Like A Motorway

LIKEAMOTORWAY

When I come along in my luxurious and expensive motor vehicle it is too difficult to resist that open passenger door and you hop in without hesitation. I won’t be taking you for a gentle drive through undulating countryside nor for a meandering excursion along the coast. No. It is straight to the motorway. You are pinned back in your seat by the sudden acceleration as we speed away. You let out a laugh, delighted by the surge of excitement as I move straight into the fast lane and the speedometer needle climbs as we go faster and faster. It is exhilarating to be driven along by such a confident and masterful driver.

The motorway I take you on has been purpose built for me. It cuts through the landscape, not going around or under or over but straight through. There are no obstacles for my motorway. It is direct and effective. Its construction bludgeoned everything else out of the way as it made its mark on everything around it. Nothing could stop it as mile after mile it stretched across the land. Nothing gets in the way of my motorway.

You marvel at how quickly it takes you to so many different places. You smile as you press your nose to the glass and watch the signs flash past ‘Desire’,’Heaven’,’Excitement’ and ‘Delight’ are all signposted. My motorway takes you to these places in a matter of moments and no sooner have we visited one place then we are back on my motorway, speeding through the night to the next location. The motorway takes us direct to the best restaurants, the most exotic destinations, the concerts where it enables us to drive right up to the front of the stage and the hitherto exclusive and difficult places you always tried to reach are suddenly in front of you, all courtesy of this expansive motorway network.

My motorway never has traffic jams, is free of roadworks and always takes the most direct route to the destination. It is breath-taking how fast we travel along it, yet you always feel safe, content in the knowledge that I am taking care of you on this modern and well-maintained transport route.

Occasionally you see people that you recognise stood on the hard shoulder. Some of your family who watch as we speed by. You see your friends who are parked to one side as we race along. You raise a hand to wave to them but it is too late. We have already rushed by them leaving them far behind, just a passing blur. You are not concerned however as you see the next sign detailing our destination and the anticipation rises as you await your arrival at this glamorous place. All thoughts of family, friends and supporters have been left behind, as quickly as we drove past them.

Sometimes you think you see a warning sign flash on one of the overhead gantries but I am driving so fast along this wide motorway that you cannot be sure.

“Did that say danger ahead?” you ask as we zip underneath another illuminated sign.

“Oh it just a routine test, you do not need to worry about that,” I smile and you are instantly reassured. You settle back in your seat as the world and your life flashes by but you are too focussed on what lies ahead at the next destination to worry about what is passing you by. This is the ride of your life and you never want it to stop.

The car suddenly brakes to a halt. Tyres squeal and smoke drifts past as the vehicle violently stops. You lurch forward in your seat and almost bang your head on the dashboard. Disorientated you right yourself as the passenger door opens.

“Out you get,” I instruct. The smile is gone and is now replaced by a face you barely recognise as I stare ahead.

“Sorry? What?” you splutter in confusion.

“Time to go. You need to go that way,” I state aggressively and point behind you.

“What do you mean? Why have we stopped? I don’t understand,” you protest.

“Out!Out! Out! ” I bark and suddenly frightened you scramble out of the car and stand trembling on the tarmac.

“Your life is back that way,” I add as the passenger door slams shut and you watch as I roar off up a slip road next to a large sign saying “Fuel this way”.

You watch me disappear from view and then turn to face the silent and empty motorway which stretches away into the far distance. You start walking, confused and upset.

The walk back to your life is just like my motorway.

Dark grey and long.

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37 thoughts on “Like A Motorway”

  1. Love the analogy. So true.

    HG – what am I going to do about my son? He is having to live with his dad. My son is a man, not a boy. He views the town he is living with as HOME. He doesn’t want to live here in this town – not keen ont he area. What do you do when you get out of the car – but your son – empathetic, kind is still in that car? I cant pick him up and take him with me. He is a grown man. But he rang me last night. His dad ruined a big sporting event. My son wanted to come and live with me then changed his mind. He says he feels very down. Could do with some advice. My daughter lives with me – has only seen her dad once in 6 months. It really grieves me to see my son still in that crazy car crashing down the motorway.

  2. Wow! That’s a great description of how it is.

    I am curious, if/when you are alone, is it truly enjoyable to know that you can do that?

  3. I’ve spent the last seven years trying to close out an estate with a narcissistic relative involved in the process. I’ve finally cleared all legalities. My attorney told me he had never met anyone like him in his career and congratulated me for keeping it out of his office as much as I did.

    I survived the process without letting the narc take destroy me financially which was its goal. The narc tried to extort me, threatened malicious lawsuits, and shamed me relentlessly for the entire time. I parried everything the narc threw at me though it took a huge toll on myself and my business.

    It’s been two weeks since I received notice that all has been handled by the court. The narc is sulking having lost its final lever of control over me. I have rolled out my no warning and pre-planned no contact.

    I found HG’s work at the end of this process. It gave me much peace and understanding. I now know the “why” behind a narcissist’s behaviors.

    Thanks HG!!

  4. I’ve spent the last seven years trying to close out an estate with a narcissistic relative involved in the process. I’ve finally cleared all legalities. My attorney told me he had never met anyone like him in his career and congratulated me for keeping it out of his office as much as I did.

    I survived the process without letting the narc take destroy me financially which was its goal. The narc tried to extort me, threatened malicious lawsuits, and shamed me relentlessly for the entire time. I parried everything the narc threw at me though it took a huge toll on myself and my business.

    It’s been two weeks since I received notice that all has been handled by the court. The narc is sulking having lost its final lever of control over me. I have rolled out my no warning and pre-planned no contact.

    I found HG’s work at the end of this process. It gave me much peace and understanding. I now know the “why” behind a narcissist’s behaviors.

    Thanks HG!!

  5. Brilliant. What a ride. He often commented that I was an adrenaline junkie. He was my dealer. “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”

  6. Hi, HG , looking forward for you to translate the “revenge: how to beat a narcisist” to spanish. PLEASEEEEE
    it’s just that I’m so intrigued

  7. Great analogy, my experience was a old Banger car and a borrowed scouter and the motorway was a coast road. Weird thing I wasn’t sure I wanted to be on the journey until I was told to get out then I ran and ran to catch it when it flew away but fortunately I don’t have bionic legs. 😁

  8. Thanks for the likes. However, it is too raw and requires further development. I bet that if we all contributed to what I began to write, HG could market it under Like A Motorway Part 2. That would be cool. HG writes his part from the narc perspective and us followers take it from there and write the second part from our perspectives. It would be the perfect contrast. And what more would HG like than some contrast in his literary world. 😉

  9. “The walk back to your life is just like my motorway. Dark grey and long.” … I started to shamble back home … what other choice did I have? … always paying attention for you (or someone like you) not to come in my direction hoovering me back on such a type of vehicle.
    From now on – always vigilant to stop signs, red flags and so on.
    I walked, I walked… and suddenly out of nowhere a horse-drawn carriage full with yellow straw stopped beside me.
    The coachman was not so exciting like you, even a little bit boring with his flat jokes, but he surely would be not a bad company for me (I hope). He will not make me be pinned back in my seat, no fast U-turns, but he will take me to the end of road.
    …. oh, yeah! I know it will be a long prosaic journey. We will enjoy the road flowers during the sunny days, and try to escape the stormy weather… there surely will be long (not always pleasant) conversations … but you see my intuition told me I can be safe there. And this time I’m determined to listen to it.
    Did i think about you and your maximum overdrive? Pay attention not to smash your zippy vehicle into some gray rock, OK?

  10. And a long walk back it is. Your resources are limited, and you feel dejected, hopeless, and broken. It is pitch black and you are not certain the sun will ever rise again. You come to a fork in the road but cannot remember from which way you came. You choose a path and continue walking. Other cars are passing by and you are not sure whether you can trust those that are driving to help. You continue down the path. You are scared as you feel lost and are unsure if you should continue with the walk back. You walk and walk. Suddenly without warning, a man steps out of the shadows. You tense but also sigh a breath of relief. The man begins to speak and he says, “Hello, I am HG Tudor and I am a narcissistic sociopath……

    1. Beautifully said Pale Horse. There is such depth of knowledge about the victim experience in Motorway. For me, post-escape the lack of intensity remaining in my life bred such discontent and resulted in an unhealthy self-interest. I became the worst version of myself. There was an equilibrium that I couldn’t regain for some time. It has always been me who has removed myself from the untenable situation with N. However, the escape has been something I knew I had to do rather than being led by my heart. You return to safety and those you know won’t hurt you but there is still blood and gravel in your mouth and memories of your head being over the handle bars for months on end that haunt you. It is some time before you can effortlessly be yourself again.

      1. Hello Sarah,

        I can totally relate. Although I believe my life is relatively positive, the lack of intensity has been difficult to manage. Throughout my relationship with my ex-n, we were always on the go whether it be through travel or mundane daily activities. I also had access to resources that I have lost access to and some of the resources led to joy in my life. Now, I try to keep as busy as possible but there are some rough days though…..

    2. Pale horse

      Your ending made me giggle……I didn’t find HG, he found me. Someone left his book for me….he found me.

      I was being Hoover by my ex and all my questions dealt with Fuel.
      The book was Fuel and the first thing I read was the dedication.

      “ To the appliances. May you always remain efficient and productive.

      All hail the Hoover. “

      I can’t get past the dedication page now with out it affecting me, what was written reminds me of why I came here and why I stay.
      HG has given me answers no one else could.

      1. Twilight,
        It was many months post disengagement when I came across this blog. Actually, it was just by chance…but maybe not… For me, understanding the narc process, if you will, has been the most helpful. Once I learned that it is essentially the same script with different players over and over, it takes a little bit of the sting away. Also, something that I have been processing lately…it is easy to look at the N’s abusive treatment as a snapshot in time…that you (I; us) are the sole focus of the evaluation of such. For example, I was in a relationship with my N for 10 years. Given her age, she wreaked havoc on the world for, let’s say, 20 years before I met her. When I think about such as well as how many people she will impact in the future, it is almost comforting in an insane manner to think that I was just a small cog in her war against humanity.

    3. Pale Horse, it’s nice to have a regular contributor offering the perspective of one having been ensnared by a female N. I’m glad you’re here. 😊

      1. Thanks MB. Glad to share my experience as doing such helps with my healing process and hopefully helps other people in their’s as well.

      2. Pale Horse, so refreshing to hear the thoughts and experiences from a good guy

  11. HG,
    This is now one of my favorites. ❤️ I am keeping this one close at hand.

    Recently told my Narcissist “I have a friend (HG 💕) who was warning me about the signs for a narcissist, Scary” He quickly changed the subject and became very nervous. I truly think he is self aware..He is an alcoholic. Sad to say he is drinking every time I see him. Drinks straight from the bottle.

    This has been going on for 3 years now (this round) . Golden Period started in 2002. He now tells me “I care about you. I’ll give you that. But love is very different. I don’t want to be married! I think about you before I make plans! (Lie) That’s not good because we are not married!You have invested! I told you to crush your feelings! Just enjoy the time we have together. Quit trying to define things. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I hesitate before texting because I don’t need the drama! Just being honest!”

    Your thoughts please HG?

    Thank you!

    1. I would need more information to place this matter in a proper context and therefore recommend that you consider a consultation.

  12. I was on that motorway once but then I ended up on the hard shoulder waiting for rescue services that never came so I had to hitchhike my way out. It was a long and strenuous journey out of narcissistic land but I eventually made it and now I am free to travel anywhere I want while he is still circling the same motorway.

  13. That really says it all. It’s a metaphor that is so appropriate. All that’s missing in detail is the torment in the mind of the passenger as she walks back all that way, alone, wrestling with understanding what just happened. The road back now on foot seeming unending. All the warning signs she will see now, so clearly posted, they were always there, as she passes them by again, but this time slowly. The end of the road was always well disclosed. She just didn’t see it. Didn’t want to see it. None of us did. So we walk and think. Think and walk. The walk back from a journey to nowhere.

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