The 5 Fears of the Narcissist

5 FEARS

1. You will leave

You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are,  you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.

2. I am ignored

There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.

3. I am exposed

Whether it is the unmasking of me as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.

4. I grow weary

I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.

5. The creature escapes

What if as a consequence of all the above I can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that I have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting me, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes me to the edge of the abyss and forces me to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around me. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in my vast mind, this awful, terrible thought as I feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove me over the edge……..

Listen to ‘The 5 Fears of the Narcissist’

46 thoughts on “The 5 Fears of the Narcissist

  1. Leela says:

    “My” narc knows that I know what he is. I haven´t been discarded yet. Why? He seems to be okay with it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Difficult to state without detailed information. Your knowledge evidently does not threaten his sense of control hence no disengagement OR you may be a shelf appliance and therefore this knowledge does not impact on the shelving behaviour.

  2. Leigh says:

    I love looking through your old posts. I always find something of value. I’ve never read this post and found it very enlightening. I have a question about #1. This is very interesting to me. With there lack of understanding of what they really are do lessers and mid rangers actually ever consider that they may have went too far? And would they only consider that for an IPPS and not anyone else in the fuel matrix? I’m assuming since Greaters know exactly what they are and what they are doing, that they don’t ever think they’ve went too far. Am I correct in that assumption.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thinking that they have gone too far amounts to some accountability which a narcissist does not have, therefore they will not think that. They may say they went too far, but that is not a true admission, it is just a form of False Contrition and is a manipulation.

  3. I can only imagine that the creature is the made-up reality that works all the life of a narcissist like a protection and is also like the content of his or hers being and innermost.
    If I would be a narcissist and the “normal” reality of the others would infiltrate my construct until it starts disappearing – I think that would take away from me the ability to speak and interact. Either there is my reality = me, or there is no me. How can I exist without me?
    If I would be a very intelligent narcissist I would desperately appeal to my mind in such situation. I would let my mind manage everything – manage to observe and to learn, and if necessary manage to learn how to pretend what I actually can not learn. But I imagine that must be quite strenuous.

  4. Confused says:

    Do they always come back? Mine literally left mid conversation, a sexy, fun text conversation. He said “brb” that was over 2 weeks ago

  5. irisfindsfreedom says:

    There is no creature. The creature is another projection. Another false self. Perhaps there is only the void. Thinking about the creature is another way to avoid thinking about the real self – if it exists at all.

    I know nothing.

  6. Iris says:

    With regards to the creature that lurks within:

    I don’t think that the true self, which is dead or dormant, is the same thing as the creature.

    I think that the true self is rather dull and mediocre, just like we are. So there is no reason for narcs to fear him.

    I think the creature is their false self at its worst, evil incarnate, and that is why they are so afraid of it. This evil being, once unleashed, is stronger than they can handle and it is self-destructive.

    Narcs know this on a unconscious level and they also know this monster is stronger when the are alone. That’s why they don’t like to be alone for a long time. The monster will visit them and eat them alive.

  7. Iris says:

    I have a question in regards to the abyss you were talking about HG:

    I used to have something I would call “the black hole of loneliness” that I feared I would fall into when I was depressed and lonely. I was terrified of this feeling and would do anything to avoid it, which included calling people up or visiting them. All I could think of was that I shouldn’t be alone because I wouldn’t survive.

    Does your fear of the abyss feel anything like that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 2

      1. Iris says:

        Thank you HG. That was very helpful.

        Your abyss is obviously a lot scarier than mine. I just fall in a bottomless pit which I can’t climb out of and I will be left there to die.

        Also not very nice, but it isn’t there constantly like your void is. It is just there when I feel lonely and depressed.

        When I read your article I saw that Í came pretty close with my description of the creature.

        It must be terrifying to have this monster living inside of you. I can almost understand why you think that is OK to use other people to avoid being eaten alive.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Iris.

  8. Nuit Étoilée says:

    I love this article. Thank you for sharing with us, HG.
    I agree with Syroya,Chingona, Ugotit & Windstorm –

    How to address your fears.
    1. We wouldn’t leave if you really loved us.
    2. If you didn’t require monumental amounts of attention, you would know we still admire you even if we don’t fawn all over you.
    3. If you were honest, you would not fear exposure. (and you could trust us to keep secrets)
    4. If you no longer sought fuel, you could use your impressive intellect and other attributes for other incredible things.
    5. When you integrate your inner self with the rest of you, you will be whole.

    The “creature” is not something you need to fear.. It is you…

    avec mon amour..

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      I like how the ads “know” me. It’s stuff I like or look at. Glad to know it helps you! You help me!

    2. Tappan Zee says:

      ⭐️ in french — i agree, there is no creature. only a belief in, fear of and reverence to. aka the construct. i suspect like we fight to the end not to let go of ours, they do as well. to discover there IS NO creature, after a life time homage to it, would be catastrophic and the very reason they perpetuate its myth. belief in it serves a purpose. an over simplification would be comparing it to: my belief fat is bad. it kept my eating disorder fueled. to realize fat is nothing. and not my identity (with or without it) is and was crushing. it is a mere comparison. idk if it’s helpful, the same would be true for my ex N relationship. he he he this that and the other. to let go of that belief and realize HE is not a thing, caused me to look deep. it’s hard. reality is very hard. constructs help. even though they hurt us too.

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Ok, Tappan Zee – so I’m super slow – just realized (I think) the star in French was for me 🙂 If you see this – you have such a great understanding – you’ve come through so much.

        Thank you for all you share – it helps me immensely.

        Sending lots of positive energy (or whatever I should say to express I think you kick ass & you’ll run circles around any narc who should cross your path 😉 )

        *bisous*

  9. Ugotit says:

    The only solution is to let the creature escape

    1. Twilight says:

      I disagree Ugotit, yet to control the creature in a different way, yet they must see a reason to do such.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Twilight
        I agree. For myself dealing with my own fears, understanding them thoroughly has always worked best. If HG can plough thru with writing his creature book, that may help him better understand this inner fear. It’s sort of like “laying a ghost.” Once you thoroughly understand something, it loses much of its power over you – at least in my experience.

      2. Ugotit says:

        The creature is just a little boy who decided it was better to turn into a monster than be devoured by monsters

    2. K says:

      Ugotit
      If it escapes, I am gonna grab it and kick its ass.

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Noooooo – it’s the dear creature who needs our love the most…

      2. Ugotit says:

        I’d give him a hug

  10. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,

    To all the narcissists in my life …….

    Boo hoo, here’s hoping… you make us not care anymore !

    Always well written,
    Thank you for allowing us in to your perspective

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Bubbles.

  11. Scarlet says:

    Hello HG, when is the creature book coming ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No publication date as yet Scarlet.

      1. Scarlet says:

        🙁

      2. Scarlet says:

        I think the creature is the real person behind the narcissist . Probably much more lovable than the narcissist believes . The narcissist is not lovable but the narcissist thinks it is !! Warped thinking !!
        Can you hurry up with the creature book please HG 😘

    2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

      Scarlet, that IS a twisted way of thinking, but I get what you are saying!

      Their deepest self is wounded… but that vulnerable portion of their being is much more lovable than the persona created to protect such.

      If only they could see this, right?

      Yet, we inadvertently feed the beast as their confidence and stability and strength are what we are attracted to… but when they add cruelty to the mix, we withdrawal; they push harder, often seemingly oblivious to the fact that their demeanor is so off-putting. It is as if some of them actually can’t see what causes the loss of the one thing they fear losing? (Unless of course, we’re being completely manipulated by a Greater who is intentionally deriving fuel from our hesitated departure. Ugh… I want a bumper sticker that says: Manipulation Sucks!)

      But upon each devalue, our tears become less and less… our strength becomes greater. It makes me think of Sam Smith’s “I’m Too Good at Goodbyes.”

      Anyway, I like the way you put it Scarlet. Certainly, there’s truth in your observation!

      If only they could learn to feel safe enough to reveal to us their wounded souls…

      I think we just solved the way to world peace! : )

      1. Scarlet says:

        Hi Burntkrispykeen, well that’s our theory and we’re sticking to it ha ha !!
        No doubt HG has his own thoughts on that , we shall have to wait for the Creature book.
        What’s annoying is HG fully gets it from all angles and continues to learn from the Good Doctors and is an intelligent man and still continues with it all, so frustrating !!!
        If he becomes rich and famous through this work he can then come out of the narc closet and that may alter slightly.
        I wish he’d hurry up and get world fame domination on this subject 😀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well if you good people spread the word, review my books and promote me, it will happen all the quicker!

          1. Scarlet says:

            HG, do you have advertisers on your blog ? Is that how people make money out of blogs ?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I do and yes that is how people do make money out of blogs.

          3. Windstorm2 says:

            Huh. I didn’t realize that about the ads. I thought they were from WordPress. Hope you make a decent amount off of the obnoxious things. They sure are never anything I’d be interested in. The one today is for a drug abuse treatment facility.

      2. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        Yes, Scarlet!

        And I can’t wait to see what the COVER of the Creature book will be? I think that would be a perfect opportunity for HG to reveal his true identify… perhaps in a Time magazine Man of the Year type format?

        Regardless, I have no doubt that Creature will be an interesting read!

        I just received my first HG Tudor book, Sitting Target and three more are to arrive tomorrow. So I have now officially contributed to the cause.

        Just let me know where I need to write my review. Will The New York Times suffice?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well that’s charming, suggesting I should appear on the cover of the book The Creature!

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Ha, ha! I’ve always figured you all imagine your “creature” to look like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. My own mental image is a small wide-eyed little boy looking confused.

          2. Scarlet says:

            Hi Windstorm2 I always imagine Gollum ha ha .
            The truth is there’s only one creature and that’s the narcissist personality that’s on display and all of the narcissists shannanagins ……….

          3. Scarlet says:

            Hilarious 😂

      3. BurntKrispyKeen says:

        It was all in good fun HG!

        I am sure you will choose a very interesting image for that cover.

        Still, you could reveal a part of yourself… in an Alfred Hitchcock kind of way… a brief cameo? What do you say; how about a glimpse?

        Curiosity just might kill this cat!

        (Know I’m only teasing as I respect your need for anonymity and respect you even more for protecting mine.)

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Perhaps.

          1. Twilight says:

            A cameo…..yes it would be interesting to see if “we” see you
            This made me think of Stan Lee

  12. Chingona says:

    I’d like to know more about the creature that lives behind the construct. What is the abyss one faces, and why is that any worse than my abyss, or the normal person in the car in front of mine? What does one DO when the ability to seduce (age, infirmity, loss of looks, etc)? If it’s too disturbing to address in concrete terms, I understand. Perhaps one of the books explains… I’m still exploring the site.
    Everyone: have a lovely day 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The creature will be addressed in a book of the same name.
      With regard to aging, this is covered with regard to some schools of narcissist (more in due course) in the two articles about Time and the Narcissist.

  13. syroya says:

    What if you were truly so afraid of yourself? What if you denied your one-time life force to connect to true self? What if you admitted that you can’t nurture yourself?

    What if you found ways to do so? What if you became self-centered in a positive, caring way? What if you truly aligned with you?

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Darlings and Demons

Next article

How Could You?