Just Leave Him

 

 

JUST LEAVE HIM

I know what they say about me. I always know. I know they crowd around, earnest expressions etched across their made-up faces, their mouths flapping as they spout their supposed wisdom to you.

“We will be here for you. You have always got us.”

“If you are unhappy there must be something wrong.”

“Is it right to be treated like this?”

“You are not the person you used to be.”

Who are they to claim what is right for you? Have they held you on that cliff-top with the foaming ocean churning beneath us, the cool Atlantic air brushing past us as a canopy of stars hung overhead? Have they looked into your eyes and seen the pain that I know was there long before I came along, a pain that I have shouldered for you? Where were they when you called at 3am and asked that I tell you a story because you had just had a horrible nightmare? I do not recall them soothing you and keeping those night demons at bay. Do they know you inside out? I think not. They do not know every each of you in the way that I do. Each delicate piece of you that I have kissed and caressed, so there is no place about your person that has not been embraced by me. They have not done that have they? Have they held your long tresses back and rubbed your back as you spewed those cocktails back up and groaned about what how much money you have just regurgitated? No. It was I who rode to your rescue as they wove their drunken way to another bar. They do not know your favourite ten songs and I will wager more than they earn that they have no inclination that you are frightened of geese.

Oh I know alright. I know about their messages which they send you. I have seen them and it is fortunate that I have so I can spare you from the green-eyed lies. They do not have what we have and nor will they ever. One cannot blame them for their wretched jealousy, they are just flesh and blood, but are they your true friends when they seek to pour such sedition in your ears when my back is turned? Ought they not to be happy for you, delighted that you want to spend so much time with me. Do they not see that your sadness on occasions is borne out of your deep and perfect love for me, that such is our connection that you justifiably feel upset when you irk me or irritate me. I know you do not mean to do it and that is why I have not pushed you aside like those other pretenders who came before you. You understand what it is to have found someone who fulfils all your hopes and your dreams and you understand my pain when you sleight me or let me down. Yet, since you are such a good person, my upset becomes your upset but they do not see it. I suppose if I was charitable I might ascribe their short-sightedness to the fact that they lack your special qualities. Only you understand me and only you have that deep-seated bond with me so that what I feel resonates with you. That is who you are and who they are not.

I heard them caution you about moving in together, their comments about “undue haste” and “it is too early” and “he wants you where he can see you.” Well, why should I not? Why should I not have my number one fan with me as often as I can? Why would you want to be anywhere else? Why would I not want to have someone so pretty and wonderful as you besides me? Does not every winner want to show off his trophy? Of course.

I know they have cautioned you about my temper and urged you to depart, claiming that it will only get worse and you will suffer. They mistake passion for temper, but then they would wouldn’t they, it suits their selfish purposes to try and bring down what you and I have. People usually do that when they do not understand something. It is a predictable and regrettable response.  As for their remarks about me controlling you, how can that be so? I chose you for so many things and chief amongst those attributes was the attraction of your strong mind and keen intelligence. So what if I suggest what you might wear and how you should do your hair, I am taking an interest. Would you prefer it if I never commented on how you looked or made no suggestion as to what suited you? I know a couple of them think I stop you seeing them, but that is just more of their campaign of slander. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but the times I have asked you to cancel plans to see some of your friends were only because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps I sounded firmer than I intended, I suppose that might happen when you spend all day working hard to support a relationship, it does make one tired. Do not be concerned by their observations that I make all the decisions about what we do, where we go and how our money is spent. I am happy to bear such a burden for us both and you have admitted, have you not, that I do know more than you about certain things. I am only doing what is right for you, for me and most of all for us. Of course, they do not bother to gain possession of all the facts. They would much rather whisper untruths in your ear based on hearsay and ill-informed perspectives. I suppose that is a price I have to pay for loving you so totally, so completely and so perfectly.

Still, I know they urge you to leave me. I am no fool. I have overheard their comments, heard what they say when they telephone you and seen the messages. I know they want you to depart and escape me. Well, do it. Go. Leave everything that we have built up together. Leave my guiding hand and perhaps someone more grateful will come along. I do not want that but why should my largesse and love be abused in this way? Why should I pour my all into an empty hole? Go do  it. Pack your bags and leave. I will not stop you. See. If I controlled you would I not be begging you to stay and pleading with you to ignore them? If I pulled your strings as they accuse me of doing so would I not be threatening you now with all manner of terrible consequences if you had the audacity to step through that door and away from me? But I have not and I do not, because you already know don’t you? That is why I chose you. But I shall not stand in your way. If it really is awful being with someone who only ever has your best interests at heart and who loves you perfectly, albeit sometimes clumsily and erratically, then leave me. Just leave.

I know you won’t though. I know.

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13 thoughts on “Just Leave Him”

  1. “Uh-huh” she said, as though in agreement. She walked through to the other room. There on the bed her case, not yet closed. He was able to see that on top of the neatly folded garments was a book.
    He looked at her now unsure of her.. what’s this? some kind of bluff on her part? And how come everything was so neatly folded, unrushed? …never planned? Surely?… and she seemed to have had the time to read books? after all the stress lately?
    And why was she looking so calm and with a quiet resolve about her?

    Just as she closed the top down of the case he managed to glimpse a word across the middle of the book …it said Escape…HG something? He didn’t quite see before she closed it.

    Quietly she lifted it from the bed …picked up her jacket, left the room, walked down the stairs, through the hallway and out of the main door.

    Nothing was said.

    He never expected that.

    1. What an exit Debbie
      How satisfying that must have been.

      I know someone in the real world called Debbie Wolf. When I initially saw the name I thought ‘no, she wouldn’t use her real name’. A little later, you described how you came about your nom de plume.

      1. Hello TT

        That isn’t what happened with me it was just a hypothetical piece that I’ve written..
        But when I was hoovered the attitude that I had was along these lines.
        And there were many things my ex did not expect. So the feeling conveyed, the general atmosphere is relatively accurate..but no, this was not me… But I’m sure somebody on here would have done something similar.
        … The part that is extremely accurate is me touting HGs books..i e. I’ve a couple out in my living room.. they are my psychological shield. And my reminder that I am in my own power.. that I am not helpless… That’s what this work is for, enlightenment empowerment and protection..
        The best compliment to the author is to use it comprehensively and to share it where it is needed. So that’s what I do.
        My real name is not Debbie wolf it is Debbie but not wolf… But I am an alpha personality and fierce protector. I am loyal and loving, but have a nasty bite when crossed. I love the canine world particularly, hence ‘Wolf’ although I am an avid animal lover in general.
        Also I can tend to be quite solitary for periods of time. So DebbieWolf fits.
        🐾

    2. Hi DebbieWolf
      That was so well written, I want to read more. I’ve missed your company here, I hope things are going well for you.
      What kinds of Ns do you typically attract, by the way, being the strong, kick-ass woman you are?

      1. Hiya Caroline R…

        Aw..Thank you very much. I do have my moments in writing haha. Very kind of you to comment.

        Narcs…I would say generally mid ranger..I tend to get people with a bit of a SOB story. once I said to my mother before she passed away I should be a vicar because I couldn’t stand at a bus stop without people talking to me about things. when I used to catch the bus I would get people talking to me on the bus and starting to tell me personal stuff… I still get that but I’ve learnt how to counteract it during the conversation and to sort of cut it short.

        I tend to draw people who like to play on guilt trying to get me to do things for them in such a way as that if I didn’t I was a real meanie.

        but I’ve got a lot stronger with saying no even though I used to be able to say it before.. I’m a lot better at it mainly because I don’t feel guilty. I have a big issue with entitlement. I cannot stand it and if I start seeing entitlement that gets my hackles right up and I can switch into the “wer’e not doing this” mode.

        Kick ass lol…me? I guess I am a little bit that way sometimes but I have to be pushed a bit first because I’m a bit too patient for my own good.. plus i can bide my time really well… I can hold myself if you take my meaning.. but if I’m pushed too far I make a stand and I can pretty angry. I’m always successful when I’m angry.

        I have attracted the lesser before I can see it now. But mainly I would say mid ranger.

        I do believe I met a greater once.
        Purely because he was completely malevolent and he knew exactly what he was doing.. I managed to duck. but I don’t take the credit I really do believe it was because he was otherwise engaged but I honestly think he was a greater. He dallied with me briefly and I remember being really confused but I knew something was way off. he said and did some unbelievable things and I can match them up easily to some of the HG type tactics.
        I knew absolutely nothing about narcissism but I’m kind of proud about the way I took his presents and left them on his doorstep amongst some of the other things I did. Yes I’m kind of proud about it now that I’ve learnt a lot more here.
        I can join up the dots and that gives me peace.

        He came back a while afterwards… I didn’t know it was called hoovering. (I just thought I was irresistible…haha!) ..I left the door on the chain even though I answered it but I didn’t entertain him I told him to go away and closed the door.

        I saw him out at the shops but I pretended I hadn’t seen him and he coughed excessively loudly to try to get my attention. I pretended to drop my keys so that as I stood up I could actually accidentally look in his direction and I could see he was stood with a woman but I looked away like I didn’t know who it was. I was completely nonchalant and acting totally blase… I’m kind of proud of that now because I didn’t know a thing back then.

        Anyway long story.

        But I would say mid-range generally.
        mind you my empathy is dimmed albeit temporarily, quite a bit, and probably I am seeming a little bit normal ish right now. I probably don’t look or seem quite as juicy a titbit lately.

        I’m learning not to display myself as much.
        Because I am extremely gentle, loving and kind and showed it excessively.

        I don’t believe we should be less than we are or anything like that but I’m just taking some time to be a little bit in camouflage right now..I’ll still be me going forward but just at the moment I’m in survival mode and it works well.
        in fact it’s more than survival right now ..thank you for asking how I am…. I feel I’m settling inside.

        I am very thankful of HG and becoming a Tudorite. Of this blog and of the lovely genuine people that are here.

        I think it’s lovely the way people dip in and out… And how this place is such a good anchor.

        We are under HG’s wing here.
        I love that.
        No matter where we all go from here we will never forget. This is part of our lives forever.. the time we are here on this blog learning and supporting as we go.

        It can never be erased this time we’ve spent or will continue to spend here…
        and the strength we gain from here will never leave us if we embrace the steps.

        How about you Caroline R? What kind do you attract? And despite all that I hope you too are doing well as you go along.
        🐾

      1. Ha ha. As do they all.
        When it’s all unacceptable then it’s just simply unacceptable… And off we should go…🐾

  2. Pingback: Just Leave Him ⋆ NarcTopia | NarcTopia

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