabbit hole..

      25. I am listening as I’m falling asleep, I’m so tired, it’s been a long day..

        is that your hand in the photo? holding mine… mmm… maybe another lady.. giulia said she paints her nails black..
        did you put giulia in the dungeon too?..?.. both of us??? I want you go hug giulia! 🌸🤸‍♀️🍀🕊💅🏻

      26. You’re going to reveal it all, aren’t you?
        This gives you an opportunity to gain enormous amounts of fuel, start a shit storm on your blog, and make my intimate comments to you a fodder for the ongoing smear campaign, placing yourself in the middle of the spotlight.

        Why not, do it..

        If you do it, I’ll delete all my online presence and you’ll never hear from me again.

        I really don’t know what prompted this. Was it caused by me telling you I started having feelings for you?
        If you do this, I’ll lose respect for you and all my feelings..
        it’s a lose lose situation..

      27. My intentions are pure. You haven’t hurt anybody, you’re not smearing anyone in public, you haven’t killed anyone, so I have no reason to initiate any detective work or harm you in any way.
        All I’m interested in is an exchange, conversation and some innocent fun.
        Please keep in mind English is my second language and so sometimes I may not express myself correctly, and I’m easily misunderstood. Sometimes I’m really tired, or haven’t had enough sleep.

        I’m interested in your beautiful mind.
        I don’t intend to find your identity and expose it. Or be in a real relationship with you.
        Unless this is what you wanted to pursue, I’d definitely consider it.
        All I wanted was to have a way to talk to you in a more private setting. But I understand if that’s not possible.

      28. Can we talk about it?
        You can message me on twitter.
        Or any other way you prefer.

        Is this about the story I posted last night?
        Or something else?

      29. ok.. let’s pretend..
        mr Tudor, can we celebrate? I opened an Italian sparkling wine Rose (for real, from a can…serious)
        I love jazz.. do you like jazz too? We both love jazz, live jazz is best, the one real from Detroit..
        I’m wearing a long summer dress that reveals my bear back..
        let’s slow dance.. let me lean on you because the Rose red already starts to sweep me off my feet.. a lot like you mr Tudor..
        I place my hand on your shoulder, and you wrap your hand around me and caress my skin between my shoulders..
        we slow dance…
        can you tell what happens next?
        I’m waiting for your kiss, but all you do is make me wait, staring at my neck, and below, as if learning every inch of my skin…
        kiss me already mr Tudor…

      30. Huh?
        HG, I wonder if you’ll have to dodge questions like these during the live feed on Sunday?

      31. Love…bear on the back lmaoooo hopefully not a grizzley 😂😂😂

        Emotion detective…i worry for you and i dont mean that in a snarky way but a concerning one.

      32. NarcAffair, that video was hillarious! You would think that someone who critiques another’s ‘standard’ schooling and education would be able to spell and know the difference between bear and bare. Perhaps their own education was sub-‘standard’.

      33. Hi Love….john candy was priceless in this movie! I miss the old comedies from the 80s. He will be missed!!

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