Five False Promises


The promise is used by the narcissist repeatedly, whether through Promised Gain or Future Faking, it is a mainstay of our manipulations against you, but what are the five most often used false promises that the narcissist is using against you and what does the narcissist ACTUALLY mean?

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5 False Promises of the Narcissist

15 thoughts on “Five False Promises

  1. lise says:

    Oh just knock it off! You don’t have to steal from people. Just stop.

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    How could I forget

    5. I will change – some truth in this statement – I will change the way I treat you once you start betraying me, not appreciating me, lying to me, cheating on me, not having my back or supporting me, and being unavailable when I need help….

    So yes I will change my behaviors and ultimate treatment of you when you start being a piece of shit. My feelings will change towards you and I won’t respect you or love you anymore. You will disgust me.

    But here is the lie again – silly me – won’t change who I am. That will never change.

  3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    It’s okay I made those false promises too…let’s go through mine…

    1. I will always love you – no I won’t.

    2. I will repay you – ahhh see this one is true. Oh I will repay you. You can bet your life on that. I always repay people especially when they have royally dicked me over. It’s only right that I repay you. I simply repay the favor and the treatment I endured. So yeah – a nugget of truth.

    3. I won’t hurt you – I won’t hurt you on purpose – well that is until you start abusing me – then anything is game. So I guess I lied again.

    4. I will be faithful – hahaha I can’t be truly faithful to someone who isn’t faithful to me. That is just pointless and doesn’t suit my needs. How can I be faithful to someone who isn’t faithful to me? I’ll be as faithful as you are to me.

  4. analise13 says:

    I heard #1 #3 and #4.
    Excellent, HG.

  5. Rhyming Fun says:

    It’s okay with him that I am here.

  6. MyTrueSelf says:

    My ex made a point of denouncing the five points you mentioned in this article.
    His version of the 5:
    1. I’m not signing a contract (i.e. Not committing to our relationship)
    2. He is low in his bank account, and offer to contribute he says , “No, because then I will have to give you your rights”.
    3. It’s your responsibility not to upset me
    4. Don’t make me have to have an affair
    5. I’m not going to change

    Maybe this was just a brazen attempt at exerting power and control and relinquishing any adult responsibility. I felt saddened, frustrated and worthless.
    The only promise: he’s making no promises.

  7. Yolo says:

    I told the lesser a penny for your thoughts, I think I still owe him 3 cents. After, I called him out on lies his words and thoughts were often lost in translation. 😊

  8. abrokenwing says:

    Re 5

    I actually said to my ex husband on one of the mediation meetings we had to attend that he is the narcissist and needs to seek professional help. ( This was before I came to this blog and learned about it).
    He said he already did and has been cured. 😆
    He would say and promise anything to make me give up on the divorce. He also said that he is very merciful and willing to forgive me everything because clearly I am lost and don’t know what I’m doing.
    Of course soon as he realised that I’m not gonna fall for it and change my mind all he wanted was to destroy me , make me regret it and pay for it.

  9. Rhyming Fun says:

    I am just being inquisitive since you are entirely fascinating, Mr. Tudor, and mean no harm in asking (smiles).

    #3 is particularly a real charmer, all right…



  10. Rhyming Fun says:

    I am reading, and trying to learn from what you write- which is made easier due to your easy-to-understand writing (because this is such a complex subject, of course).

    So, it would seem sweet that the Malignant Narcissist/Sociopath never wants us to leave him, because in our eyes, this would normally equate to True Love.

    But, from what I understand, he does not want us to leave him, not because he loves us, but because he loves our fuel- (or needs our fuel).
    So, why is it such a big deal, then, if we leave him if he can just go get Primary Fuel elsewhere? It sounds very easy for him to come by.

    Also, do your articles post at scheduled intervals for, let’s say, a week at a time, or so? Or, do you manually post them, daily? I know you are very busy, and therefore might not be able to gift us with your presence every single day… or, is it not really any of my business?

    1. Rhyming Fun says:

      Oh, I see then. It is none of my business.

  11. Sandra Muller says:

    my narc would make comments like this making promises and then when i brought it up that he had not delivered. He would say it never happened. He had never promised that. He accused me of “gaslighting him” . It was when he used the term “gaslighting” that it hit me he was a narc. I have been no contact ever since. 2 months strong 🙂 I got hoovered on snapchat this week by him, and he has been sending his flying monkeys. So predicable….
    I think he was projecting himself when he used the term “gaslighting” . I don’t think he imaged I knew the term and could connect with narcs. He was surprised that I had heard of that word. I really wonder why he used the term? Was it a slip? a mistake?
    Anyway I need to keep running. Great writing! Keep going! I have bought your book on planning the Escape. Looking forward to it \o/

  12. queenofallevil says:

    I have been reading your books like a madwoman. I’ve read Sam Vaknin’s Malignant Self Love but it’s just so dry. I find your information to be better presented and significantly easier for a lay person to really understand. Thanks for writing it.

    I have a question if you would deign to respond, I would be grateful. Is it your belief that all narcissists know themselves to be such or are there some that are not so self aware and falsely believe themselves to just be everyone’s victim and so that is why they do what they do?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for reading, yes it is important to be an effective communicator.

      Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists do not know what they are. Greaters do know. We all regard ourselves as the victim although this manifests in different ways, the Victim Cadre and the Mid Range school are the biggest proponents of playing the victim.

      1. queenofallevil says:

        Thanks so much for your reply.

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