Parasite

PARASITE-5

You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.

 

You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

Advertisements

27 thoughts on “Parasite”

  1. Oh !!! My apologies H.G. !!! My profound apologies !! Couldn’t find my poem till now !! Hope you appreciate it! (Altho I won’t be surprised if you do wipe it !!) My sneakily hope was that, (if you didn’t think it was crap,) you’d do me the great honour of reading it out loud one day ?! That voice !! Phew !!…that voice…

  2. I’m not surprised you “wiped” my poem !! (In answer to your “Parasite.”) I thought you would; however, I have the satisfaction that you must’ve read it to have done so. Almost as good as if my ex had read it !! I also realise how accurate it is ! On a scale of 1-10, I would rate it as a 7. Not so good as some I’ve written but fun, nevertheless. I thought you might get the irony as you had written “Parasite,” as if you were an empath, (and in so doing, showing how well you understand us and how you know exactly what you do,) and I wrote from what I saw as a malignant narcissist’s viewpoint. Keep ’em coming H.G. I particularly liked “Married man.” That described him, in the early stages, to a tee !!! Best. Jo. (aka Conniethe cactus.)

  3. I, Narcissist.

    Ooooh ! Who shall I be today?
    Whose words shall I use to say
    anything to anyone?
    Am I straight or am I gay?

    Don’t say that you love me.
    You don’t know the danger
    you’d put your very soul in.
    I’m vengeance, born of anger.

    I’m not here, I’m somewhere else
    and if you look I’m not there too.
    Depends which me you want to see
    and whether he I’d be, or you !

    Indeed, if he I ever was,
    seemed so easy at the time;
    but now I’m bored, you tire me.
    I turn my facade like a dime.

    Look at me ! Oh look at me !
    as I stir my cup of tea.
    Am I not just marvellous?
    Just look at my pert little arse!

    I’m stood just to the right of me.
    I see me as you see me.
    Wouldn’t you like a little touch?
    When’ll temptation prove too much?

    This world is mine, its luscious thrills !
    It all belongs to me, me! me!
    To watch your face as I cause chills,
    Oh ! The joy of the agony !

    You mustn’t go, you are my tool
    and I must keep you as my fool;
    my porous mirror to abuse
    as I see fit. You are my muse.

    You must stay till you dry up;
    (that is if you love poor me.)
    To suck you dry I have to do
    till only me and no more you.

    Come close ! So I can knock you back.
    Walk off ! So I can tempt you near.
    Come with me, my games to play
    but never, never disappear.

    Indeed, who am I without you?
    A myriad of empty shells.
    Please don’t leave myself to me.
    Without you, I cease to be.

    Then the dreaded creature’d stir.
    A loathsome slime in stinking mire
    from chasm empty, cold and vast,
    a profundity of evils blast !!

    (In memory of the narcissist.)
    by Jo Griffiths-Davies. ( aka Conniethe cactus!)

  4. My Narc is so not able to contain himself anymore that long and needs so many IPSS because they don’t stay long when they find out how many other woman he sees.

    So he needs to give a lot of goodies to keep them around. He is very open about it and does not go around the bush I. How he compensate people in different ways to have them stick around. That also spare his energy to have to hide himself too much too.

    So he identifies rapidely in his introduction questionnaire lol… what their needs are : a job, money, vacations, a car, a lover, a respite from their life, a potential husband Etc and he provides them with 80% of what they need to keep them
    On the edge and under control.

    So he will take double – triple of what he gives you and I know he calculates everything to the dime.

    The more he invest- the more you are in for the ride !!!

  5. If it only was that way. It is not. Well, if a tiger pretends to be an elephant like me, he is surely disappointed after an entanglement. I do not eat meat or have the need for prey. Of course- we like the same places.

  6. I believe my narc. brought out the latent narcissism in me and that tempted me to “fight fire with fire” as I tried to use his tactics against him. However, the few times that I did that I felt like I was betraying my true self and then vowed to not do so again. I am happier being my less narcissistic self. That connection with my self is very satisfying. I feel sad that he does not have that experience available to him.

  7. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Sorry, this piccie is really off putting …. I can’t even read this!
    Sorry! Yuuuuk !

    1. Ps … the weasel attached himself to me like poison ivy. You develop an itchy and painful rash when touched and effects can last up to 5 years … you need anti inflammatory drugs and apparently “iron salts” have been found to eradicate the symptoms

      If you develop blisters, the fluid is contagious, so you need to wash and sterilise everything to stop reinfection ….. sound familiar … 😂

      1. PPS … I looked up a previous post with a much nicer piccie and read it … thanks Mr Tudor, good article

  8. HG… I was thinking today about things and this article is related..this one (and you have many other similar mind benders) is an example of the self doubt and confusion that we get into when we start trying to noodle out the entanglement. I get into these kind of circular thoughts that make me doubt I’ll ever find a good person out there again. Like everyone is just a mess.But maybe I am a bit jaded right now.
    So I was thinking a topic for something you to write about and in particular maybe for that world narcissist awareness day thing- I wonder how you would compare and contrast a “normal relationship” with a relationship where there is narcissistic abuse occurring.

    Because I think that is where awareness in the general public gets lost… I think you’re series about “no good advice” is excellent! And points that type of stuff out. But I was thinking maybe something shorter thst the lazy masses would read….like a list or a table which would define situations or the like that would say here is what a normal relationship would be like in this situation and here is what a toxic relationship is like in this situation. I read somewhere that on the Internet people love clicking on little articles where it says 10 sure ways to blah blah blah or seven signs that you’re a robot.
    Thx

  9. Actually, perhaps I should have used the word co-dependent and not Empath. Please let me vorcorr that.

  10. I suppose both Narcissists and Empaths can be seen as parasites on each other. Normal, loving relationships are not parasitic because people give with a joyful heart and with no concern for receiving anything in return. Is it possible for some Narcissists to become that way? Do you think that you can ever be like that, HG? You are so intelligent and aware that it seems possible for you.

    I hope so because you deserve to be happy, too.

  11. A complete head f*** beautifully described here! One I can identify with and continue to be baffled by

  12. ❤️ this one! Seems symbiotic when you put it this way. Give and take on both sides. It’s just that the “take” injures on both sides as well although in different ways.

  13. It’s a beautiful dance till one of us gets out of sync and steps on the others toes. Then all hell breaks loose and let the crazy begin as both experience a break in the symbiotic supply line and seek to establish control

    1. Hi lori…i love this analogy! It is a dance between two codependants. If you keep going back uoure codependant on the dance.

      1. Two “users” whose drugs are validation and supply. Two addicts who are each other’s dealers

      2. Hi Narc Affair,

        Yep these people fill a void in you. They know it’s there and they fill it which begins the addiction. That’s why you feel empty when they are gone. The emptiness was always there only you got a taste of feeling full so now emptiness feels even worse.

        I know some folks get put off by the idea of codependency. We all like to think that we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time when then Narc found us. While that is true, it isn’t the whole story. Yes the Narc abused us and yes that all on him but the fact that we took it over and over and went back to it and well, that’s on us. People with healthy boundaries don’t do that

        Does that mean every victim is a raging codependent? No it’s doesn’t, but codependency is on a continuum like Narcissism but I still stand by that if you had a long term relationship with one that you have some degree of codependency.

        After tons of books article and therapy, I don’t believe you heal from this until you figure out what void they were filling and address it or another one will come calling. Even with all I know another came calling

  14. Ahhhh you describe the dance of the Narcissist and the Codependent. A symbiotic attachment where the two compete for control.

    1. So true lori. The winner is the one who can walk away or outlast. The narc can outlast so we must walk away.

      1. Yep but then they come back and say come on lets dance again. I wont cheat again I promise. We know they will but we are still think we’ll win. And the music begins and we start the dance A gain. Ayer all I do love to dance …

  15. Hi, HG,

    my exN gave me nothing because he was nothing. I just thought he was a good person, a really good one. And the sweetest boy in the world.

    I have a narc father and also a narc ex friend and several other narcs not so close as these three but my exN, the one that hurt me the most… he was absolutely nothing. A silly sweet boy not even so sweet.

  16. As far as my attaching myself to the Narcissist, the only benefits I wished for were that of being able to give him my love and to care for his wants and needs. In turn, I wanted to matter to him, to have a place in his life, and to be loved in return, (but, only because I adored him so completely). He enjoyed the part where I adored and served him, but not the part where he loved me. (I don’t think he even liked me, let alone ‘loved’ me).

  17. You are correct, I think, in defining the relationship in this way: a symbiotic relationship of sorts. And I also think that a high end narcissist perhaps has more goodies with which to ensnare another with. I also can’t help but notice that there is a groupie aspect of this website, the nom de plume’s people take on seem to glory in the manipulation or the victim status. I don’t want to be known, or referred to as a victim, and I wouldn’t want to brag about my sinister activities. You provide valuable information for sure, but sometimes I swear I can sense the box of Kleenex you have nearby which you use to catch dribbles. Happy Easter, Mr. Tudor.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.