The Rules of Ex Club – No. 1


A series of memes explaining the rules that the narcissist applies to ex intimate partners


39 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 1”

  1. I’ll be the craziest one ever. Left him ‘irrationally and for no reason’, filed a domestic police report ‘for no reason’, blocked him everywhere ‘’for no reason’. Went to counselling near the end ‘because I was crazy and insecure’.

    His smear campaign on FB was ridiculous. I found out about it because it was screencapped and sent to me. The series of events which he describes clearly shows someone that is trying to get away from him, but he of course sees it from his warped viewpoint.

      1. I know about no contact but he has me blocked so there isn’t much I can do but honestly I’m sort of glad. I’m exhausted from more than 2 years of this as a long distance ipss though I wish I would have been the one to do it. In a way it’s best he did. I don’t have to make that daily decision to leave him blocked until I’m fully detox and until you get some detox time it’s a daily decision. I feel like crap and yes a sense of utter relief at the same time. I feel like he’s done he’s never blocked me everywhere but i know you say it’s never done. Realistically, how long. do I have till he resurfaces and I can block him everywhere ?

        Thanks for the help HG for a narc you are a dang likeable guy but then again I’m not your girl friend lol

    1. Hi Lisa, I am sorry about your situation. How and why did he call you psycho given your IPSS status? If you don’t feel like sharing, that is perfectly all right.

      1. I pretty much refused my downgrade from Candidate ipss )even though we are long distance I experienced and intense seduction) to shelf ipss whereby he told me he was talking to someone else. I kept pressing the issue for answers and of course I went off when I could see he was ignoring me. We had a heated echange whereby he says he wanted nothing to do with me when I “act ” like this. He always uses a qualifier so he can later say I didn’t say I wanted nothing to do with you. I said I wanted nothing to do with you when you act that way. In any case the heated argument ended in him blocking me everywhere. It is awful and great at the same time because I’m off the roller coaster of checking on him and the anxiety it brings

        A side note he has blocked me more times than I can count but usually some channel open not this time

      2. Honestly being blocked is kind of a best case scenario. It’s like being thrown in rehab/detox against your will and you aren’t able to use anymore. This is pure addiction. I feel like I have been given a respite from the crazy roller coaster ride. Am I happy that he blocked me? No, but I am glad the roller coaster ride is over

    1. I completely screwed up. I made contact today with my ex. I am kicking myself in the butt. Why did I do that?? I thought he was leaving me alone, but one thing I learned tonight is that he has been stalking me. That’s the only good that came out of it.

      1. They never Really leave you alone….ALWAYS looking for a way to HOOK you again. Even when they have NEW supply!

      2. I know exactly how you feel when you learn you’re being watched. It’s disconcerting, and there is no real, definite way to stop it unless you completely cut yourself off from everyone and basically join Witness Protection. And Melissa is right; they never really leave you alone. I have been dealing with hoovers and re-ensnarements (is that even a word?) since 1984. Emotional thinking made me believe we were “meant to be,” and that’s why we kept circling back to each other… now I know what was really going on, thanks to HG and this community. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve kind of gotten used to the fact that he’s always snooping. If that’s all he’s got to do with his time, more power to him… I’ve stopped trying to keep him from finding things out. He’s only making himself more nuts by looking at a menu he can’t order from, right?
        I am fighting a hoover today, so your post may have saved me. I got a “pitiful” hoover this morning… he’s best at those. A “friend” sent me a screen shot of his “Goodbye to Facebook” post. It seemed to be directed passively at me… he used song lyrics from a song he always used on me and he ended it with the word he always uses to end his communications with me…. “Smile…”
        I fell into my usual emotional thinking and almost …. ALMOST…. unbocked him on Facebook so that I could see the post myself. Then I came here to find my spine, and I found your post. So thank you.
        Now, instead of unblocking him and allowing the hoover to work, I’m sitting here wondering how many other people he has used that song on and how many other people he tells to “smile…” And I wonder how many of us will fall for it. Hopefully I won’t…. hopefully.
        I think I need to read a little more HG this morning and get my head back in the game. Anyone have any suggestions???

      3. He stalking you is NOT a good thing. At all. And don’t kick yourself, stats preview a victim will try to escape up to seven times before (s)he can actually accomplish it. GOSO and NO CONTACT will save your mental health, but only if you do it seriously.

  2. The only other good is for me to caution everyone who thinks it’s okay to or they r ok now, I thought seeing him wasnt going to bother me. The only thing I did right was not make eye contact. Dont do it. I feel like I ‘fell off the wagon.’ Horrible feelings.

    1. Right on, Melissa . . . I’m only 3 weeks post discard and I’ve been binge reading Tudor ‘s great works–it is finally starting, just starting, to register in my mind. I watched him follow HG’s script. And then I’ve spent hours going over how easily manipulated I was. And other hurtful things he said and I took it cuz I could tell by looking at him, he’s spiraling down in the past 3 weeks. That spells danger for me cuz he goes into rages and has been very violent. The above article is just on time for me . …

      1. Hey😃. Dont be, so hard on yourself, You were intentionally brain-washed and manipulated for harm by a well practised PREDATOR! 👹…..KEEP READING*

  3. I feel great. I cut-off all contact over 7 months ago. I don’t care if he says I am a crazy b@@@@! Thank goodness I saw who he was early on and I enforced the no-contact rule with everything. I didn’t once waste any energy trying to find out what he’s up to either.
    Your site has a lot of valuable information!

  4. Now he’s been texting me, sexting me, bragging about how many women he has (I discarded him), he started love bombing me, telling me how much he loves, asked me to meet him AT A MOTEL, and I finally said I have to go to bed. I have to go to the office tomorrow. UGGG I am too nice but I just didn’t want to set him off. Yes, the ex can get violent. He hasn’t smeared me cuz I know too much about him. I could destroy him, but I’m nice, remember?

  5. I was wondering if it’s possible of being smeared against but not being aware of it?

    I haven’t heard anything negative about me that my ex Narc has said and it kind of makes me nervous. I was expecting to be labelled everything from a whore to a gold digging bitch (Since I was the one spending money on him).
    But there has been absolute silence on me.
    I wonder why?

    1. I read smeared. more than likely he smeared you behind your back during your devaluation phase. if the formal relationship has ended than he is taking a break from talking about you at all, unless you are brought up because i is trying to move on. if there is no further business to tend to , this is your chance to implement no contact.

  6. I just blocked him after the last text when he said good night lover . . . I want to puke. I was so in love with this guy I thought about him from the first moment I awoke until I fell asleep every night . . blocked him again. But now I know he has minions, stalkers, hes been talking about me as this is fuel for his ego that we were together “the IT couple”.
    I’m learning. Sleep well all without the tension, drama, upset stomach, headache . . . I may never be well, but I’m getting better.

  7. Thank you, HG. Someone told me once my problem might just be my purpose. I’m buying all your books. Maybe my purpose is to educate people. You r an inspiring person.

    1. I recommend you do. I’ve devoured 8 of his books in the last week or so.
      My faves are Fuel, and Revenge (lotta info in that one on the pillars that hold up their construct.., HG I think an article or articles on the pillars would be hugely beneficial)
      I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the rest but those two really opened my eyes and helped me grasp wtf is going on with these narcs.

  8. The crazy ex- that is correct! I may have been the ex before I decided to get out and just wasn’t informed of this, but now I definitely am. As to the crazy part, I must have been crazy to have anything to do with him. If you’re not crazy before getting involved with one, you are afterward, at least for a little while.

    1. Being crazy . . . feeling crazy. Now I’m really frightened. Thank u all for ur comments. I’m trying to take all this in.

  9. Oh I was the loudest. The smartest. The one who dumped HIM.

    He had me arrested. (Found not guilty)
    He had his ongoing Malignant Narc foodsource to get me arrested. (Guilty)
    He created false allegations galore.

    He destroyed my life time and time again while i tried to keep him away.

    Hes quiet now. His food source isnt…

    But im clever now. Us survivors get clever. Im in scotland and writing a book.



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