The Lesser Narcissist – 5 Facts

the-lesser-narcissist

 

I have come across these five questions on a number of occasions. They are often regarded as the five fundamental queries which are raised about our behaviour. They are usually answered in a forthright manner by certain commentators in order to drive the message home. However, these observations and answers are provided by people who are not of our kind. They are naturally entitled to comment but the true value arises from someone who is on the other side of the fence, the perpetrator of the actions, the doer. Furthermore, the usual observations are provided without regard to the fact that narcissists are both similar yet different because we operate in certain schools which are linked to our degree of functioning and malign outlook. Accordingly, the traditional answer provided to one of these questions may be correct for the greater of our kind, but not for the mid-range or for the lesser narcissist. Here are the five answers to the five central questions, beginning with those of our kind who are from the lesser school.

  1. Do we know what we are doing?

The lesser does not know. He or she is a creature of knee-jerk reactions, impulse responses and almost machine like programming. The lesser narcissist behaves in his or her manner as a matter of routine response. Push button A and you will get response A. Push button B and you will get response B. It is an unsophisticated system for an unsophisticated person. The lesser narcissist is something of a blunt instrument and has no understanding as to why he or she acts in this way. Out of all of our kind if you try to get a lesser to understand what they are doing, that they must realise what is happening and they are aware of their behaviour, you really may as well go and find a brick wall and slam your head against it as it will be more productive. The lesser does not know and your questions will only serve to enrage him for yes, again reasons he does not know, only that he knows he does not like your questions and he wants you stop asking them so you had better do so or else.

  1. Do you know that you are hurting people?

The lesser may be low-functioning but he or she will know that he or she is hurting people some of the time, but not always. They are not so stupid as not to not recognise that whatever he or she is doing is causing pain, distress and upset to somebody else but there will be occasions where that recognition is totally absent and the Lesser is not pretending that he does not see that you are hurt and that it is his action which has caused this, he really does not realise that you can be hurt by what he has done.

They recognise some of these emotions even though they do not feel those emotions themselves. They see the product of their behaviours and like all of our kind extract fuel from this although they will not understand that this is what they are doing. They will not recognise the concept of fuel. Instead the lesser narcissist will just regard the reaction of the victim as their own fault and they deserved it because they did something the narcissist did not like. The lesser often cannot even point to what it is that the victim has done that has provoked the annoyance, the irritation and the ignition of fury and being invited to do so just increases the hostile reaction. There are occasions when the lesser will respond sometimes with something specific but more often with a general expression along the lines of:

“You just wind me up.”

“You know how to push my buttons.”

“You get on my nerves.”

“You really bug me sometimes.”

The lesser experiences the irritation, the annoyance and the ignition of fury but does not know why and therefore he is not in a position to tell you what it is that has caused him to hurt you, but he just has to, because once he has, the irritation and so forth recedes. He has gathered fuel and addresses the restlessness that comes with the low provision. He has gathered fuel and repaired the wound caused by your criticism (real or more likely perceived) but he doesn’t not know that this is the process. He sees the hurt he causes but has no idea why he is doing it. There are also many occasions where the Lesser will not even realise that the hurt is being caused. Lacking any empathy whatsoever (not possessing the cognitive empathy which Mid Range and Greater Narcissists use to fake empathy) the Lesser will see you crying and just give you a blank look as he has no idea at all why you should be upset. It just does not compute.

  1. Is the behaviour deliberate?

With the lesser it is not deliberate. He or she does not plan to respond in the way that he or she does, it just happens. There is no scheming or plotting with the lesser narcissist, they are not of sufficient function to achieve this. In the same way that if you are hit on the knee with a small hammer there will (usually) be a reflexive action, it is the same for the lesser. He needs fuel, although he does not realise this. He needs to provoke you but again does not realise this. He just reacts and responds. He is a victim of some unseen and unknown higher force that causes him to react. He is already programmed this way but has not been granted any insight or understanding into why he acts as he does. This is why the lesser narcissist will never accept there is anything wrong with him, why he will never admit that he is defective in some way and why he will never concede that he is a narcissist. This is how he is. Isn’t everyone else this way as well? He has no ability to recognise what he is doing. I appreciate that this is often one of the hardest things for a victim to understand. Surely the narcissist knows what he or she is doing? How can they not see it? If you can, why can’t they? This is because they have been wired in a different way to you and with a lesser narcissist this means that their world view is so different that they consider it the only way that people behave and that there is nothing wrong with it.

  1. Can you control it?

In the same way that you might think that the lesser narcissist must surely understand what they are doing, you would expect that they can control it. The answer is that they cannot. As I have explained, their responses are programmed and they do not act in the same way as you. It is knee-jerk, immediate and automatic. For instance, let us say that you are walking along the street when you see a large man running towards you. You will do the following:

  1. Regard the behaviour that you can see;
  2. Evaluate what that behaviour means;
  3. Consider the range of responses available to you;
  4. Consider the most appropriate to the situation;
  5. Consider the consequence of such action;
  6. Execute your response.

Thus you realise the man is just out jogging because as he nears you he is wearing sports kit and headphones, so you keep on walking and smile at him, he returns the smile and all is well.

The lesser narcissist sees the behaviour and then responded. Parts b through to e are omitted. This is why the response, viewed through your world lens, may seem disproportionate, outrageous and wrong. To the lesser narcissist, it just is and why are you complaining about it?

The lesser narcissist has an extremely low ability to control his behaviours because of this programming. Whereas the mid-range and greater (as I shall explain separately) can exert control, evaluate and form decisions before responding, the lesser cannot. This is why lesser narcissists have a greater propensity to more extreme responses, including physical violence, because they cannot control their actions and do not evaluate the repercussions of that action. They just react.

  1. Can they stop it?

It is often thought that our kind can stop our behaviours and therefore if we do not we must be enjoying what we are doing. With the lesser of our kind they can no more stop what they are doing than you can halt a runaway train with your bare hands. The lesser is a creature of response and reaction. It happens and if you are in the way when it happens, that is your fault. He does not know why he behaves this way so has no basis for stopping it. He is programmed to respond in a knee-jerk manner and therefore is unable to stop the behaviour. If you tell him to stop, you are tapping in to this inability to control his behaviour and this amounts to fuel or a criticism (if delivered emotion free) but in either instance all it will do is cause the behaviour to continue, although the lesser will not know this. In some respects, this lack of understanding, insight and control makes the lesser of our kind a pitiful creature but in other respects it makes him especially volatile and dangerous.

26 thoughts on “The Lesser Narcissist – 5 Facts

  1. Darth Renardus says:

    So my friend witnessed this HORRENDOUS act of DV against his wife.

    Must be a Lee.Got to be.

    This is what my friend said…

    Day 111: Totally don’t get it, witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach. Man and Woman arguing in front of the kids, she smacks him in the head, and then it all kicks off. Policeman then turns up, attempts to break them up, he ends up hitting the bloke with his truncheon, but the bloke then manages to grab hold of the truncheon and lays into both the woman AND the policeman with it while the kids are cheering and laughing. And, to top it all off, a crocodile turns up and nicks all the sausages….

    That’s the way to do it!

    Hg, how do I counsel my friend?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Tell them to find better jokes.

      1. Darth Renardus says:

        Hg

        Now THAT is truly funny.

        Because I’ve just told him to fuck off.

        Can I detect a shrine to you? What would be on that shrine? Couluts, gee-gaws etc.

        Enquiring minds, need to know?

        Please x

        1. Ren says:

          Goodness spellings!

          Colours and erect a veritable high altar. Of course.

    2. Violetta says:

      They still have Punch & Judy shows?

      1. Darth Renardus says:

        Vi

        Yeah, they do…

  2. Zoe says:

    So the narcissist I’m dealing with is middle aged and supported by his parents. He lives in a tiny home next to his mom’s house on her property. He drinks and does some mild drugs everyday. Has been to jail for this once or twice. But he comes from a good family of professionals and middle to upper class relatives, some of whom are well off and well educated. He can be very intelligent and charming and charismatic and well spoken and well mannered when he’s not a drunken mess-which he is-most of the time. Some of his friends are impressive and some are complete low lifes. Some of his exes have been socialites and some have been drunks. Anyway, is he a lesser?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This will tell you what he is https://narcsite.com/narc-detector-2/

  3. Kate says:

    Hi HG,

    Please tell me if it is possible for a person with an advanced degree in engineering, business and/or a high I.Q. to be a Lesser? Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

      1. Violetta says:

        For reals? My dad had a STEM PhD, but when he went into a rage, he’d chase you all over the house yelling, “I’ll crack your head open like a coconut!” If you cried, he’d bellow, “Shurrup, you little shite!” and thwack you again. He’d accuse you of things you hadn’t done, exaggerate the things you had, bash you if you denied, bash you if you said nothing. During one of my parents’ separations, he said my mother had started the violence by biting him. I said, “Did you have your hand over your mouth at the time?” He said, “Yes, but I had to have my say.” When he wasn’t angry, he could be very charming, not in a sleazy way, but telling about the gang he hung with during the depression (more “Little Rascals” than Crips), giving naughty recitations like “Daniel in the Lion’s Den,” using (and catching my) allusions to Voltaire, Carroll, Orwell, GWTW, and explaining why SDI was a crock or a politician had to word things as he did when answering a reporter’s questions.
        Not an affable asshole?

        My mother, btw, showed multiple signs of being a mid-ranger. Possibly neither was a full narcissist, but they displayed many narcissistic behavior. As do I.

      2. Darth Renardus says:

        Hg

        Now THAT is intresting.

        Let me just note that down for future reference…

  4. geyserempath says:

    My friend told me I was dating a 12 year old.
    HG: My MLV narc seems preoccupied with food. Have you ever written anything about that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      How does the preoccupation manifest? Always eating it? Rarely eating it? Ensuring “his” loaf of bread is not used by anybody else? Eating other people’s food?

      1. geyserempath says:

        He is always talking about food, i.e. what his mom is making for dinner, or that he is making burgers or pizza, how much he likes a certain recipe he saw on FB, or how much money he saved on certain grocery items. He is greedy about sharing his food (takes a large slice of a cake he has baked to work to share…not the whole cake).

        1. HG Tudor says:

          See my response to NSS also.

          Food is regarded as his asset (sense of entitlement) and a device for triangulation.

      2. Not So Sad says:

        Eating for the sake of it because it didn’t pay for any of it .

        And throwing the rest in the garden rather then letting anyone else have it.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Greed owing to a sense of entitlement and the lack of accountability and support.

          1. Entitled to eat as much as he likes;
          2. Entitled to eat as much as he likes in addition because it was paid for by another;
          3. Entitled to treat the remains as he sees fit, because they are HIS remains;
          4. Not accountable for wasting the remains;
          5. Sees not basis for ‘supporting’ others through sharing the remains.

      3. Kimi says:

        My Nex-husband, a MMR received a Birthday pie and preceded to eat the whole thing out of the pan with a fork, right in front of me. He refused me even a bite. He said, “It’s mine!” I thought him rude and odd at the time… Makes sense now!

        1. geyserempath says:

          Kiki…my MLV narc didn’t offer to share he cupcakes I had scored at an event. He treated them as solely his possession.

      4. geyserempath says:

        Oh I never thought about food for triangulation! He has been bringing in tidbits for the crew since the new NISS/IPSS started. I figured he did this to look nice and normal and not the asshole they think he is..thank you, HG!

    2. K says:

      Food fight, when narcs collide:
      My ULN’s matrinarc ordered 3 pizzas for dinner one night and her two son’s (both narcs) fought over it. The 18-year-old grabbed 2 slices of pizza and stuffed them into his mouth, so the 24-year-old started calling him a fat pig and tried to slap the 2 slices out of his hands. The 18-year-old pushed him away and grabbed an entire box of pizza, while still chewing on the 2 slices. They were were literally in a tug-of-war-fight over the pizza box, as the older brother was yelling, “Let go of the pizza, you fat-fucking-pig!” Matrinarc was yelling at them to stop acting like animals. My daughter and I stood in the living room (for safety) while those bozos fought over the box of pizza, even though 2 boxes sat untouched on the kitchen table.

  5. Julie says:

    As my sister said, “It sounds like he’s just a spoiled brat”

    Kind of… yes. A 41 year-old spoiled brat that doesn’t like it when he doesn’t get what he wants.

  6. Watermelon says:

    Thank you HG, that is a great explanation of their inner workings.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  7. DUTG says:

    “The lesser is a creature of response and reaction. It happens and if you are in the way when it happens, that is your fault.” The more I read here, the more I am seeing and accepting that in a certain way, it is my fault. I see how I am projecting my empath qualities onto someone who is really not evolved enough to be deemed with that level of cognitive forethought of cause and effect. As the article states, certain steps in the rational thinking are just missing. It’s no wonder they can keep making the same mistakes over and over, not learning through experience, etc. I don’t mean I’m at fault for making them lie, cheat, steal, abuse. I mean I can be at fault for engaging in a dance without really knowing or understanding what my partner is. It also makes sense why sometimes the thought that they know exactly what they’re doing ahead of time doesn’t always fit. It also makes sense how I can now look with pity at former partners and at my aging parents as just extremely self-centered, stunted, childlike and unevolved in their ‘me centric’ default whereas when I was younger, I thought they were more powerful and evil and calculated. I look forward to learning how those qualities exist and manifest with the greaters whom I imagine act with knowledge that what they’re doing is wrong and intent. Onto the Mid Ranger article next.

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