The Narcissist and Money
Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health.
How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?
- Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
- Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
- Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
- Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
- Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
- Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
- Straight forward theft
- Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
- Selling your possessions
27 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Money”
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My gosh, it looks like I’ve experienced both ends of the Narc Spectrum.
I have to say, if you’re going to be a narc’s appliance, better to that of a Greater who makes “investments” and likes to display his largesse, rather than be an appliance of a lesser who is constantly withdrawing from your financial, emotional, and other banks.
“You are an investment” – matrinarc to 9 year old me, turns out she meant that quite literally.
The part about how money equates power also reminds me of an ex who would target indebted young women, taking them to the most exotic destinations but never helping them with their loans.
He would let them taste this luxurious lifestyle, then leave them by the wayside because they were greedy, thankless and taking advantage of his generosity.
But how refreshing to have me on his arm, instead.
To discuss stocks in the nicest restaurants and have me pick up the bill afterwards. To have me want to prove to him that I have my own. That I am so different from my exploitative predecessors.
That I love him for who he his.
Things went south after he repeatedly talked about buying me the fancy car I liked because I „deserved it“, then retracted that when I wasn’t being sufficiently compliant. I ended up saying something along the lines of how I could „just buy it myself“.
This led to harsher methods on his part.
1/10, do not recommend.
Sounds like he was Future Ferrari-ing!
Glad you had the means to get out, Desirée.
I just now read your comment, that´s hilarious!
It had extra layers to it because the car was a present from my dad, therefore I felt like he was trying to drive a wedge between me and my family by suggesting my current car wasn’t “good enough” for me, even though it was already great.
Thank you for the well wishes, I am much better now, in large part thanks to HG’s work and wish the same for everyone who is trying to get out and stay out!
The careless gambling of a lot of money still boils my blood. When I found out about this it set a platform for hatred and my own “anti-marriage” behavior flourished. It’s why financial matters cripple mentally me now in regard to this man—Infuriating after such careless behavioral nonsense. I wish I had a voodoo doll to stick pins in that worked.
Dear Mr Tudor,
https://7news.com.au/sunday-night/how-hamish-mclaren-swindled-more-than-70-million-from-across-the-world-c-130311
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Dear Mr Tudor,
https://www.facebook.com/66660497800/posts/10157159552892801?s=100006307835522&v=e&sfns=mo
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Indeed and should be linked to my work.
I googled “Confidence fraud” and found it is currently the number one form of fraud worldwide.
Here is the US FTC take on it:
https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/blogs/data-spotlight/2019/02/romance-scams-rank-number-one-total-reported-losses
Clearly your works are needed on a massive scale, HG.
Yes, they are.
Hi Bubbles and FYC,
Romance scammers have been in the news including a documentary with both victims and also scammers telling their story. Victims said most of them do not report the scam, they do not even tell family and friends about it. Although scammers are still using old scam tactics (the pressure to send money ASAP, the victim has no time to think about it; irreversible transactions through Western Union, MoneyGram or similar), they said they pay attention to detail like sending the victim ‘a good night text every day’ (!). Scammers said these little things were *very* important. This makes the victim feel loved and cared for and ignores the old scam tactics. Those who had been ensnared were women who felt lonely, could not stand being alone and would do anything for any man who showed them they care.
Dear E.B,
Sadly you are quite correct and it keeps getting more sophiscated
The world is becoming a lonelier place with the internet Facebook and mobile phones
Loneliness makes one overthink ….. like Mr Tudor keeps reiterating …. emotional overthinking is paramount for us to control
Mr Bubbles n I are watching “What/If” with Renee Zellweger on Netflix about the consequences of actions …..she is rich, has power n its all about money
The women in the links I posted are all attractive intelligent and appear in control …. sadly as you mentioned ….common denominator …..they are all lonely
Thank you lovely one
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi Bubbles,
Thank you for your response. 🙂 What/If sounds very interesting. Maybe there are some parts of it on YouTube. I do not have Netflix.
Just wanted to add that those romance scammers I wrote about never meet in person with their victims. They target any woman who will believe their lies. These men choose real names and photos. Doing online search is enough to prove that these men exist. These women receive the identity of somebody else. There are similarities with the story in the link you posted but dynamics are different.
“The women in the links I posted are all attractive intelligent and appear in control”
They are, Bubbles. Being attractive and intelligent and being aware of it is related to self-esteem (defined externally – having success at work, talent, money, power, looks, acceptance in society, being a high achiever, etc.) – and not to self-worth (defined internally, thoughts and feelings about ourselves, feeling valuable and worthy of love).
These women may have a high self-esteem but a low self-worth (feeling unvalued, unappreciated, unworthy of love).
I believe people with a high self-esteem but a low self-worth are vulnerable to narcissists too.
Hi E.B.
“I believe people with a high self-esteem but a low self-worth are vulnerable to narcissists too.”
I hope you don’t mind the intrusion, but I just want to say this is an excellent observation.
Hello EB and Bubbles,
You are both so right about loneliness and apparently age is a factor. I am assuming in a youth oriented culture that loneliness increases with age. Yet I know many young people that are also lonely using social media.
One useful thing I learned when I was young was to never loan more money than you can afford to lose to anyone. I tend to be too generous so that advice serves me well. What I learned here has made me even more aware and prepared. Looking back, those that attempt to take advantage and feel entitled to do so are almost always narcissists. I hope neither of you will ever face such a situation (loneliness or fraud)!😘
FYC
I learned never to loan money as a kid. My mother never had money of her own as Stepnarc controlled it, so she ‘borrowed’ my babysitting and paper route money repeatedly with the promise to pay it back which of course never happened. I figured if your own mother would renege then why would anyone else care. When a loan is not repaid I see that as not just a broken promise, but I lie, and by someone who has marked you for other things because you are easily duped. I gift when I see need but I never loan. There’s a silver lining to abuse I hadn’t thought about.
Hi NA,
Sorry to hear your own mother did that to you. If you cannot trust your own mother, who could you trust? It also sounds like ‘What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.’ Sense of entitlement, narcissist or not.
“When a loan is not repaid I see that as not just a broken promise, but I lie, and by someone who has marked you for other things because you are easily duped.”
So true, NA. It is a green light to do what they want with you.
When honest people cannot repay on time, they will let you know beforehand *and* they will eventually pay you back. This is what good clients did at the company I used to work for.
When ‘friends’ borrowed something from me and kept them longer than they had said they would, I always asked for them back. They did not like it at all. They felt insulted.
True friends return things they borrow on time and always pay you back.
I remember Polonius “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” 🙂
Hi FYC,
Yes, they do feel lonely even they have hundreds of ‘friends’ on social media. I know people who have over 100 friends on FB, plus more on TWT, a couple of friends they meet regularly in real life (once a week) plus a partner. They tell me they have nobody to talk to or to help them. My sibling was one of them. They do not speak badly about anyone, though. They apologize and say the feel ashamed of not having anybody else they can depend on. Perhaps their friends and partners are emotionally unavailable. I am not on FB or TWT, I have a fake IG account to follow HG only.
“those that attempt to take advantage and feel entitled to do so are almost always narcissists”
That’s true, FYC. And also those who do not have a NPD but take advantage of you, they are not worthy of your friendship. G.O.S.O Better safe than sorry.
Dear NA, I am so sorry for all you endured in your childhood. There is nothing I could say to change anything, but my heart goes out to you and you have my respect.
You certainly turned your lemons into a fine vintage, spiked lemonade though! You are strong, intelligent, hilarious and look out for others. The fact that you also manage to possess fiscal and personal responsibility is nothing short of amazing coming from such an oppressive and abusive environment. You are awesome and I’m glad you are here and paying it forward.😘
I know you don’t feel comfortable with all that emotional expression, so just consider me saying, “Fuck yeah! You crushed it!” lol 😜
FYC
Haha. Thank you. Your comment about loaning money reminded me of that example and how a simple thing like that can condition you for disappointment and lead others to further manipulate you. I should mention that in addition to my mother’s “loans”, my brother (narc) asked back then to borrow a small sum of money and named the date for repayment. Sure enough the date came and passed. When I asked him about it, in true sense of entitlement he replied (nastily) We’ll you’d think you’d want to help out family! He also told my mother that I was money hungry and had no sense of family lol.
EB
Amazing isn’t it? You have to ask for your stuff back and THEY have the balls to be pissy. Red flag of entitlement right there no matter the excuse.
NA,
Your brother was speaking about himself 🙂
Yes, red flag of entitlement. No wonder I felt uncomfortable around them and did not appreciate their “friendship”.
Dear E.B. (FYC n NA)
Thankyou all for your most interesting feedbacks
Low self worth versus high self esteem ….. you hit the nail on the head there my lovely
I don’t think many associate the two
Our daughter knows a lass with high self esteem …..stunningly gorgeous, popular, well liked, stick thin, hung out with duck faced Facebook beauties, fantastic job and was about to be married to a most handsome successful young man
She hung herself
Her death shocked everyone
In a world of “instant” gratification….we now respond to immediate attention n flattery ……something which narcs are the ultimate master ….just look at how many stories on current affair shows portray scammers ….. they rely on a sucker being born every minute
Sadly, low self worth and money stand out like a neon sign ….easy pickings
Money …. so hard to earn, so easy to give away (all in the name of love)
NA…. my grandmother used to just help herself to any money my mum had earned and felt safe laying around in her bedroom ….mum never got it back
Robert T Kiyosaki (author) is correct …. money should be taught at schools ….. along with narcissism
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi E.B., I absolutely agree with you on all points. Online followers and likes are not indicative of true friendship. True friends are rare and valuable people who are worthy of our time and care.
It’s quite easy to have many acquaintances. It hard to find a trustworthy person whom you share a connection and feel free to share your private thoughts and experiences; one who will listen with care and without judgement.
Social media offers a voyeur-like view of a made for public life image (often not resembling reality) along with general commentary, and the ability to DM short, low quality messages. It is the junk food of communication and connection. It can also be dangerous. Humans crave a deeper connection than social media and online communication offers.
Hi FYC,
“Humans crave a deeper connection than social media”
I have noticed that too. Although society is becoming more and more narcissistic, there are people who realize they are lucky if they have just one true friend on FB & Co. they can really trust and will be there for them in time of need.
I sent MRN sister-in-law a warm, sincere email on her birthday. Then my husband posted “Happy birthday- EB & [his name]” on her FB wall.
She emailed me and said she was sooo happy that we had congratulated her on her FB wall.
I realized she’d rather have a neutral two-word message posted on social media *for everyone to see* than a heartfelt, private email/letter or card.
E.B., Classic MRN viewpoint. It’s all about the facade. Great example too of a “like” driven social media culture.
NA, Your family! The more you share, the more I am impressed with you. What a piece of work your brother is. I hope you said something similar to HG, “You can fuck that shit shy high!” One time I was given a nice birthday gift by my N sibling with several expressed conditions and expectations attached. I promptly handed it back and said, “No thanks!”
You never cease to amaze me HG👌sounds like a close family member sad to know that family member is one of your kind.