Scenting Blood

scenting

 

In our engagement with our appliances and especially with our primary sources, we are repeatedly seeking to extract fuel. We have been designed to draw those fuel providers into our grasp, from the colleagues that we work with, the relevant family members and friends so that rather than surround ourselves with appliances of limited function we ensure that all those who are attached to us are likely to provide us with fuel. As I have explained before, we like to preserve our energy and operate in an efficient and effective fashion. As part of that approach we like to ascertain if we can scent fuel in our interactions with you, in the same way that a shark smells blood in the ocean and knows that a bigger prize awaits. There are certain responses that you provide that immediately tell us that there is more fuel ready to be extracted. Just as how a tiny nick on your leg may cause droplets of blood to fall and be smelt by the predatory shark, there are certain things that you will say to us that tells us that we should dive straight in and seize the advantage. There are comments that you will make which indicates to us that you are holding a reservoir of fuel just under the surface and all we need to do is slice you open and gorge on that waiting fuel. Your response tells us that your emotion is there, just a few moments away from being extracted, seized and gathered, so that rather than attend to something else we are best served by focusing our efforts on you.

It is akin to staring at a vast body of water behind a glass partition. We want that body of water to come gushing forward, engulfing us and cascading over us. We do not wish to dedicate the time to hammering away at this toughened glass in the hope of eventually making it crack. We do not want to expend our energy chiselling and drilling but instead we want to find the weak spot. We want to identify that flaw, that weakness, that opening, which means that with the careful application of pressure, the edifice will shatter and the water will come surging over us in an instant. You are no different. You are filled with fuel. That is why we chose you. You might be a co-dependent super tanker of fuel that requires the hull to be holed, you may be a super empathic fuel well which just needs to be drilled or an empathic fuel pump where one pinprick in the hose will allow the fuel to spurt out. You are a walking fuel depot and at times we can do just one thing, say one thing and the fuel will come fountaining from you, shooting out of you, gushing from you, ready for us to suck it all up, gorging on your delicious and potent fuel and drinking deep of your vast resources.

It is you that gives us the indication that you are ready to flow with fuel, that the dam can easily be breached and once you provide that indication to us, it only takes a small amount of pressure, a modicum of application and the most straightforward of manipulations to cause you to burst and we gain so much fuel. You are teetering on the brink of providing the fuel, it is almost spilling over there is so much of it and you tell us that it is there, often in just one sentence and then we apply the pressure and the geyser erupts.

These indications are applicable to both positive fuel and negative fuel. The comments in themselves will provide some slight amount of fuel but they are indicators, gateways telling us that in that moment there is a whole host of additional fuel ready to be tapped and it is easy to do so. This is why when you provide us with the positive indicators we dive in and invite you to expand on the point that you have made, the comments that you have shared because we know that there is more behind what you have said and we want it. It becomes even more evident when with the negative indicators. These really are a green light for us to satiate our fuel lust in the way that a pugilist would satisfy his bloodlust. You have waved the key in front of us through your comment and we will focus on that comment and what it signifies in order to get at the fuel that is hoarded behind it.

Should you say them to us you should be aware that you have just telegraphed that there is fuel to be gained and whatever we might have been doing will be forgotten as we turn and fix our eyes on you. Like the cruising shark, the scent of blood has been detected and easy and satisfying prey is well within reach. Our cold jaws will be clenched around you as we puncture you and begin to slurp on the surfeit of fuel. What then are these indicators, what should you be aware of what is it that you say which tells us that there is fuel ready and waiting to be extracted, exploited and consumed?

The Positive Indicators

  1. I love you
  2. How did you manage to do that?
  3. There is nobody like you.
  4. Where did you get that shirt from?
  5. That was amazing.
  6. That is an outstanding result.
  7. I could listen to you talk for hours.
  8. I could kiss you forever.
  9. I would die for you.
  10. I cannot imagine being anywhere else right now other than with you.
  11. I have finally found what I have been searching for.
  12. If I died now, it would not matter.
  13. I don’t know what I would do without you.
  14. I would do anything for you.
  15. I belong to you.

The Negative Indicators

 

  1. Where have you been?
  2. I hate you right now.
  3. Don’t leave me.
  4. Why must you hurt me like this?
  5. Who is she?
  6. I just need to feel loved.
  7. I miss you still.
  8. Is that it?
  9. What about me?
  10. You are being unfair.
  11. Please listen to me.
  12. Don’t shout at me.
  13. I don’t understand.
  14. Please talk to me.
  15. Please stop.
  16. I need to sleep.
  17. Please be reasonable.
  18. It is my birthday.
  19. Please, for my sake, just do it.
  20. You are scaring me now.

Let the feeding frenzy commence.

25 thoughts on “Scenting Blood

  1. princesssuperempath says:

    Dearest HG. Oh no. I looked over my messages to the Narc and found not only this “Gem“: ~~Everything I have is yours. But, also this one: ~~I have lived my life not knowing what I wanted, and now I know. I want someone just like you. But, you are one in a billion, or even a trillion. HG: The Narc is bilingual Spanish-English. Spanish is his first language. I hope some of what I said is lost in translation. I may as well have let my own blood. I wonder what I was thinking…. I sent these messages post drinking with friends while out in the city. I will not post, to the best of my ability, after drinking ever again. I hope he deleted them and forgot about them. It has been about 2 years since I sent him such messages. I am so ashamed.

  2. flutterbymorpho says:

    Useful thanks. It’s never ending dealing with it. Oh for jjust a simple way of living and being.. it must be wonderful to just live life with a partner and not have to think about everything! Or play the game as it were. It’s exhausting. I see why you say now, ‘once you know you go’ and to have as little contact as possible and preferably none.. its impossible to keep up with it all..

  3. Presque Vu says:

    I am amazed at the thinking of the narc!
    Really this is skillful and quite amazing to know.
    I’m in awe of how the narc is so skilled in reading people – because at times we are not even aware we emit such things ourselves.

    I don’t think I’ve learned so much about myself as well as the narc as i have since being a member of this blog.

    I hope to build stronger defences, thanks to you HG i will.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Jolly good.

  4. ava101 says:

    I keep noticing that ignoring a narc is really always the best way to go. (Unless maybe in the midst of a situation where he might loose it / hot fury).
    Today, I got everything I wanted at present from the current narc in my life, without asking him for any of it … from him offering to bring the trash out, him apologizing and hugging me, telling me I shouldn’t leave so soon (ohhh yes, I will sooo have left here in a week), insisting on taking me out, offering help with all the things I will need during the coming week (though I will only believe this after he has carried out his promises), … the point is – no amount of talking or writing to a narc ever did what ignoring them does, incl. being cold to them in front of other people.
    Disclaimer: don’t try this at home with a narcissistic psychopath.

    1. K says:

      ava101
      You ignored him so he switched manipulations. It looks like a seduction hoover so he painted you white and deployed some new tactics.

      He offered to put out the trash (support with chores) and you got an apology AND a hug (false contrition and false physical intimacy), don’t leave so soon (pity play, appealing to your empathic traits of caring and guilt) then insisting on taking you out to dinner (very passive aggressive: by seeming vulnerable followed by generosity, he is trying to obligate you through an emotional connection that he then exploits. Slick move!)
      He offers more support (facade maintenance: See what a good guy I really am! false caring/cognitive empathy).

      If he does not follow through with those offers to help then those are classic Future Fakes.

      He is definitely a midranger and he wants to keep you in situ and providing fuel.

      1. K says:

        P.S.
        To be clear the hug is real but the intimacy behind it is false. The hug is a manipulation that was motivated by his need for control (to keep you in situ) so you provide a positive emotional response/fuel.

        1. ava101 says:

          Thank you so much, K!!
          I will definitely keep all this in mind. It is so hard to keep a healthy distance, also to see what’s going on, when in the middle of a situation. Today he said, he had been scared that I wouldn’t talk to him any more and wouldn’t want to see him again. He also said, that he liked being close to someone special. That his behaviour hadn’t been okay, of course, that he was scared of my reactions before that. …
          How?? Do I know if he has just either strong narcissisitic traits or behaviours I react to because of my previous narc experiences, or if he IS a narc?? And he followed through at least with one small thing helping me today with the car … *sigh*

          1. HG Tudor says:

            You consult with me and I will tell you.

          2. ava101 says:

            I definitely will, HG, when I decide to see him again in future, after I have left here (and this country) in a few days. Will judge then from the distance if I want to stay in contact with him and to what extent. So yes, before — and IF at all — I take this relationship a step further, I shall most definitely consult with you. Will watch him / his conduct, etc. in the meantime.

          3. K says:

            You are welcome ava101!
            I am leaning heavily towards NPD but for a definitive answer I would consult with HG.

            What you are seeing today is facade maintenance and a seduction hoover: flattery (you are special).

            This is subtle but this statement is a blame-shift and gaslighting.
            That his behaviour hadn’t been okay, of course, that he was scared of my reactions before that. …

            (His inappropriate behaviour was due to being scared of your reaction because you are the aggressor, not he)

          4. ava101 says:

            I am really grateful for your comments, K!!
            I suppose you are absolutely right.
            It is confusing that he _seemed_ open to talk about it all … but the mood swings … provoking … are starting again, yes.

          5. K says:

            You are welcome ava101!!
            He is blowing hot and cold. Contrast. Assert control and do your best to ignore his behaviour. You know he is trying to provoke a response to get fuel. Starve him! They hate indifference.

          6. ava101 says:

            K:
            Again, thank you so much! I feel ashamed that I was blinded by his charm, and not even sophisticated charm, … more like, a basic version of the ex-narc. 😉 A lot like my father actually, in some ways.
            (And no, he did not follow through with his promises, of course, in the contrary, tried to get to do all the work, even with false accusations … I’m afraid he does suffer from being ignored as a consequence this very moment.)
            Two days to go and I am out of here. Thank you so much for your support.

          7. K says:

            You are welcome ava101!
            I am here for you whenever you need me.
            Don’t feel ashamed, he is wired to get fuel and you are wired to give it. It is a symbiotic relationship and recognizing it is half the battle.

            Ha! I knew it, future fakes. Ok, you have two days left so do your best to ignore him or give neutral responses. If you feel weak, read Zero Impact and How to Reduce Giving Fuel to the Narcissist. Good luck!

          8. ava101 says:

            K:
            🙂

            I had actually forgotten about “Zero Impact”, will reread it.

          9. K says:

            ava101
            That’s a really good one and I find it very helpful to reread it occasionally.

          10. ava101 says:

            Those two more days have made my head spin and driven up my stress level so high that I have even overlooked an urgent message from the ferry about the delay — It’s incredible what 2 days with a narc can do to your head. I feel so exhausted and so drained, and in addition to being told yesterday that I have ruined everything and I am a horrible person and everything is my fault (no idea what I have said to trigger him …), I am now getting the silent treatment. After at good-bye yesterday he flipped a switch, was back to his charming, kissing, hugging self within seconds, telling me to absolutely let him now when I had arrived safely, and then — nothing. He’s done my head in and I almost believed him that I had done something to put him off and that I was horrible to him (when I was as nice to him as possible, and adapted to him as much as possible).

            He did help me a lot in the end, carrying my belongings, even made food for me to take with me – only to abuse me then and almost violently taking his keys back. Why?! ?! Why help me then at all?!

            So, I do know that I should never have contact with him again and should be glad about my unplanned day of holiday (because of delayed ferry) — but … he had asked me himself last week: “Why do you want to be close to me, when I am such a bad person?”

            I seriously can’t answer that question. Why indeed. Why do I still manage to feel compassion and see a good core in him. ?! Is it because of childhood issues I unconsciously seek to resolve? Is it merely that addiction, wanting to be elated again? I do want the illusion of the wonderful times with him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

          11. K says:

            ava101
            Why?! ?! Why help me then at all?! Because he needed fuel, he was blowing hot and cold so he could extract it from you. You know he is most likely a narcissist and once you know, you go. Assert control and go no contact and don’t give him another thought.

          12. ava101 says:

            K,
            yes, ma’am! 🙂
            Am gone. Won’t contact him.
            Thought my own patterns through, and why I would ever want to have contact with him and why I wouldn’t stick to my boundaries. That actually runs deep, he really fits my own patterns / conditioning / past experiences perfectly. 🙁
            Like … if he’d see me / my needs, etc., that would heal past injuries. And so on.
            Yes, I will stay away. 🙂
            Thank you!!! **hugs**

          13. K says:

            You are welcome ava101
            Delete him and move forward. Life is too short to waste on him.
            Hugs and enjoy your freedom!!!

  5. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    Best not to swim in its waters…
    And if you have to swim a good harpoon for sharks. Silence : “ignore them and criticize them massively” so that they run away in search of another prey.

  6. veronicajones1969 says:

    And the exposure of our painful experiences and fears

  7. WhoCares says:

    Can they scent blood through osmosis?

    Seriously. I can look back at points when my physical and emotional stress has peaked (like now) and both of my narc do things, or hoover, in a way that – if I were not schooled in the art of the ‘non-response’ – I’m sure would fuel them both into next month.

    Instead, all I do is inwardly scream.

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