A Fearful Terror

 

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Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

16 thoughts on “A Fearful Terror

  1. UltraEmpath says:

    Or you could grow a spine and leave your husband instead of deluding yourself into thinking that your boy toy makes you happier and giving others your “misery needs company” advice.

  2. ajournalofabulawayogirl says:

    Wow

  3. Colleen says:

    I didn’t realize that my boyfriend was a narc then but from what I’ve read it all makes sense now why he jumped out of the closet to scare me.

  4. Colleen says:

    My narc jumped out of the closet to scare me when I came home from work one day. He knew that I had previously had a guy come into my apartment when I was away at college at 5:30am, just a few minutes after when my roommate left and didn’t lock the door. I screamed, barricaded myself in my room with a bookshelf and started banging on the ceiling for someone to help me. The guy was supposedly was staying with his friends in the apartment above. He said he was looking for a bathroom. What guy gets dressed and goes outside down basement stairs to go to the bathroom! I don’t think so! I moved out as soon as I could…3 weeks later.

  5. American Woman says:

    You want me to fear so you don’t fill in any blanks and you don’t answer any questions and you tell multiple versions of the same event and never stick to one and blow your lid when I nag and nag and nag you to be honest…. and later i tell my lover how much i appreciate this new energy he puts into my body, how it allows me to be happier, think more clearly, feel great all over and yes, we can do this again tomorrow, and no, i don’t need any money, my husband has a good job and because he’s so busy hiding his life he never notices mine… freedom with a second income, and lots of other guys like a girl in this position, you know, go out and find you one tonight!

    1. Persephone In Sunlight says:

      American Woman,
      I did give your post a like, because I can see where it was helpful to you, probably in the same way it was helpful for me. It helped regain some confidence, and in so doing, let me see a bit more clearly who my husband was.
      In my case, I wanted him to know I was not repulsive to others, and to get some acknowledgement that I was a person, not a possession. I did not leave any clues about who I was with. I never got ANY acknowledgment of it, at all, and I was punished later.

      But this can be a VERY dangerous thing to do, you will be punished at least, maybe injured or killed, so I don’t recommend it, myself.

      Perse

  6. Poetry & Rhyme says:

    It makes it worse that Narcissists and Sociopaths are disguised in kindness, warmth, compassion, and love. It is what is behind this mask that is so horrifying. It is terrifying that we never really know where these kind are lurking until it might be too late. We are taught that monsters are hideous-looking, not sweet and gentle.

    1. Boho Belle says:

      I believe you can uncover them before they do damage to you by looking for the red flags and not ignoring them, by education and by wising up with the help of people like HG… We need to look at their actions and not just the words. I think they are pretty transparent when you learn what to look for

      1. Poetry & Rhyme says:

        Boho Belle,

        Yes, I believe that it’s so crucial for everyone, men & women, to learn the Red Flags of Narcissists and Sociopaths.

        I think another good idea would be to understand why these kind are more attracted to certain people, than they are to others (and visa versa).

    2. Dragonfly says:

      There are warning signs. I chose to ignore them. I got caught in the web of deceit. I believed it was real when it was all an illusion. Unrequited love.
      Have you read about the warning signs? Red Flags? If I get conned again, I pity the narc. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned–Fatal Attraction.

      1. Survival Mode says:

        Dragonfly,

        As the relationship progressed, I sensed that things were not adding up, and definitely not sitting well with my intuition. But, I chose to ignore the Red Flags, too, because being in-love is one of the best feelings in the entire world. I wanted to hold on to that feeling for all long as possible, despite the warning signs. But, as his abuse became worse, especially with that of the Triangulation, my self-respect took over, and I left.

        See, his Enabler did more than idly sit by and watch him abuse me, she abused me alongside of him, viciously. She was 25 years older than him, and married. But, the Narcissist and Enabler both swooned each other. What kind of Narcissist wants to f*** his mother? Or, visa versa? The way they carried on together was way too sickening, and got stickier every day. I can guess why they were both covered in such stickiness.

        Of course even long after the relationship was over, the Enabler kept emailing me about how giggly-excited she was to be going to visit him very soon. It furthered my trauma, and lengthened my entire recovery process. I finally told her to STOP emailing me, or else I would go and visit her religious cult, and mention her name to them, and what was going on. So, she stopped emailing me.

        I imagine that on that wondrous day that she went to visit, and give praises to the “apple of her eye”, the Narcissist’s hometown was wall-to-wall stickiness.

      2. /iroll says:

        “But, the Narcissist and Enabler both swooned each other. What kind of Narcissist wants to f*** his mother? Or, visa versa?”

        yikes! I find narcs very oedipal, in the Freudian sense, because they never really separated from their mothers. Part of the condition is a lack of ability to separate from the primary caregiver (and the world), so they’re stuck in a psychic developmental age of a baby who is the center of the universe and nothing else exists except what they need for their survival.

        They want that kind of total sustenance from a partner, while also competing with rejecting them because intimacy feels like being smothered and engulfed. They’re dependent on others for their self-esteem (coded survival), but have to reject others to maintain their autonomy, in denial of their dependence which conflicts with their egocentric self-image. They might do this through continual partner swapping or compartmentalising multiple simultaneous partners. Sex addicts seem highly sexed, but what is really motivating them?

        re: Freud, I don’t think that infants subconsciously ‘want’ their mothers, i think that Freud rejected the pre-sexual, fluid, feminine type of sensual child-mother ‘oceanic bonding’, he rejected the concept of love in general, in favour of a more rationally masculine concept of sex, because he was very oedipal (sexually undeveloped, fearful of women’s agency: “too masculine”), due to his own paranoid narcissism.

      3. /iroll says:

        *competing with (devaluation) and rejecting them (discarding)…

      4. /iroll says:

        Basic Instinct was good. I also like i spit on Your Grave. It’s an underrated classic! 🙂 Also the film Martyrs, for those with evil matrinarcs.

        Never be an empath-mother for a narc, as much as they’ll tell you that’s what “a good girl” is. Toxic bullshit, you’re your own person and healing comes from that, not fighting for their ‘affection’ which they don’t have for themselves let alone you. Silent Sulks, stonewalling, disappearing acts and healthy self-esteem will never co-exist.

        1. Survival Mode says:

          Uh huh… yes.

        2. Survival Mode says:

          /iroll,

          I forgot to thank you for your above comments about the Narcissist/Mother Relationship. Thank you

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