Sins of the Empath : Positivity


Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity. This ingrained positivity allows them to see the good in people, it enables them to find the silver lining in the gathered storm clouds and grants a motivating factor. By adopting a positive outlook in their life, the empathic individual is inspired to achieve more, to dispel the bad and seize on whatever goodness they can identify, even if it is the merest kernel. This trait enables the empathic individual to cast their optimistic eyes over the bleakest of scenarios and see that there is something good which can be learned from the experience, something decent which is in the pipeline and something to be cherished. In its purest form it manifests as a blind optimism and this powers the empathic individual so they are able to overcome what might be regarded as insurmountable by lesser individuals.

This empathic trait causes the relevant person to reflect on what they have learned from an experience, how the occasion was good for them in testing them, causing them to utilise their resources and to work out a way forward when faced with a problem. Whilst a normal individual might bemoan the situation that has befallen them (and indeed our kind would address it by blaming everybody else and leaving them to pick up the pieces), the empathic individual’s innate positivity causes them to see an opportunity. They see the chance to enrich their own experience, to grow as a person and to demonstrate that with positive thought, positive action and positive attitude no problem is too great, no issue is incapable of resolution and no setback is forever.

Whilst being imbued with this sense of positivity allows an empathic individual to demonstrate fortitude, pragmatism and optimism in their lives and thus they bring with them the capacity to enrich the lives of others, the trait of positivity also generates problems when dealing with our kind.

The positivity invariably blinds the empathic person to what they are actually dealing with. The false positivity which we radiated through our love bombing and the golden period convinces the empathic person that we are indeed a ‘good’ person. Thus, when the monster appears during devaluation, rather than see it for what it is, the manipulations and machinations of a twisted and abusive person, the positive empath strives to harness the good which once existed again. This creates a near indefatigable spirit which in turn causes the empathic person to remain in our grip for far longer than is good for them.

Naturally, this is of no concern to us since we want you to remain in our grip. We want you bound to us and your unrelenting belief that the goodness that you have seen can be brought to the fore again is a weakness of this positivity and invariably puts you at risk. When others would retreat in the face of the eroding and savage manipulations, the empathic individual remains positive. Not only do they wish to sweep away the darkness and find the good in us once again, they regard it as a test of their resolve and therefore increase their positive outlook in order to cater with the slings and arrows which are sent their way.

This positivity lend itself to the making of excuses. Rather than realise that they have been entangled by a deceitful, manipulative abuser, the empathic individual will look to environmental factors – such as the fact that we are tired, stressed or over-worked since that must be what it is that is clouding our innate and once seen inner goodness. If those external factors continue to fail to explain our behaviours, the empathic individual will become introspective and consider that the problem has arisen as a consequence of some failing on their part. They consider that they have not shown us enough love, not asked us how our days has gone, not been supportive enough when we have faced a challenge, not cooked our steak correctly and ever more trivial and meaningless excuses which are trotted out in order to maintain a positive outlook and not give in.

By adopting positivity, the empathic individual places stock in the fact that with the right effort and application things will be worked out and once more will be good again. When a respite period is granted by us during the devaluation, the empathic individual will seize on this as evidence of how their positive outlook has reaped rewards. By hanging in there, never giving up and remaining upbeat they have allowed their positivity to shine through and this has saved the day. Once again however, this dedication to remaining positive has caused the empathic person to fail to notice that this is all part of the ongoing manipulation and is just a brief and passing restoration of the illusion that is the golden period and is done to exploit this belief in remaining positive.

Positivity causes the empath to misguidedly believe that we can be fixed and healed. This positive outlook means that when an objective third party points out the reality of the situation to the empath, they smile and thank them for their observation but find an excuse and point to how remaining true to being positive will once again resolve the issues. The viewpoint is one of if you want something enough then the universe will provide it to you and those with a positive outlook do not waste time wondering why things do not happen as they wish, but rather they do something to bring about what they want and to change things. This attitude may be appropriate to securing a promotion at work, saving to purchase your dream home or being thought of as a kind person by your friends, but it only serves to blind you to what you have been entangled with when it comes to our kind.

It means you are enmeshed with us for longer than you ought to be. It means you suffer the devaluation and all of its awful outcomes to a greater degree than you should. It means that you remain highly susceptible to being hoovered post discard because you believe that we will ultimately see the error of our ways and that we will recognise we have done wrong so that we return to the wonderful, loving and charming person that once seduced you.

Those with this empathic trait in intense amounts will not countenance the manifestation of negativity. They will fight down their anger and replace it with concern. They will dissolve their frustration and exhibit caring instead. This sublimation of emotions only serves to encourage our devaluation as we strive to shatter the positivity and see the tears, the hurt and the despair. Your rejection of negativity means you will not hear ill spoken of us, you will not blame us for what we do and rather than take heed of the negative thoughts which will and do manifest in your mind, you try to force them to one side by engaging in your trait of positivity.

This is a dangerous path to tread. Not only does it blind you to what we are and bind us to you for longer, it means that ultimately you are setting yourself up for devastating disappointment. When the full force of our machinations have been unleashed against you and your considerable coping abilities have been stretched beyond endurance, once this all comes crashing down, the height from which you maintained your positivity means that your fall is all the harder, longer and more painful.

When that discard takes you by surprise, you plummet from your perch of positivity and crash into the dirt, bewildered, exhausted and drained. Yet, it does not take long for this positive trait to re-appear as you soon begin to apply it again, making excuses for why we disappeared, making plans for how matters can be resolved if we just sit down and have a constructive conversation together and how it was good for you to experience this despair, because now you know more than you once did and you can apply this learned experience to your and our advantage by winning us back and helping us with our problems. You can tease out that inner goodness because you will not allow yourself to think it does not exist. To do so offends your sense of positivity.

Negative thoughts however can serve a positive purpose for you, if only you would listen to them. Negative thoughts such as fear manifest to tell you to protect yourself, to defend yourself and to get away from the danger. You however remain in the firing line because you reject the negative and embrace the positive. A negative thought such as feeling unappreciated, lonely or hurt should be recognised as a warning and acted upon, however, the strength of your positivity will invariably override this until it is too late. Indeed, there are those whose degree of positivity is so great that they have become deluded as to what we are and how dangerous we are to you. They are blinded and no matter how often we dole out our cruel treatments, no matter how often others point out the harm that is being caused, they cannot see it because of the effect of their innate positivity.

To do so is indeed a sin in the context of being ensnared with our kind.

The positivity which you should embrace ought to be applied to yourself; that your encounter with us should cause you to learn what we are and how to avoid and evade us in the future.

21 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Positivity

  1. LK says:

    I feel like you just wrote my life story….

  2. Angie says:

    making of allowances seems to be what blinds people because they were never given the opportunity to gauge what is going on within the Narcissist’s mind and how they operate. There can be many reasons why a person acts out in the way they do. You certainly would never think in a million years that somebody wanted your “fuel” , you know your emotional reaction, emotional response, emotional outburst to “survive” and never countenance that an individual wanted to emulate your character traits and residual benefits if any are to be had. When you Sincerely and genuinely care and love another individual human being. You see the things you really like about them then their behavior does a complete switcharoo. Then you see that they are too troubled and too far away and your presence in their life means nothing at all. They go into a chasm and lengthy monologues and soliloqys with themselves and speak very dark and that’s when I knew something was completely off.

  3. Veronique Jones says:

    HG How can we avoid narcissist can’t see them coming to not like you can look at it personally just know ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Organise a Date Defender consultation with me.

  4. Kel says:

    I have started to embrace the narcissism inside me, which we all have. I’m shaking off worry and regret, and backing myself up on whatever I do. I really have faith in myself and I know if I do something then it must be right because that’s how I roll – for rightness. I’m not cringing or worrying that I screwed something up or didn’t handle it the best way, because what does it matter and because everything’s ok. I’m my own best friend. My armor is a Teflon coating. I’m not looking at my to-do’s feeling overwhelmed and wanting to hide under the covers, I’m simplifying things and realizing it’s all much easier than my emotions used to lead me to feel. I’m thinking logically not emotionally. We all have narcissism in us, we need to make sure our emotions aren’t warped and that we don’t put ourselves last, but instead first on our list and love and believe in ourselves. Narcissists can beat us down, we have to wake up and know it’s not wrong to love yourself, it’s right.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Good attitude to have Kel. Do what you know to be best for you – not what others decide is best for you.

      1. Kel says:

        Thanks NA.

      2. Caroline R says:

        Excellent life wisdom NA. Thanks.

    2. SMH says:

      I like your attitude, Kel, and I agree. Now if I could just stop second guessing myself all the time…

      1. Kel says:

        Lol, SMH. Old habits take a lot of practice to break!

  5. Original Overthinker says:

    I am a negative empath now. I will still help people, however more reactive rather than proactive.

    I feel I don’t fit into this World, full of fake, two faced people. Governed by the 3 p’s that piss me off, that people and companies hide behind, no compassion, common sense or customer service, those dreaded words, policy, process and procedure.

    I feel disappointed by people and their actions. I know I am sensitive, classed as a highly sensitive person (not a compliment in an Occupational Health appointment).

    I know I look more negative, especially in the workplace than the smiling assassin, that stabs you in the back. However, I know I am true, and would never intentionally hurt anyone.

    I would love to live in a more rural environment, a simple life, enjoying nature, the 4 seasons, less people and ego’s.

    I know I sound bitter and I am to a certain extent and that is a massive fear I will remain this way. All this because I loved and gave to someone, who annihilated me and my personality, left questioning everyone and everything. Whilst he appears scot free with someone else.

    1. mommypino says:

      It does hurt a lot when people disappoint you. I was reading Kel’s comment about starting to embrace the narcissism inside her and I wholeheartedly agree. And I think that it is wonderful that you are putting yourself first this time.
      I hope you find that place in the world that you want and will give you peace. I live in a rural area and most people are sweet, except for the few midrange and lesser narcs.

  6. SMH says:

    Good one, HG. I especially like your point that negative thoughts can serve a positive purpose. I just put that very thing into practice – I heeded the negative feelings and acted in a positive way (for me) on those feelings. Thanks for affirming that I did the right thing because another problem we empaths have is always, always second guessing ourselves/apologizing when we do something that appears ‘mean.’ Goes with not being able to say ‘no.’

  7. JustEmpath says:


    What if discarded victim applies positivity in different manner for example:

    the discard was really hard but she was hurting in silence, finally she understood he was a narcissist and accepts that fact and moves on. Months after narcissist tries to hoover, trying to provoke negative fuel, when she doesnt give negative fuel, he tries to provoke positive “let’s be friends, it didnt work out romantically but we can be great friends!” and she answears with NO but with this whole positivity, totally chilled with warmth in her heart and response: “oh it’s really kind but it ended months ago and I moved on, it ended sour but I forgave you, you are a nice guy and I wish you all the best but I don’t think this friendship would work out – it’s too late. I hope you will move on too” and went no contact? Would it surprise a mid ranger and wound him?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would be Challenge Fuel which would mean the narcissist would need to assert perceived superiority and control over the victim once more for the purposes of putting this ‘rebellion’ down.

  8. ifonlymommy says:

    I agree with this one completely. It was a struggle to realize that some things/events/people are just what they are without a silver lining. Just as they are. No remorse. No figuring out what they lost. No regret. Figuring out what a narcissist really is and believing it was a game changer. I could never know it all because I am not like you but narcissist can never fully understand an empath. There is an enormous amount of strength behind these caring eyes.

  9. mommypino says:

    This has been one of the biggest reasons why I have put up with my sister and stepdaughters for so many years. Too much unnecessary stress and drama.

    1. Caroline R says:

      That’s true.
      I’m reminded of my victim-N sister’s husband (co-dependant lieutenant & attack dog depending on her level of malevolence):
      He was trying to make me break no contact with her, and said to me last year (filled with utterly misplaced positivity, and clearly brainwashed so he could live with her alternate reality):
      “You haven’t been out for coffee, if you both just went out for coffee you could get back to being friends like you were in the 1990s”
      I replied “we’ve never been friends”

      That ship sailed long ago.

      He had no comeback to my statement, but it didn’t stop him sending me text hoovers on her behalf (she won’t speak to me directly, except to attack me), and the texts were all BS and it was such obvious gaslighting, he even used that classic N-phrase:”you misunderstood…”
      (Really? When I had to call the police to have her leave my property?)
      His positivity is delusional. Mine isn’t.

      1. mommypino says:

        Yeah, those lieutenants can really trigger me too. Sometimes they can even be these people that you like because they are good people but unfortunately brainwashed or have no clue that the narc just gave them a facade. He wants her to improve (just like you did), and he thinks that reconnecting with you will help her go back to the golden period. But unlike him, you know what she really is. He really is unfortunately delusional and brainwashed. My own husband used to be like him. Every little smile that I get from his daughter, no matter how fake, makes him so optimistic that they are finally liking me. And seeing him happy kept me hooked in that never ending cycle of trying to please them. But I told him, I need to be happy if he wants me to stay in our marriage. So now he supports me with my GOSO.

      2. Caroline R says:

        I understand every word you wrote.
        Every word.
        The fake emotion is really just a pile of crumbs, a mirage of substance. My sister-in-law noticed my sister was fake early on in her relationship with my brother. It was good for me to have my impressions confirmed by another. It’s frustrating when it’s only you that sees, or is shown, a dysfunctional side of someone’s personality.

        I’m so pleased you are supported in your marriage, but also respected for your opinion. That’s important. It’s good that he listens to you, and doesn’t just walk off because he disagrees.

  10. Heyoka Muse says:

    I am a high empath and there are so many times I have had a hard time with believing the negative in certain people bene when it was plain as the nose on my face so to speak.. Thanks to this website I have really been guarded lately which is good.It was about time that I woke up and realized that not everyone is like me or thinks like me…..

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