Exposed – 5 Further Ways To Flush Out the Narcissist

EXPOSED - 5 FURTHERWAYS TO FLUSH OUT THE NARCISSIST

 

Here are five further opportunities to flush out whether the person you are interacting with is potentially one of our kind.

  1. Ask which parent we liked the best

The Lesser will launch into an uncontrolled tirade about the one he hates because that is the one that has made his life a misery since childhood. He despises that person and will relish the opportunity to share his vitriol with you.

The Mid-Range will not opt for fury but rather will speak in melancholic terms for the purposes drawing some kind of sympathy about how he misses a particular parent (one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not) and he will describe how he does so much for this parent but is underappreciated. He will not actually choose one parent over the other but instead he will use the question as an opportunity to convey his woes.

The Greater will tell you that his parents died in a car crash, or left the country, or that he was abandoned as child purely for the purposes of gathering fuel from you and making him appear to be a troubled soul, whilst every time you look in the other direction he will be smirking. When you eventually meet his parents he will use your bewilderment at their appearance to make a joke and display how he loves his parents immensely. This is all show. He actually wishes they were dead.

The Normal will not pick one over the other usually, but if he does, this will be done after emphasising the good points of both parents so that one only just shades it.

  1. Ask what our favourite toy was during childhood

The Lesser will recount a tale about how his favourite toy was broken by a parent, a sibling or stolen by a supposed friend. The rant he will engage in will seem like this toy was hugely expensive and that the event happened yesterday.

The Mid-Range will most likely point to a board game and remark about how he won every game that he ever played and may even admit to cheating at the game. He will answer this question quickly, as if it is something that is often at the forefront of his mind.

The Greater will dismiss having played with toys and will explain how he was too busy studying, playing sport or chasing girls. Indeed, there is every chance that he will explain he was doing all three. He does not want too many reminders of childhood because the memories remain painful and all too clear, not that he will admit that to you. He will instead ask you about your favourite toy.

The Normal will smile and identify something which will be straight-forward and simple but he will speak about it with fond enthusiasm.

  1. Ask when did we last cry

The Lesser will relate it to some personal slight that he has suffered. It will not be because he was upset about someone else, but rather that he was upset for himself. He will not be able to provide a precise time.

The Mid-Range will profess it was as a consequence of a sad film or on seeing some campaign to help blind gay whales find their parents. He wants you to think he cares and is compassionate so will align his supposed crying with such an event. The reality is he cried when he thought his last supply was leaving because he felt bad for himself and he knew that turning on the water works is a sure fire way of stopping the departure and garnering sympathy.

The Greater will say that he does not cry. He will be proud of that fact and not wish to mask it. He will then ask you what makes you cry and make a careful note of what your answers are.

The Normal will explain it was when his grandmother passed away, when his dog died or when Bambi’s mother was killed by the hunter in the film. It may also be when his team last won the championship or when he was re-united with a long lost friend.

  1. Apply a gentle criticism to us

The Lesser will reject the assertion and argue that you are wrong. He will initially keep a lid on his ignited fury because this has been done during the seduction but if you press the point he will erupt.

The Mid-Range will fall silent as he tries to prevent the criticism from igniting his fury. He cannot respond because he is exerting his control to keep his ignited fury under control. Once he feels it abating he will either change topic pretending that he never heard it or he will depart from your company for a few minutes as he regains his composure. Say hello to your first, short silent treatment.

The Greater will smile and laugh. The smile will be false and the laugh hollow. He has plenty of control during this seduction to prevent his ignited fury from manifesting. Expect however a back-handed compliment later in the interaction and he has filed away your comment which will be revisited on you during devaluation.

“Remember when you said you did not like this tie? I certainly do. Well, Louise loves this tie and thinks it suits me. Who is Louise? Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The Normal will smile and laugh it off, asking you “Do you think so, why do you say that?” interested to know why you have said what you have said. He may reject it but will do so pleasantly or he may take the comment on board with good grace.

  1. Observe our interactions with a minion

The Lesser will go out of his way to be haughty and demonstrate that he is the boss in order to try to impress you.

The Mid-Range will be charming and pleasant in order to draw fuel from both you and the minion. His obsequiousness will be noticeable and he will spend more time than he ought to deal with the minion.

The Greater will be flirtatious and point out that “They love me in here because of how much I spend, I always get a great table and great service.” It will be all about how great he is and how the minion is there to serve him.

The Normal will be polite and have minimal interaction with the minion because he will be concentrating on you.

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39 thoughts on “Exposed – 5 Further Ways To Flush Out the Narcissist”

  1. Blind, gay whales, you’re so funny! I’ve been wanting to ask about his mother as he doesn’t talk about her, except that he was named after an actor from the 50’s that she had a crush on. This is fun! Just have to figure out how to work in, What was your favorite toy?, into a conversation, lol.

    What is The Normal? I’ve haven’t seen that category of narcissist before.

    1. Ooh, never mind! The normal is a non/narc, one of us, for contrast. I was quick reading as all narcissistic things consume me and my time when I should be doing other things!

      1. Me: Thank you for this article. It will help me to better understand who is a Narcissist, and who is not.

        HG Tudor: You are welcome, Nika.

  2. HG, i have read two of your books and read most of your blog posts. Also was in a relationship with a very very young female that was upper mid ranger. Her mother is definitely a Greater (powerful CEO) and tried to seduce me but my mid ranger somehow acknowledged that and quckly discarded me and one of the reasons i believe is the two of them are in some kind of competition. I was wondering did i missed something regarding to the narcissist getting awareness about his condition. What i want to ask is: how and when does the narcissist become the Greater ( aware of what she actually is and recognizing fuel as emotional output that adresses the emptiness – core wound)? How does this evolution takes place in the life of a narc? I apologize if you already wrote about this and if you did can you tell me in wich book/article i can find it? Also i would like to ask your opinion on the MPD( multiple personality disorder) i thin that my ex is developing due to many many masks she wears ( she constantly has parasomnias and sleep-talking and walking creepy night self talks i managed to overhear number of times.). Thank you!

    1. The evolution of a Greater is something I have answered in previous comments.
      As for MPD, FreeSpirit, that is not something on which I can offer any insight.

  3. Love these examples and suggestions – what I can’t quite figure out is what category he belongs in, and wonder if perhaps (although one may be primarily in one sub type ) can they flux between the various sub types ?

    1. No. There may well be traits from different schools which then categorises with regard to a particular division within a school. I can fine tune this for you through consultation.

    1. Difference of the two….is usually murdering killing hard core physical abuse

      1. Hello Spiritual Warrior,

        I believe that the main difference between a narcissist and a sociopath is not as simple as you have stated it. I am not a psychologist but of what I have learned here and the research I have made on this topic ( that is of great interest to me) is not the degree of aggressiveness or the proneness to be violent what differentiates a narcissist from a sociopath or a psychopath.

        NPD ( narcissist personal disorder) and Sociopathy( Aspd-antisocial
        personality disorder)are disorders that are characterised by trait factors that can be present in both (comorbidity) . These disorders are like a continuum moving through the spectrum. So you can find a sociopathic narcissist or a narcissistic sociopath. It is difficult to draw a strict line . You can even find :NPD/Psychopathy/ Machiavellianism= Dark Triad + Sadism= Dark Tetrad .

        There is though a common denominator between narcissism,sociopathy and psychopathy : lack of empathy
        It is important to point that this lack of empathy is caused by different factors:

        In psychopathy, it is lack of the brain structure.

        In sociopathy, it was a response to protect the person from pain and suffering.

        In narcissism, it is to be able to service the ego needs and protect them from seeing themselves in a negative light.( true?)

        Concerning the degree of aggressiveness , this is determined mainly by
        impulse regulation ability and the ability to predict the consequences of ones actions. You can find here i.ex. the Lesser narcissist with very low impulse regulation and extreme high degree of aggressiveness and proneness to be violent.

        On the other hand not all sociopaths and psychopaths are violent / killers ( as many believe). You can find i.ex.the high functioning psychopaths with an extreme control and impulse regulation. If you add to this the intelligence factor , intelligence can help a psychopath regulate their impulse issues. It helps them to be able to reason their way down a train of logic. This also helps them to predict consequences. The more intelligent, the more a psychopath can see reasons to keep themselves in line and not be rued by the immediate here and now.

        In the specific case of Psychopathy (different from sociopathy ) epigenetic is a determinant factor in how violent a psychopath can turn to be. Epigenetic is how the environment triggers the genes in early ages.

        Quoting:

        “ Epigentics is basically studying how the environment turns on different genes that we have naturally.”

        “These are genetic tags that are on your DNA like little switches. When they are flipped through environmental experience in your young years, they effect what you are going to be like. In psychopathy it is not unusual to have some epigenetic switches that relate to violence and aggression. Provided nothing flips those switches, there is a good chance those traits never appear. However, abuse will flip the switches and that can turn on genetic coding for primary aggression and violent behaviour.”Kevin Dutton

        So the answer is more complex than that and from the information and research made, the degree of aggressiveness / proneness to violence is not what determines the difference between narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths and it depends on many different factors.

        I hope this makes sense and helps!

        Best wishes.

      2. SuperXena,

        That was a very useful and clear explanation and I especially appreciate the the distinction that you pointed out between sociopath and psychopath. Glad you took the time to articulate it.

      3. Thank you WhoCares!
        I am glad you found the information useful. There is still much more to learn about this topic. Quite extensive and interesting.

      4. Superxena
        Your comment on sociopaths and psychopaths was very interesting. You said that they are not all violent and can be very controlled. It seems then that they could fit fairly easily into society and not be identified. What then are the characteristics of sociopaths and psychopaths that differentiate them from a nonsociopathic narcissist?

      5. Hello Windstorm,

        Thank you and thank you for asking. I am not a specialist on this topic but I have done plenty of research.
        ” What then are the characteristics of sociopaths and psychopaths that differentiate them from a nonsociopathic narcissist?

        Psychopaths ( and sociopaths) have also narcissistic traits. Everyone does. To what degree depends from person to person. Having these narcissistic traits is different though from having NPD which is a diagnose and a disorder.
        What I have understood when Psychopathy is not fully co-morbid with NPD the main differences are that psychopaths:

        1. Are not suseptible to criticism( they don’t care what people think)
        2. As a consequence they do not experience the deep narcissistic wound
        so they do not need to rely on narcissistic supply/fuel( admiration ,validation)to heal the wounding in order to survive.

        In other words a psychopath does not operate on the basis of self-esteem enhancement as compared to a person with NPD (who does it).

        NPD’s project a powerful ego while having nearly no self esteem whatsoever in the real sense of themselves. They distract themselves from that gnawing emptiness by what is call narcissistic supply( fuel).

        That is to say that the combination of Psychopathy and narcissism ( not NPD per se) makes the person more vulnerable( due to the narcissistic wounding) but not necessarily more dangerous( read as in violent).It depends on impulse control regulation . A distinction is made between high and low functioning psychopaths.
        Their level of impulse control is the biggest difference between the two ( due to genetic proneness to violence and environmental factors that trigger them and intelligence).

        “. It seems then that they could fit fairly easily into society and not be identified”. Agreed. It seems that is such the case.

        I give to you my answer very shortly and succinctly based on what I have learned. The analysis can go deeper than that. Still learning new things for each day that goes.

        I hope you and your grandchildren are feeling fine!

      6. Superxena
        Thank you for your explanation.
        We’re all fine. Just found out yesterday that my daughter is expecting baby number 5 in February. 😊

      7. You are most welcome Windstorm. Baby no.5 ! That’s what I call endurance.
        Great news. For me 2 sons has been more than enough.
        Best wishes for you and the expected baby!

      8. SX
        Your explanation regarding NPD and ASPD was exceptional. It is very difficult to understand the differences and this was very helpful. Thank you!

      9. Thank you K.
        I am glad you find it useful. I take it as a compliment of great value coming from you who is an avid researcher and contributor to this site.

        I find many of your comments very useful as well and I have not given me the time to express my gratitude to you.So this is the time: thank you. I will have to make some improvements with that.

        I am always on the run. Besides I am finding myself gradually reintegrating into the “real” world (of “fleshy” and “boney” human beings) and slowly leaving this virtual world behind. I am regaining more and more the ( once lost) joy of personal interactions IRL. It feels more vibrating and full filling( not just referring to intimate romantic relationships but social in general).

        Something that I interpret as a sign of moving on.

        This does not change though the fact that this site has been and will always be of great worth and significance to me.

        I am still dipping in here now and then in a wave-like movement ,a tidal movement : ebb and flow ,ebb and flow (me influenced by the moon and the sun?).

        Best wishes!

        P.S. BTW: have you researched something related to the comorbidity/Narcissism and Psychopathy?

      10. My pleasure SX!
        I have read most of HG’s books and Sam Vaknin’s, however, the other books that I have read regarding NPD are full of inaccuracies and it seems there is a lot of confusion regarding sociopathy and psychopathy (I blame the APA for all of that). I have read The Psychopath Whisperer, Without Conscience, The Sociopath Nextdoor and The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table and found those helpful, however, what you wrote was succinct and really clarified the difference among the three, it made sense and was easy to understand, so I took notes, of course.

        Thank you for your kind words, I am happy to read that you have found my comments helpful and-no worries- we are empaths so we often share an unspoken gratitude.

        You are graduating back into the fleshy and boney world of human beings and that is fabulous. The joy of those IRL interactions really are wonderful and moving on is part of the healing process, however, do keep popping in for a visit. I love to see comments from the graduates.

        Warmest regards!

      11. Hello K,
        Yes, I totally agree with you. I have read many of the books you mentioned about psychopathy ( and narcissism) .I have tried many times with Vaknin’s books/articles but unfortunately I find his communication skills very flawed in regards pedagogy.

        There is so much research about these topics that one has to be updated all the time. As you said, many contradictions between different theories. Fascinating topics though.

        I have found out that the best sources are actually coming from a psychopath or a narcissist him/herself WITH high communication skills, high degree of awareness and intelligence and high impulse control( to keep him/her on track with the main purpose of communicating) .The combination of these variables make the source a reliable one.

        Ha,ha , thank you for the compliment about being a graduate! Of course I will be around . The positive thing with this site is that is evolving all the time reaching new dimensions , new facets: different topics, different interactions .

        It gives one the possibility of evolving as well in order to always be a better version of oneself. It depends entirely on what one does with the information provided.The first purpose for me has been served ( leaving my ex) but there are other purposes still to be served namely knowledge, intellectual challenge/ stimulation.I really enjoy the interactions with you and many other bloggers. A different facet for me now.

        So, no do not worry .I wont’ disappear completely: First level graduate( reached?). Now I am going for the next levels: Master’s and then PH.D /Doctorate .Ha,ha. Just kidding but of course I will be around.

        Warmest regards to you too!

  4. “Blind gay whales”. OMG HG you have me rolling here. Thanks for the wit you provide in what is most of the time a very dark reality

  5. HG……THANK YOU THANK YOU you are giving US information to know in the beginning WHAT AND HOW TO LOOK AT TRAITS OF A NARCISSIST…. HG so many of us, find out after. OUR RIGHTS WERE taken away…I would of never ever gotten involved with a man, who is a sex whore, reckless of how many women at a time he was sleeping with, and he was in a relationship. I thought I was the one who did wrong. Going to therapy because I was USED to cheat with….MY healing in therapy did not happen for a year. AS I did NOT know I was dealing with a Narcissist. AS I thought just a messed up man, going through Menopause of mid life crises and his relationship issues. BUT his GF the IPPI whatever you call them main forever supply, WAS his lying protector too. IT is her fault too for NOT doing anything, as she wants his money and to be known she is with him of his title of Mr. President. So she his partner in crime of abuse to women. IF only YOUR kind could wear a “I am a Narcissist. IF you only want to get laid and you have a good body of armor to protect YOU from US…Go for it”…IF not, stay away from us and run like hell….Sorry. HG, but your kind has no foundation of living a life of being connected to human-beings of emotions and Empathy. YOU intellectually know, but you don’t get the achy heart of hurting for the humanity of life. True?? What about you being on (LV Fraud???? no answer yet of why ?? ) Maybe you should start a dating site, to help us real people of empaths to look for real people of empaths :)) as you can screen very very well….AND charge a good fee…Just a IDEA 🙂 cheerio S.W.

      1. Yes you screen HG…but maybe start a dating site for empaths ??? AND why no comment on LV Fraud?? I guess if you won’t tell or say ..OR say why you will not comment I can contact Ms. D. A. to find out yours and her link 🙂 I am connected to her and Ms. Joyce Short of Rape by Fraud. Or you can tell me secretly 🙂 AS this is very intriguing to me. I hope I am not pissing you off. For you to tell me to Piss off, British style. AND The GF of my Narc. was A co-dependent Narc of crime of HER abusing and hurting his victims. I did not get healing done for the first year in therapy. Because my relationship was misdiagnosed. Once I found out the truth of him being a Narcissist then we did different work in therapy. MY Therapist help me so much. He allowed texts and messages of the Narc and GF in our sessions. He called his first lawyer who was after me to, tell him YOUR client is causing Emotional distress, and looking at all his texts e-mails from him and his GF, I think your client will loose big in court. So Three lawyers after me and none wanted to go in front of the judge and think I would of gotten a lawyer. SuperNova Empaths are not good to fuck with….Thank you HG…LV Fraud ??

    1. HG

      In her situation, is the girlfriend likely a Codepebdent or another Narcissist?

      This reminded me of Narc 1. I was the IPPS and the Narc was a very handsome and charming upper mid ranger who always had women around. I could never leave him even though I knew I should have. I wonder if the other women thought I was complicit in what I now know was their likely abuse. I distinctly remember the Narc telling many years later when he returned for the hoover “Lori, yes I cheated but not as many times as you thought and I would have never left you for one of those whores”

      1. In Spiritual Warriors situation. I already know what I am or at least what the shrink told me I am lol.

        In the situation she described does that sound more like a Codependent or a Narcissist?

  6. “one will be preferred over the other and this will be the one who he wanted to love him but did not”

    HG, Is that the narcissistic parent or the parent that he wanted to protect him from the narcissistic parent?

    I’ve always been confused about that statement in the article. I’ve seen where you called your mother a cunt and spoke “lovingly” (as much as is possible for you) about your father in the ‘Tears’ article.

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